Sunday, August 31, 2008

Republican January-December Love!

The Republicans gather in Saint Paul this week to join together J Howard McCain and Sarah Nicole Palin in holy political matrimony to take on the Muslim terrorist and the hair-plugged attack dog those anti-American "Demoncrats" nominated in Denver last week.
Oh yeah, Sarah Palin, she has loads and loads of experience. Everyone knows that running a state of 600,000 fugitives from the laws of the lower 48 is akin to anything the "Demonrats" can push on the American people. Besides, Sarah has 4 kids of her own and a fifth of questionable parenthood. I am kidding of course. She definitely has 4, errrr, 5 kids and that means experience galore compared to that black kid and his grumpy grandpa the "rats" nominated.
I cannot wait for the Republicans to pretend they care about black people, and start packing relief supplies for the folks of New Orleans they three years ago called stupid for not getting in the Escalade and getting out of town to the Baton Rouge Hilton before Katrina hit. It's gonna be fun.

Hey I'm Laboring My Thumbs

Just another lazy Labor Day weekend.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Bye Bye Broom Man!

A long time ago, when I was a kid, I was in the drug store at Countryside Village in Omaha buying gum or something. The bell on the door rang and a thin black man in a suit and tie, a cap, a white cane, and a bushel of brooms over his shoulder entered the store. He asked "what store am I in?". The mean blonde lady who worked at the Village Drugstore YELLED at him" it's the drugstore at Countryside Village!!" I remember thinking, "uhhh he's blind not deaf". The man expressed his thanks and exited the store and walked his way up to the bus stop.

This was my introduction to the The Reverend Livingston Wills. The Broom Man. The Broom Man passed away this last week at the age of 91. Man, I thought he was 91 back in 1967 or so.
For the last 40 or so years since that first time, I would see him all over Omaha. West Omaha, South Omaha, North Omaha, Central Omaha, wherever the buses went, Reverend Wills would go to sell his brooms. I bought one from him once when I saw him at a grocery store a few years back. It got lost in a move or something and now I wish I had it. He always made me smile. Always dressed in his rumpled suit, and always plugging away in the heat and cold, he was one helluva man.

Only 150 people attended this legend's funeral. I thought about it, but I didn't. I wish I had now. The whole damned city should have been there. The Reverend Wills was somebody most cities would cherish. I would hope this one did. I hope a lot of people my age remember him for what he was. A fine, decent fellow. What more can you strive to be?

Friday, August 29, 2008

The Biggest Welfare Recipients in Nebraska!!!

Hey what's been going on around here, football wise, since 2004 or so? Are those two arrogant a-holes gone? Ok great. Now I can return as a fan.
The 2008 college football season is underway. Here's what Max's Dad thinks will happen:
1) USC wins the national title
2) Kansas falls back to reality @ 7-5
3) Husker fan will be disappointed even though those two arrogant a-holes are gone, their influence continues to rot the program
4) Michigan will suck again
5) Miami & Florida State will suck again
6) Missouri loses to Oklahoma again
7) Turner Gill will take Buffalo to a bowl game and get a better job
8) Paul Johnson takes Georgia Tech upward
9) Texas Tech beats Texas for 2nd in the Big 12 South
10) The weirdo team that goes far is BYU
11) Nebraska struggles to a 28-21 win over Western Michigan
12) Bet the farm on USC over Virginia this weekend-give the 19 points

John, You Have To Start Fouling!!

Hey,that #22 would make a great Mayor of Wasilla someday. I have a suggestion. Barack Obama & Sarah Palin, former mayor of Wasilla, Alaska , one on one, first one to 20 wins the Presidency. Think how much money that would save?

So much for the "experience" factor and with John McSame's track record, who knows, he may dump Cindy for the young chick.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Don't Worry America! They are 75% White!

Why this guy isn't up by 25 points in the polls is a crime. It's understandable for unspoken reasons, which I will speak of in a moment, but nonetheless, it is a crime. I am going to say the reason why Barack Obama is not kicking John McTemper's arse in the polls is due to one reason. That reason is, of course, Americans are wusses. Americans, who believe that offshore drilling will allow them to fill the ol' Explorer with 99 cent gas again. Americans, who believe that the country is on the wrong course, yet support John McBush equally to Barack Obama. Americans, who believe the world was created in 7 days by some bearded guy in the sky. Americans, who believe support the troops means you slap a yellow sticker on the back of the ol' Land Cruiser on your way to Starbucks. Americans, who believe that Iraq had something to do with 9/11. Americans, who voted for a band of thugs in numbers that allowed the thugs to steal the election twice. Americans, who just make shiite up when they get backed into a corner and e-mail it to their idiot buddies. Americans, afraid of their own shadow. Come on, America, think! Grow up! Stop worrying about two boys kissing, and stop crying that white men are oppressed, and stop thinking a single cell in a dish is morally equal to a Parkinson's patient, and stop thinking somebody's going to take your shotgun away, and stop insisting prayer in schools doesn't exist, and stop worrying your "culture" is being changed, and stop worrying that some illegal alien is going to take your job when it's the Chinese and the Indians who will do that.

Please wake up, America. It's going to be all right. Those people pictured above shouldn't scare you. It's the people gathering in Minnesota next week who should scare you. Those people actually think everything is ok because they are ok. Uff Da!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Eight More Years!!! Eight More Years!!!

God, I wish he was running again. When the Michael Jordan of politics said the United States should lead by the "power of our example" rather than the "example of our power" it flashed me back to the 8 years of peace and prosperity under this guy. How quaint it seems now that the man was impeached for a personal indiscretion, while this current administration of war criminals and thieves goes untouched. It was a great 20 minutes. Let's hope we get a whole lot more in the next 2 1/2 months.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Is It 2012 Yet?

I would have been proud to cast a vote for Hillary. Despite the differences and the gaffes and the brutal refusal to give up, she is truly one tough broad. I love tough broads. The way Barak Obama has been doing a John Kerry lately by allowing McCain and his thugs peel him like a shrimp, I want the tough broad to be let off the leash. But will she go after them as she should? Or will she wait until Obama intellectualizes his way into defeat to the old man and wait to run again in 2012? I hope she snarls, I just think she and Bill will head off to the kennel and wait it out. I hope I'm wrong. Again.

Vote For My Husband Or Else!

Despite what many think, that's not Michelle Obama at the Democratic Convention pleading with Amerika to vote Barak in '08. I actually wish it was because it would mean the Democrats were willing to get down in the gutters with the Republicans and FIGHT for this thing. Stop being so flipping nice. Who cares if Hillary voters are pissed? Stop paying attention to her and start paying attention to that shrimpy POW the other side has wheeled in. He's killing you. You have three more days to start fighting or it's over.

Look, let me explain it this way. The Republicans are Al Queda. They have no rules. They will cheat, lie, steal, fix voting machines and wipe their butts with the Constitution if they have to in order to win. You have to fight them in the same way. Americans are dopes. They don't care about logic. They care about "knowing" issues in the simplest kindergarten way possible. So dumb down, start cheating, start lying, and turn that crabby adulterer gigolo on the other side into a crabby adulterer gigolo. Start kicking for the groin NOW!

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Whole Wotta Wuv!!!!

The Olympics are finally over. No more cheating. No more joyless winners. No more 8 years olds being exploited. No more obnoxiousness. No more rhythmic gymnastics, synchronized swimming, synchronized diving, ping pong, badminton, grown men on sting-ray bikes and other sports you can play in your backyard. Hahahahahahahaha! Yeah sure.
The regimentation of these Olympics is unprecedented. From the phony Opening Ceremonies to the phony Closing Ceremonies, the stone-faced Chinese "winners" were anything but fun to watch. We will see nothing of this kind of fakery, uptight performers, bitter faced spectators and complete adherence to goose stepping law and order ever again. Well at least until the Republicans all get together in St.Paul next month anyway.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Friday, August 22, 2008

Hello? Hello? Is There Anybody Back There?

Say what you will about Michael Phelps, but this guy, the Lightning Bolt, is the most impressive story of these Olympics. It all has to do with speed. Swimming isn't speedy. Some freak of nature blazing down a track is speedy. 1 minute of swimming or 10 seconds of sprinting? You choose. I'll take the guy running and you can have the guy swimming. Usain Bolt is the fastest human being who has ever set foot on this planet. Period. He is so utterly impressive to watch as he glides down the track leaving huffing and puffing fireplugs in his wake. Oh I know he shows off, and god knows how much we Midwesterners hate showoffs, but to deny this guy his due is just plain stupid. I wish he'd show off more. I wish he'd turn around and run backwards. I wish he somersault across the finish line. I wish he'd stop right before the line and casually step across it. I wish he'd run blindfolded. Show off, Lightning Bolt. You're the man. Are the Chicago Bears watching?

Thursday, August 21, 2008

My Dirty Harry Side Rears It's Ugly Head!

Here in Omaha, where most people think nothing much happens, violence is as common as corn. While the major television networks can't show anything from Omaha or Lincoln without a shot of a cornfield, senseless violence occurs here as often as anywhere else. Last night, the guy pictured on the bottom shot the guy pictured on top and damn near killed him. The guy on the top is a cop named Paul Latschar, a member of the Omaha Police Department's Gang Unit. Oh yeah, folks, we have gangs here in Omaha. The problem is some politicians, a former and future mayor for instance, denies there is a gang problem here. Well tell that to Paul Latschar's family and friends. He was clinging to life last night as he almost bled out because that dirtbag pictured below shot him in the leg for daring to pull his miserable ass over for driving on a suspended license. I'm not even mentioning that slimeball's name but let's just say over half of his 30 years he's spent on this planet have been in a cage. Hopefully, the rest of this leech's worthless existence will be in a cage also. Hey, tough guy, looks like you might have fallen down accidentally on your way to jail. Bye bye, "Mugsy"!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Hey, That's Not Tinky Winky, Dammit!

Calm down there, Stewie, only 154 days to go.

There Is No God After All!

Awhile back, after 1-10 favorite Big Brown spit the bit in the Belmont Stakes and thus denied his lump of a trainer, Richard Dutrow, the Triple Crown I announced my belief in God. Who else would have stepped in and stopped the injustice of a mook like Dutrow winning something he didn't deserve? Well apparently it wasn't God because after today, there cannot be a God.

LoLo Jones, gliding to victory in the 100 meter hurdles, tripped over the second to last hurdle and faded to 7th. This would have been the story of the Olympics. This woman was homeless, in foster care, the product of a lousy environment, had every excuse to fail at life yet chose to kick life's ass and became the finest women hurdler in the world. But somebody would have none of that and she had victory snatched out of her hand by one lousy piece of luck. I would have preferred Michael Phelps to sink like a rock than have this winner lose. But she lost.

God, I am pissed.

Monday, August 18, 2008

School's Not Out For Summer

Have a great school year there, Max. Bet you didn't know Max was on the Redeem Team?

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Your Mission Mr.Phelps....

At the risk of treason, I am so sick of Michael Phelps I could choke a bald eagle to death. If Mark Spitz had been paid millions of 1972 dollars to swim 10 hours a day and pig out on 10,000 calories a day instead of being forced to compete for free, who knows how great he'd have been? Oh, Wingspan of a 6 foot 7 guy Phelps is the best of all time. That's not debatable any longer, but NBC please, stop having fits over this guy and his Mom. He's a great story, but hearing the same shiite every day about this legend in your own mind is getting old. Apologies to Mike for the above photo of Fred Phelps. I couldn't find a picture of Michael anywhere!

But man oh man, is that chick beach volleyball great or what? And that tinkerbell gymnastics is super too. If you're into child porn that is. And that synchronized diving? Wow!

Friday, August 15, 2008

Are You Effin' Kidding Me?

John McCain on the Russian invasion of Georgia---"In the 21st century nations don't invade other nations".

This guy is going to win? Are you effin' kidding me?

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Miwwi Vaniwwi

Back in 2001 when the International Olympic Committee counted up all the bribe money and rated the various hookers from each competing country, they awarded the 2008 Summer Olympics to Beijing. Good move, and I say that with all the sincerity of a Chinese Government official.

Oh I know. China's rulers run a repressive regime that kills its dissidents, jails its troublemakers for years with no charges, keeps the poor poorer than poor by keeping all the corporate money for themselves, lies pathologically to its own people, and eats dogs for chrissakes!. Other than the dog eating, you wouldn't know the difference between their corrupt bunch of leaders and the current group of thugs running things around here, though I'm not positive Cheney hasn't chowed down on a poodle or two.

I don't really care how corrupt the Chinese government is, I don't live there, but they really have gone too far now. The little 7 year old girl above has a beautiful voice, though you'd never know it. Why? Well, because Simon Cowell, or whoever fills that role in Sino-land, decided she wasn't cute enough. So some cuter little girl got to lip sync and the world was fooled. Then the Chinese phonies computer generated the gigantic fireworks display, which still didn't come close to being as spectacular as my block on July 4th.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Mr.Edwards, You're No John McCain!!

Man, when I'm wrong, I am so wrong. Thanks to the Obama voters and their tremendous naivete', and the Hillary voters and their tremendous kick in the groin-ness, the guy I wanted to kick John McCain's ass didn't go very far. But my God, the media overkill on this is out of control. I expect Fox News to somehow link Edward's philandering to Obama, but what the hell is CNN still yakking about this for? Jesus, you'd think the guy had carried on an affair with a blond while his wife was recovering from some sort of medical condition. You know, like John McCain did.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

I Love Fetuses!!

This is a picture of an actual Congressperson. People actually got off their couches, drove down to the polling place, and voted for this geek. He is the distinguished representative of the 2nd Congressional District of Nebraska, The Honorable Lee Terry Junior. I will pause now for you to stop laughing. Done yet?

Lee Terry was/is an attorney, the son of of a former television news anchor, and a former Omaha City Councilman. Boy, if that doesn't qualify you as a giant tool, nothing will. He made his name on the Omaha City Council by getting an ordinance passed outlawing cruising the main drag. Yeah, he outlawed cruising. This is a city with over a half a million residents and Junior thought cruising Dodge Street was an absolute horror. Hey. it worked here in the world's biggest hick town, where we once recalled a Mayor for throwing butter patties at a U.S. Senator at some dinner drunkfest. But Lee, who may be a dork, is not a dope. He used that cruising accomplishment to propel himself into a congressional run against a television anchorman named Michael Scott .The nerd actually picked up 66% of the vote after promising to serve no more than 3 terms. Being a math genius, not to mention a lack of Democrats with a personality, "forced" Lying Lee to renege on that promise pretty much a day or so after taking the oath.

Since that 1998 blowout, Little Lee has beat back a Democratic defense lawyer, a millionaire steak salesman, and a novice politician. Each time his vote percentage has gone down to the point where last time, in 2006, he was forced to settle for 55%, proving the theory that the computer nerd can be useful, but he sure is a snooze to drink with.

This time, that novice, Jim Esch, is back for more and backbenching Lee must be nervous because he has gone to the out of context card. After Jim the Novice mentioned that some pro-lifers can be extremists, the fetus-loving Lee blew a gasket, or was it his creationist-loving wife who popped a top, anyway, Nervous Lee called for Esch to "apologize to all pro-lifers". Fine, Junior, he's sorry he called Paul Hill an "extremist". Keep on supporting the murder of abortion doctors, and their staff.

Two can play that game.

Friday, August 1, 2008


Does that man scare you? Well, he scares a good portion of Nebraska. He frightens them so much that they passed a term limits law just to get him out of the Nebraska Legislature where he'd been sticking up for the little people since 1972. Ernie Chambers is his name and upsetting the hell out of white people is his game. Boy, was he good at it. White people would grasp their chests and bug out their eyes and jump up and down and call him a racist while they sat around at the Dew Drop Inn lamenting the plight of the white, straight, christian male whenever Ernie would speak. Ernie knew the rules of the Nebraska unicameral up and down, left and right, backwards and forwards, and those rubes and retired welfare kings, aka farmers, would have no clue how to stop him from blocking the lobbyists and corporations to run roughshod over average Nebraskans. Oh Ernie, I am gonna miss you. This state got what it asked for and it will be sorry you are gone.
Ernie Chambers' latest dig at the sensitive craw of white people is his lawsuit against God. He has sued God, asking the courts to stop the Almighty from committing terrorist acts upon the world such as hurricanes, droughts, tornadoes, floods, and Sean Hannity. When the judge threatened to throw the suit out because Ernie hadn't filed certain papers on time, Ernie filed them pronto, exclaiming his contention that the Lord, being the all-knowing Lord, certainly knew of the suit so why the time frame?
Ernie even added a name to the lawsuit, Tom Osborne, since most Nebraskans believe him to BE God. Oh, I know it's silly. Ernie knows it's silly. But then that's the point. Most lawsuits are silly. So calm down, paleface. Ernie wins again. How can you dislike him? Just look at his dog. How can a guy with THAT dog be a bad guy?