Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Arguing With Himself?

I have just turned it over to this jackoff's Fox News daily rant. Let's see what's going on with this failed Top 40 deejay turned rightie charlatan.

4:33- Beck goes to a "dark area" as he puts it. He shows a bunch of black criminals beating a black kid to death in Chicago.
4:34- Beck pretends to care about the victim but goes on to trying to "ban railroad ties".
4:35- Beck shows why he failed at commercial radio. He's beating a dead horse sticking up for the NRA.
4:36- Beck blurts out "people kill people".
4:37-Beck bobs his head and smirks. He loves bashing Chicago and the blacks, the "dark area".
4:38- Beck plugs his book "Arguing With Myself" I mean Idiots.
4:39- Beck starts tongueing a sinister looking gun nut in a suit and tie calling for Chicagoans to walk around with shotguns.
4:40-Beck looks tired as Al Capone carries on about how much he loves guns.
4:41- Beck states he's a "big states rights guy" and takes a break, presumably to horsewhip his slave.

I can't take it anymore. I am out.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Let's Hear It For Opposite Marriage!

Oh I see, when a reporter is doing his job and some hearing challenged "values voter" can't hear what Carrie Prejean is rambling on about, that's rude. Disrupting Town Halls and heckling the President is telling it like it is. More random thoughts:

1) Who the hell is Tim Pawlenty? From what I've heard, he was a perfectly reasonable Republican Governor of Minnesota before he decided to run for President after he figured out the frontrunners for the 2012 Republican nomination was a Moron and a Morman. Now Pawlenty is quoting Bible verses at "values voters" and watching them roll around on the floor in ecstasy. C'mon now, Minnesotans aren't bible thumping charlatans, they're nice, reasonable Valhalla seekers.

2) Bo Pelini, head football coach at Nebraska, needs to chill out. After getting beat in a crazy, impossible way last Saturday at Virginia Tech, Bo went nuts. He threw his headphones at somebody, and on his postgame radio show, for which I believe he gets paid, he constantly asked the interviewer "did you see the play? let's move on". No, Bo, to put it in terms you might understand, what the fuck happened? Maybe Turner Gill would've been a better choice.

3) Pit Bulls should be banned. A 52 year old woman here in Omaha saw a pit bull threatening an 11 year old kid, came out of her house, distracted the psychotic canine and promptly had the pit bull attempt to eat her. She's in the hospital and may lose her leg. Last summer a pit bull chewed the scalp off a 4 year old girl. I'm sure any city in the country has similar stories. The solution? Put the pit bull owners to sleep too. The collective IQ of any city brave enough to do this would double.

4) Women's college volleyball is a great sport. I took Max to a Creighton University volleyball game the other night because I believe in spreading the sports experience around. To absorb yourself in football, basketball and baseball and nothing else is narrow minded and very Republican. I want Max to give the less popular sports, volleyball, soccer, hockey, and smaller class high school sports a try. But one thing I saw at this volleyball game bothered me. A number of single men with HUGE telephoto lenses taking pictures of the players. Is there such a thing as volleyball porn?

5) According to the New York Times, John Edwards told his mistress and baby's mama he would wait for Elizabeth to die and then he would marry her on a New York rooftop with music by the Dave Mathews Band. How much more sleaze can John Edwards get on himself? But of course all you conservatives, like the "values voters" who booted the MSNBC guy out of their little Bund meeting, don't believe a word of it, right? The New York Times is just another left wing lying slave to its communist masters that never tells the truth. Correct?

Monday, September 14, 2009

Can We Get Ted Nugent To Play Nearer My God To Thee?

Hey GOP, I hope this week goes a bit better than last week did for you. And you thought you had a bad week.

1) The teabaggers, racists, morons, and just plain stupid people didn't want a black man telling their purebred children to stay in school, get good grades, and wash their Aryan hands to keep from getting that Muslim flu. So they called schools on that talking machine and threatened spineless administrators with who knows what. Since one of the first things school administrators have to do after being promoted is get their spines removed (my apologies, Kevin) at least in Middle America, they wouldn't allow kids listen to that black guy. You look ridiculous there, GOP.

2) On Wednesday night, as the President, that black guy again, spoke to a joint session of Congress about health care, one legislator from Illinois apparently needs Flomax because he got up and left early. Then another legislator, that Wilson guy from South Carolina, forgot where he was and thought he was out front of Goober's Garage with the boys and some colored guy went walking by so he started hollerin' at him to get back to the other side of the tracks. You really look bad, GOP.

3) Good old Mike Duvall, a married Orange County California Assemblyman, big family values guy, big anti-gay rights guy, forgot every mike should be considered hot and proceeded to brag about spanking some other married woman and how another spankee didn't know about spankee #1. Tsk tsk tsk, Mikey. That's not very family valuesy. Well at least it was a woman, or rather, women. Most homophobes like spanking 15 year old male hookers or become Catholic priests. You're looking bad , GOP.

4) Kristin Maguire. I hate to keep picking on South Carolina, but Jesus Christ, the Palmetto State needs to get it's shiite together. Kristin Maguire is chairman of the South Carolina Board of Education. She, of course, is a fundamentalist Christian, homeschools her own little christians, tries to defund the public schools, and wants to teach abstinence and creationism. Ever hear of Bridget Keeney? Kristin Maguire has. Somebody named Bridget Keeney writes dirty stories, errrrrr, erotic fiction. Yeah you got it, Bridget Keeney is Kristin Maguire. She writes about doing things with an Oscar statue and a nice little Thanksgiving story about stuffing a turkey, hey wait a minute, that's not a turkey! She has resigned, which is more than I can say for the rest of South Carolina's miscreants. You look bad, GOP!

5) The teabaggers were back out Saturday in the streets of D.C. Claiming there were 2 million by using 1997 satellite pictures of the Million Man March (how ironic) these thousands of nuts carried around their racist signs and blathered on about taxes and how Muslims are taking over. Chrissakes, the streets of D.C. hasn't seen this many racist boneheads since the 1925 March on Washington by the Ku Klux Klan. You really look bad, GOP!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

It's Just A Number, The Number After 49!

Somebody in my family is, well we won't say how old. Happy Birthday, Kevin! We love ya!

Saturday, September 12, 2009

The Sheets And Hoods Get Warshed On Weekends!

Looks like the teabaggers were let out of the home again this weekend. Once again, euthanasia and death panels may be given the short shrift here. But, let's all agree, one thing you can't take away from these "conservatives". Their class and dignity.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Congressman Douche Bag I Presume?

Hey everybody, it's South Carolina Congressman Joe Wilson (R-SC) who found it necessary to holler at and heckle the President during a joint congressional speech this evening. How many trailer parks are there in South Carolina and why do they get their own representative? I hope Nancy Pelosi serves up this guy's balls at the House cafeteria tomorrow.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Your Brain Is Sleepy!

By all means, nutjobs, keep your kids home from school Tuesday when the President of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama, will secretly convert your children into Muslim zombie suicide bombers.
I don't know what your school district is up to when it comes to Obama's speech to the schoolkids regarding staying in school, getting good grades, and washing their snotty hands? All I know is here in red country, no on second thought we voted for Obama in 2008, the school districts in the burbs and in the military dictatorship-run district to my south are not showing his speech to the kids. Too many of their stupid parents have followed the hypnotic orders of their radio masters and called in to threaten the folks who run the schools so its a no-go. The big school district has left it up to the teachers. The district Max attends hasn't said a thing.
Why is this happening? Because hypnotized adults are afraid that somebody other than some fat drug addict on the radio will tell their kids the truth. Stay in school, get good grades, and wash your filthy hands. That as opposed to the crap the man in the box tells them. Hate the poor, hate the minorities, hate the liberals, hate the President, and by all means, hate yourselves. Phenomenal.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

The Man In The Green Van, Out!

This guy, Van Jones, resigned from his job as Creator of Green Jobs or whatever it was with the Obama Administration under pressure from Fox News, Glenn Beck and the old egg cracker, Matt Drudge. Let's examine his "crimes".

1) He called Republicans "assholes". He meant it as a compliment when asked why the Republicans only needed 51 Senate votes to get anything done while the Democrats can't do squat with 58 Senate votes he replied "because they're assholes".

2) He stated that it's only "white kids" who are shooting up schools like at Columbine.

All right, he told the truth twice and got booted because Republican flacks like Fox, Beck and Sludge twisted it and got their sheeple to start up the old e-mail machine.

I get it, in the Republican world, if you lie and cheat and are incompetent you get the Medal of Freedom (George Tennant). If you tell the truth, you get the one way ticket to obscurity (Tom Ridge).

Friday, September 4, 2009

Somebody Please Beat Florida! Anyone?

It's college football season again and I am happy that for two years in a row I can root for my alma mater, The University of Nebraska-Lincoln. You see, from 2003 through 2007 I secretly rooted for the Huskers, led by the worst head coach of all time,Bill Callahan, to get their ass kicked every week so the state would rid themselves of this cancer. It finally happened and I can go back to loving the 8-4 seasons again.
Teams I Love:
1) Nebraska- I live here, I was born here, I actually was in classrooms there (unlike 90% of the crowds they draw) and I went to games with my Dad here. Forgive me for buying into the Husker hype. It's silly, it's asinine, it's really sad. But it's all we have.
2) Texas Tech- Stuck out in nowhere. Perennial 3rd bananas in their own state. I've loved these guys since the days of Donnie Anderson. The black and red double T's. Coach Mike Leach, law school trained and as nutty as an elephant turd. Go Tech!
3) Minnesota- The Gophers have been a fave of mine since I saw them play in the old campus stadium in Minneapolis in 1973 against Nebraska and they actually wore gold pajamas. Well, they looked like pajamas, and the Gophers played like they were sleepy. The Minnesota fans were so nice as they got stomped, it's impossible to not like them. I was already a Twins fan so what the hell. Oh yeah, their QB that day? Tony Dungy.
4) Ohio- not THE Ohio State University. Plain old Ohio. The Bobcats, coached by Frank Solich, who got fired here at Nebraska because he only won 75% of his games. I like Frank. I think he's a helluva coach. I want him to succeed.
5) Kansas- Kansas fans are a lot like Minnesota fans. They're just nice. They have that goofy fake bird as a mascot, they act all academic like at football games, and their coach weighs about 500 pounds. But he is worth his weight in gold because Mark Mangino is one great football coach.
Teams I Hate:
1) Notre Dame- For god's sake this place is hell on earth. From that crappy town it's in to that stupid Touchdown Jesus, Notre Dame reeks arrogance. A team with a French name and a freaking leprechaun as a mascot calls itself the Irish? I went there way back and some asshole asked me if we had Indian troubles and he was serious. The bastard is probably in jail for insider trading or something now. At least I hope so.
2) Texas- see above. The arrogance of these Third World wannabees is almost as bad as the French Irish listed above. The Nebraska band salutes the opposing team by playing its fight song. Texas refused to allow the Nebraska band to play "The Eyes of Texas" (which is really just "I've been working on the railroad") because they weren't worthy. Then some overgrown Texas moron football player attempted to plant the Texas flag on the big N in the middle of our field. He couldn't because it's not grass, it's Field Turf. Geniuses.
3) Colorado- these insecure brain deads hate us. Why? I don't know. Because Nebraska beat their ass for about 40 years in a row? They abuse a buffalo before every game, they throw snowballs with a rock center at you, they vandalize your car, they have the class of CMT reality show and they just plain suck. A few years back, on national television, the entire student section got booted out of the stadium for being the lowlifes they are.
4) Miami- The U? Really? They have a U on their helmet and a year or so ago they sued the University of Nebraska at Omaha for copyright infringement because UNO put an O on their helmet. Despite the fact an O is not a U and red & black is different from orange and green, these thug cuddlers sued anyway. They lost. I love it when that roaming prison yard of a team loses.
5) Ohio State- Just for the fact it's called THE Ohio State University I hate them. I hate them dotting that goddamned I. I hate their ugly ass silver and red uniforms. I hate their little buckeyes on the helmets. I hate their very existence. Go Blue!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Health Care, Stat!

I don't usually delve into stats or argue policy because I just don't have the time, the intellect nor the desire to bore the hell out of anybody reading this little blog-o-mine. Oh I could do it and state that 18,000 Americans die each year due to lack of insurance. Or I could state 30 million people are uninsured because they lack the funds to purchase insurance and that 80% of that 30 million (24 million) are working full time. I could give you a number of 13 million younger people between age 19-29 who have no insurance not only because people of that age feel indestructible but because they can't afford it. Drifting off yet? How about another stat of 25 million people who have dangerously inadequate insurance coverage. About 10 million uninsured are non-citizens (booooooooo!!!) but they aren't going to be covered under ANY health care bill out there. Oh shut up Gramps, it's true. 11 million are uninsured because they don't know anything about Medicaid, most of these are kids, poor kids. And then of course we have the Rush Limbaughs and the Glenn Becks and the Sean Hannitys who make so much money they don't need any insurance and really don't want anybody else to get it either.

Let's see, 30 million plus 13 million plus 25 million plus 11 million equals 79 million people who are living on a prayer. You may think prayer works as a health plan, but I'll bet if you're crass enough to believe that, you also have insurance. This all reminds me of a little card my Dad carried in his wallet. It said, "I am a Catholic, in case of emergency, to hell with a priest, call me a damned doctor!" That's all we are saying to the "I have mine, to hell with you" people. Call a doctor, and make sure he's paid by somebody and if its the government well that's just the way it is. Just like a cop or a fireman or an EMT. Call them. Pass this damn health care bill now.

Sorry for the numbers. I'll go back to my vapid, sarcastic self next time.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Even George Will Got This Right!

They call Afghanistan "the graveyard of empires". The British couldn't hang, the Russians couldn't hang and now, the United States isn't going to hang either. Oh but don't tell that to BHO, the modern day version of LBJ, because he's sending 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan to, uhhhhhhhhh, I'm not really sure what. Is this a war? Is this a pursuit of Osama Bin Laden? Is this a revenge deal?

You see, for some reason, we are fighting the Taliban. The Taliban is that goofy bunch of bearded religious nuts who want to run Afghanistan like a 15th century kingdom. The Taliban allowed Osama and his band of cave dwelling beheading enthusiasts to live in peace and run around climbing on monkey bars in training to fly jets into buildings. Then, on 9/11/01, when the Saudis wreaked havoc on the United States, we got pissed at the Taliban because they wouldn't turn Osama over. Hey, fellas in the Bush Administration, these guys were kooks. Surprise. So we bombed the shiite out of them, deposed the Taliban, and ran the other way when Osama was cornered at Tora Bora and fled to Pakistan.

Oh well, said the neo-cons. Now's our chance. Invade Iraq. Forget Afghanistan. That was bad enough, but now that Iraq is on the back burner, the new guy, my guy, Barack Obama, has decided to increase the effort in Afghanistan. I have a few questions.

1) What the hell are we doing there?
2) Is there a goal?
3) Why do we support yet another bogus government?
4) Is Afghanistan an anagram for Vietnam?
5) Are you crazy, Barack?

We need to go now. Get the eff out now. This is a disaster waiting to happen. Barack Obama needs to start this whole change thing he promised. And by change, I don't mean Americans dying in Afghanistan instead of Iraq.