Saturday, May 31, 2014
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
The reaction to this waste of air who shot down, stabbed and ran down defenseless innocent people last weekend has run the gamut. Of course there's outrage as there should be. There's fascination by a complicit media to show this asshat's performance video so many times I'd have already said "NEXT" hundreds of times if this dickstick had been auditioning for the bad guy is a shitty movie.
But the reactions to #YesAllWomen, Ann Hornaday, and anybody else who deep down doesn't much care for the the uppity chicks is just baffling.
#YesAllWomen told a story. A story that most of us don't want to believe. That there are millions and millions of women out there who have been assaulted, raped, groped, stalked and creeped out by a lot of guys over the years. Lots of them don't say anything. They did over the weekend and some of the reactions showed why they don't say anything. #ThingsGirlsSayDuringSex anyone? Geniuses made that one I'm sure.
Ann Hornaday is a film critic for the Washington Post. That's a newspaper. You know one of those things your grandpa has sitting in his driveway? Oh never mind, it's like a twitter they put on paper and use more than 140 characters. Anway, Ann Hornaday wondered aloud if frat boy movies where fat guys "get chicks" and endless numbers of teenage males actually think that's true (along with the fantasy that all lesbians look like Kate Upton, hoo boy) may have been in the head of that privileged prick murderer. Goddamn, that set off Seth Rogan and Judd Apatow, who make a living making movies for the 14 year old mindset. Rogan went so far to interpret a perfectly legitimate question to hey, how dare you blame ME for some whackjob killing people? Chill out Seth. I've never really been able to figure you out. I've never really convinced myself if you are funny or not. Guess that's solved now. Lay off the dope and learn how to read. You too, Judd.
Hornaday had to take to video to "explain" what a rational thinker already knew. She was simply putting it out there. She wasn't blaming a schlub like Rogan, or a money machine like Apatow. It was a question. I'm sure Rogan's 2 million (really?) followers were all very nice to her also. Proving her point by being a asshole. Thanks dummies.
Hey look, this creep in his car. I'm not mentioning his name. This guy was a mentally ill time bomb. He went off. And he had guns. A killer combination.
Nothing will be done. Guys with guns will continue to flaunt their lack of compassion. Guys with guns are probably making You Tube videos now telling the rest of us who they plan to kill. Oh well.
Welcome to the greatest country ever.
Monday, May 26, 2014
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Way to go, Mark Cuban, saying you'd cross the street if you saw a bunch of Trayvons walking towards you. Nope, the correct answer is you'd pull out your Glock and waste those motherfuckahs. Actually the correct answer is, hey Mark Cuban, what the fuck are you doing walking down the street anyway? Aint you a billionaire?
Yeah the age old debate. Are ya scared of the black youths? Would you walk across the street if ya saw the hoodied blcak youths walking at you? Actually in my case the answer is no and you can ask Max's Mom and Max about that walking tour of the south side of Chicago we took once because one inch on a map is a lot farther than it looks. And I'm too lazy. And I look homeless half the time anyway. And people are more inclined to cross the street when they see me coming, including black youths in hoodies.
But to regress, black youths in hoodies. Scary? Not really. White kids in hoodies scary? Not really. White youths in luxury cars scary? Goddamned right!
But really now. Mark Cuban was being honest on how a helluva lot of people feel. Prejudice is a result of what you "learn" as a youth. Or from watching Fox News or listening to a screeching Alaskan.
Now in the spirit of being honest like Mark. I will admit, if I saw a couple of certain black men walking towards me on the street, I would cross the street. Not because they might hurt me, but because I wouldn't want to listen to their buillshit. On the other hand one of them might hurt me.
Alan West and Doctor Ben Carson coming at you on the street, spitting on the homeless and spouting off nonsense that even Ted Cruz (Illegal-Canada) must go Huh? Yep, I walk to the other side. Cuz I'm a progressive racist who wants to keep the blacks on the Democrat plantation. And because both of them are batshit nuts.
Alan West was a teabagger Congressman elected in that temper tantrum of 2010 thrown by old white people who liked the idea of a black man who would collaborate in the destruction of a black President. West is crazy. Period. Booted from the Army for torturing an Iraqi policeman, going all Joe McCarthy and claiming there were 80 commies in Congress, saying the kidnapping of young Nigerian girls is an Obama "wag the dog" moment, and urging military generals to not follow the commander in chiefs orders.
But now, since the voters of Florida's 18th District sent him packing after one term of embarrassing them, or at least 50.4% of them, Alan West is doubling down. Becoming even more of a delusional asshole. He has questioned the loyalties of Tammy Duckworth (Tough-Il), sitting congresswoman from Illinois. Sitting because she had her legs blown off in Iraq when an RPG knocked her chopper out of the sky. Questioning her loyalty? Really?
So while Alan West was in Iraq beating hoodied Iraqi policemen and firing guns next to their head to get information he already had, Tammy Duckworth was co-piloting a BlackHawk helicopter in Iraq because that's the only assignment women were allowed to serve in combat in and got blown out of the sky, losing both legs and use of one arm. Loyalties? I think it's clear that Tammy Duckworth has real loyalties to America and Alan West has loyalties only to the first amendment which allows anybody to be a complete dickstick.
Doctor Ben Carson. He's a brain surgeon. So he's really smart. So to criticize him is all liberally racist. But being a liberal racist I can do that.
Ben Carson is Alan West who is Herman Cain who is Larry Elder. These are black folks who realized how much fuckin money they can make writing books hammering their own, calling their people lazy and shiftless, and making white people go seeeeeeee, when I say that I get called racist, but seeeeeee, those negro guys say it to so I'm not a racist you are!
Ben Carson, oh sorry, Doctor Ben Carson is a spouting fountain of misinformation. Whether he does this on purpose to sell books and get handjobs from Rush and Hannity I have no idea but nonetheless, Ben Carson says some pretyy whacko things.
Like the time the good doctor compared the gays to the bestiality people. Same thing. If ya let the gays marry then ya gotta let the animal molesters marry. Brilliant man, Doc!
Doc Carson also said that insuring the poor and those unable to buy health insurance was the worst thing to happen to America since slavery. Worse than Emmett Till, or Jim Crow, or MLK's murder, or Malcolm X's murder, or the Tuskegee Experiment? Really Doc?
But the latest from Doc Carson was his appearance on The View to vilify those damned welfare recipients. Egged on by meatheaded "actor" Terry Crews, Doc C told the View-ers how giving poor people food stamps and welfare robs them of any incentive to go get one of those minimum wage jobs that Carson and his ilk think should pay $0 an hour. Damned lazy poors. They just aren't all driven like he was when he was on the welfare and the food stamps??? Huh? Doctor Ben Carson was on the government dole just like those lazy ass deadbeats we have now? Yeah but wait, Doc Ben felt really bad about it. As he shoved a crab leg into his mouth he cried and cried and exclaimed "Oh nooooo, this free crab leg is making me want to register Republican"
Yep, Doc Ben Carson used to operate on people's brains. Too bad he didn't practice on his own and install a conscience.
So I admit again, Alan West and Doctor Ben Carson walking down the street (that's laughable), I do cross the street. Right, Mark Cuban?
Friday, May 23, 2014
Pro-Life Tennessee Governor Bill "The Union Slayer" Haslam has the answer to all those namby pamby pussies who get all queasy when a condemned prisoner takes 43 minutes to die from drugs that make it too fucking easy. Bring back that awesome electric chair that sets people on fire and that really clever folks call "Ol' Sparky".
Pharmaceutical companies don't want to give Tennessee those cool drugs that whack bad guys? Fine, Big Pharma. No politician ever got a vote by ranting about lethal injection. Now electric chairs, that is a vote getter. Now it's not as vote gettin good as feeding the bad guys to the lions like some Grapes of Wrath dimit ironically named "Christian" proposed down in Okie Land but its got fire, fire, fire.
Way to go, Governor Bill. Backwards backwards backwards. That's the Republican way. Perhaps you can also arm the Tennessee National Guard with catapults and perhaps allow state funding of some good old fashioned health care for the poor as long as it involves bleedings and lobotomies.
And enjoy all those lawsuits your state will recklessly spend tax money on cuz it's the right thing to do. Funny how Republicans portray themselves as the fiscally responsible adults in the game, yet spend endless amounts of tax money attempting to deny the gays and the Mexicans their rights. Spend endless amounts of tax money to deny minorities and the elderly their right to vote. Spend endless amounts of tax money to fund needless wars and needless weapons systems. And now, spend that tax money on their right to set bad guys on fire, fire fire.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Hey it finally happened. Cam and Mitchell tied the knot on Modern Family. A gay wedding on a mainstream sitcom at 8pm Central on a network where kids from all over the Midwest can watch and be corrupted. It was fabulous! I used to watch the Tony Awards just so I could see the inevitable moment when two guys I never heard of in a play I never heard of smooched. Take that bigotry! Of course nobody of the bigotry persuasion would be caught dead watching the Tonys, instead they were probably watching two hot chicks slurping each other on the computer cuz that's normal.
Modern Family is a show that quite frankly I can take or leave. I don't really like that idiot Phil Dunphy or his shrew of a wife, Clare. I really don't care about their two stupid kids and the one genius kid who copies Lisa Simpson jokes from 1998 either. But Cam and Mitch. And Lilly. Those guys are gold. They are three characters on a network sitcom that stand so far above 95% of the other sitcom idiots (not you, Leslie Knope or you, Ron Swanson or you, Sue Heck or you, Brad Bottig or you,geeky little Goldberg kid). The fact is these are two guys and their little girl who you can honestly give a shit about.
The gay wedding aspect of the show, which went on and on and on and on, proves one thing beyond a shadow of a doubt. You homophobes are finished. Why? Because the wedding was so goddamned annoying by the end of it (not you Nathan Lane) that the fact it involved the gays didn't fucking matter. It was just as drawn out and tedious as any other television show wedding. Get on with it!!!
Congrats to the gays. Your fake weddings (and probably your real ones) are just as big of a chore to watch as everybody else's. Take that Middle America. Now you have twice as many pain in the ass weddings to endure on that there TV.
Hey wasn't Ann Romney supposed to do something on this thing? Yeah fat chance. Still licking her wounds flipping switches on the car elevators listening to Madame Butterfly I'm sure.
On the other extreme concerning the gay takeover of 'Merica what in the fuck is up with the Idaho State Veteran's Cemetery? Not letting poor old Navy veteran Madelynn Taylor to be buried next to her spouse, Jean Mixner, at that cemetery? Oh wait, they're what??? Married? But not really? Christ, Idaho, you're confusing me.
Ok, I sort of get it now. California weddings are not recognizable in Idaho? Legal weddings from California don't count in Idaho? Take it away, Idaho Gov'ner Butch Otter, yep that's his name.
"The veteran's cemetery rules require a valid marriage certificate in order for a spouse to be buried with a veteran."
Ok check. They have that. Go on, Butchie.
"Idaho's Constitution does not recognize same-sex marriage.
Idaho has a Constitution? Wow, I'll bet there's some good readin' in that thing. A state that elects a guy named "Butch Otter" has got to have a sense of humor. Ok, Governor Otter, proceed.
"The voters spoke in 2006 by passing an amendment to our Constitution defining marriage as between a man and a woman. I am defending their decision and the Idaho Constitution in federal court, so I'm not going to comment any further."
Oh I see now. You are licking the voters ass now. You should be proud.
Butch Otter, the aforementioned Governor of Idaho, is firmly on the side of denying a United States Navy Veteran her legal rights to be treated like ever other veteran. Like shit apparently.
Madellyn Taylor, a crusty old fighter, isn't going to stop fighting your wimpy ass, Butch. And judging from Butch's record, she is going to kick his ass. You see, Butch Otter sent from 1968 to 1973 defending the state of Idaho from commies in the Idaho National Guard. Hmmmm, what was it about 1968-1973 that would make Butch join the Guard? No idea.
Butch Otter, the old smooth dog he is, married the daughter of billionaires back in the 1960's and then one day, he met a former Miss Idaho 25 years his junior and the billionaire wife went bye bye. Well it was either that OR he finally figured out his wife's name was "Gay Simplot". Gay??? Ewwww!
Anyway, Butch Otter, Governor of a state so crazy that he, Otter, is considered sane, is going to lose. He will lose because right triumphs. Madelynn Taylor is right. Not far right. Just right.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
I love the old horror movies. The Draculas, Frankensteins, Wolfmans, the 1992 Republican convention. But I never really got into the big guy, Godzilla, until Max became fascinated with the giant lizard as a youngster. Godzilla fighting evil like Mothra, Mechagodzilla, King Ghidora, Rodan, Gigan, Biollante, Louie Gohmert (Moron-Tx). Yep, it's some guy in a suit running around spitting radioactive fire with horribly dubbed English, kind of like Steve King (Idiot-Ia).
The new Godzilla movie started on Thursday. Max "forced" me to take him on Friday. To the $15 IMAX, 3D version, of course. You HAVE to see computer generated Godzilla in all his GIANT 3D form, right?
This 2014 Godzilla is an apology of sorts. To the Japanese. Sorry, Japan, for that horrific 1998 abortion of a Godzilla movie that took place in Madison Square Garden and was more destructive than the Knicks.
2014 Godzilla features Bryan Cranston as typical crazy conspiracy guy who sees a 1999 nuclear power plant accident as something far worse than led to believe. Cranston is right of course as in 2014 giant praying mantis's suddenly come to life eating anything radioactive like that 1998 Godzilla movie. And they head for the United States, along with our buddy, Godzilla.
(Spoiler Alert)--really?? In a Godzilla movie? If you really like Bryan Cranston and actually go to this movie to watch him instead of waiting for Godzilla to tear shit up, well save your money. Let's just say, Baby Blue plays very early for Bryan Cranston.
Godzilla swims across the Pacific to get those praying mantis's who have stopped off to screw up Hawaii just for practice. Meanwhile Cranston's son has become a believer and hitches a ride to help out. Cranston's son is played by a sort of Channing Tatum like actor who was much cheaper. Ah hell, who cares. Nobody cares about the plot, right?
It takes a while but eventually Godzilla and the Praying Mantis's (yeah I know they are called MUTOs) meet up in San Francisco, cuz who doesn't wanna see a well known city with well known landmarks get fucked up? Vegas, I'm talking to you too. Poor Caesar's Palace.
Godzilla and the MUTO's fight and fight and knock buildings over and I gotta say, it was spectacular to watch in 3D and on an IMAX screen. It really was. A scene of military paratroopers jumping from a plane into a black cloud of destruction that kicks off the end was also a well done scene. In 3D, you feel like you're jumping also.
Godzilla is not going to stay with you. It's not going to be a movie you watch over and over. But for about 2 hours, with your kid, and about 50 other Comic Book Guys its a great ride.
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Monday, May 12, 2014
Running for Governor of Nebraska used to be a thing that could propel you to bigger and better things,(James Exon, Bob Kerrey, Ben Nelson, Mike Johanns), now it's just a guy who sits in the Phallic Capitol in his Husker shirt and vetoes anything that comes across his or her desk that even resembles something from the 21st Century and most stuff that resembles the 20th Century for that matter. Tuesday is primary day. The day Republicans choose which neanderthal will govern this state for the next four years and do absolutely nothing lest they be voted out of office for straying from Tea Party Reservation. I introduce to you, the ones you never heard of all these years, Sgt. Dimwits Lonely Brains Club Band.
Ricketts you say? Yeah that Ricketts. Joe's bald son. Ricketts has run for office here before, even though he spends most of his time in Chicago, helping to fleece Chicago Cubs fans out of time and money watching that shitty team in that 100 year old dump. Charming dump, but yes, a dump. Ricketts ran against Ben Nelson trying to get a Senate seat back in 2006 and got hammered as bad as the Cubs do on a daily basis.
Ricketts likes to play up his baldness. Constantly rubbing his head and having his kids tell him how bald he is. Oh it's almost as cute as Ben Sasse's two daughters carrying on about how "disgusting" Obamacare is. Yeah yeah pray at breakfast for me, Sasse family. Ricketts is using Daddy's money to lure in the big hitters in Republican politics to come endorse him. The Cruzmonster was here. Nanook of the North was here. Eddie Munster was here to endorse Peter. You know, all of them care a great deal about a flat state with 1.8 million people and who leads us to the Nowhere Land.
Did I tell ya Peter Ricketts is Joe Ricketts son? Joe has a lot of money.
No amount of nastiness can describe this douchenozzle of a human being. The Attorney General of this state is portraying himself as the biggest of the dicks in this race. Jam as many inmates into a jail cell as will fit. Sue Colorado for money to prosecute the potheads who get caught in Nebraska at roadblocks set up just across the border. People on welfare are raccoons scrounging for food. Bruning tried to get a gay marriage suit before the Nebraska Supreme Court (not as bad as you may think) before the primary so he could argue how bigoted the citizens of this state are. He failed.
Bruning was a raving liberal in his college days 20 years back. But in this circus of politics he did a 180 and became Genghis Khan. It worked. Nice going, Nebraska.
This former state senator got term limited out of the Nebraska Legislature where he spent 8 years kissing current Governor Dave "Tyrion Lannister" Heinmenan's ass. Now he brags about it on his ads. Wow, Beau, you are your own man.
McCoy, who home schools his kiddies, promises to improve education around here. Which means either he's inviting all students over to his house for some good old fashioned Bible thumping, or he's gonna make every schoolkid too smart to vote Republican. I think I know which one he has in mind.
Beau also promises to create 10,000 jobs, which is actually below the projections set forth by economists. Beau also promises to cut taxes by a zillion billion trillion dollars. And he hates Obamacare as they all do. And he aint fond of Mexicans. As they all arent.
Beau McCoy is a class one asshole.
Mike Foley is a Catholic. A real Catholic. He opposes the death penalty and abortion. He opposes denying tax payer funded pre natal care to so called illegals cuz of that whole pro-life deal. Mike Foley has never run an attack ad. Mike Foley has no chance.
There's a couple of other guys.
He knew Reagan. Did he ever tell you he knew Reagan? Reagan knew him. Or so he says. In every goddamned ad, statement, and debate statement he's ever made.
That's all of them. The men who want to become Governor of Nebraska. One of them will because Nebraska Democrats include me and a bunch of raccoons scrounging for some sort of rational thinking.
Gawd help us.
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Edvard Munch was Norwegian but he had to have painted The Scream during Norwegian political primary season when Norwegian Tea Party commercials were being pounded out on drums and blown all over with Bukkehorns. Vote for Erik The Progress Halter, he promises to take us back to the good old days of the Olaf II, and Norway is only 4500 years old.
We here in Nebraska have a primary coming up on Tuesday. Tuesday is when the ads will STOP. Temporary respite for sure, but respite nonetheless. The ads are literally non stop. Since Republicans dominate this state because of the age old philosophy of my dad was a Republican and his dad was a Republican and that's just the way it is. Vote against my own interests? What are ya, some kind of libtard?
Republican candidates are slamming the citizens with ad after ad calling themselves "conservative" and "real conservative" and how much they hate Obama and Pelosi to appeal to the Tea Party not at all racists or not at all sexists or the self hating women who can't stand those uppity sluts who have abortions and take birth control and have more fun than they ever had.
The Republican candidates ,who will win the general election because well you know, my dad was a Republican etc...will get a Senate seat to replace the complete zero, Mike Johanns, a Governor's seat to replace a genuinely awful human being, the diminutive Dave Heineman, and and Attorney General's seat, to replace and even more awful human being, the fish eyed political opportunist Jon Bruning.
Here's a rundown on the candidates we get to choose from (not me, I don't get to vote in the Republican primary because my dad was a democrat and his dad was a democrat etc...)
United States Senate:
This opportunistic pretty boy couldnt wait to flee this state when he turned 18. He spent the next 18 years in college and then blowing Karl Rove and the Bush Administration with made up government jobs. When the evil Muslim won in 2008, Ben ran back here to Nebraska and became President of some college up in Fremont, ya know, that town that plain don't like the Mexicans. When Johanns announced he'd had it being a boulder in the road to progress, Sasse jumped.
Sasse has become the darling of the Tea Party because he's a neanderthal and really really hates Obamacare, hell he even used his cutesy kids to hammer home how much he hates that Obamacare. It was a new low, hiding behind our children. But it will probably fuel his bid to take another step towards losing a Presidential race some day. This guy is dangerous.
Remember this dude from back in 2001? He ditched a spy plane after colliding with a Chinese fighter pilot and then spent 10 days in Chinese custody enduring horrors that even John McCain couldn't fathom. According to his commercials, he had to sit on a stool in an empty room. Oh the humanity! Osborn was the Tea Party darling but then he got involved with another group who supported Mitch McConnell so the Tea party became enamored with Pretty Boy Ben and that was that. Those Tea Party people are such mean bitches.
Osborn is not going to win. He is just plain unlikable. Just ask his crazy ex wife.
This old school Republican would get my vote. Oh come on Monty Python fans. It's Dinsdale! Sid Dinsdale is the only chance reasonable thinkers have to keep a goddamned maniac like Benny Sasse out of the Senate. Dinsdale is a rich ass banker. Boo! Dinsdale would be the third richest person in the Congress if he won. Boo! But despite his ads where he claims he's pro life and anti Obamacare and a genuine teabagger douchebag, his record shows compromise. And the other candidates are killing him for it now. He's a "liberal" in disguise according to Sasse. That alone should disqualify a liar like Sasse.
Who gives a shit? He's a nobody. But hey, he's really conservative too! Over here, its me, he guys look over here. No thanks.
If it matters, Ted Cruz, Sarah Palin, and Satan have all endorsed Ben Sasse. Get ready America. This dickhead is about to go to the major leagues. Let's hope a national press will not kiss his ass like the locals do.
He's so fucking pretty and kisses his kids in his ads so annoyingly I just know at some point, when the national press gets ahold of him.....well....
Next time, prepare to be bored with our other races....
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Back in 1967 or so I was a kid. Interested in the 1967 American League pennant race (still the best ever), Little League, running around outdoors, and listening to the radio at night under my covers , specifically the Mighty 1290 KOIL which played all the Top 40 hits. Of course now it's nothing but a right wing talk show vomiter but at the time, yeah baby, when's that Monkees song coming back on? Ya see, being 10, and thinking the Monkees were the bomb (yep I still think they are) didn't really broaden my horizons in that music field I was becoming so interested in. And then.......FM radio. Home to the deejays you just knew had something wrong with them. They were so mellow. And they played weird stuff that lasted forever. And then one night I heard it. A 7 minute song that I'd only heard 2 1/2 minutes of over on KOIL. Organs and guitars and crazy jazz drumming and a guy hollering about getting higher and holy shit it was over. The Doors had entered my brain.
The first album I ever bought was over at Hesteds when my Mom took me over and let me spend $2.98 on the mono version (stereo was a buck more so no way) of The Doors (the second album I ever bought was The Monkees so I really wasn't that hip). When I got it home, Light My Fire in all its 7 minute 6 second wonderfulness played over and over. And then......bored on a summer afternoon...I decided to play the whole thing.
The Doors are my favorite American rock band of all time. I know its easy to bag on Jim Morrison's words and actions nowadays and call him a third rate poet because he hasn't been around in 43 years but for chrissakes if you just listened with 1967 ears you get it. I've had people tell me that only druggies listen to the Doors, only self important pseudo "intellectuals" like the Doors, only whacked out jazz fans like the Doors. Yep. So? And who likes Led Zeppelin? Or the Beatles? Or the Dead? Or Foster The People? Or Bon Jovi? Or Pharell Williams? Who cares? There's not a right answer here, folks. You like what you like and I like, no love, the Doors.
Favorite Doors Song:
This changes from day to day hour to hour as I try and Break On Through to the Other Side. But its never not When The Music's Over, The End, L'America or Not To Touch The Earth. But for now, I'd really like to listen to Light My Fire, the song that started it all. Hey, all 7 minutes now, not that watered down version.
Least Favorite Doors Song:
I know they play it constantly on classic rock stations and in a former radio life, so did I. It's the unimaginative radio program director's fave. And it's not bad. It's just cliche' anymore. Yeah he woke up this mornin' and got himself a beer. It's Roadhouse Blues. Just like you, 20 something drunk. Psssst! Ya know they guy who sang that died at age 27?
The End. The End moves me. Sometimes not in the right direction but at least I still feel it. Every scream, every rambling screed, every twirl, every fall, every dance done by James Douglas Morrison while doing that song live. Every guitar lick, every cymbal, every keyboard movement. Ray, Robbie, John and Jim.......you guys were the best.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
By now you've heard of this Boko Haram band of shitheads running around Nigeria kidnapping all the young girls so they can practice their "religion" and feed their pedophilia. Boko Haram, which I believe translates to Nigerian Tea Party, is intent on destroying "Western Education", you know, kind of like Lindsey Graham. So, Boko Haram kills hundreds of male students and kidnaps the females and Nigerian President, Goodluck Jonathan sits around doing nothing but auditioning for a Run DMC tribute band.
Ok, Goodluck. You don't want to do anything? Well then, the baddest man on the planet when it comes to killing terrorists, pirates and an occasional wedding party will. Our own Barack Hussein Obama is coming to kick some major Boko Haram ass. And oh yeah, hopefully rescue these young girls from the Nigerian Warren Jeffs.
What's it gonna be? Seal Team 6? The FBI? Those militia turds in Nevada?
Well that will just be a surprise I guess.
Meanwhile Fox News is gearing up the "how come Nobama will send the military to rescue a bunch of inner city Nigerians but wouldn't lift a finger at BENNNNGHAZIIIIII???" BENGHAZIIIIIIIIIII! Cue Dana Perino's O face.
Anyway, Goodluck Barry gonna show em how it's done again. And Goodluck Jonathan? Good luck on that Aerosmith cover.
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Oh its that time of year again. No not the Kentucky Derby when horses run around turning left 4 times. No not May Day when I parade around town in my hammer and sickle suit.
It's Berkshire Hathaway shareholders meeting time when a crapload of rich old people drive their Buicks into Omaha, Nebraska, stay at the Motel Hell for $30 a night (after negotiation of course) and pack their portable fridge with sandwiches so the don't have to spend any money on food.
Oh boy, it's the annual trip to worship Warren Buffet and money, not necessarily in that order, to grab as much free or discounted shit as they can, take a bunch of selfies in front of every corporate logo known to man (of course all the S's are now $'s) and then go home, checking the bank balance every 5 miles to make sure one of those 47% haven't hacked any of it.
I have no problem with Warren Buffett. Hell he used to be my neighbor, which tells you what a shit, I mean modest, neighborhood Warren still "lives" in. Good Lord, I drive by his house everyday, and this weekend you never fail to see at least 5-10 people standing outside his house taking pictures. What's his house look like? Well let's just say it does not have an car elevator. In fact, you could conceivably walk up and ring his doorbell. I wouldn't recommend it, since I'm pretty sure he aint there and being the richest guy in the universe (yeah I know he's only in the top 5 but at that point who cares?) he probably has primo security.
Warren will hold his meeting of skinflint old folks and ascot wearing trust fund babies in a giant basketball arena which will be packed. Others who didn't show up 5 hours early will watch in a side room on a miniature TV (come on now spend $$$ for a bigger screen? Preposterous!) There, Warren will voice his wisdom on making even more money, crack a few old people jokes and then leave. The star struck money worshippers will all come out with glazed looks and investment boners and tell anybody who will listen how Warren changed their lives when Mom or Dad kicked the bucket and they inherited the good stock.
I kid the annual Berkshire Hathaway meeting because if you lived here, you'd see the local news stations falling all over themselves to get that shot of a private plane landing at our very modest, ah hell let's be real, our dump of an airport. Meanwhile you will get 4 days of local news station sucking up to anyone with a goofy Berkshire badge around their necks. Oh please, Mister or Mrs. Out of Towner, please tell us how great our city is.
It's a circus without the cruelty to animals. Hordes of dime store millionaires prancing around downtown Omaha asking if that credential they hang around their necks and leave on 24 hours a day will get them a discount? It really is something to behold. Once. Go a second time and you want to kill everybody in the room.
Here are some of the events shareholders actually travel hundreds or thousands of miles to see and experience.
5 hours of money talk by Warren Buffett and his right hand man, Charlie Munger. Now since there is not 1% of Mittens Romney in me, this bores me to tears. The only "interesting" thing was Warren actually having to explain his abstention from voting to give Coca Cola executives huge bonuses. Geezus,Warren, how socialist of you. Other than that it was sleep city.
You can take a shuttle out to the aforementioned "airport" and look at a bunch of private planes sitting on a runway. I'd rather stand on the roof and watch a Southwest flight coming back from Vegas and imagine how miserable those people must be.
Saturday night you can take our limo out to midtown Omaha and stand in a long ass line to get free ribs, a free piece of Dominos pizza OR a Sonic burger. With a Diet Coke of course. The sight of millionaires standing in a horrendously long line to get free food and sit at a makeshift picnic table makes me ironically grin that there are some people who do this just to stay alive every fucking day. Hey, none of that commie bleeding heart bullshit this weekend!!
The locals can all dress down and run in the Berkshire Hathaway 5 kilometer race. Now I have run in these kind of races before. 95% of them use your entry fee to benefit a local charity or some cause. Nope not this one. You have to pay money to get that special t shirt with a cartoon Warren and lots of $$$$'s all over it. No thanks. Ok, to be honest I'm fighting a knee injury or I might have been there. That t shirt IS pretty cool.
There's a special "discount" day at a local jewelry store, owned in part by Warren B. Yep step right up and overpay, just not as much, for a necklace or an earring.
And finally, go to eat at Warren's favorite local steakhouses. He used to have one favorite. Then they sold out to new owners and Warren found a second favorite. So pick and choose. Hey, they are fine restaurants, just don't go this weekend. Go to the real Zoo instead.
To sum up my feelings on Berkshire weekend. Hey come to Omaha, have fun, dream about your portfolio, pretend it's just like Woodstock for money grubbing misers, and then go home to try and make even more moolah without working. If that's your bag, hey man, it's a free country, I think. But if anybody is going to lecture me on money, it had better be cool, like these guys.