Monday, October 29, 2012

Who's Laughing Now? Republicans Are!

"President Obama promised to begin to slow the rise of the oceans." Here Romney paused -- for 14 long seconds. "And to heal the planet."

And then, the Republicans howled with laughter. Who's laughing now? Mitt Romney and the Republicans are as the east coast fills with water. From the rising oceans that are so fucking funny to your average Republican. Rising oceans caused by an unhealthy planet that needs healing. Cue the Republican laughter. Batten down the Hamptons, dahhhling!

Seriously, I'm in off the ledge, but I am still concerned. Dimwits are threatening to take over this nation. Let's stop them.

For chrissakes! Vote!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Does Romney Have A Barcode On His Body?

Ok I'm beginning to worry. I am worried that Mitt Romney will lie and buy his way right into the White House. This worry, which I never really faced until last night, is getting real.

I thank the American people for this. At least the idiots they polled on CNN or NBC or that other place I don't turn to. 60% think Mitt Romney is fit to be Commander in Chief based on last night? Really? A guy who spent an hour and a half saying "yeah I agree with what that guy just said, but I'm a white guy(wink wink)." What the hell is wrong with people? Based on the clips I saw (I didn't watch the goddamned thing because the Giants were playing and the Bears were almost as boring as Rombot) Mittens Romney agreed with virtually everything Obama said. And he paid no price for this shameless pandering? Other than get a bump in the number of knuckleheads who saw him as somebody they'd trust to send their kids off to die?

I have no idea what's going on here. It just seems that Obama can't shake this 3 sides to every issue Kochsucker. Is the Billion dollar attempt to oust the black guy working? Are people so utterly spongelike that endless bullshit just can't be kept out? Chrissakes, a President Rom......damn I can't even type the fucking word.

I am still optimistic this will turn out correct and people will not wish to return to the times of Joe McCarthy but I had the same optimistic feeling in 2004. And then Diebold voting machines spewed out horrific Bush vomit in ,ta daaaaaaaa, Ohio.

Ugh! Pass me another Colt 45!

Monday, October 22, 2012


Let's hope this disrespectful prick shows up and continues the assault on the uppity negro by the Republican hierarchy.

It IS an amazing spectacle. Why not just show up in a hood, Mittens? A custom made one of course. And bring that bony fingered leatherface with you this time.

The lack of respect is just HEY SHUT UP YOU'LL GET YOUR CHANCE SMART GUY!

Sunday, October 21, 2012

George McGovern, Thanks For The Memories!

Oh if only he had been President McGovern! George McGovern died this morning of being 90. 40 years ago he was about to be overwhelmingly rejected by the American public as a Presidential nominee by losing to a criminal mastermind named Dick. But in the end, George McGovern won because he was a fine,decent human being while his conquering "hero" was found to be a lying, cynical manipulative creep. Once again, that man's name was "Dick", not "Mitt".

1972. Wow, seems like yesterday. I was a 15 year old kid with an intense hatred of the Vietnam war, an idealistic streak that thought the world would change overnight, and a naivete' that believed George McGovern would win over the Trickster. I remember counting the votes at the Democratic convention on my little Time Magazine ballot until McGovern clinched it. I remember staying up till 2 in the morning to listen to his speech. I remember the Eagleton debacle, the Shriver nomination, and my belief a Kennedy on the ticket would put it over the hump. Wow, was I wrong.

At my Catholic high school in the fall, I was involved in the mock election. In fact I ended up running the McGovern "campaign" because the school version of the "Young Democrats" actually endorsed Dick Nixon. Hello, Max's Dad. You are going to get killed here. Down to the local Democratic office to get literature, bumper stickers, flyers, posters,and passing them out at school to the students, the Catholic students, the rather well off Catholic students, the rather well off Catholic white male students. Hello, Max's Dad, you are going to get destroyed here.

But I didn't know that. Fuck Dick Nixon. Fuck Vietnam. Fuck Kissinger and that whole criminal enterprise.

And then, election night. What a punch in the gut. 49-1. Loser. Nixon was going to let more kids die, crime pays, what's the point? My school election was a landslide also. I'll never forget the vote count. 557-223, Nixon. I took so much shit it really affected me. I hated that place from that moment on. I was a "Communist" , a "space cadet", "anti-American" and that was from the fucking teachers!

Amnesty, Abortion and Acid. That's what they said about McGovern. Turns out he was right on all three. Godspeed buddy!

George McGovern, you really were one of my heroes. A Midwesterner who overcame the genetic disease we all suffer from around here called Republicanism. When people like him die, I really do wish there was a heaven. Cuz there, he eats Nixon for breakfast.

Friday, October 19, 2012

More Teeth Gnashing On The Right!

When Paul Ryan showed up at a Youngstown, Ohio soup kitchen/homeless shelter/enabler place for takers, and stuck his stubby fingers into a clean pot so his handlers could snap a photo of how much Eddie Munster cared about the deadbeats,he became even more of a joke than he already is. Even though Ryan violated Ayn Rand's strict orders from the grave to not give a shit about anyone but himself, Eddie pretended he did. For that, he was ripped by comedians, by the "loser" who runs the place, and by anybody with an ounce of human compassion. Cue the right wing assholes (redundant I know). They began threatening the shelter with phone calls and e mails and the head of the shelter fears for his family's safety. Nice. Alleged "donors" have threatened to never "donate" again. Though I doubt any of these anonymous cowards have ever donated to anything except their own descent into idiocy, just in case this place is losing money you can help them out with a few bucks by sending it to:

Society of St. Vincent de Paul, P.O. Box 224, Youngstown, OH 44501

Let's see, in other right wing asshole news, reaction to Mittens being called out on his lie about Libya and his being kicked in his magic underwear by the foot of Barack Obama is also out of control. As usual, Fox News went nuts. Right wing radio went nuts. That is, even nuttier than they already are. Much as they cried about Joe Biden's "rudeness" and "condescension" that meant Joe knocked Ryan out. Now it's all Candy Crowley, who stated Obama DID say "act of terror" the morning after the murders in Libya, much to Mittens' surprise, who had that "WTF" look in his eyes as if someone just told him the interest rate in his Swiss bank account went down a hundredth of a percent. Even though Crowley didn't even go as far as she should, like saying "Governor Romney, you are a fucking idiot for actually not knowing this", she is evilllllll. She "fed" Obama questions, according to El Rushbo, and should have committed "career suicide" by actually telling the truth. In Limbaugh's world, the truth does not exist. In Fox News' world, crying and whining when your guy gets stomped is the norm, and they do that well.

Finally in right wing asshole news, former Democratic Senator and presidential nominee George McGovern lies near death in a hospice. More on him in a later post. But reaction to the news was swift and predictable in right wing asshole world. Read the comments over at Free Republic if you dare. You will lose all faith in humanity. The Freepers, generally basement dwelling losers, can't get enough of gloating over the deaths of their opponents. Arlen Spector was shaking hands with Ted Kennedy in hell. Now George McGovern, a decent humanitarian WW2 bomber pilot, is being ripped by these blood sucking asshats. On second thought do not go over to that website, you will never think of humanity the same.

Finally, in a personal anecdote, driving home the other day I came upon a Toyota Corolla with bumper stickers that said "Defeat Obama" "Somewhere In Kenya, A Village Is Missing Its Idiot" "Romney/Ryan 2012" "Where's the Birth Certificate" "Get a Job" and another "Defeat Obama". And that was just on the back bumper and back window. As I passed the car I saw the driver, a little old white lady who could barely see over the steering wheel. As I moved back over in front of her, I saw more. More "Defeat Obama" stickers on the front bumper and TWO of them on her fucking FRONT windshield. Wow, if I was a right wing asshole, I'd have run her off the road and there'd be one less voter I didn't like. Being a left wing asshole, I just shook my head and thought about running myself off the road to get out of the nutbag world.

It's getting rough out there. Let's hope we keep the right wing assholes in prime form for another 4 years. They wouldn't know what to do if they won.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Does Staples Have Any Of Those Binders Full Of Women?

I wonder who this Romney supporter thought won the debate last night? That is if you could get him off the Mud Lovin Redneck DVD collection to actually watch it instead of letting Rush tell him what he thought today.

Barack Obama was back. Not putting up with any of Mittens' bullshit, not allowing His Lordship of Willard to dominate the conversation, and certainly not allowing himself to come across as sedated. Of course in white people language (Fox News, Republican hacks on CNN and most of West Virginia) Obama was "angry". Much like Joe Biden was "rude" and "condescending" and "drunk" and dementia'd, Obama was "angry". You know, like that scary black guy at work who scowls at you and secretly wants to rape all white women and most white men. Yeah, "angry". That's Obama. Oh no matter what he said. No matter that Mitt the Smiling Munster looked creepy and lied his ass off repeatedly until called out on it by that CNN plus sized anchor. Oh no, Obama was "angry". Just like all black people, except for that nice shoe shine guy at the country club.

Angry! That's the new word courtesy of Reince Preibus, angry Republican white guy. But of course Republicans have a right to be angry. Such gratitude from the blacks. Free boat rides, 100% employment, Abe Lincoln (though a bit too radical for most current day Republicans), their own private bathrooms, their own private rooms in the Army, their own parts of town, free lawyers for their bad apples, and now, free lobster tails and Colt 45 bought with free food stamps, free money for not working, advantages to get into colleges after their wonderful free public education at their own schools, and free oppressing of the put upon white christian straight males. The gall! And now they even have the Presidency, where Obama has taken all the money from the whites and given it all to the blacks who now live in mansions and hire white maids and drivers.

Had a person text me he never ever hated anybody as much as he hated Barack Obama. That made my night. It meant Obama was fighting back. Pissing off the Romney voters who are voting enthusiastically for Romney because welllll, uhhhhhhhh, because of his position on the fact he aint Obama. And of course he's pale.

Binders Full of Women! Yeah baby! You wimmens are nuthin but a name in a binder. So quit yer bitchin because Mittens has your best interests in mind. Now go get your probing ultrasound, have your rape baby, get paid whatever you're offered and be happy, put up with guy who looks like Mittens pinching your butt and serve your man.

Now THAT, should be what "angry" means.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Pumpin Ryan!

My stars! That beastly Joe Biden, you know the one who actually rides the Amtrak with icky people, was just rude to that nice Paul Ryan boy the other night. Why I never!

This seems to be the reaction of the Republican hierarchy, and by that I mean anybody at Fox News or CNN (who I am really beginning to hate). Biden was condescending and rude and disrespectful and acted like he knew everything while that Paul Ryan, a very serious policy wonk (see above pic), stated facts and figures and was in awe of the Vice President of the United States with so much respect that he called him "Joe". Shows ya how folksy and respectful of his elders that nice young man was while that old hobo Joe kept calling a sitting United States Congressman "Paul". Harumph! It's terrible when Joe calls Paul, uhhhh "Paul", but hey no problemo when Paul calls Joe, uhhhh "Joe". That seemed to be the CNN take. Very very important stuff, Wolfie.

Now Fox, the 40 pound dumbbell of the Republican party, now they were aghast! Not so much of what was said, because most of what Paulie said was lies, but of Uncle Joe laughing at the kid's bullshit. Now of course when Sir Romney of Mittensland interrupted and bullied that black eyed Jim Lehrer, all the while hopping up and down like a tweaking meth head , that was aggressive and a winner. When Joe Biden does it, it is utterly the behavior of a man who needs rehab.

Fox News is funny. Well, not really, but if you don't laugh at Gretchen Carlson or Megyn Kelly's furrowed brows as they express real concern about America's direction, you will throw shit at the TV, no I mean real shit, like Joe Biden acting like a crazed baboon debating that cool bro, Paul " Wisconsin Shore" Ryan (see above pic again if you can stand it).

Fox's Brit Hume, a cranky mumbling old man, called Biden a "cranky old man". Greta Von Susteren, a plastic faced unlikable "interviewer, called Joe "unlikable" even though she likes him. Sean Hannity, a delusional liar, started speculating if Joe was drinking bourbon, keeping his "speculation" tally a big fat 0% . Way to go, flathead. Charlie Krauthammer, a droning Phantom, called Joe "disrespectful". Of what? The Beav and his statistics and junk? Chris Wallace, whore son of a legendary newsman, said he had never seen a debate where one side was more "disrespectful" of the other. Hmmm, "disrespectful" seems to be the word of the day sent down from Roger Ailes blonde sucking lair. Steve Hayes, whoever the fuck he is, called Biden "smirking". You know, that facial expression permanently frozen on Paul "The Situation" Ryan's mug. Mark Levin, nose picking screechy voiced troll, said Biden was "off his meds". Levin should lend Joe some of his then. Mike Huckabee, former fat fuck soon to be fat fuck again, called Biden "the obnoxious drunk at a party". Wow, I'd like to attend a Huckabee party, who would have thought he'd have booze there? Gretchen Carlson, perhaps the dumbest woman on earth, wanted "to "deck" the Veep. Why not practice on Douchey and Kilmeade first. No concussions possible there. Sarah Palin, much like John Belushi's watch in Animal House, just went off into the tundra with an ox and who knows what the fuck she said? Hey but Sean Hannity's hands were busy while she rambled, I'm sure.

All in all, everybody knows Biden put that punk in his place. Like one of Mittens' lying sons, Chillin Paul Ryan had to be laughed at, chortled at, smirked at, and treated like the dimwit he really is. Just look at that fucking picture above that a man who could be thissssssss far from the Oval Office posed for. Chrissakes, he's an embarrassment, not to mention a lying backwards hatted 43 year old meathead.

Joe, you did good. Too bad you just couldn't send that snot nosed creep up to his room without his Vitamin Water. God knows, he drank enough as it was. Surprised he didn't ask Martha Raddatz, Obama co conspirator, if he could take a potty break.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

You've Been Bidened!

Nice debate, Douchenozzle !

Joe And Eddie!

Oh this conspiracy just gets better and better. Let's review.

Back in 1961 or so, a baby was born in Kenya to an anti colonialist, like the commie Founding Fathers, and some slutty white Kansan. Putting the conspiracy into full battle mode, a fake birth announcement was placed in an Hawaiian newspaper. Check.

The kid grew up in foreign lands, eating dogs and cats, attending Madrases and learning his mission from Angela Lansbury and Hillary Clinton. His mission? To destroy the United States of America. Check..

The kid , lazy as he was, was enrolled at Columbia University , didn't bother to even show up, and his fake transcripts were buried underneath the Twin Towers in a secret vault. Check.

The kid was then shoehorned into Harvard Law School, where certain conspirators gave him a job as head of the Harvard Law Review, a second rate publication your average tea party member could write. Check.

The kid was then led to Chicago, where he engaged in gay sex, organized the lazy 47% into such radical activities like voting, and was arranged a marriage to one Michelle Robinson, another lazy black who just wanted to live off the government dole and had a fake University of Chicago Law Degree. Check.

Along the way, the kid attended the marriage of one Martha Raddatz , a so called journalist, who became just another one of the co-conspirators in this plot against America. Check.

The kid was bought a seat in the Illinois State Senate, something that doesn't even draw attention, where he practiced his speaking and talking and stuff. Check.

The kid was given a shot at the United States Senate seat from Illinois, when even the patriotic Republicans cooperated in this conspiracy by nominating a nutcase black guy named Alan Keyes. The kid won. Check.

The kid was given a primo speaking spot at the 2004 Democratic Convention, held only to offer up the last piece of the puzzle, the Democratic Mittens Romney, John Kerry, as a pawn to be beaten by George Bush. Check.

The kid was told to run for President, but to make it look good, co-conspirator Hillary Clinton put up token resistance to the kid, who won the 2008 Democratic nomination. The powers that be arranged for world wide economic collapse, and a 100 year old Republican nominee with a dingbat running mate. The kid won easily. Check.

The kid ruled very moderately. But the soothsaying Republicans knew better. The kid was a Marxist, Kenyan, socialist, commie, lazy, shiftless negro and had to be stopped. A second term would be disastrous to the 1%. They would only double their net worth. Heavens to Betsy! Check.

And now, after Lord Mittens of Bainville showed the kid how it's done in a debate, the conspirators needed another plan. That plan is Martha Raddatz, sucked into the conspiracy back in 1991, who will moderate the vice conspirator debate between the loudmouth truth teller Joltin Joe Biden and Eddie Munster of Racine. Check!

AH HAHHHHHHHHHH! You just know she's going to ask Joe Biden his name, his favorite color and his quest and ask Eddie really tough questions and junk. Like please explain your masturbatory fascination with an atheist narcissist with a name like a dude. Check.

But alas, certain Republican geniuses like Sean Hannity and Sweet Jesus Joe and closet bound Matt Drudge know what's up. Hell, even Republicans of really low intelligence, like Gretchen Carlson and those two numbskulls who sits in between on Fox & Friends have it figured out.

Watch out, kid. The conspiracy is only half done. Martha Raddatz is going to bail your lame ass out tonight.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Joseph Smith Is Celebrating!

Oh my god! It's over. Pew polls, Rasmussen polls, Hannity polls, it is a done deal. Prince Mittens of Kobolville and his lady, the Duchess Ann of Stopitland, will be inaugurated as King and Queen of The United States of Mormerica come January of 2013 and that Kenyan Muslim Commie sleepwalker will be deported along with his Black Panther wife and their radical socialist urchins. It is over.

Start Panicking folks. One bad day has cost us the future. All the white people have come home to vote for the whitest man on the planet simply because the black guy was lazy and shiftless, per that Cuban Palestinian asshole, Juan The Iron Sheik Sununu.

Oh I know there are three more debates, two for the tweaking white guy and the stoned black dude and one for the stern 65 year old hippie with the pony tail and Eddie Haskell.

But it IS over. Just ask your average Obama voter. The hysterics are completely convincing.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Down Goes Frayz-ahhh!!!

I don't know who showed up last night in Denver, but it apparently was a caffeinated Mormon and a Lunesta filled "Christian". As usual, caffeine wins over sleeping pills but for chrissakes, somebody give Obama a Monster before the next "debate".

Before we all commit mass suicide over this speed bump, let's take a look at what happened. Hell if I know, I didn't watch because I value the 55 inch HD TV in my living room and was afraid I'd throw my grape Mad Dog 20/20 though the screen trying to knock Romney off kilter. This proved to be a wise move on my part, because watching the epitome' of pure evil, The New York Yankees, clinch a division was less ugly than what I could have witnessed. The unchallenged bullshit of a pathological liar like Mittens Romney out there for every undecided nitwit to digest. On the other hand, are there any undecided nitwits?

Barack Obama is not rope a doping. The altitude in Denver wasn't a factor. Obama is not out of it. Obama is not "lazy" like that Cuban son of a bitch Juan Sununu says. Obama is not suffering from the flu. Nope, Obama is just like the rest of us. He thought he could take the exam without studying. And though he passed with a C, on the curve he failed miserably because Niedermeyer Romney memorized the answers and did what he does best, lied his ass off.

Mittens must have popped a giant Mormon stiffy as while he lied, furiously convincing himself he didn't say something he just said, nobody bothered to say hey Mitt, you're a big fat liar. Faced with a sleepwalking Obama zombie and a senile alien eyed Jim Lehrer, Mittens was in Celestial Kingdom heaven. Lying and lying and lying with no chance to even whine at the moderator or bet walking dead Obama $10 zillion that his accountant did indeed suck, Mittens was running downhill and not even stumbling. My God, I'm surprised Romney didn't feel so unbeatable that he started baptizing Anne Frank again right onstage.

Joe Biden must have been gripping like Mick in a Rocky movie growling, "come on Barack, knock his fuckin block off"! But it didn't happen, so it's up to Joe to get this train back on the track. Hey, everybody has a bad night, but when the Miami Heat drop a game to the Washington Wizards by a lot, a team meeting needs to be held.

So come on, Team Obama, get your shit together and listen to Joe. Next time you better eat lightning and crap thundahhhhhh. Or we all are going off the cliff. Willing or not.