Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Wounded Brains!

Can these dicksticks get any lower? A billboard in Colorado equates the genocide of a race of people the NRA would have gladly used as target practice with their fucking fascination with their tiny genitalia and great big guns. Fuck them!

Monday, April 29, 2013

Calling Mark Cuban!

Jason Collins, a 34 year old NBA basketball player, has made history by coming out of the closet as a gay active athlete. Well, history not herstory certainly because the WNBA is full of 6 foot 3 amazons who like other chicks. Collins is a journeyman (to you non sports fans that means he never plays except when somebody else is tired) player who most recently played for the Washington Wizards ( to you non fans, they suck). Now the reaction to Collins' announcement is full range. Now in an attempt to translate some of the reactions and better the world let me do so:

Chris Broussard, an NBA writer & analyst, came right out and played the "homosexuality is open rebellion against God" card. OK Chris, maybe you are brutally honest about your beliefs, or maybe you're just an idiot, but you cover a sport, The NBA, that is populated with players who have 6 babies with 6 different groupies. I mean babies' mamas. How's God feel about that?

Lots and lots of radio sports talk show hosts, the Sarah Palins of radio. are not as dumb as Chris Broussard and are playing the "I don't care" card. Loosely translated this means, I hate homos too I'm just not dumb enough to say it on the radio. It is also the equivalent of "I'm not a racist but....."

Mike Wallace, not the dead 60 Minutes guy, but some pass catcher for the Miami Dolphins (to you non fans, they suck and wear aqua, just fabulous!)said something about with all the beautiful women out there, why would anyone mess with another guy? Geez Mike, you may be dumber than Broussard, and certainly you are dumber than the dead Mike Wallace.

David West , an all star Indiana Pacer (yep there is such a thing) seemed to get all hot and bothered because Collins announced he was "black and gay". West, an very observant type, apparently was taken aback somebody would say they were "black" when it is painfully obvious Collins is black. Translation, West don't care for the gays but chose to mask it with his 20/20 vision.

Ron Artest, aka Meta World Peace, made the following statement about the announcement, "Whether it's a free country or not, you should be free to act as you want to do as long as it's not violent. No matter what it is. I came here in a Cookie Monster shirt because I wanted to, and I was going to wear the pants. But I thought you guys were going to judge me. I was going to wear the hat too. But I thought you guys would judge me. I didn't want Mitch [Kupchak] to judge me. So that's why I didn't wear the hats and the pants. But I should've wore it. You should be free to do and act how you want to act."

The translation of that is Ron Meta World Artest Peace is fucking nuts.

Ben Shapiro, no announcement of this importance would be complete without Breitbart Benny's dim bulbed response. Benny thinks the definition of a "hero" has certainly dropped since Normandy. Great, Breitbart boy, you have maintained your 100% rating from The National Stupid Association.

Kobe Bryant, the alleged bender over of room service gals, said something in support of Collins like don't let the ignorance of others suffocate you. Yeah, this from a guy who called an official a "fucking fa***t" earlier this year.
Overcompensating much, Mamba?

Jarron Collins, Jason Collin's twin brother and former NBA player himself, said he's proud of his brother and will "protect" him if necessary. You see, both of these guys went to Stanford, which already makes them smarter than your average graduate of FoxNews University.

Translation- you got a problem with my 7 foot tall gay brother, you got a problem with my 6 foot 11 self.

Yes sir.

Saturday, April 27, 2013


I saw 42. Being a baseball nerd, I loved the CGI stadiums like the Polo Grounds, Ebbets Field, Crosley Field, Forbes Field and Shibe Park. But enough about my weird stadium fetish, what was the movie like?

The movie is old fashioned, tells a story, doesn't get controversial with tales of ball players debauchery, and features actors who look like they could play baseball. Did I say non controversial? Ah yes, except for the racism and redneckery of most players, fans and baseball uppity ups.

Jackie Robinson's story needs to be told every 20 years. Hey folks, this shit happened only 66 years ago. Today's athletes, most of whom come across as clueless, selfish nitwits, could take a lesson from who Jackie Robinson was, and what he put up with to pave the way for them, most of whom couldn't and shouldn't have experienced.

The movie itself follows Jackie Robinson from his days with the Kansas City Monarchs ( a sidenote: PLEASE visit the Negro Leagues Museum in KC if you get the chance) to the day he was brought onboard to the Brooklyn Dodgers organization and through the historic 1947 baseball season. Chadwick Boseman, who I knew only from a short TV season of Persons Unknown, plays Robinson with a joy and an anger he cannot show. Harrison Ford is Branch Rickey personified, a low key religious man on a mission to make money and do what is right. Chris Meloni is Leo Durocher, the hard living manager tossed out of baseball for that hard living and because he was the iron fist who would keep Dodger rednecks like Dixie Walker in line. But my god, Alan Tudyk, who I only know from Suburgatory as a goofy dentist, has the role of Ben Chapman, the racist manager of the Phillies, who stands on the field throwing so many N bombs at Robinson even Quentin Tarantino must have gone "damn, that's a lot of N bombs". I can only imagine Tudyk's face reading that scene in some back room in front of the cast. Yep, that's the scene everyone talks about but there's another scene more powerfully uncomfortable to me.

In Cincinnati, when Robinson first shows up to play the Reds there is a father and a son sitting in the stands. A boy of about 6 or 7 or 8, excited to see Pee Wee Reese, a Kentucky native, play ball. Dad goes from caring father telling his son that he too hopes Pee Wee Reese shines, to bellowing racist screaming at Jackie Robinson to get off the field, you n****r. Dad continues to holler N bombs and little boy seems confused, until, he too, in a misguided attempt to please his father, hollers "get off the field, n****r!" Yep, a little kid screaming that hit me in the gut and once again shows racism, sexism, homophobia and hatred in general is taught, not genetic.

The movie itself isn't the greatest baseball movie ever made (that's The Natural), in fact it's sort of TV Movie of the Week-ish, but it tells an important story that needs telling ALL the time. I mean if they remake garbage like Red Dawn and Total Recall within 20 years, why not tell this story over and over? At least it's important.

Hey, if you go to this movie, and you should, and you're in your 50's like me, you will feel young again. The average age of the moviegoers in the packed theater we were in had to be 70. And they applauded at the end, loudly. So did I.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Please Get A Cup Of STFU For The Senator!

White Hat is communicating now, whether by writing or speaking one word at a time. Too bad the fucking politicians now attempting to profit politically by showing how big their dicks are can't communicate the same way. Chuck Schumer of New York and Diane Feinstein of California are so angry at the Boston bombing they wanna hang White Hat now. Shit, imagine if may have happened somewhere close to where the hell they live.

Senator and Southern Gentleman Lindsey Graham of South Carolina is so afraid of White Hat he wants to send the mad bomber straight to Guantanamo so he won't be afraid of him any longer. Mahh stars, he might open Lindsey's closet and say Boo Akbar or something.

Some New York state senator, Greg Ball, whipped his cannon balls out the other day and said he would torture White Hat or something and what a tough guy he was as a "red blooded" American. Hey dipshit, everybody has red blood. But not everybody has a working brain.

Stella Tremblay is state rep of some sort in New Hampshire , one guess on which party, and believes that the Boston bombing was a "Black Ops" event run by, I assume, Barack Hussein Obama the dark prince. Tremblay, who looks sort of like Michael Chiklis with a dead evergreen bush on her head, said that she didn't understand why "are you leaving it to some dumb representative to ask questions" about the coup designed as a test for when the Islamist Obama cell unleashes martial law and makes you stay inside while they go door to door taking your guns. Well, she got the "dumb representative" part right.

Louis Gohmert (Mental Midget-Tx) thinks Al Qaeda is training sleeper cells to "act Hispanic" which I'm sure to Gohmert is not speaking English and being lazy. Maybe White Hat writes stuff down in one of them Mexican accents. Gohmert is the kind of guy who if he saw something "suspicious", like a non white at one of his events, he would piss his pants and hide behind his giant cloak of stupidity.

Steve Stockman (How Does Anybody Vote For This Fucking Idiot-oh right-Texas)demands apologies from Wolf Blitzer, who Stockman probably believes is some sort of Bolshevik with that beard and that funny name because in his diseased mind Wolf insulted those fine "patriots" who wouldn't bomb anything other than a Martin Luther King Day parade. Blitzer, who oughta apologize to everybody, but not for that, just says nothing, like he does 4 hours a day.

Steve King (Goddamned Psycho Just Look At His Eyes-Ia)immediately went all xenophobic and called for a halt to all immigration, at least for the ones that don't look like King anyway, because he just knew it was some wild eyed foreign national. Now that he was wrong again, keeping his 100% dumbfuck rating intact, King wants an apology because he turned out to be right. If Iowa elects this dimwit to the Senate to team up with a rube like Chuck Grassley I may build a bomb. To blow myself up.

Hey, if we have to face years of this circus, an O J The Sequel type of event, well so be it. But the bottom line is this and I'm not really sure why this is so fucking hard to get. White Hat is an American citizen. He murdered 4 people and tried to murder 160 or so more. Try him. Convict him. Send him to prison forever. Case closed.

But that will not do for these politicians, eager to strut and preen for cameras. Sometimes I wonder just who the real threat to our society is. Crazy bombers & mass murderers who go to jail,, or "public servants" who keep it all so legal for things like this to happen, and then crow how they want it to stop. How flippin stupid are we? Who votes for these assholes? Not me, cuz I never win. Neither do the ones who DO vote for them.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Ebony And Ivory!

Thank goodness they got the White Hat. Thank goodness they got him alive. Thank goodness it's over and a city of millions can now leave their house now that a twice wounded bleeding out 19 year old follower of the black hatted Amman Joe Carroll is in custody. Now the real fun begins. How can we blame Nobama for the whole thing?

Glenn Beck, the mentally ill millionaire, has given the Muslim Kenyan until Monday to come clean on the Saudi national originally thought to be the bomber by really dumb people. Beck will expose the Indonesian usurper illegal President for being in cahoots with the Saudi national who personally Benghazi'd all 4 of those dead American diplomats who Beck hated right up till the time they stopped breathing and he figured he could further enrich himself with more conspiracy theories his rather dense audience loves. Ahh, Beck loves the smell of dead Americans in the morning.

Donald Trump, the weasel wearing reality show loudmouth, spent all night tweeting about killing White Hat right then and there after a "fair" trial, putting the execution on live TV, and topped it off with a tweet wondering if White Hat was eligible for Obamacare. Trump, whose description by the late great Spy Magazine was a "short fingered vulgarian", has spent the last few years of his miserable life "firing" celebrities, wishing he could "date" his daughter, grifting both government cretins and public morons with tales of faked birth certificates and foreign intrigue from the fake Hawaiian enemy of the state President while he blathers on pretending he's rich. Jesus, Trump, get the ego reduced. Any guy who tells Latoya Jackson that "Michael was your brother, but MORE IMPORTANTLY, he was my friend" really needs a conscience transplant.

Liz Cheney, no not the lezzie one, the heartless spawn of Dr.Evil one, has already begun frothing at the fangs that nobody will get to put the thumbscrews to White Hat. Already threatening the good folks of Wyoming with a possible run for the United States Senate, no wait, that's a threat to the good folks of America, LizDick yaps "NBC reporting Obama admin will treat terrorist as a 'criminal' and not enemy combatant," ... "Will Obama allow him to lawyer up?". First of all, what the fuck is she doing watching NBC? Was the cable out or was even she sick of Sean Hannity's bullshit? Second of all, White Hat is an American citizen. Oh not the "right" kind of American citizen per Liz I am sure but nonetheless he is one. I'm sure when Liz Cheney's ancestors flapped their bat wings and flew over here from Transylvania when the torch carrying mobs got to close to Count Cheney's castle they probably said "blahhhhh, rights for me and not for you!"

Pamela Geller, writing on some blog called "American Thinker" (I'm sure that's meant as irony)says that all bombings are "jihad" related while all mass shootings are "mental illness" related. Oh I see. Geller, who drives around the country aimlessly warning of "jihads" and the indigestion caused by falafel and goat meat, called the law enforcement authorities, and we all know who "appointed" them, that mad bomber in the White House, "Keystone Kops" for not arresting some Arab within minutes of the blasts. That damned Hussein Obama and his crappy FBI and stuff can't even get railroading somebody right!

Lindsey Graham, that effeminate heterosexual John McCain puppy dog, apparently wants to ship White Hat straight to Gitmo so he doesn't hafta deal with such madness being a Southern gentleman, y'all. Uhhh, Lindsey, and all the rest of you people who jack off to the Second Amendment, what is it about American citizens having rights you can't comprehend? Terrorism is a crime. Just like murder, or stealing, or sodomy in some states (South Carolina, anyone?). You get rights when you are accused of such crimes. Fucking constitution and all that bleeding heart liberal bullshit.

Mark Levin, the siren voiced troll who writes Sean Hannity's scripts, was allowing the media stream of the arrest of White Hat on his show last night when he suddenly cut it off, and began screeching in his oh so soothing way, "get those leftists off my show". Now who he meant by "leftists" I am not sure. But I assume he meant the media, the Governor, the Mayor, the Police Commissioner, the FBI, the Homeland Security, Nobama and Chris Christie. Levin have children? And if so, have they come out from under their beds yet when they hear Daddy coming to read them more Atlas Shrugged before sleepy time?

Finally, Chechnyan President Ramzan Kadyrov Obama, a reach around boy for Vladimir Putin Obama, said "It is necessary to seek the roots of evil in America". Oh I see, Ramzan. It's our fault . Yep, I remember when I was in high school and taking the mandatory Bomb Making 1 and the Killing Infidels 2 (actually being in Catholic school I am not sure that wasn't offered). Hey dumbshit, did you see how many "evil" Americans rushed to the aid of the victims of the bombings? That's the "root" of America. Not a couple of nuts blinded by whatever ideology no matter what it is. Shit, I'm starting to sound all jingoistic and rah rah. So unlike me. But for chrissakes, when I hear some puppet of some dictator, you know, like Chris Christie, open his piehole and blame the victim, you know, like Rush Limbaugh, I get a bit torqued off. Shut up, Chechnya dude, we won't invade you like back when Bush was around. We'd invade, oh I don't know, someplace close like Azerbaijan, that has oil of course.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Shut Up!

"I wonder how many Boston liberals spent the night cowering in their homes wishing they had an AR-15 with a hi-capacity magazine?"

-- Arkansas State Rep. Nate Bell (R), on Twitter.

Yeah, and you're a dick.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Tale Of Three Ditties!

Lets see. One of the pictures is of the Boston Marathon bomber(s) that gold hoarder and con artist Glenn Beck believes is guilty.

Another picture is of the Boston Marathon bomber(s) that Australian serpent, New York Post Crier and Fox News Fuhrer Rupert Murdoch believes is guilty.

Another picture is of the Boston Marathon bomber(s) as put forward by the Feds.

Who is who? Have fun guessing.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Calling All Cowards!

Terrorists have won twice this week. The Boston Marathon bomber won. And now the limp dicks in the Senate of the United States have condoned child murder once again by denying a discussion of background checks on nuts who want to buy big ass guns to protect themselves from an enemy that doesn't even know who they are.

Chrissakes when a West Virginia Manchin tells you the NRA are a bunch of lying fucksticks what more do you need? Man, am I ecstatic the voters of that giant glacier we call North Dakota elected Heidi Heitekamp or whatever her name is. She turned out be another NRA blowjob artiste'.

I'm kind of pissed off right now, knowing there are public servants so bought and paid for that spitting in 90% of the Americans public's face is a strategy to re-election. Funded by an organization that probably believes the answer to the Boston Marathon bombing is to arm all 25,000 runners, these cowards will all take the money and then profess indignance at the crimes they enable.

For the 2nd time this week, I want to scream like a 6 year old about to get whacked by a gun enthusiast. Fuck all 46 of you murder advocating douchenozzles.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Crawl Back Under The Rock!

Goddamn I love Twitter. It allows the kooks out there to out themselves immediately so the FBI can keep tabs on them.

I have no idea who Pat Dollard is so I looked him up. I still have no idea who this bullet headed mush brain is.

I can say mush brain without question as he seems to have forgotten about that tiny little 9/11/01 deal that occurred during GW Bush's first term.

Oh the crazies are out from under their rock again. The Alex Jones cretin who actually used the term "youse guys" while hollering at the Governor of Massachusetts about gubmint conspiracies. Neal Boortz, the "libertarian" who loves liberty as long as as it's his liberty to own guns, kill black kids in hoodies, and pay a simpleton tax cuz he's too goddamned stupid to understand that 10% of $10K is a whole lot more than 10% of his million. He equated Boston with Bill Ayers. Yawwwwwwn. Still trying to make time with Sister Sarah, Neal?

Jim Hoft, The Gateway Pundit, and perhaps the dumbest son of a bitch with a blog, has already convicted the new Richard Jewell, that Saudi kid who has been ruled out as a suspect.

Pam Geller, the bigot who runs Atlas Crud, is in prime form and our old buddy Ben Shapiro, the dumbshit keeping up the Breitbart 100& wrong streak is all bent out of shape the "terrorism" word was not uttered by Nobama. Chrissakes, Ben, get a new shtick at least. You assholes used that one until Candy Crowley kicked Mittens in the nutsack on that whole Ben Gazzara thing. I still don't know what Ben did to piss you all off.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

All That Jazz!

Years ago and I mean years ago, like back in the 70's when I was a kid, I pulled out some vinyl that my Grampa had in our basement and out of curiosity put it on the record player. Now the record player has been not really been used much except to drive my parents nuts with the sweet sounds of the Beatles, Alice Cooper, Black Sabbath and of course the immortal Black Oak Arkansas but this time was going to be different. My Grampa's records were old, 78 rpm old, and after blowing the dust off I settled back for an experience that would musically change my life. I discovered jazz. I fell in love with jazz that day. I love it still to this day.

Last night the Preservation Hall Jazz Band came to town and blew the doors off this city. Well, the thousand or so hard cores who did go anyway. From the opening number to the obligatory encore of When The Saints Go Marching In, the Holland Center was swinging, man! I've often said that when I hear music this flawless, whether it be a jazz jam, a rock jam, a classical jam or even a good old country jam, I actually believe there is a God and I have gone to heaven. Last night I was in heaven.

Ya know what I love about jazz? It's the fact the musicians sometimes have no idea what's gonna happen. Trombonist Freddie Lonzo is a guy who probably is crazy. He sits in a chair, leg extended and seems to blow the horn whenever he feels like it. He gets up and walks around clapping and then blows the horn again. I loved the guy.

Charlie Gabriel is over 80 years old (I looked it up) and plays a mean clarinet as well as sings. He also moves around like he's having the time of his life. Max's Mom called him "cute". Great description.

Mark Braud, the trumpet player, seems to be the glue. Funny and charming in his own way, he is cool as a cucumber. He plays and sings without a hitch.

Joe Lastie is probably in his 60's and drums like a mad Gene Krupa. His wild rendition of Hold That Tiger was captivating.

Clint Madegan, the sax man, has a beautiful voice, both blowing the sax and singing.

Rickie Monie, playing piano like he was in church. Phenomenal.

Ben Jaffe, the bassist and tuba man, probably runs the show as he is the "creative director" and has wild hair so I automatically loved the guy.

Finally,Ronall Johnson. A very large man, tuba around his neck, blowing bass parts and dancing like he had ants in his pants. Ronall came forward and belted out a gospel tune "Dear Lord" that had the joint rollin down the aisles. He maded me remember a famous Bart Simpson quote "Hey Black Jesus rocks!" He certainly does.

Years ago when my Mom was still around, she and I would attend concerts like this together. And this band was one of them we saw. She and I would bond during those times and when we both saw The Preservation Hall Jazz Band that day man did we bond. We loved it. I raved so much that my Mom went out to the merchandise table and would have bought me everything they had for sale. I settled on a CD which I still have. I missed my Mom last night hearing the same guys we heard 8 years ago. But since I was in heaven last night anyway, I'm sure she was tappin her toes right along with me.

Friday, April 12, 2013

The Grand Old Old Party Speaks!

Everyday I become more and more amazed that a viable political party in this country still exists much less control a significant portion of the American government. Who votes for these people anyway?

Mary Sue McClurkin (Physician-Alabama) recently said while explaining her support of one of those "personhood" bills so popular among the life begins at erection crowd:

"When a physician removes a child from a woman, that is the largest organ in a body,That’s a big thing. That’s a big surgery. You don’t have any other organs in your body that are bigger than that.”

Apparently somebody removed Representative McClurkin's thinking organ. Or it committed suicide.

Rep. Louie Gohmert (Wealth of Dumb-Tx) recently went way around the bend equating 10 round ammo clips with that bane of all evil, the homos gettin hitched:

"And I pointed out, well, once you make it 10, then why would you draw the line at 10? What's wrong with nine? Or 11? And the problem is once you draw that limit -- it's kind of like marriage when you say it's not a man and a woman anymore, then why not have three men and one woman, or four women and one man, or why not somebody has a love for an animal?"

Rumor has it every dog that Gohmert has ever owned ran across the border INTO Mexico .

Lamar Alexander (Is He Still Alive?-Tn) found something even more hideous than child massacres when he vomited forth:

"I think video games is a bigger problem than guns, because video games affect people.”

Oh ok, Senator Alzheimer, we'll tell all those Sandy Hook whiny ass parents to stop complaining. It's not like that gun nut actually affected them or stuff.

Paul Broun (Stupid Even For-Ga) showed he's even dumber than Saxby Chambliss (Dumb Even For-Ga)by stating to a room full of mouth breathers bent on getting rid of Obamacare cuz it has that Obama word in it:

I don't want to pay for a sex-change operation,I'm not interested. I like being a boy."

Every female on earth just sighed with relief at that revelation.

Pete DeGraaf , an obscure nitwit that a small portion of Kansas decided to send to Topeka to be their screeching voice said while debating a bill outlawing abortion in case of rape :

“We do need to plan ahead, don’t we, in life? I have spare tire on my car. I also have life insurance, I have a lot of things that I plan ahead for.”

Too bad the people of Mulvane, Kansas didn't plan ahead to abort this word rapists "babies".

Victoria Jackson (Unfunny SNL alum dimwit-Fl) is a roman candle of idiocy but in February took to twitter to ask that age old question that really slow white people ask:

"Where's My White History Month?"

Good god, everytime you see her don't you feel like patting her fat little head and saying "that's so cute"? No me either.

Barry Smitherman, he's something called the Railroad Commissioner of Texas, also likes to tweet. Barry, who just loves him some Jesus, tweeted out a list of the 16 Republican Senators who voted to end cloture on the gun bill along with the word "TREASON" and a picture of a noose.

Ya see, Barry loves Jesus so much, that if you want to background check him, he will nail your ass to a cross.

Joe Barton (Amoeba Brain-Tx) apparently has the answer to climate change. While hacking for the Keystone Pipeline, Joe had the answer. And its all so goddamned simple:

“ I think you can have an honest difference of opinion on what’s causing that change without automatically being either all-in that it’s all because of mankind or it’s all just natural. I think there’s a divergence of evidence. I would point out if you’re a believer in the Bible, one would have to say the Great Flood is an example of climate change. And that certainly wasn’t because mankind overdeveloped hydrocarbon energy.”

Hallelujah Joe! You've done it! Now if you can just get Rumpelstiltskin to get one of them womens to spin straw into gold, our budget problems are over!

Dave Hagstrom (A Brain Like An Open Strip Mine-Mt) another obscure Montana lawmaker and slum lord decided to send his high livin tenants a short note telling them to get used to living less oh hell, the letter said this:

First, you accept that not everyone, including yourself, needs to live as long as they currently do, or as “comfortably” as they currently do.

Second, you accept the fact that you and your neighbor are going to have to work harder than ever, maybe take a second or third job and live on less.

So Dave, who hit the exacta later with his I Am Not A Homophobe speech, says hey, poors, die or get three jobs and let that kill you off. And thanks to the gubmint for all that Section 8 money he hoards.

Dave later proved he belonged teaching sex ed in Arkansas by equating a pen and its retraction with a penis. Crazy Horse didn't get rid of enough Moontanans. Go click your Bic, Dave!

Finally we have Lee Terry (Gerrymandered For Life-Ne) who in hacking for the Keystone Pipeline so we too, here in Nebraska can have tar and shit being cleaned up with Bounty paper towels by Trans Canada said:

""The Keystone XL Pipeline is a no-brainer"

Yep Lee, and you're the expert at no brainers. Much like the rest of these members of a viable political party in the most powerful country on earth. Well, that is the most powerful until Ken Jeong Ill or whatever his name is blows us all up with his baking soda powered rocket!

Thursday, April 11, 2013


We're number 3, We're number 3! Not good enough for the state of Arkansas, absolutely intent on banning abortion, and now stopping the so called experts from teaching the young uns how to avoid abortion cuz we all know if a kid aint taught all that birds and bees stuff ,they won't know how to make a baby and probably wait till they're 17 like mama did.

The Arkansas State Senate has decided to defund Planned Parenthood and keep them from teaching high school kids all about that stuff kids do after a couple of wine coolers in the back of the El Camino. Arkansas, which is really just thiiiiiiiissss far from just being Kansas, is already rated 3rd in the nation in teen pregnancies in the Lamaze coaches poll. Apparently, the brain trust that is the Arkansas legislature will not be happy until they are #1. I can see it now as thousands of Arkansas teens pump together to make the state where Bill Clinton ran from number one!

Home schooling sex education from Mom & Pop. What could possibly go wrong? Yes, Mary Lou the Fourth, all ya have to do is douche with that Dr.Pepper, or jump up and down afterwards, take a few aspirin after and no babies will come. It is foolproof.

Yep, Arkansas will be # 1 soon enough. Unless of course its main rivals in the Crazy 8 conference, Kansas, Texas, Oklahoma or North Dakota decide to recruit some Arkansas hotties to get that pregnancy rate up, up, up.

Seriously for a second. Is this fucking 2013? Are the Teabaggers rushing to turn the country into the Republic of Gilead before they get tossed out on their cans in 2014? Sounds like it to me. In the meantime, poor kids and poor women will pay the price of governance by theocrats. We don't need to worry about Iran. We have Iran right here. Run by fundamentalist mullahs called Republicans. Let's just hope the poor folks of Christian Republic of North-Dak-Ark-ansas-lahoma-xas survive.

Freedumb! Aint it better than a two peckered billy goat!

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Manchin Toomey! The Great Gun Conpromise!

Hoorah! A "compromise", oh the sweet stuff of democracy, has been met to allow a Senate vote on background checks on gutbellies who wish to buy the biggest gun they ever did see at the local county fairground gun show! Huh? What? The compromise was made by who? Joe and Pat? Manchin and Toomey? What the fuck kind of compromise is that? That's like a compromise between Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan on how to make crazy harder to be. I love how the media, that liberal media, is calling this a "bipartisan" compromise. Bipartisan? Yeah one gun nut shaking hands with a bigger gun nut. Ah, yes, America works again.

And oh yeah, the Child Murder Advocates, aka the NRA, still opposes this "compromise" because they, being all clairvoyant and shit, say it won't stop the next shooting. Yeah see, somebody just got shot, Seeee, another one just went down, oh my yessssss, another one.........It's like porn to them. Unlimited porn, featuring NRA videos biggest star, Wangdoodle LaPierre,fucking everybody who gets in his overbitten way! And like porn, the massacres are over in seconds, freeing the Child Murder Advocates to feel guilty until they begin fondling the Beretta again after some refraction time.

I have no idea if this "compromise" will even come to pass. Our own Nebraska version of Sarah Palin, Senator Debbie Fischer (Welfare Rancher-Ne), has promised to use all means necessary to stop any gun control legislation from being debated because she's all gunny and stuff. Hey, I know we Nebraskans have some dumb sunsabitches out there representin in DC (check out Lee Terry (Nitwit-Sarpy County)defending the Keystone pipeline by saying Chinese steel is stronger than the American steel used to build that pesky leaky pipeline in Arkansas) but Debbie Fischer is truly Nebraska'a biggest embarrassment to come. Bought and paid for by Joe Ricketts, the guy who bought the worst performing sports franchise this side of the Chernobyl China Syndromes, the Chicago China Syndromes, Debbie slaughtered Bob Kerrey by winning approximately 80% of the votes of the moochers in small town Nebraska who hate the moochers in Omaha and Lincoln because they are , ya know, not hard workin like them. She is every bit as dumb as Todd "Legitimate Rape" Akin or Joe "Rape Baby" Mourdock yet won because when Joe Ricketts tells y'all Bob Kerrey is from Nooooo Yorrrrk City you listen and do what you are told. Enough about the Valentine Visigoth. It just depresses me.

Background checks, hmmm. The more I think about it the more I wish the fortune tellers of the NRA, who boldly predict there will be more shootings after background checks are implemented, would tell us not so much about the backgrounds of the gun nut, but the foreground of the gun nut. Now THAT would make me join the NRA! Hey Wangdoodle LaPierre, who's gonna win the 6th race trifecta at Santa Anita tomorrow?

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

I'm So 47% Mad Right Now!

Oh lord I love it when Republicans use the term "Nixonian" when they're all pissed off about getting caught being who they are. Mitch McConnell is so mad over his stupidity being outed again that he may actually try to tip over his terrarium and fall out of his closet just to give you a piece of his mind.

It seems like Mother Jones has once again caught a group of medieval Republicans talking about something we all know they think and goddammit they are really torqued off about it. Oh not about the Ashley Judd is a mental case, Ashley Judd is anti-coal, Ashley Judd is anti-family, Ashley Judd is a whorish twat kind of stuff. Nope, they're hoppin mad that they got caught talking like a bunch of, well, Kentucky hillbillies. Damn that Mother Nixon Jones! Call in the FBI, call in the CIA, call in Mittens Romney!

Hey,dumbfucks, listen. People , you know, the people you ignore when they fill up your moonshine glass , the people who you yell at cuz the bourbon is watered down, the people who clean up your mess, the people who hand you the shit you asked for and you don't bother to thank? They hate your guts. And thanks to the guy who took down Mittens Romney, they are out there, with their "free" Obamaphones and their "stolen" I pods, and they are waiting to take your asses down too. So learn nothing Senator Yertle. Keep talking like nobody is listening, Republicans. They are. And using the very thing good old President Nixon gave you. Evidence for your own demise!

On another front, some weirdo (was it Ashley Judd?) stabbed 14 people in Texas today. Nobody died as of now. Besides Texans thinking the person who did this is some kind of pansy (a knife? what a Nancy Boy)I can't wait for the inevitable "whattya gonna do now? Ban knives?" followed by the smirk of a not so clever mind. Well there, child murder advocates, 14 people stabbed by a madman with an assault knife. Nobody dead? Sounds like a plan to me. Give up the guns, here's a free knife.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

It's A Bit Dusty In Here!

The greatest moment in sports today. Go Jack Go! Jack never let brain cancer stop him. Jack is a stud!

Thursday, April 4, 2013

The Balcony Is Full Again!

I loved watching Siskel and Ebert on Sneak Previews in the 70's and 80's. I loved them when they left PBS to syndicate themselves and after Gene Siskel died in 1999, I continued to watch Roger Ebert with whatever guest host he would have on. There probably isn't a movie I've seen since oh about 1980 or so in which I didn't know what Roger thought about it. I looked for his review of the new Oz movie just yesterday but could not find one. It was a bit disturbing to not see him there. Then I read his cancer was back. And now he's dead. Movie going will never be the same for me now.

I loved Roger Ebert. I loved what he thought about movies. And I especially loved what he thought about politics. He was a lefty, probably more so than me. He wrote columns on guns and war and gay marriage and race relations along with his reviews of all sorts of movies. Roger pissed off right wingers so much many of the black hearted ones would say horrible things about him having no jaw due to cancer, or the fact he couldn't speak, or he was hard to look at, or wished him to die. Roger tweeted at them a while back "Dear TeePee Tweeters making fun of my cancer: You want ugly? For that, you have to look at a mind, not a face." Checkmate, teabaggers!

The number of films he kept me from wasting my time on is in the hundreds. Thanks, Roger, and the money I saved will be donated to whatever I read is his favorite charity.

I remember seeing great movies I would have never seen had it not been for Roger. My Dinner With Andre? Saw it. Pan's Labyrinth? Saw it. Being John Malkovich? Saw it. Confused the shit out of me, but it was original. The fact he named JFK the best movie of 1991 or so made me so happy. Oh yeah, the movie was crazy, but goddam it was a kickass political thriller.

I remember my friend Bonnie and I attending movies Gene or Roger liked that nobody else went to. We would be the only two people there and would joke we were Siskel and Ebert.

Roger is the only film critic to ever win a Pulitzer Prize. Well deserved I might add. I will miss his writing. I will miss him. Hope they have good movies wherever he is. And as ridiculous as it may sound, I hope Gene is arguing with him right now over why the hell Roger didn't like Donnie Darko or Leon The Professional. Yep, even Roger was wrong now and then. Very rarely.

Roger, you didn't know it, but you were my buddy. I will miss you man.