Monday, December 30, 2013
Is there anything happier than this cat? I don't think so.
Sports mascots can be great. Sports mascots can be horrible. I still have nightmares over the Florida Atlantic Owl and that flat headed Wisconsin Badger. Coming from a state whose mascots include a flea bitten mangy farmer, a blow up bubble boy, a crazed Bluejay and a cow, I appreciate a good mascot.
The NFL doesn't have a lot of mascots because, well it's a professional league not some bush league rah rah college league. That long haired Viking is ok. A piece of cheese on your head is not. That creepy horsehead in Denver is awful. The felons who congregate at Raider games are great, since the authorities know where they are for that 4 hours. Those guys dressed like Revolutionary War soldiers at Patriot games are cool, unless I'm mistaking them for some tea party freaks who like football.
But that cat at Bengal games. Damn, he's a happy cat. That enthusiasm is catchy. Look at him and I dare you not to smile. It makes me want to feed him some milk. Or perhaps top off his Jack Daniels cuz now that I think about it, no mascot is ever that happy unless it's half in the bag. Or smoking some catnip. Shit, in fact, Go Chargers!
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
What would the holiday season be without some ignorant ramblings from the Alaska trailer trash Palins? Oh thank goodness we have Bristol Palin, chip off the old block, jumping into the Duck Dynasty deal. Bristol, the Palin single mom of the moment, that is until Willow or Tree or whatever the fuck that next daughter's goofy name is decides to let the next Levi into her snowpants, has made her Phil Robertson thoughts known:
"I think it's so hypocritical how the LGBT community expects every single flippen person to agree with their life style. This flies in the face of what makes America great — people can have their own beliefs and own opinions and their own ways of life. I hate how the LGBT community says it's all about 'love' and 'equality,However, if you don't agree with their lifestyle, they spread the most hate. It is so hypocritical it makes my stomach turn."
Wow, do her and Mommy have the same ghost writer? And is she knocked up again if her stomach turns over something she probably never reads? Hey, but the wisdumb from Bristol aint done yet:
"If I were Duck Dynasty, I would take my show to another channel,So much disrespect."
Disrespect. Yep, that's what the Palins know the most about. Cuz direspectin' and all dat is just hatin on da good people who read the Bible and stuff. Ya know, like those parts of the Bible where the blacks are singin and dancin while they picked the cotton for da nice white guy who gave em the job. Ya know, da job creators.
Man, the dumb in that family makes it no wonder that Trigger Palin is screaming for help whenever he gets the chance.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
And one more thing. If Phil Robertson the Duck Blower thinks he's all alone vying for Asshole of the Week, meet Rep Jack Kingston (Dog Molester-Ga). Representative Kingston, a frequent guest moron on Bill Maher, said that poor children should not get free lunches unless they kick in a dime or a quarter or grab a broom a sweep shit up because they have to learn that there is no free lunch, unless of course you're a congressman getting handjobs and lunch from lobbyists.
Kingston, who apparently likes watching his fellow Georgian Bob Barr (Half Black-Ga) make out with a bulldog, wants to be the Republican Senate nominee from Georgia in 2014 by being an even bigger dick than Paul Broun (Creationism Weirdo-Ga)a) or Karen Handel (Die Slut Die-Ga), the fireplug who almost single handedly killed the Susan B Komen Foundation by fucking around with Planned Parenthood by denying funding for pap smears and mammograms and commie shit like that.
So far, Jack, it's a close race to see who can be more dickish, but after today, you may actually be in the lead. Yeah you kids over in the sand with flies buzzing your head, get your asses to work. And consider yourselves lucky your mama didn't abort you. Jack says so.
No idea who this guy is. None. I've heard of his show, I've seen his picture and I sort of know they blow duck calls, which is kind of gay in itself, but this Phil Robertson character is apparently a 67 year old redneck who doesn't much care for sin and sinners. He just doesn't get why some guy would prefer a man's anus to a woman's vagina and he said it to an interviewer in GQ. GQ???? So Phil says this shit to a guy from GQ? Did he think it stood for Guns N Queers?
Phil has gone and got hisself suspended from A&E for dissing the anus lovers who of course run the whole media, along with the Jews of course. And the people who watch this show which again, I have no idea what goes on in this show other than blowing ducks, are outraged! Gosh darn it, liberal media, you fags went and done it this time. Suspending a Gawd fearing Baptist like Phil. Phil used to drink like a fish, beat his family, commit crimes, hide from the revenuers in the woods and then he found Jeeeeeeezus. Jesus, does this story sound familiar. The wretch that was Phil Robertson found Gawwwwwd and now he wants everybody to be just like him. A confused bigot.
Hey, if Phil wants to hate on the gays and be their judge and jury, big fucking deal. There's millions of those idiots out there. But the OTHER thing Phil said that pisses me off is this:
“I never, with my eyes, saw the mistreatment of any black person. Not once. Where we lived was all farmers. The blacks worked for the farmers. I hoed cotton with them. I’m with the blacks, because we’re white trash. We’re going across the field. … They’re singing and happy. I never heard one of them, one black person, say, ‘I tell you what: These doggone white people’ — not a word! Pre-entitlement, pre-welfare, you say: Were they happy? They were godly; they were happy; no one was singing the blues,”
Well Goll-EEEEEEEE! Phil's one of them necks who think that blacks were happier when the white man was telling them what to do. For free. Chrissakes, go on Bill O'Reilly and say that and you two can jack each other off, Phil. THAT is far worse than Phil's confusion over biology. The biology problem is teachable. The yeah them blacks were singing and jiving and happy as a welfare mom on the first of the month attitude is not. That's Sarah Palin dumb. And that is permanent.
There's petitions and crap out there from Phans of Phil demanding the mo's who suspended Phil reinstate him. They are OUTRAGED at this violation of the First Amendment!!! I'd sign it, but I couldn't find any petitions out there demanding Martin Bashir and Alec Baldwin be reinstated to the airwaves so fuck Phil and his Phans. As the Duck says, Blow me!
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Happy Birthday Pope Francis The Best Pope Ever The First. Did the Pope get a giant birthday cake and a lot of presents? Nahhh.... The Pope took in 4 homeless bums and a homeless bum dog to help him celebrate his 77th birthday because he's a Marxist and probably gay. The homeless scum sang him Happy Birthday while the dog probably scavenged off the Vatican floor because he's a lazy ass canine hanging around Italian takers.
The Pope was recently named Man of The Year by Time (which proves he's a lefty loon) and then by the Advocate (which proves his swishyness). The Advocate naming the Pope Man of the Year has caused a shitload of couch fainting not only among the people who have no idea what the Advocate is, but by some of the Advocate's loyal readers who somehow think a magazine naming a Man of the Year actually means something. Hey, The Pope isn't the second coming of Saint Sebastian or anything, but the fact he fired a bigoted American Cardinal named Raymond Burke for being a regal pain in the ass with his anti gay, anti abortion ranting has to mean something, right? Oh ok, maybe not Man of the Year shit, but certainly an honorable mention,maybe?. Besides, now the Advocate will sell lots and lots of copies and get lots and lots of hits from both people who think it advocates Catholicism and has a centerfold of Mother Angelica AND from irate readers who can type out hateful posts because they hate all the hate so much.
To get back to the Pope, who sends tingles down my retired Catholic leg sometimes, he spent his birthday with four homeless dudes and a dog. Did you get that:
a) Rick "Ewww" Santorum
b)John "Raging" Boehnerh
b) Sam " Ewww Again" Brownback
c) Jeb "Go Away" Bush
d) Newtie "the Annulment" Gingrich
e) Bobby "the Page" Jindal
f) Antonin "The Don" Scalia
g) Clarence "Uncle" Thomas
h) David "the Diaper" Vitter
i) Jeff "Who the Fuck is He" Fortenberry (Nobody-Ne)
j) Sam "Four Eyes" Alito
k) John "No No No" Roberts
l) Bill O The Clown
m) Marco "Cuba Si Castro No" Rubio
Did ya get that, American Catholic politicians? The Pope spent his birthday with the homeless and a fuckin dog! That's after he heads out on the streets of Rome at night to minister to the poor, drives a used Renault, lives in a studio apartment, refuses to condemn atheists and gays, and used to work as a bouncer.
Clearly a freakin Marxist. Who would do that if he wasn't a commie? Uhhhhhhhhhh, oh yeah, THAT freakin guy.
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Hey I know Peter O'Toole was a better actor, in better movies, and probably drank better but Billy Jack kicked more redneck ass in the movies and in 1971 that was more important to me.
Tom Laughlin died Thursday at age 82. Shit, I thought Billy Jack was indestructible. Well he is, but Tom Laughlin isn't. So long ,Tom, you gave me hours and hours of fun at the old Cinema Center movie theater when we would go see Billy Jack every freakin weekend back in '71.
And so long to Peter O'Toole. Seeing Lawrence of Arabia about 20 years ago on a Cinerama screen at the old Indian Hills Theater was one of the best movie going experiences I've ever had. They closed that place to build a parking lot years ago. Seeing a movie adventure like Lawrence of Arabia on a huge screen cannot happen any longer cuz corporate movie chains would never allow just one screen because 5 screens running Anchorman 2 constantly is what it's all about now.
Friday, December 13, 2013
1)Christ, America's most rocking psychopath is turning 65 years old today. Welcome to Taker Land to Ted Nugent where you too have become a Medicare sucking teabagger. Nugent, who is not in jail nor dead as far as I know, recently celebrated the 1 year anniversary of the NRA's favorite holiday, the Sandy Hook child slaughter, by scribbling another incoherent column for World Nut Daily and blaming the victim. Hey, had Adam Lanza's dead mother not taught him how to shoot, well then he'd have missed a lot and only a few would have been massacred. Well anyway, Happy Birthday to this poopy pantsed draft dodging shit for brains. And you're welcome for the health care.
2) Movies are better than ever (except for that upcoming go the fuck away already Anchorman 2) and one that had me running the gamut of emotions from anger to tears was Dallas Buyers Club. Hey this may not be cool to say, but Matthew McConaughey is one goddamned good actor. Playing a redneck asshole who weighs about 120 pounds and contracts HIV back in 1985, McConaughey, who is virtually unrecognizable, is beyond good in this 2 hour film. The theme may be about the stigma of AIDS in the 1980's but the real story is the transformation of a jerk with no purpose to a jerk with a purpose. McConaughey's Oscar worthy performance is supported by another Oscar worthy performance by Jared Leto as Rayon, a transsexual with drug problems and by Jennifer Garner as a sympathetic doctor who helps these two get unapproved drugs from abroad for AIDS patients fed up with the FDA and its sucking up to Big Pharma. Hey, this movie isn't easy to watch at times but when it's over, damn, you got your money's worth.
3)Pope Francis is going all commie again with his whole help the poor spiel that so pisses off Catholic conservatives convinced white Jesus voted for Mitt Romney's ancestor, King Herod Romney, back in 0-30. Pope Francis early released his message for the new year by stressing brotherhood and sharing the wealth and all that stuff $30,000 a year Republicans are always bitching about. Come on, everybody, we all know that white Jesus was a big trickle down guy who taught the masses to just wait and wait and eventually Caesar's job creating will get to Nazareth and they would all be the crucifiers instead of the crucified. Hey. Pope, I still think the whole Catholicism thing is a misogynistic, homophobic crock of shit, but everytime you speak, a little bit of my repressed Catholicism gets restless. Be careful, Pope, cuz we all know what happened after white Jesus threw the Wall Street types out of the temple.
4)Finally, rest in peace to Loretta Fuddy, state health director in Hawaii who was killed in a plane crash. Ohhhhhhhh really? Fuddy was the state official who verified Barry Hussein Nobama's birth certificate back in 2011 and sent Birthers even deeper into their own mental illnesses. She also helped create Hawaii's Obammycare exchange (cue yelling and screaming about clusterfucks). So of course, Obama had her killed. This according to straw haired reality star
Donald Trump and Russian "dentist" Orly Taitz. Yep, in the twisted minds of Obama haters, the woman who helped him out in both birth certificate nonsense and the complete 100% horribly failed Obamacare was murdered by him.
Why again, in between panels debating fictional characters skin color, does the liberal media even mention these people's names? Oh yeah, because Americans are getting dumber by the day. Say, has Sarah Palin said anything about that terrorist Mandingo yet?
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Nelson Mandela was a fuckin saint. Trust me on this, I am such a misanthrope most of the time that when somebody comes along who penetrates my cynical shell I go all in on them and Mandela was one of few I would have thrown my entire moral fortune on.
Mandela's story is well known and I can't bore people with a rehash of his looooooong imprisonment for whatever the fuck the South African government convicted him of. Oh yeah, I know, it's whatever the CIA told them to convict him of.
But back to the negative cuz that's what I'm all about.
Bill O'Reilly. This stuffed shirt seems to think calling Mandela a "communist" somehow will keep his 70 plus demo satisfied that ol' Bill aint getting soft on these coloreds. And speaking with Rick Santorum about the death of Mandela is so absurd it's hard to come up with an equivalent. Oh I don't know, let's say it's similar to a tea party member talking with a squirrel about quantum physics at a publicly funded park.
Santorum, in prime dopey form, took the opportunity to equate the injustice done to Mandela to Obamacare being an equal injustice to you and me. Goddamn, this guy is a fucking moron. Sometimes I think O'Reilly, in all his bombastic efforts to cover up his own insecurities, puts guys like Santorum or the equally dense John Stossel on the air just so he can feel brainy or something. We already know why he puts Coulter or Monica Crowley on. Hubba hubba, Billy. I feel for the Fox News cleaning crew who has to dump O'Reilly's tissue laden wastebasket after a Crowley appearance.
Rick Clark, a Sheriff in South Carolina somewhere, refused to lower the American flag to half staff to honor Mandela cuz Mandela wasn't an American or something. And because one black guy ordered him to lower the flag to honor another black guy I'm sure. This Pickens County piss ant really isn't worth any more attention so good luck enforcing all the laws he chooses to enforce. Good choice for sheriff.
Rush Limbaugh bashed Obama. What's new? Obama wishes he was Mandela said the loner in the basement when in fact Mandela is more like Clarence Thomas. Even Snerdley, Rush's imaginary friend, spit his martini all over the keyboard when he heard that whopper. Clarence Thomas? Mandela? Chrissakes, Clarence Thomas would have narc'ed out Mandela so fast he may have missed a couple of minutes of "Charlize Does Johannesburg". Fuck, Rush. The hearing already went. Get some help.
Sarah Palin? Jesus, for once she didn't say shit. I can only chalk that up to the fact she has to look up who Mandela was and hasn't quite boned up on his "I Have A Dream" speech.
Thursday, December 5, 2013
What is it with the millennials? Shit, I don't know what a millennial is. I guess it's a kid under the age of 30, probably drunk, playing Call of Duty and checking their Obama phone every 5 seconds. And for some reason, that bastion of intellectual thought all Republicans hate, Harvard, asked these kiddies a series of questions, in between jello shots of course.
Hey, the 18-30's don't like their precious King Obama any longer. Harrumph, see, Bill O'Reilly was right, children. That Nobama is a ineffective noodle dick and the Republican Congress is just looking out for your future by gumming up everything from lower interest student loans to jobs bills. You idiots were just too stupid to realize the genius that was Mittens Romney, hard working Harvard grad.
Let's examine this highly scientific poll. shall we? Looks like 52% of the 18-24 year olds want to "recall" Barry The Muslim Hussein Osama. Recall? Really? You can do that? I thought that was a tactic common only to hick towns and medium sized cities that long to be hick towns. Wow, ya learn something new every day. Oops, as these drunken sloths get a bit older, like 25-29, the percentage of them who want to sit outside a Wal Mart gathering signatures to recall the Kenyan Usurper they all voted for drops to 40%. Seems you get wiser as you age. Unless of course you join the tea party and then your brain just turns to mush.
So I guess all the youngsters , still insured on the old man's plan to age 26, still with that $20,000 they borrowed from Mommy and Daddy to start a business, cannot stand that Indonesian Madrasa graduate at all. Here's your opening Republicans. The kids are open for indoctrination with all their Obama hatred and stuff.
What's that? The little ingrates said what? Seems 60% of the little bastards 18-29 voted for the Marxist, Obama not the Pope. 84% of those would vote for him again (though I am not sure they realize they can't) because they still understand that Mittens Romney was the boss they never ever want to work for . And this was said through a haze of pot smoke and binge drinking.
So there, Republicans. Keep coming up with stiffs like Mittens, Teddy Cruz (Daddy Issues-Canada) or , god forbid, Rand Paul (Muskrat Head- Ky) and these stoned, drunk millennials will keep on being all confusing to you guys. And all the giant headed Uncle Sams sticking his face in a young hotties crotch or giving away beer koozies with a call to break the law isn't going to help.
Somebody hit Reset. That solves everything, right?
Friday, November 29, 2013
They should have known this back in 2003 when then Nebraska defensive coordinator Bo Pelini ran across the field after Kansas State had slammed Nebraska 38-9 and called K State head coach Bill Snyder an "asshole".
They should have known back in 2003 when acting Nebraska Head Football Coach (Frank Solich had been fired)Bo Pelini ran onto the field at the Alamo Bowl and garnered an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty defending, of all people, Husker offensive lineman Richie Incognito.
They should have known after Pelini had been hired at Nebraska full time back in 2008 when Pelini was caught by a sideline mike calling a Husker lineman a "fucking moron" during a WIN over Baylor.
They should have known in 2009 when Pelini hollered at reporters at a practice his famous "what do you think?" when asked perfectly normal questions.
They should have known in 2009 when Pelini, after a loss to Texas, screamed he wanted to see the Big 12 Commissioner "right fucking now" and hinted of a conspiracy to deprive Nebraska of a win.
They certainly should have know in 2010 when Pelini was caught on the sidelines at Texas A&M screaming at his quarterback, poking his finger in his chest, and sneering like Voldemort.
They certainly should have known in 2011 when after a WIN over Ohio State, in fact the biggest comeback ever in Nebraska history, Pelini ran off the field screaming at fans and later went on a recorded rant criticizing fans who left early by saying "Fuck Em all" and saying how "they can kiss my ass out the fucking door cuz the day is fucking coming now." Speculation is Bo thought he had the Ohio State job. Oops!
And now they certainly know in 2013 when in his last game as Nebraska Head Football Coach, Pelini swung his hat at an official, called the subsequent penalty a "chicken shit call" and told his boss, Athletic Director Shawn Eichorst "if they wanna fire me, fire me". Oh yeah, and he lost 38-17 to Iowa in Lincoln, and event so rare it hasn't happened since 1943.
We don't have much here in Nebraska as far as sports go. We are a polite people who applaud the other team and scream for our own team. We do not need a knuckle dragging neanderthal with the social graces of a Visigoth being the face of this football program.
Well Bo, you will get your wish soon enough. The day has fucking come when you go out the fucking door. The only wish you are not about to get is anybody here kissing your ass as you go out the fucking door.
P.S. Apparently there isn't anything you can do to get fired around here as NU's puppet athletic director, under orders from Tom Osborne, has decided to allow a raving lunatic to continue being the face of Nebraska football. Nice.
P.P.S. Bo Pelini "apologized" for his childish behavior for the umpteenth time. So I guess it's all OK now. The collective black eye this state gets everytime Bo decides to hit us will heal. I knew he loved us and only hits us cuz he loves us. Nebraska, the world's biggest abused codependent. Nice.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
I don't watch Family Guy. Something about waiting an entire half hour waiting for the one joke that actually makes me so utterly ashamed to have laughed just isn't worth it.
But if I hear one more wacky morning Dee jay or some dimwit lamenting the death of a cartoon dog and wanting people to sign a petition to save him, I am going to run out on front of a car myself.
Hey everybody, IT IS A FUCKING CARTOON. It has a talking baby with an English accent and a time machine. It has a fat guy so stupid he makes James Sensenbrenner (Family Guy-Wi) look smart AND skinny.
Family Guy, the show that simply takes every joke told on The Simpsons ever and pushes it over the edge, is the kind of show that appeals to the terminally hip. You know that "hip" guy. The guy who finds network television not edgy enough, the guy who watches Game of Thrones for the boobies, the guy who poo poos the Simpsons for being stale, yet finds the same jokes beaten over his head by a different dumb fat guy hilarious. The guy who rooted for Walter White and Vic Mackie was actually sad when Clay died in Sons of Anarchy. Oh yeah, he watches Sons of Anarchy too.
Once again, it's a goddamned cartoon! That stupid dog could be back next week you idiots. Chrissakes, the geniuses at South Park have been killing off a major character every week for years.
Family Guy is ANYTHING but hip.
Friday, November 22, 2013
I was in second grade at Christ the King in Omaha,Ne. Sometime around 1 pm, Miss Wegner went outside the classroom and re-entered in tears. She told us the President had been shot and we could go home. I don't remember what I felt. I do remember two pictures in the classroom, Pope Paul VI and John Fitzgerald Kennedy.
I don't remember the walk home (yeah we walked home in those days). I do remember my mother crying when I got home. What the heck? My mom never cried. What happened?
I don't remember much after that. I do remember the funeral and watching it on the black and white TV. Once again, Mom was crying. Everything changed for me after that. It changed for everyone.
And that's all I have to say about that.
What a sad day. Mad Dog Vachon passed away in his sleep yesterday. If you have no idea who Mad Dog Vachon is, congratulations, your childhood IQ was intact. However, mine was heavily damaged by the chicanery of old school professional wrestling, AWA Style. Mad Dog Vachon was one who never failed to stir up the old "hey he can't do that it's against the rules" natural reaction kids have, and sadly some adults, to some guy acting like a loon and beating another guy with a "foreign object" he pulled from his trunks. Katie bar the door!!!!
Mad Dog Vachon was 84. He had one leg since some drunk ran him over back in the 80's.
The story was that back in 1996 in Omaha, the new type of wrestling, full of hopheads and drug addicts who will all die at 40, came to town and Mad Dog was sitting ringside. Some guy named Diesel came out of the stands, dragged Mad Dog into the ring and began to beat him with his prosthetic leg. Damn, I wish I wouldn't have been an adult then because of course I wasn't there. That would have been cool.
I know of a guy whose young son saw Mad Dog at the South Omaha Hy Vee once and said hey Dad, is that Mad Dog Vachon? When told yes, the young boy approached Vachon, said Hi and Mad Dog IMMEDIATELY launched into character thrilling that kid for the rest of his life. Damn, I wish I wasn't an adult because that would have been cool too.
Mad Dog Vachon. Just thinking about him makes me a kid again. Thanks.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Go fuck yourself, Mitch McConnell. You screwed around too goddamned long with even this wuss of a Senate. And you got nuked. So stick that in your turtle shell and chew on it for awhile. Yeah yeah yeah, the Dems will rue the day they told you to stick your filibustering bullshit up your poopchute but for now, get ready for a shitload of liberal judges to fuck up your quest to turn America into corporate controlled Jesus Land.
Nobody feels sorry for your loss, Mitch. Just the chronic Black Guy in the White House crowd you suck off on a regular basis. Blocking hundreds of bills and appointments by filling out a piece of paper telling everybody you are filibustering is over. Chrissakes, at least that scumbucket Ted Cruz (Hoser-Tx) had the balls to yak and yak about nothing for 21 hours and that fake optometrist Rand Paul (Copycat-Ky)carried on about drones for a long period of time. You and the rest of your Republican fucksticks didn't have the energy or intelligence to even stand there and read The Fountainhead for the time you were filibustering some guy or gal you wanted to keep off the courts so your neanderthal snake handlers could keep upholding bills to harass women and minorities.
I don't give a shit that at some point if the Republicans get 51 Senators they will do the same thing. Of course they will. These grifters and hucksters aren't about to play by the rules. Never would, never will. This current band of rubes and thieves that make up the Republican Senate are hell bent on destroying Nobama in some sort of perverted hope that white people will all start having 15 kids and restore the republic to what the Founding Fathers had in mind. White Malekastan.
Gotta give it up to the old pugilist, Harry Reid. I guess even the punching bag gets sick of being hit by 98 pound weaklings like that Kentucky shitstain Mitch McConnell. Way to punch back. Finally.
Now maybe I can realize my dream of Bill Ayres getting a judicial seat and making that fucking Sarah Palin's head explode.
I just sobered up. What did I say?
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Right Wing hip hop conservatives rock! Representative Trey Radel (Coke Fiend-Fl) put on 1 year of probation for his being a fan of the nose candy while voting time after time to repeal Obamacare and deny people the right to go to rehab like he can courtesy of the taxpayers. You know the taxpayers? The ones who have to get second jobs just so they can pay the taxes and support 47% (or 52% or whatever the fuck it is now) of the Americans who sit around all day playing X Box and smoking the bad cocaine, the crack? Yeah those people.
Rep. Trey Radel (Cokehead-Fl) got caught in a little sting last October when he got nabbed buying about $250 worth of the blow somewhere near DuPont Circle (THAT could be a whole new story I hope I hope I hope)from some liberal narc bent on destroying his sparkling reputation as Tea Party dopewhore. Radel (Speed Freak-Fl), once described himself as a "hip hop conservative" who listens to Chuck D. Really? Listen? I think hip hop conservatives just claim to listen to rap so they can holler out the N bomb and not get fucked up because burnouts like Trey Radel (Junkie-Fl) obviously have never listened to a word Chuck D has said.
Radel (Waistoid-Fl) also voted to drug test all Food Stamp recipients and worst of all, used to harangue South Florida with his coked up rants (I assume) on some radio station about how Nobama was ruining the country and how drug dealers needed to go to jail, right after they visited his house. Radel (Head-Fl) blamed his "choice" on alcoholism. Yep, cuz nothing goes with a depressant like a line of two of the old foo foo dust.
Yes, good old hip hop conservative Trey "the Rock" Radel (Sniff Monster-Fl) sitting in his taxpayer funded $20,000 per day rehab center reading Ayn Rand and listening to his Grandmaster Flash and Chuck D. Hey Trey (Snowbird-Fl) check out "Night of The Living Baseheads" by Public Enemy. You see Chuck D was the lead singer for that group. Try listening this time.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Right wingers are so flummoxed that the black guy is STILL President they have now resorted to tactics that would bring retaliation if done by a foreign power like, oh I don't know, Iran.
The Homeland Security Committee, led by some Republican gigolo named Michael McCaul (Golddigger-Tx), has been holding hearings on how evil and all non secure that the Affordable Care Act website has become and how poor people can get into it and cause havoc by actually signing up for health insurance. But in questioning a Homeland Security official named Roberta Stempfly, McCaul somehow stumbled into a charge that right wing geeks, nerds and deadbeats have been hacking into the website to overload and stop the website from functioning. The video is on youtube if you want to check it out and see how tea bagger nutjobs have been passing along a tool to fellow butt crack show offs so they can overload the site and crash it. This method of crashing the website is named "Destroy Obamacare". How subtle. Maybe at some point the lamestream liberal media can actually tell this story instead of calling Nobama a fucking liar, telling stories of how rich people had their premiums go up, and how Betty Lou had her $10 a month policy that covers only injuries suffered while actually exercising got cancelled by an private insurance company looking to profit off of this law in the first place.
McCaul (Cad-Tx), the chairman, inadvertently staggered into this story while counting his wife's money and gloating over the fact he's now the wealthiest member of Congress thanks to wifey's Clear Chanel bucks she got from Daddy. Chairman Mike, who earlier this year got all puffy over the fact that Boston Police and the FBI actually read Dzhokhar Tsarneav, the white hatted marathon bomber who brought a city of millions to its knees, his Miranda rights. McCaul said something like "Why down theahh in Texas we just beat confessions out of them minorities suhhhhhhh!" McCaul is also one of those Catholics who think the Pope is a commie. Help the poor, bahhhhhhh!
Keep ignoring sabotage, news guys and gals. We know you're lazy fucks, but for chrissakes, how long can extensive coverage of a crack smoking uncensored foreign mayor be that shiny object you cannot get enough of..oooooo pretty.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
I am not about to dis the nation's first black prez, Bill Clinton, but if you are the Secretary of Explainin' Stuff, then goddammit, explain it correctly. The Big Dog is out there spouting off about his interpretation of Obammycare and how Nobama needs to "honor the commitment" and let Americans keep their shitty health care plans that pay $10 if you get scurvy, leprosy or need a good bleedin'.
Clinton is pushing forward the ignorance that Obummer is sitting in the sacred Oval Office with his feet up on the desk personally stamping "Cancelled, Motherfucker!" on all these crappy health plans sold by scam artists called insurance agents. Now I refuse to believe that the Secretary of Splainin' Shit is ignorant about anything except what sex is so why? Why, Bubba? Do you wish to separate Hillary from the looming disaster of a second term of Benghazi Barack? Are you just pissed it's not called "Hillarycare"? What's up, Bill?
Shhh, Bill, those crap plans are being cancelled by the people who made them. Private insurance companies. They have a guy in a short sleeved shirt and Mickey Mouse tie with his feet up on the desk stamping them with "Cancelled, Motherfucker!" So if somebody is crying about their $8 a month "insurance" plan that pays out in beer they really need to get a clue. And you, Big Dog, are the man to explain it, not lie about it.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
The United States Senate, home to 32 of the biggest fucking assholes on earth, has passed the Employment Non Discrimination Act, otherwise know as ENDA, or the enda of civilization as we know it if you prefer. By a vote of 64-32 the bill tells employers hey there, Bubba, you can't fire that queer just cuz he's queer. You have to come up with some other bullshit reason to get rid of his or her fabulous self.
Now I know that an even bigger bunch of assholes lives over there in the House of Mouth Breathing Morons so this bill will never see the light of day. Mostly because a lot of the House stays out too late carousing at JR's Bar & Grill in between Jesus loving and gay hating. The Boner, who has already pissed his khakis in fear of the totally not gay Tea Party, will never let this bill onto the floor of his precious House. This is because he knows it would pass, orrrrrrr, he knows it won't pass, which will make Republicans look even more bigoted than they already do. Please, Mister Boner, put down the Makers Mark and put it out there for your minions to vote on, and more memorably, to talk about. Nothing would make me happier than to see these gin soaked closet cases like Steve King (Psycho Killer-Ia), or Virginia Foxx (Who'd Do Her Anyway-NC) or Louis Gohmert (Rubs One Out To The Rifleman's Tight Jeans-TX) or Marsha Blackburn (Totally Gay For Ellie Mae-TN) get up and give me more sound bites to holler at.
Come on, Speaker Boner, get that fuckhead Kevin McCarthy (Total Waste Of Space-CA)to round up all the House dudes currently hanging out at the DC Eagle and get 'em back to the House and let 'em go at it. I want to hear that cake boy Steve Stockman (Fondles Guns-TX) dazzle us with his wisdom on why he opposes not being able to fire somebody for being themselves. I want to hear my favorite Nebraska swag Lee Terry (Head Up Ass-NE) justify his bigotry. I want to hear Bicurious Michele Bachmann (Worlds Most Famous Beard-MN)explain how eating a corn dog leads to cervical cancer in a man. I want to hear them all. But alas, we know them to be tiny little girly men.
Anyway, congrats to the gays. It's a step. A long overdue step and the first of many. I know it means virtually nothing now but once 2014 comes around and most normal thinking double digit IQ types come around, it may change.
Until then, keep on dressing in drag, and working at day cares and elementary schools all over America. What? That doesn't happen? Who would have thought people who worship a Jewish Hippie would lie?
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Goddamnit, I can't be not serious and post a football GIF of a black guy throwing a ball to a white guy for more than an hour before I run into this.
In Hyndman,Pennsylvania these losers decided to dress all up for Halloween and go down to Hillbilly Haven and pretend lynch the President to the amusement of all Hillbilly Haven patrons. Hyndman, Pennsylvania, close to Maryland, 98.5% white, and proof positive of James Carville's description of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. Philadelphia on the east, Pittsburgh on the west, and Alabama in the middle. My apologies to Alabama.
And in Craysville, Virginia, Mom dresses 7 year old in Klan costume for Halloween. The mother (shiver), Jessica Black (how ironic), spat out this poison, “It’s suppose to be white with white. Black with black. Man with woman and all of that. That’s what the KKK stands for. The KKK every year, raises money to donate to the St. Jude’s.”
Well good for them raisin' all that money in between Obama hatin'. I assume the money to "the" St Judes goes to treat all diseases except sickle cell anemia.
Yep I was there.....with mixed feelings, happy as hell for a fifth year senior playing (Ron Kellog III or RK 3) QB because of injuries to the starters, for a tiny receiver )Jordan Westerkamp) with an awesome porn 'stache yet still strangely sad that we seem to be stuck with the knuckle dragger coach (Bo Pelini) who hates us all.
Whatever! Go Big Red!
Saturday, November 2, 2013
What a week, eh? Republicans all over the nation are popping boners and revising history as a anti-gubmint gun nut shoots up LA-X and removes another leech like government worker from the payroll. All those lobster eating, cell phone having, vehicle driving, TV watching, clothes buying, unneeded kid having food stamp crooks are gettin theres by having their food stamps reduced. And Republican House members get to lie and cheat and say stupid shit on a national platform about the worst scandal ever since Benghazi, the website problems of the Affordable Health Care Act. Millions have died, untold billions of dollars have been wasted and trillions of beads of flop sweat have been shed as Republicans fear the worst, that this Act could work and all those poors could live longer and maybe vote against them. Oh, the humanity!
The House Committee on Stupidity met this week to showcase their dumbest members. People like Joe Barton (Moron-Tx), Marsha Blackburn (Cretin-Tn), Dave Camp (Idiot-Mi), Fred Upton (Different Idiot-Mi), Cory Gardner (Secessionist-Co) and my own rep, Lee Terry (Waste of Air-Ne) all got to show anyone in the double digit IQ range how goddamned dumb they really are.
Cory Gardner, the secessionist from Colorado, didn't care for that ad pictured above for "Brobamacare" because college kids in his district all go to college to learn how to drive a tractor and praise Jesus like he did at Colorado State University. A school where a young Nebraskan died of alcohol poisoning a few years back because she let Satan in or something. And besides, Gardner is one of those 2010 dimwits who got elected by a bunch of Colorado bitters who will vote next week to secede from Colorado and try to become the 51st state. Good luck there, necks.
Joe Barton, one of numerous nitwits from Texas, also an aspiring Larry the Cable Guy, made Wizard of Oz jokes at Kathleen Sebelius because she's from Kansas, hahahahahaha, get it, cuz ya know, Oz was Kansas or sort of like Kansas and Dorothy said we're not in Kansas anymore to her dog and haha, uhhhh, yeah. Cut off the sleeves, Joe, and become Joe The Plumber. Oh that's already taken by some other brain dead?
Marsha Blackburn, kind of a more masculine Lindsay Graham (Closet Case-SC), took her turn to call for Americans rights to buy cheap shoes and Ford Pintos and drink out of red solo cups if they prefer. You know, just like their right to buy shitty insurance plans that pay only if the the still blows up and you get burned and then only $50 a day for as long as you are unconscious and not screaming in pain. She is a master of dumbing it down. And she doesn't even try.
Dave Camp, the chairman of this Insane Clown Posse of a committee, got his panties all in a wad because projections for enrollment are not as high as they should be. Well, Dave, isn't that a good thing for you? I don't get guys like this heartless prick from Michigan. This is the guy who not only wanted to cut taxes for Mitt Romney, but wanted to raise taxes on that pesky 47%. Come on kid, fork over some of that lunch money.
Fred Upton, another of the Michigan brain trust committee, tried to badger, or it wolverine, witnesses into bursting into tears or something until he was shut down by somebody from Jersey, Frank Pallone (D-NJ) (loved him singing by the trash can in Rocky by the way) who refused to yield to Upton's "monkey court". Yeah, Upton, put that in your Jersey dictionary and lump it.
And Lee Terry, my boy from Nebraska, who is living proof if you keep getting elected by small margins by retired Air Force double dippers and manage to stick around doing whatever you are told without question, yes you too can get assigned to "important" committees like Ways and Means. Terry, who asked the same question over and over about how many people signed up on the crashed website before harrumphing and telling Sebelius she obviously wasn't going to answer his scripted question. Then he came back here and went on friendly right wing talk shows (redundant I know) and harrumphed again and fed raw meat to the local yokel hosts by saying "perjury charges" were on the table for Sebelius. Yeah Lee, you're a fucking lawyer allegedly. Shut up and go back to voting both sides of every issue.
Meanwhile, the poors get poorer, shooters keep shooting, and Republicans keep getting dumber and dumber. All is well in Hillary-land.
Friday, October 25, 2013
Hey hey there, see what that socialist Kenyan Nazi foreigner gay Obama is causing? Told ya so! Now all those blacks think they can talk and shit. And look how angry they are! Migawd, you'd think they didn't have every advantage in the world that of course they have since the most discriminated people on earth are white christian breeders. What do they want for chrissakes? More money? More respect? For the love of Frederick Douglass, they oughta just be gawdammed glad they don't work for free any longer and remember they never thanked the whites for the free boat ride here. Ungrateful asshats!
For a long time now, the job creating Americans have offered up work to anybody who wants a job, except maybe 7.2% or so, and what the hell is the response? Demonstrations! Bitching! Griping! Come on now, when the Wal Mart or the McDonalds or any other low wage, oops, minimum wage, oops, "fair" wage companies actually have gone the extra mile here and offered up help for their happy workers to get food stamps or welfare or ADC or WIC or any other government program designed to suck the hard working CEO's dry. Yep, here's the number to get food stamps, now shut the fuck up! Hey, did we send the company contribution to the patriotic Republicans who want to end food stamps cuz all these employees are leeches?
Ok, to be serious again here (gawd I hate being serious), these companies make billions in profits every three months. Wal Mart made a "surprisingly low" profit of $4.7 billion in the second quarter of 2013. McDonalds, patient zero in the obesity epidemic, made a $ 1.5 Billion profit in the 3rd quarter of 2013. Part of this is that they pay their average employee like they live in fucking China or something. Christ, go pound your clothes on a rock and eat off the dollar menu and for the love of Randall Terry, stop breeding cuz if you get all pregnant you will be forced to worship The Fetus and then your $8 an hour won't go as far. Gawd you people are so irresponsible.
The facts are facts. The fact (bahhhhh, facts!!) is that the low wage companies, the Wal Marts, the McDonalds, The Yum Foods, the Subways, the Burger Kings cost the taxpayers $7 billion a year in government assistance. Seems their precious employees can't even afford to live. Do they care? Fuck no! Instead they get $20K a year Republicans to hate their own employees. Leeches, blood suckers, the 47%. It's going to explode at some point. I just saw a local production of Les Miserables and dammit, I was ready to build the barricades myself. Unfortunately, most of the people sitting with me in the auditorium wildly applauding would probably call Americans building barricades a bunch of hippie losers. As John Lennon said, most were just jangling their jewelry.
Hey I'm no Alan Greenspan, or Rand Paul or any other economic genius, but it seems to me it's the working poor who shop at Wal Mart, and load up on the dollar McDoubles at McDonalds. Uhhh, I don't want to speak out of ignorance here, like certain grads of the Wharton Business School do, but wouldn't it be advantageous for the low wage, oops, minimum wage, oops again, ah fuck it, the slave wage payers to raise the pay of their employees, take the hit to the $4.7 billion in profits, like reducing it to $4.699 billion, and sit back and wait for the newly "rich" to storm the store and buy stuff they currently can't buy? Call me crazy, or a commie, but it makes sense to me.
I guess I'm so economically ignorant, that people like Michele Bachmann (Gabe-Mn)and the state of Arizona led by Jan Brewer (Lizard-Az) want to do away with the minimum wage and it sounds insane to me. Bachmann says unemployment would go down to zero, you know, like back in the good old days before 1865. Arizona says reducing the minimum wage to $5 an hour for people under 22 would cause unicorns to fly from the clouds. Yeah! I see teenagers getting that special dollar a gallon gas all the time. Why do the need a minimum wage???
So there ya go. Either pay people more so they can shop at your store and buy more stuff thus increasing your already obscene profits OR pay them less and at least everybody will have a job! Uh, I'm going with solution #1.
Now where do I pick up my Nobel Prize for Common Sense?
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Back in 1968, 45 years ago last week, at the Mexico City Olympic Games, an event occurred on the medal stand that infuriated Americans of all stripes and political views. Noooooo, not really, it only infuriated the current members of the Tea Party, who somehow were all 70 years old even back then.
1968 was a bad year if you really didn't care for assassinations and riots and shit like that. The 1968 Olympics took place in Mexico City that year, and a lot of black athletes, led by Dr.Harry Edwards, were telling the United States Olympic Committee that, yeah, we aren't going to participate because once we win a medal, we get shoved back into the ghettos and shitholes and get called N bombs and all that Star Spangled Banner stuff doesn't really apply to us, or our brethren. Kareem Abdul Jabbar, then known as Lew Alcindor, refused to go for instance.
Tommie Smith and John Carlos were sprinters entered in the 200 meter sprint. Smith won the gold and Carlos won the bronze. When they went to the victory stand, well you know what happened. The fists went up and white America was outraged.
This act of courage, yes, courage, is my favorite Olympic moment of all time. And that's saying something because my second favorite Olympic related moment is Shane Standt whacking Nancy Kerrigan on the thigh back in 1994. You don't even want to know my third favorite moment because it involves East German female swimmers with five o'clock shadows and bulges in their speedos.
Smith and Carlos, and to a certain degree, second place finisher Australian Peter Norman (clue, he's the white guy) all suffered repercussions back home. Sportswriters from Dick Young to Brent Musburger all hammered them for not being tap dancing patriotic minstrels. Lots of white people were already having palpitations over Jose Feliciano singing the national anthem really weird at the 1968 World Series and now this? Peter Norman went home to Australia and was derided and ignored the rest of his life and when he died in 2006, Carlos and Smith were pallbearers. Avery Brundage, the head of the Olympic Games in 1968, threw Smith and Carlos out of the "nonpolitical" Olympics for their protest and this was a guy who sucked Hitler's ass back in 1936.
John Carlos and Tommie Smith are still around. They've had tough lives since that day in October of 1968. But they are immortal. Nobody remembers anybody from those Olympic Games but everybody remembers two courageous men standing there and telling the world what was going on in their home nation.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
There's a fine line between stupid and clever as rock legend David St.Hubbins told us in This is Spinal Tap. Few can pull both off at the same time. But South Park creators Matt Stone & Trey Parker do it regularly, in fact they go beyond clever and usually move right into brilliant. Their South Park movie was so brilliant it almost brought an Academy Award to one of it's songs. Blame Canada was nominated but rejected by the stodgy academy in favor of the Phil Collins snoozer "You'll be In My Heart". Stone and Parker are also responsible for Team America and "America, Fuck Yeah!" shouted out everytime we do something stupid, which is often.
The Book of Morman has been in town for a week or so and we all went to it today. Now that it's gone from here in Nebraska it probably means its been everywhere so I'm preaching to the choir but all I can say is if you get a chance and haven't forked over the $50 and up ,DO IT! It is worth every penny.
The show is offensive, distasteful, filthy, objectionable, blasphemous, and fucking hilarious. I had tears in my eyes on a couple of occasions howling at some of the lyrics to the songs and some of the dialogue.
The story involves two Mormon missionaries assigned to preach to Ugandans for their two year mission. Two white Mormons. yeah I know its redundant, in Uganda? Yeah it's great. Nothing is off limits in this show and nothing does not get harpooned. Jesus, Joseph Smith, Aids, Murder, Gays, Religion, and even radiology get a prominent place in being lampooned in this play. We all loved it.
So if you think that Mormonism is as nutty as Scientology or any other religion for that matter, go find this someplace and patronize it. In the program we got, the Mormons placed an ad asking you to now read the Book of Mormon. I presume either Mormons have a sense of humor, which we know is not true since Mittens Romney is one of them, or they are really as clueless as Elder Cunningham. Or there's a third possibility. That being they are as arrogant as every other religion in thinking people aren't really laughing at them, but with them. Nope. It's at you.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Now that the bratty little treasonous shits have been defeated after successfully doing something no foreign nation, no enemy of the United States, no terrorist or even the Sandinistas couldn't accomplish, shutting down the most powerful government on earth, let's go to the adult, Chairman Kenyan Indonesian Communist Socialist Muslim Fuehrer Barack Osama Hussein Obammy spike the ball and tell the opposition tea party he will not help them pull it out of their ass.
The Tea Bag Party is still sniffling and grumping and rounding up a list of idiots so vast, it really does point out the need for more mental hospitals, to run against the Nobama kiss asses like Thad Cochran (Old Racist-Ms) and Mitch McConnell (Yertle-Ky) in Republican primaries so the Democrats can continue to hold the Senate and the tea baggers can continue to whine and complain and be all non racist cuz that's easy.
Obama today rubbed it all in on the tea party by stating "You don't like a particular policy or a particular president? Then argue for your position. Go out there win an election,".
What in the name of Ronald Reagan did that disrespectful, Black Panther, Muslim, smart ass, anti white, Marxist, boy say? How dare he!!! Why back in teabag glory days, that kind of sass talk would have resulted in the use of a cotton gin, some rope and a river. My stars, why can't this man be more like the last president who showed up to spike the ball at the 50 yard line on an aircraft carrier with a flight suit, a cucumber and a stupid ass banner?
Seriously, and god knows how I love being all serious, what Obama needs to do now is crush these fuckers while they are down. To let these creeps back up is akin to letting the guy who just tried to kill your child back up. Knees on shoulders, a couple of slaps, and wait for the cops, in this case, normal sane people voting the Gohmerts and the Kings out of office and back to the street corners from which they came.
If Obama does not get tough, this shit will happen again. The fear shown by Boner, McConnell and the rest of the leadership is really not very manly. To be afraid of scooter riding nincompoops interested in preserving a white America and a boatload of free government stuff while proclaiming how their rude, obnoxious and plain dumb behavior is all for their grandkids is the ultimate in cowardice. Fuck these people and their real agenda. The same old bunch of nitwits that have been around since Barry Goldwater lifted the rock and let them slither out.
Come on, President Obama, become all they fear. A pissed off black man ready to come boil them in a pot.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Sunday, October 13, 2013
The usual suspects, the totally non racist tea party showed up in Washington along with their Princess of the North, The Quitta from Wasilla, to continue that obsession they have with the WW 2 Memorial. Listening to screeds from the likes of Canadian interloper Teddie Cruz (R-Alberta) and Mormon Nutjob Mike Lee (R-Planet Kolob) the non veteran crowd was whipped into a frenzy so much that they took down barricades and walked around asking "hey what's this Bataan Death March, did that Nobammy do that to the Bataanies?"
But finally, after a rousing speech by conservative paranoid schizophrenic Larry Klayman in which he brought up the standard crowd whipper upper points about Korans and Mooslims and demanded that President Hussein come out of the White House with his hands up, the totally non racist teabaggers waddled over to the White House and waved Confederate flags. What, no sale at Wal Mart on pre made nooses?
And remember everyone, "Repect Our Vets"!
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Listening to talk radio is impossible now as it's nothing but right wingers ranting about the Mooslim Kenyan Socialist Nazi shutting down the gubmint they hate so much, sort of right wingers jerking off to this guy who mowed the lawn in Washington DC and hollering how the whole government should be manned by volunteer lawn mowers, volunteer cops and volunteer air traffic controllers, and left wingers, oh right, there aren't any lefties on radio because libtards can think for themselves.
Then there's sports talk radio. The bastion of those mouth breathers too fucking stupid to even have a stupid political opinion about how Ditka would have beaten Obama and saved us from the apocalypse that is sure to happen now that poors can go to the doctor and not die from a preventable disease.
Nothing makes me heap big smile than a bunch of slack jawed white guys hollering about how the Washington Redskins nickname doesn't offend them at all. Then they scream about how Irish people should be all pissed about the Notre Dame Fighting Irish. But of course Irish people are either drunk or punching each other so they have no time to get all offended by some college team with a French and gay name so there.
Redskins? Seriously? In 2013? I am not going to debate whether Redskins is offensive because of course it is and if you can't see it what's the point? But the origin of how the Redskins name came about is verryyyyy interesting. Named by owner George Preston Marshall, current hell dweller and notorious racist asshole when he was on earth. Marshall took until 1962 to sign a black player, and left his fortune to his foundation with the caveat that the $6 million not be used "for any purpose which supports or employs the principle of racial integration."
So I'm sure that Marshall's name "Redskins" was in complete honor to our Native American citizens. Even the Cleveland Indians owner was all up in their face about the name Redskins saying they should change it. And this Cleveland jackoff continues to use Chief Wahoo. Chrissakes, when other racial offenders call you out, maybe you should listen.
And as far as this idiot pictured above, Chief Zee, aka Chief Dumbfuck, what the hell is the matter with this moron? Geez, Chief Zee, we know all Indian chiefs were black and wore glasses, who doesn't know that? Spot on, bro.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Acht Du Lieber! Since the Republicans shut down the Nazi Government of one Adolf Goebbels Goering Hussein Obama they've gone all Simon Wiesenthal in trying to bring down the Acorn elected administration. Oh the hyperbole' of the right wing. The batshit craziness and the absolute stupidity is a lethal cocktail that's making me certainly feel like I have one gigantic fuckin hangover.
Arizona State Representative Brenda Barton (Walking Dead-Some Hick Town in Az)took to that bastion of free speech, Facebook, to announce her contempt for that brownshirted brown face in the White House. Well let her say it because I refuse:
"Someone is paying the National Park Service thugs overtime for their efforts to carry out the order of De Fuhrer... where are our Constitutional Sheriffs who can revoke the Park Service Rangers authority to arrest??? Do we have any Sheriffs with a pair?"
National Park "thugs"? "De Fuhrer?" (by the way, leatherface, its Der Fuehrer unless she's talking about some German Industrial band I've never heard of) and Sheriffs with a pair of what? Truck Nutz?
But Barton, who looks like she really needs a skin check, went on....
" While the POTUS continues to punish the American people; he keeps open his golf course, he keeps open Camp David, and he retains his and his wife's excessive staff and stable of Czars! I'll bet he has kept in service his 3 food tasters!!!"
Commandant Obama has his own golf course? Wow! Being from Arizona she sounds a bit jealous to me . He and his wife's excessive tastes? Translation-- you know those blacks and eating stuff on Food Stamps other than Mac Donalds and red kool aid. 3 food tasters? Yeah, probably black too. Leeches.
Barton, so goddamned dumb, she leaves crazy voicemails yelling at her political opponents and thinks Boormann Hess Obama is having catholic priests arrested for saying Mass on military bases, though to be fair, an even dumber human named Steve Stockman (Imbecile-Tx) told her that whopper.
Brenda Barton, standing up against freedom hating Obama Nazis, unless of course it involves starving poors, jamming dildos with a camera up women's hoo hoos or letting the Mexicans even breathe that Arizona air, then she goes full on Third Reich on their asses.
Meanwhile up in Yellowstone, the Park Ranger "thugs" are really racking up the Nazi points. According to some tour guide named Gordon Hodgson of Provo, Utah (gee I wonder who he voted for) the thugs who work for the National Socialist Park Service kept people from taking pictures of buffalo, walking up to Old Faithful and sticking their faces over it and petting the cuddly bears. Jesus! Well again lets let Hodgson hang himself:
She told me you need to return to your hotel and stay there,” Hodgson said. “This is just Gestapo tactics. We paid a lot to get in. All these people wanted to do was take some pictures.”
Gestapo tactics? Again really?
Hey look, Tea Party nutjobs like Gordon Hodgson and Brenda Barton. There are no Nazis running anything other than their meth infested mouths. If Field Marshal Obama and the National Gestapo Park Service were actually using Gestapo tactics, George Hodgson would have been on his knees getting a bullet in the back of the head and Brenda Barton would have had her leathery skin made into a lampshade by now.
So back off on the Nazi shit. It makes you people even uglier than you already are.
Friday, October 4, 2013
I may have mentioned this before, but my Congresscreep is none other than a back benching nobody named Lee Terry or Terry Lee who never fails to astound with his ability to play both sides. He is pictured above trying to butt in on a Sound of Music audition where he wants to play one of the Nazis and send the Von Trapps to Mauthausen-Gusen for a little Arbeit Macht Frei.
This Congressdork is in the news for saying that he would not forgo his Government paycheck while the shut down is still going on. Terry, once again MY CongressGeek, made it plain and clear by going all Jerry Lundegard on the reporter who asked him will you keep your paycheck. "Dang Straight!" Hey, America, we don't really talk like that here, just complete Congressnerds like Lee Terry. But Terry wouldn't shut his Runzahole and continued when asked well, what about those Congressfoolk who do say nahhhhhh, no paycheck, or give it to food banks, where lazy out of work bums go to keep from starving..."Whatever gets them good press, that's all that it's going to be. God bless them. But you know what? I've got a nice house and a kid in college, and I'll tell you we cannot handle it. Giving our paycheck away when you still worked and earned it? That's just not going to fly.”
Yep, that's my boy. Bragging about his nice house and educated kid and saying how if he stopped getting paid his wife would beat his wimpy ass up (believe me she would).
But be rest assured, America. Lee Terry keeps squeaking by winning with 51-55% of the vote here in Nebraska's 2nd District. One of his latest races got a bit too close for comfort, so the Republican dominated legislature just added more retired Air Force flyboys to his district. So probably, Lee Terry doesn't give a fuck if you hate him for keeping his goddamned money. The double dippers who dominate his district will just put him back in. Government money rocks when its for them.
UPDATE---In yet another example of this tool playing both sides, Congressweasel Lee Terry has announced he will NOT be taking his pay any longer. Told ya.
How bad is it in Washington DC when the craziest person there is NOT some mentally unstable, unarmed, woman from Connecticut who gets whacked by an unpaid police force for driving bad and what the hell, maybe the cops were pretending she was Ted Cruz or something. Hey, the unpaid cops got a standing ovation from the guys who stopped paying them. I'll bet that made them think yep, this is all worth it.
Who is nuttier?
Randy Neugebauer (Another Crazy Person From-Tx), who before now was best known for hollering "Baby Killer" at some Democrap baby killer during a "debate" about abortion on the floor of the House, decided he'd rather be known for being a complete asshole by waddling over to that WW2 Memorial he shut down and verbally assaulting some female Park Ranger for doing what he and his buddies told her to do. Shut down da gubmint. Except when he can get his face on TV and pretend like he gives a shit by being a big fucking bully to one of those chicks who oughta be home makin babies instead of working for the gubmint. When some bike riding male decided to tell Neugebauer to fuck off and stop being a jerk, he ran away like most Republicans do whenever danger lurks. The irony of this Texas pussbag running from a mean old bike rider while pretending to defend the rights of veterans who got shot at by Nazis and crazy Banzai people is not lost on anyone other than the 74% of dumbass Texans who elected this dirtbag.
Sarah Palin, well that is just too easy. But fuck it. Palin, going all Abbie Hoffman, calls for "civil disobedience" by running around the "Barrycades" at the WW2 Memorial and being all Patriotic-ey and stuff because Obama has chefs and golf courses and he didn't send "security" to stop Benghazi, Benghazi, Benghazi and he's black like Glen Rice and blahhhhhhhhh.
Mark Levin, a shrill Lollipop Guild member who screeches into a radio microphone nightly wants Obama to know one goddamned thing. If "You lay one hand on one of those men and arrest them for going to their memorial.......we will come out of every town and city in this nation! We will come out of every county. And both coasts! Both borders! And we will march on Washington against your tyranny!".......
Wow, Mark. That's big talk from a non veteran troll like yourself. How would Obama and his Nazi Socialist Communist Muslim security force handle you and your 15 or 20 wheelchair bound listeners from storming the White House. Or the early bird buffet at the Golden Corral? Levin , the cartoon voiced squirrel, rants nightly on radio because Sean Hannity is better looking to the half blind 75 year olds who watch Hannity on television. Poor Mark. Bitter because he writes all of Hannity's books, tells Hannity what to say, and gets none of Hannity's "glory". Levin in a crowd would be in danger of being crushed....by a dwarf.
And finally, before I implode from all this stupidity, is Texas (where else?) Congressscum John Culberson (Dick-Tx) who hollered "Let's roll!" as House Anarchists voted to shut down the government because of that Muslim Commie health care bill that would give all those lazy ass poors access to a doctor. Culberson, a terrorist who has stopped the American government from functioning, is pissed because Nobammy talked to that "lunatic" in Iran, that "psycho" in Syria and "terrorists" everywhere before he'd talk to Culberson and his band of "terrorists". Hey John, Iran and Syria and Momammed Atta and Osama Bin Obama could not stop the United States Government from functioning, maybe it pissed its pants a bit but it kept going, but YOU did. Who's the fucking problem here?
God, those Texas textbooks are getting dumber and dumber. If Culberson and Neugebauer are products of the OLD Texas textbooks that were deemed too liberal for dainty lil Texas schoolkiddies, what the hell are they teaching them now? That 30 > 435 and fuck the three branches of government, the only thing that counts is what I and my fellow dimwits think. Now go get on your dinosaur like Jesus did and speak English just like Jesus did.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Hey everybody step right up, the House Republicans fell all over themselves after shutting down the WW II Memorial to get there for a little "civil disobedience" and let the old geezers past the barricades. Now granted, the news media, the liberal news media that is, liked to smile and talk about oldsters "storming the barricades" and write headlines referring to Hitler and Tojo getting their ass kicked again because after all, Steve King (Possessed-Ia) and Louie Gohmert (Beyond Stupid Even For-Tx) are every bit as big a threat to this nation as Der Fuehrer and Mojo Tojo was.
The WW II Veterans showed up at the "closed" Memorial yesterday as yet another grandstanding asshole , Republican Steven Palazzo (PT Barnum-Ms) showed up to let' em in. Oh and who else, let's see, the aforementioned non veteran King, the aforementioned Texas twit Gohmert, and who just happened to be "walking by" but Congress' best looking crazy bitch Michele Bachmann (Gabe-Mn). Are those three involved in some kind of twisted threesome where they furiously sexy time each other by making crazy eyes and then shutting each other down at the exact moment anything makes sense?
The "civil disobedience" referred to involved Steve King (Shitferbrains-Ia) "distracting" the guards while Palazzo and the rest of these self aggrandizing pricks removed the rope and let the old guys "storm" the Memorial. King, you old rabble rouser you. I guess you have a bit of Dennis the Menace in you after all, you old scamp. "Civil Disobedience" eh Steve old sport.
Let me tell you what my father would have done. He was a WW 2 veteran involved in kicking Hitler's ass. He didn't talk about man's inhumanity to man much. He probably didn't storm anything except maybe the beer truck when it showed up at the muddy camp at Dusseldorff. He would have seen people like King, Gohmert, Bachmann and Pallazo jacking themselves off for the cameras and probably have gotten on one of those "Honor Flights", taken a taxi to the Memorial, gotten out and pepper sprayed every one of those Republican blowhards for their "civil disobedience". Then he would have walked around the Memorial and enjoyed every second of it.
Those veterans didn't need your fucking help, Steven, Steve, Michele and Louie. They could have asked the guard to let them in and it would have worked. But to be pawns in your bullshit was what it's all about. Had they not all been 87 plus, some of them may have stormed you right out of the way. But to you clowns, they're just somebody to take advantage of momentarily, get your picture taken and twittered out by the googly eyed 25 year old staffer, then go back to Capitol Hill and cut funding from their health care.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Shut 'er down! The most worthless body of dimbulbs, nitwits, cowards and miscreants on the planet, The United States House of Representatives., will shut down the government tonight because they are incapable of defying 30 shit for brains called the Tea Party caucus.
Why can't Walter White mess with the Stevia in these 70 IQ's vodka and tea?
So was it all everyone expected? It was to me. Everybody with a semblance of a soul lived and those fucking Nazis and that fucking Lydia went bye bye. The finale of Breaking Bad was perfect. Perfect. Redemption for Walter White and freedom for Jesse Pinkman. It was all I needed from this damn near perfect television series(the only thing that kept it at 99% was that unwatchable "Fly" episode).
Hey there have been other finales from other television series that were highly satisfying. The M*A*S*H finale was fantastic. The finale of Lost was also satisfying, at least to me (of course they were dead, I knew that in Season One Episode 1). The 6 Feet Under finale was highly creative, though the show itself was hit and miss. And up until now, The Shield had the best finale, Vic Mackie in in his own private desk bound hell. But Breaking Bad? Vince Gilligan nailed it like no other, man.
Thanks for 5 1/2 seasons of an absolute perfect story of a mild mannered man going mad and then being redeemed at the end. I'm a sucker for that kind of story. Like George Carlin used to say, scratch a cynic and you find a disappointed idealist underneath. Yep.
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Ok now that we've all heard that Canadian scumfuck Ted Cruz (McCarthy-Canada) yammer on for over 21 hours over a law that has already passed all 3 branches of government what can we conclude from this handjob to Rush Limbaugh and his mush brained followers? Ted Cruz and his fellow tea party cretins are every bit the terrorist that Mohammed Atta and Ayman al-Zawahiri and Anwar al-Awlaki and Justin Bieber are. In fact Cruz and his minions are doing the terrorists job for them. Oh they are not going to blow anything up other than the world economy. But their goal, to bring down President Black Hussein Blackama by any means necessary is every bit the goal of foreign psychopaths like Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Ramzi Bin al-Shibh, Adam Gadahn or Nickelback.
Cruz and his fellow nutjobs are so blinded by their hatred of not only the President, but of anything that even remotely looks like Obama are every bit a threat to this nation as Adnan el Shukrijumah, Saif al-Adel, Nasser Al Wahishi or Daft Punk. They have to dealt with. The foreigners by police work, drones, and relentless intelligence. The ones who currently live here in the United States, The Ted Cruzes (Nixonian-Tx), the Mike Lees (Mormon-Planet Kolob), the Michele Bachmanns (Flame Dame-Mn), the Steve Stockmans (Dingbat-Tx) have to be dealt with by their own party. But will they?
John Boner (Boneless-Oh) is currently unable to deal with these terrorist revolutionaries. As Speaker of the House he is being knee capped by a Canadian named Ted Cruz, who is openly lobbying the IQ challenged Republicans elected back in 2010 by the racists and scrunch faced losers who make up the Tea Party to shut 'er down,. Burn the nation down to destroy the legacy of President Negro Hussein Negroma. Starve the poors, starve the poors and starve the poors to the point of weakness that they won't vote in 2014 even if they can produce the "I'm White" ID that states are now forcing them to get. The Boner is so utterly without a clue he would be justified to down a fifth and start bawling. Much like the rest of us will do when this shutdown occurs and the world economy tanks.
How can this be allowed to happen? Well it can't. Sometimes you have to fight revolution with revolution. A group of Republicans, bolstered by gerrymandering crooks in their own states, have nothing to lose by kissing the collective ass of dumbfucks who roll to the voting booths on government paid for scooters. But do they have something to lose? They sure as fuck do if their party leaders grow some balls, and if the President of the United States does the same. These Republican terrorists seem to not take NO for an answer. Mittens Von Romneystein LOST. His Heritage Foundation issued stands LOST. Holding the nation hostage by insisting on the implementation of said issues that LOST is nothing short of an attempted coup d'etat. How do you deal with attempted coups? You crush them.
Are you willing to crush these revolutionaries? Boner? McConnell? Obama?....Let's hope so.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Hey remember when as a kid you used to wait for that yearly Wizard of Oz showing and gather at the neighborhood families house who had the only color television? Yeah I'm old as dirt.
Well if you consider the Wizard of Oz one of the Top 5 Movies of all time like I do, well then run, don't walk (sorry Larry King) to your nearest IMAX theater by the end of this upcoming weekend and see the Wizard Of Oz on a GIANT screen in 3-D. It is amazing what you see you never noticed before. Yep, 15 year old Judy Garland is one hot, uhhhhh, kid. Check out the scene where she first talks with the Cowardly Lion. She cracks a smile and damn near laughs. It is really fascinating to watch on a GIANT screen.
Go see it. You will be damn glad you did. And it makes you forget about that brainless, heartless, gutless Canadian, Ted Cruz.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
What in the name of Jesus H Christ is going on with the super awesome Pope Francis Numero Uno? He says the Church focuses too much on "small minded rules" and is "obsessed" with abortion and gay marriage and all that shit that only fat New York Cardinals care about. Wow, Pope, you are THE MAN. I spent 12 years in Catholic school looking for guys like you and found some who were immediately sent away for "further religious education" which meant "yeah punk, you're never gonna see this hip dude again so turn off that Tommy album and get back to hating us".
Oh I don't mean to suggest the Pope is going to start gay marrying his priests or opening a Vatican Women's Clinic or something. No, he's still the Pope after all, a slave to all that bullshit they made up in the Middle Ages. But at least he seems pretty much sick of the homophobic, misogynistic fiends who make up the front office of the Vatican. This will not go over well with the bigots, the brainwashed and the American Midwest Catholics who think the 10 Commandments are whatever Ted Cruz (R-Canada) has spouted off about lately. Thou shalt not fund Obamacare. Number 1 I think.
How did this guy get to be Pope anyway? He rides the bus with the unwashed, he has a Renault, he washes the feet of evil Islams, and he's a fucking Jesuit! The job interview must have gone really well. Oh yeah, Commandment #2, thou shalt not do background checks.
The Pope said this in his interview “This church with which we should be thinking is the home of all, not a small chapel that can hold only a small group of selected people...." For the love of Christ, he sounds like, uhhhhh, Christ. You know, that hippie who hung with whores and the poors and the lepers and the gays and pissed off the Hierarchy so much they had the Roman Republicans capital punish his ass.
Watch it, Frank. The last time a Pope started talking all this commie crap was back in 1978 and he lasted all of a month before he had a "heart attack" courtesy of the Vatican Bank. Francis, please adhere to these "commandments:
1) Do not wear a Vatican hoodie
2) Do not go into a room alone with Rick Santorum
3) Do not go driving that Renault....ever...
4) Do not turn your back on Timothy Dolan...ever
5) Run from all albinos
6) Get a good food taster...perhaps that fat fuck Dolan (that could be a win/win)
Good luck, Pope Francis.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Bammmmmmmmmmmmm! That's Nebraska football player Kenny Bell knocking a Wisconsin player halfway back to Madison. Yeah I know Wisconsin knocked Nebraska all the way back to Lincoln but when ya have a highlight ya gotta love it. Besides, Kenny Bell has the biggest 'Fro in Lincoln since Wonderful Monds Junior (google his image) back in '76.
I have been going to Nebraska football games since my Dad took me to see South Dakota State play in Lincoln back in 1963. I still go with Max to this day. It is all so cyclical.
The head football coach at Nebraska since about 2008 is a fiery Ohioan named Mark "Bo" Pelini. Heard of him? He's that psycho you see on ESPN about every two weeks ranting like a lunatic and looking like he's going to kill somebody. Oh you have no idea. Even on weeks when ESPN is fascinated with something else, like Tim Tebow or Johnny Football, Mark "Bo" Pelini rants and raves on the Nebraska sideline throwing headsets and clipboards, pacing the sideline like a caged tiger, ranting at his players and coaches and losing every big game he coaches. UCLA 38 Nebraska 0. That was last week. Oh it really was 41-21 but at one point NU led 21-3 so you do the math.
The football itself is really not important. I have learned as I age rapidly that football is really not that big a deal. Nor is baseball or basketball or Miley Cyrus acrobatics for that matter. Now Max's soccer games. THAT was important. Please don't screw up Please don't screw up. You parents know that feeling.
Bo Pelini has been a source of controversy since he got here in 2008. Embarrassing the program with his Woody Hayes like temper tantrums yet also allowing an 8 year old cancer survivor named Jack Hoffman run for a TD at the annual spring game. Poking his quarterback's chest with his finger and screaming during a game at Texas A&M in 2010 on national television yet giving a scholarship to a young high school senior who was injured in a game and may never play football again. Running his team with an us vs. them mentality, he has undying loyalty from his players. Yet his disdain for all authority figures, be they college presidents, athletic directors, referees or opposing coaches is also well known and demonstrated publicly on a regular basis. Hey man, Bo Pelini is 46 years old. He often acts 46 months old.
Why am I writing about this? Because he's in the news for telling me to fuck off. Me personally? Yes, me and the rest of the fans who support this team with money and passion. You may have heard the 2 year old tape where Pelini says "fuck the fans fuck em all" and tells us to "kiss his ass on the way out the fucking door". And that was after a WIN! What does this maniac say after he loses?
His act is old. His coaching is suspect at best. His bipolar personality is scary. Even the good things he does, and there are some, do not outweigh him telling his "bosses" to go fuck themselves. I have never cared for this loudmouthed hothead. He just doesn't strike me as a guy I'd like to even meet. You just never know if he'd say "hi nice to meet ya" or say "what the fuck do you want?" Actually the latter is far more believable.
Firing him is really not an option after 3 games. But this barbarian needs to move on after this season. Go somewhere they like a goddamned lunatic raving about every perceived slight. Did I hear the tea party is hiring?
UPDATE---Of course, like the abused spouses we Nebraska fans are, we have accepted Bo the Barbarian back with open arms and no punishment because we all know he loves us and won't hit us again.
Monday, September 16, 2013
Goddammit, I was hoping to write about something fun today but son of a bitch if it didn't happen again. Some gun enthusiast got loose at the Naval Shipyard in Washington DC and wasted 12 people as of this writing. Not even going to get into gun debate here as what's the fucking point?
How long until we hear the following:
1) Impeach Obama now!
2) This is God's punishment for America being so gay!
3) American Exceptionalism! Told ya, Putin!
4) If only all 3000 of those people had been armed...(no that one is real)
5) Obama staged this so he could take your guns (that may be real too)
6) Hey, what about Benghazi? (these are getting more real by the second)
7) Those 13 people deserved to die because they weren't armed (Ted Nugent's take)
8) How come Al Sharpton isn't talking about this? (Sean Hannity's take)
9) He could have killed those people with a golf club, you wanna ban golf? (My answer is yes)
10)Hey, Chicago has that many murders in an hour and nobody says anything (dumb people's take)
11) America, what the fuck is wrong with you? (The rest of the world)