Thursday, August 30, 2012

Day Four ! Tampa Tantrum!

9:00 PM---Where the hell is Clint Eastwood? Who gives a shit about a bunch of Mormons trying to take their crazy ass religion out of the Scientology division?

9:02 PM-- Finally! It's Clint Eastwood. Congrats Republicans on getting a show biz guy somebody's heard of. I have no idea why Clint is talking to an empty chair he apparently thinks has the President sitting in it. Maybe that blind baseball scout he plays isn't far from the truth. Oh please, this is embarrassing.

9:07 PM-- Clint apparently thinks the POTUS should check with Russia before going into Afghanistan? Is Bush here after all?

9:08 PM--- Oh my god, Clint is older than most everybody in that hall and it shows. Imaginary Barack Obama apparently just told Mittens to go fuck himself. Clint translated.

9:10 PM--I never ever thought I'd say this, but bring on Mittens!!!

9:11 PM-- Imaginary Barack just told Clint to go fuck himself. Real Max's Dad says the same thing.

9:12 PM-- Poor Trump! Clint is firing imaginary Barack Obama.

9:14 PM---The inevitable Make My Day drop.

9:15 PM--Andrea Mitchell says "that was very strange". And she's seen Allan Greenspan naked!

9:19 PM-- Who glued Marco Rubio's hair on? Talk about self deportation. For the hair guy.

9:20 PM-- Paul Ryan applauds. They both look like the nerds who got hotdogs shoved in their mouths during fraternity hazing.

9:22 PM-- Rubio continues to do a Christie and talk about himself. The crowd groans. Bring on the white guy! Too much Rainbow! Go back to Cuba!

9:24 PM-- Jesus H Christ. Bring back Clint Eastwood for chrissakes! Rubio calls himself "special". I'm beginning to agree!

9:26 PM--more immigrant bullshit from Rubio. He speaks Spanish. Republican delegate anger grows!

9:28 PM-- Somebody get this self promoting asshole off stage. Bring back the empty chair. It was more interesting!

9:32 PM-- Mittens stiffly walks into hall shaking hands with old white men. And he STILL looks uncomfortable.

9:34 PM-- Chuck Todd sticks his tongue down Romney's throat yet again. David Gregory plays does the same.

9:36 PM-- Mittens stiffly waves at imaginary people. The crowd still hollers "hey at least he aint the black guy"

9:37 PM-- Thanks to Marco "Me Me Me" Rubio and Dirty Harry, Mittens is late in beginning his rip roaring lecture to "us people"

9:38 PM-- Hoo boy. An I Pod joke. He likes the Mormon Tabernacle Choir better than "Zeppelin". Take that Dick Nixon,errr, Paul Ryan

9:40 PM-- Mittens talks more immigrants. Hey, when did these white supremacists start digging off white people?

9:42 PM-- the inevitable "U S A U S A" chant starts when Mittens brags about people taking two $9 an hour jobs? Huh? Ann Romney was working at both Kohls AND Fatburger?

9:45 PM-- Mittens begins to tell us his life story. Yeah Yeah Yeah. You were born into a wealthy family, were handed everything you ever got, and now want to fuck over everybody else!

9:47 PM-- Mittens continues to smirk. Makes a crack about sports teams he liked. I wonder what team Mittens likes? Why that polo team I once saw was just grand!

9:48 PM-- Mittens begins his pandering to the vaginal-americans who hate his guts and want to rip Paul Ryan's dick off.

9:50 PM-- Oh my! Mittens had to work weekends! Of course he did. He had 5 kids the nanny couldn't shut up! Not to mention that blonde harpy he married.

9:52 PM-- "Ann would have succeeded at anything she wanted to do". But she didn't have to because she snagged Mittens and his money. Good job, Ann! She succeeded at hitting the gold digger scratch off lottery.

9:55 PM-- Well at least he aint the black guy cries the crowd....again

9:56 PM-- Mittens starts to tell the Bain Capital story where at age 37 he started....wait, age 37? What the fuck was he doing until age 37? Oh yeah, living off Daddy's money.

9:57 PM-- Mittens mentions Michelle Obama. Old racist white ladies cringe.

9:59 PM-- Mittens cadence is so bizarre it sounds like he's about to burst into tears at any moment.

10:00 PM--yeah yeah, nobody is better off than they were 4 years ago because Obama ruined everything. Except for the 4 1/2 million people who found work in the last 4 years as opposed to the 5 million who lost jobs in the previous 8 years.

10:02 PM-- Mittens lies about Medicare again. Mittens lies about Obama sending jobs to China. What next? Mittens blames Obama for all the Bain Capital layoffs?

10:04 PM-- Mittens has a plan. To create 12 million jobs.....Yeah, in China.

10:06 PM-- Obamacare is evil. Just pay cash like all regular Americans do.

10:07 PM--Mittens is guaranteeing freedom of religion. The Planet Kobol high fives!

10:08 PM--The white supremacists boo cleaning up the planet.

10:09 PM-- U S A U S A U S A..Mittens now blames the evil Obama for destroying the nation and all its Allies. Will go on a jobs China or maybe Indonesia where Obama was born.

10:12 PM--Mittens begins to YELL. Threatens to start wars if anybody looks at us funny. He's starting to come unhinged. The unhinged crowd goes wild.

10:14 PM-- Finally , that Mormon son of a bitch finishes. James Brown music, I assume on Paul Ryan's I pod, blares.

10:15 PM--the gayest duo ever poses onstage. Paul Ryan and Mittens Romney. Old gay rich guy and young smirking jackoff.

10:16 PM-- Chuck Todd stuffs tongue down Romney's throat. The empty chair tells him to go fuck himself as do I.

10:18 PM-- I am going to go talk to an empty chair. Good night!

Lyin' Ryan/ Tricky Dick!

This is actually Paul Ryan in 20 years. Lyin Ryan gave the THE most dishonest speech in convention history last night. The only thing the sonuvabitch said that was true was his fucking name. I thought Nixon, who'd I'd actually prefer to this punk, was dead and buried. He's baaaack. And he's running for Veep.

Hopefully we won't have Ryan to kick around anymore after November 7th.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Day Three! Tampa Tantrum!

Day Three...The pissed off elephants, fresh off the throwing of the peanuts at the black chick cuz she's an "animal", reconvene for yet another day of frivolity and fun. Last night's Ann Romney speech roused the never worked a day in my life and don't intend to but you have to crowd. Chris Christie was such a firebrand, sweating and being hungry and all, he almost got Mittens to move his facial muscles. WTF? Does Mittens really want this to happen? I'm beginning to doubt his steely resolve and rock hard principles!

Day 3 schedule:

7 PM--National Anthem sung by Scott Brown's daughter, Ayla, a karaoke reality show contestant. In the words of Simon, what...the...bloody...'ell....was...that...

7:10 PM---In their pandering to everybody, a Sikh opens with a prayer. Delegates hold their nose, throw pork at the guy and ask Jesus for forgiveness

7:20 PM--Ron Paul gets his moment in the sun with a video. The Republicans show Bruno hitting on him in a hotel room.

7:30 PM--An actual talking turtle takes the stage and drawls his way to a rip roaring conclusion in which he slips out the back door of the convention center and in the back door of the Honey Pot (look it up)

7:40 PM--Rand Paul (Dumber than Mitch-Ky)takes the stage. Republicans with an IQ over the Palin line hide their heads in shame

8:00 PM-- Grampy McCain is allowed onstage. Growls at the motherfuckers who hate his guts and storms offstage.

8:10 PM--Twice married Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi flutters her eyelashes onstage attempting to attract yet another sucker

8:20 PM--Bobby Jindall (Exorcist-La)- a testimony to Republican diversity explains how he has taken all that science and math shit in Louisiana and turned it over to Jesus, which he never really believed in until he realized that he had to in order to win anything in Louisiana. He converted to Catholicism . That's almost Ann Romney type crazy.

8:30 PM--Pretty Boy Dullard John Thune (Who Cares-SD)makes Mittens look like Chris Rock.

8:45 PM--Ohio Stiff Rob Portman (Who Really Cares-Oh) gets up onstage. Jesus Christ, what's next? Tim Fucking Pawlenty? This is better than Ambien

9:00 PM--Goddamn it IS Tim Pawlenty (Bridge Killer-Mn)! WTF Republicans? I've seen some boring ass conventions but this is the Wikipedia of dull conventions

9:15 PM--Noted Todd Akin rape baby enthusiast and bass player in bad rock band, Mike Huckabee, takes the podium to much applause from the eye rolling fatties who used to see Mike at the Golden Corral praying over his plates full of fat.

9:30-- Because Jeb "The Smart One" Bush insisted, a film glorifying the worst fucking joke of a President ever, his father, plays. I think they might mention Junior too, but I wouldn't count on it.

10:00 PM--The worst Secretary of State ever and noted new token member of Augusta Country Club, Condoleeza Rice, shows everybody once again the rainbow like Republican party. How many peanuts get thrown at her is up in the air.

10:15 PM--New Mexico Governor, Susana Martinez, gets up to speak. Delegates begin to wonder if there's like, you know, any "normal" people in their party anymore.

10:30 PM--Eddie Munster gets em on their feet. Finally a sociopathic, phony Catholic, privileged white prick like them gets up to hammer on that Kenyan Muslim Marxist Foreign Commie Interloper Socialist Negro Guy taking up space in their White House. Mittens Romney sits like a stone, scared of what kind of white trash nasty impolite assholes he's had to pander to all these years.

11:00 Pm--- Some Muslim or some weirdo in a funny hat and a beard and some kind of foreign name , Archbishop Demetrious (???), starts praying. Delegates in such a furriner hating frenzy from Eddie Munster's teeth gnashing , security has to catch all the peanuts thrown at the stage but can't keep up and the Archbishop hollers in Greek, "Go fuck μόνοι σας".

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

A Question?

Seriously. Is this guy even alive? He makes her laugh?

Day Two! Tampa Tantrum!

Now it's getting's need to watch

2:00 PM--Der Fuehrer Reince "I lost to Chris Matthews" Preibus opens the convention with the traditional Republican counting of the money

2:01 PM--93 year old former Montana Governor and I Like Ike fan Tim Babcock leads the Pledge of Allegiance . Gets angry and leaves after the opening line is changed to I Pledge Allegiance to Grover Norquist.

2:20 PM-- Rabbi Meir Soloveichik leads the opening invocation. Republican delegates sneer because they still don't quite trust "those people".

2:30 PM-- Nebraska Senate candidate Deb Fischer (Welfare Rancher-Ne) has to be taught how to speak at a big event. Look over here. Look over there. Speak into microphone. And she's winning?

2:45PM-- Tim Griffin (Thug-Ar) speaks. Doesn't mention his participation in voter-caging also known as a felony in which voters are purged from voting rolls in Florida. Black and Hispanics mostly. Just a coincidence I'm sure.

3:00 PM--Der Fuehrer Reince Preibus cannot get enough camera time. Just forget about his ass kicking and his almost crying courtesy of Chris Matthews.

3:01 PM--John Sununu (Cuban-NH) waddles up to try to out thug Chris Christie. He's still a bit woozy from HIS ass kicking courtesy of Soledad O'Brien. Sununu, Cuban born, accuses Obama. American born, of being un-American.

3:30 PM- Virginia Governor and noted bigot Bob McDonnell walks onstage and begins to quote from his thesis..."man's basic nature is inclined towards evil, and when the exercise of liberty takes the shape of pornography, drug abuse, or homosexuality, the government must restrain, punish, and deters..."...a giant hook grabs him as the delegates cry with delight.

4:00 PM--Marsha Blackburn (Dimwit-Tn) goes up to keep the "death panel" bullshit alive. She makes me wish it were true, and she was the first customer

4:30 PM--Roll Call to keep the nuts who support Ron Paul from killing somebody. Mittens Romney actually wins. Republican insiders wince again.

7:00PM-- The Republicans begin the diversity portion of their little diversionary program by shoving Mia Love out front. She's black, she's a mayor of a Utah town, she's young, and she's nuts. She's a black Mormon. Case closed on the nuts part.

8:00 PM--Aging Northern Exposure actress Janine Turner is the best show biz type the Republicans can muster. Janine is drowned out by the delegates all saying "WHO?" st the same time.

8:30 PM-- The parade of bigots continues as Rick "Dont Google Me" Santorum speaks. Penn State officials wince.

9:00 PM--Scott Walker (Thug-Wi) says whatever it is the Koch Brothers tell him to say. He is truly one nasty kochsucker.

9:30 PM-- Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin walks out. No idea if the state patrolman she screwed around with while married was backstage "protecting" her.

9:45 PM--The Republican Diversionary Train continues with South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley. No word if the numerous men who "protected" her over the years are backstage.

10:00 PM--- Ann "Luvvy" Romney takes teh stage to tell everyone how tough it was when Mittens and her had to sell stock back in college to make ends meet. Tears flow in the crowd for the hardship the Romneys went through.

10:15 PM-- Finally...finally...whatdafuckyagonnado...Tony Soprano takes the stage and gets into random fights with everybody he comes in contact with from the arena entrance to the podium. Fahgeddaboutit! Tony finally just puts out a hit on everybody who looks at him funny. Goes back to Jersey. Listens to Journey. Blacks out from diabetic coma.

Monday, August 27, 2012

Day One! Tampa Tantrum!

Republican Convention Day 1 Schedule

1:00 PM---RNC Liar Reince "Der Fuhrer" Priebus gavels the hatefest to order. Then adjourns and runs and hides from rain.

1:00 PM to 5:00 PM-- Republican delegates nap

5:00 PM- 6:00PM-- Republican delegates visit early bird buffets and leave no tip because the waiters make damn good money and should be damn glad they even have a job

6:00 PM- Republicans ask cab drivers where the action is. Cab Drivers take them to Romney hotel, tell them to ask for Ann.

7:00 PM-9:00 PM- Strip clubs host Republican delegates who try to put dimes into G strings

9:00 PM- Republican delegates tired of not killing anything today, kill brain cells with single malt liquor while expressing their outrage over easy access to liquor laws

11:00 PM-- Republican male delegates call escort agency for some companionship. Republican female delegates breathe sigh of relief the evil Reince Penis won't be in their future

Midnight--Republicans go to bed. It's late. Pledge allegiance to the flag, thank God they didn't see any of "those people", takes swig of Nyquil and passes out to get ready for Tuesday when the real hate begins

Friday, August 24, 2012

Who Says I'm Not Religious?

Dear Lord:

If you are up there, please send a sign to show the Republicans that major storms are not all caused by homos and abortionists. Please show them that hurricanes are also caused by narcissistic liars, sociopathic self centered miscreants and jewel jangling gold diggers, also known as Republican wives. And as long as I have you on the line, please time your wrath to coincide with an Ann Romney event. Watching her get upset that the coronation wasn't quite what 'you people" promised would really make my day. She's such a philistine. And one more thing, Lord, after your temper tantrum passes, please back it up and run over them again. Thank you, Lord.

Akey Brakey Rapey!

Todd Akin (Flintstone-Mo) by now is infamous for his remarks on chicks getting raped unleashing magic fluids or something and shutting down rapists baby juice but if they are lying about getting raped, which of course in Akin's world they all are, the female body welcomes rapey guy's seed and God blesses them with a cute little baby. So what if you got all beat up and shit, you have a nice little baby. Thank you, rapist dude!

Oh the condemnation from Republicans is deafening. Even the Fox News liars are whining that Akin needs to step aside and move back into his cave. Republican politicians are all also condemning Akin and urging him to leave the race. Even Mittens Romney, after a focus group was hastily called I'm sure, in all Romney outrage (yawwwwwn) called for Akin to drop out. Paul Ryan, Akin's rape baby buddy, has put out the firm controversial statement that "rape is rape". Really, Eddie? What else? "inheritance is inheritance", "offshore bank accounts are offshore bank accounts", "bullshit is bullshit" "Ayn Rand is Me"?

But the consistent outrage from these Republican hacks is the same. They want Todd Akin to drop out not because he is a stupid motherfucker, but because he may lose a Senate race the Republicans were counting on. What Akin said is irrelevant to them because let's face it, they all think he's right. Paul Ryan thinks he's right. They all think he's right. If you get raped, and you get knocked up, you are a dirty slut and need to be punished by being forced by small government to have that baby, who will be uninsured and on his or her own until he or she gets thrown in jail for welfare fraud. All that lady parts biological hoo hah that Akin and the rest of the Christian right believes is not even debatable. It's that rape baby that's sacred. They love their rape babies over there in Nutland. Why there's millions of rape babies who grew up to be fine Republican millionaires. Why there's, uhhhhhh, you know, that one guy, and that other guy, oh yeah, uh uh, Detective Olivia Benson! There! In your face, rape baby killers!

Let me take one opportunity to spew some praise on a man I have hammered as being either the dumbest or second dumbest person in Congress (depending on what Michele Bachmann has said lately). Steve King! You go boy! At least King is honest in his dumbness. It's natural. King supports Akin and hates all the piling on the poor fellow. King says attacks on Akin are "petty and personal". He also claims he knows of no 12 year olds getting pregnant by rape or statutory rape despite his bizarre 13 year old girl getting kidnapped and raped and abortioned against her will and dropped back off at the swingset of days past. Steve King is at least honest in his dishonesty. He's too damn stupid to not let his mouth run with the Jackson Pollock painting that is his mind. So there! I aid something nice(?) about the dumbest man in Congress (sorry Michele).

Please stay, Todd! Don't listen to the uppity ups. Stand your ground. Stick up for dragging your wife by her hair back to eat the mammoth. Stick up for your Christian values. Women are dirty, tempting harlots begging to get a rape baby from a young republican drunk. Oh if you were only young again. No chick would be shutting down the mommy parts with you around!

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Who Let The Dogs Out Didn't Work?

A new poll is out showing Mittens leads in only three demographic categories. Yeah they are predictable. White people prefer Mittens because he's well, white. Seniors prefer Mittens because he's well, white. And rich people prefer Mittens because he's well, white AND rich. But the funniest thing I've ever seen in a poll, and that's not a high standard, is that Mittens clocks in with a whopping 0% of the black vote. Now either the pollsters didn't actually poll anybody black, or Mittens Romney is THE whitest man ever in the history of white men. Didn't the pollsters at least drunk dial the Clarence Thomas household? Wow, zero percent! John McCain stumbled into at least 5 or 6&.

Cue the inevitable harrumphing from the Rush's and Charlie Krauthammers about how if Obama got zero percent of the white vote it would be a national outrage. Yeah, it would. But only because you Republican assholes rigged the voting machines again. With that latest Romney polling nightmare, I cannot believe he's still within 4% of Obama. For chrissakes, basic math should tell us that with 100% of the blahhhs, and 75 % of the "illegals", 40% of us ignorant white traitors, and 60% of the Vaginal Americans, Obama should be comfortable enough to start turning Air Force One into Soul Plane (not a documentary Mittens voters).

4 points only encourages the thievery that's coming. Why, secretaries of state all over America can suppress enough voters to get Mittens the win. The Republicans will not stop until they restore what the divinely inspired Founding Fathers wanted.You are an unpatriotic socialist Marxist European homo if you don't wish to restore this nation to its Godly purpose. That is, only let white male property owners vote. Republicans want this so bad they've taken to wearing tri corn hats and waving flags from 1774. Maybe next, in their quest to return to simpler and "better" times, they'll all get malaria or smallpox and just go the fuck away.

Oh yeah, Kevin Williamson has written an article on National Review in which he says really stupid things like:

"From an evolutionary point of view, Mitt Romney should get 100 percent of the female vote. All of it. He should get Michelle Obama’s vote. You can insert your own Mormon polygamy joke here, but the ladies do tend to flock to successful executives and entrepreneurs. Saleh al-Rajhi, billionaire banker, left behind 61 children when he cashed out last year. We don’t do harems here, of course, but Romney is exactly the kind of guy who in another time and place would have the option of maintaining one. He’s a boss."

Now I'm guessing that passes for conservative humor. But hey Kevin, you forgot about Romney's grandpappy. He left for Mexico just for that reason. To keep a harem. you know, Mormonism. Oh shhhhhh, we can't talk about that........Yet.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Dimwit On A Stick!

I'd say that Hank Williams Jr was a waste of his Daddy's sperm but on the other hand he was probably conceived by a shot of morphine and whiskey in the first place. Hank Junior, living off Daddy's name and failing to live up to his Daddy's short life, performed at the Iowa State Fair in front of a crowd full of Steve King fans and announced that "we've got a Muslim president who hate farming, hates the military, hates the US and we hate him". Yeah soooooooooo..........

The cretins who actually spent money to listen to this boozehound waitress assaulter launched into that insipid "U S A U S A" chant that means you really have nothing to say. You know like when somebody asks Paul Ryan why he's such a fuckstick and the crowd can't answer and starts that chant. Hank Junior, who went on Fox & Friends (where believe it or not he was actually the smartest person on the set) earlier and compared Obama to Hitler (you lose!), is really a rummy with a lack of talent. His father wrote some great music and offed himself at age 30. This moonshine brain, as much as he tries, is 63 years old, writes music for the stupid , and still can't drink enough booze or take enough pills to die in a car while his half in the bag driver tries to get him to Des Moines to entertain the idiots out wandering around.

Hank Junior is a tool. A complete blowhard who once fell off a mountain and split his head open exposing his frontal lobe to cold air and probably a Saint Bernard licking it. Hank Junior once wrote a song called "If the South Woulda Won". Yeah and what if the South woulda actually gone to school? You wouldn't be such morans listening to this gin soaked white trash spouting off his dumbass lyrics. Hank actually got booted from ESPN, after his Fox & Friends screwup, from singing that annoying song before MNF and cried about his First Amendment rights being violated. Even your son, you know, that kid you spawned, told you to shut the fuck up.

But the worst thing about this Jagermeister sopped nitwit is the fact he is a Pittsburgh Steelers fan. Good gawd, Hank. I could forgive the vapid lyrics, the uninformed political rants, the waitress groping, the drinking and drugging, the total failure to whack yourself, but a fucking Steelers fan? Unforgivable!

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Vaya El Rojo Grande!

Oh I know sometimes you have to hammer your own. Yeah, like he's my "own" but still, Dave Heineman is the Governor Of Nebraska thanks to a football coach who thought the election to be Governor was a coronation and not an election (sound familiar Mittens?).

Heineman is a native Nebraskan (as am I) who lived in small towns all over the state, and as a young lad apparently liked to dress up in a little suit and pretend he was Governor, kind of like now. Heineman went to the US Military Academy, where they apparently have no minimum height requirement, and actually graduated from Army Ranger School, where they also apparently have no height requirement. Yeah, Heiney, can I call him Heiney, is a tiny little man screaming at the rest of the country to be noticed on how right wingy he is. Hey look at me, out here, over here, on that flat land, no over here. Oh Heiney, you embarrass us daily.

Napoleon Heineman really doesn't know much about anything. He changes his moldable brain depending on what the national Republicans tell him. For chrissakes the guy is so principle-less he actually endorsed Mittens Romney way early on. Birds of a feather pander together.

But Heineman, who is married to a woman who didn't bother to change her name, what's up with that feminazi crap, Dave, really has a problem with the browns. You know, the Mexicans, the people who fill up his precious Fremont, Nebraska meat packing plants and further Nebraska's economy enriching Hormel so they can fund Heineman's future political campaigns. Yeah it makes no sense but it makes perfect sense in Hypocrite Republican land.

Heineman, hopping up and down raising his hand Horshack style (RIP Ron Pallilo), now gets in bed with leather faced Arizona bony finger pointing Governor Jan Brewer and announces despite the young "illegals" applying for a road to citizenship, Dave is STILL not going to give them drivers licenses or welfare or pre natal care or a free Runza (see there is a silver lining). Dave hates the "illegals". Well, actually I don't think Dave hates them, but he knows Emil and Rose in those small towns he grew up in do hate them. Thus, Dave, the guy who has wanted to govern this waste of a state since he was 6, knows how to appeal to the brown haters. Orval and Mildred in Fremont can't stand that loud Mexican music on their way to the polka party. They can't stand that gibberish "those people" yammer on with at the Wal Mart while they buy the kolaches for the pot luck down at the Czech dance hall.

Heineman, a man who has built his popularity on the hatred of hispanics, and I do not exaggerate here, is probably really pissed he didn't run for Senate against Marry My Chair Guy, Jon Bruning, because the well funded Bruning lost the nomination to a two bit tea party legislator from somewhere in the middle of nowhere. That Senate seat is mine screams little Dave. I could have won. What with all my Hispanic bashing and all. Easy Street to DC.

Dave Heineman is something else. A guy who started his career by knocking off a legendary football coach, Tom Osborne, in the Republican's governor's race (trust me the Democrats may as well nominate Bruning's evil chair as much chance as they have around here) by hammering Osborne for actually supporting giving "illegals" in state tuition rates. As Governor this tiny twit, a major league fetus worshiper, has vetoed laws allowing for pre natal care for those "illegals". I guess, like most embryo enthusiasts, he really only likes the white ones. He has stopped tax paying "illegals" (he loves that word) who have been here since they were 2, from going to college at in state rates. That'll teach 'em. We wouldn't want those "illegals" chanting "Go Rojo Grande" in the same area as hot dog shooting Dave at the Husker games.

And now Dave Heineman, in his pandering to the relatives of German immigrants , now joins with a screeching harpy like Jan Brewer to thumb his nose at the colored guy in the White House and deny drivers licenses to "illegals". Of course, Heineman has to throw the "welfare" word in just to make it clear what he really means. "Welfare" means giving Dick and Ethel's tax money to browns and blacks and reds. Yeah, while Hormel and Con Agra and Google get "tax breaks". "Welfare" bad, "tax breaks" good.

Once again, who gives shit about a nobody like Heineman, who like most Nebraska politicians, dresses up in red and walks around the stadium in Lincoln on Saturdays while their zombies give out free rosters and schedules to the cheapskates who after spending hundreds on tickets and pig snouts in a casing, refuse to buy a program. Yeah, Dave, you truly are a diminutive little man. Both in character and stature.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Cujo Is Really Pissed!

Ok I cannot hold off on commenting yet again on this pile of Iowa pork nuts named Steve King (Embarrassment-Ia). I know this yahoo is a joke, a laughingstock, a non entity who doesn't deserve the recognition of anybody with an IQ over the political version of the Mendoza Line, the Palin Line. But everytime I cross the Missouri River into Iowa I am in too close proximity to the eye rolling born again freaks who vote for this asshole every two years. What the fuck is the matter with you people? I mean, we have a total backbenching nobody representing us here in Omaha named Lee Terry. He is a total douchebag, but at least has the brains to only embarrass us once in a while like when he almost got his ass kicked on the floor of the House by a mental case like Jesse Jackson Junior. King can't keep his mouth shut for one day. He must talk, and talk, and talk and say absolutely nothing that doesn't make Western Iowa look like Hooterville, or Texas.

King is such a tool he inspires normal people, normal Iowa nice people, to wave placards around with his name plastered on it, and get into fights with fellow nice Iowa people who haven't eaten too many fried Twinkies and know King is a complete shame upon a fine state. At the Iowa State fair, the annual pig worshipping festival held in Des Moines and featuring long thought dead rock and country acts, some folks decided King was a joke and were there to tell him such facts. King's zombies yelled clever things at the King fact checkers like "get a job"........HAHAHAHA...that one never ever fails to amuse. Hey dipshit, you're at the same place they are. Why don't YOU get a job?

What inspires King to say things that make him look like a member of the Palin clan? His latest was his insistence that dog fighting wasn't so bad. He said something along the lines of:

"When the legislation that passed in the farm bill that says that it’s a federal crime to watch animals fight or to induce someone else to watch an animal fight, but it’s not a federal crime to induce somebody to watch people fighting, there’s something wrong with the priorities of people that think like that."

Huh? So when the cops show up and induce me to watch legalized assault and battery, aka MMA, it's not a federal crime? Damn, I was counting on that ACLU lawsuit money.

King, of course, was clumsily, I suppose, who knows what goes on in that kaleidoscope of a brain of his, trying to shove a pro life message down our throats. Ah hell, I have no idea what that crazy son of a bitch was trying to say. All I know is Steve King apparently has no problem with felons fighting their dogs. He makes Romney's stuffing of Seamus into a pet carrier on top of the SUV look downright quaint. Look for Mittens to seek out the King vote by holding a Yorkie fight or two.

King then dug himself deeper when he tried to get out of his puppy abusing views by stating an even more bizarre philosophy of life:

"Liberals have so devalued life, that a man can rape a young girl, kidnap her, force her to undergo an abortion across state lines, and then drop her off at the swingset….and that’s not against the law in the United States of America.”

What? Really? What have I been wasting my life doing? I always thought that would be against the laws of somebody but I guess in Kingland anything goes, baby.

Next time I drive across that river into Iowa, wow, I know we once had a whacky Mayor here who called Iowa a "triple XXX rated state" and I thought he was nuts. I am so sorry, Mayor Daub. You were right after all.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Edward Wolfgang Munster Lives!

This is all I know about Paul Ryan (Cheesebrain-Wi)

1) Paul Ryan gladly took Social Security survivors benefits when his father died. Since he didn't really need it, being from a prominent family and all, he just stuck it in a bank or something until he really needed it. Which is never. But you, you orphan, you're just a leech sucking up his hard earned tax dollars.

2) Paul Ryan's never had a private sector job in his life. That's bad, right? Puts him right up there with Ann Romney, good, and that Kenyan Marxist Nobama, bad. Don't ask the difference. I don't speak Tea Party.

3) Paul Ryan wants to end Medicare for those of you under 55. When you all reach 67, yeah 67, he'll give ya 5 grand or so, then force you to run off to Prudential or Blue Cross or whatever, and shop around for your own goddamned insurance policy. That should be easy because all insurers are dying to insure 67 year olds with diabetes and heart conditions.

4) Paul Ryan was in on a special meeting with Ben Bernacke and Henry Paulsen on September 18, 2008 in which the Fed guy and the Treasury guy told him which banks were about to go belly up. Then he ran out and sold all his stock in those banks the sae day. If you or I did that, we'd be cell mates with Bernie Madoff. Paul Ryan was just being smart. Because Congress can do that, after all.

5) Paul Ryan is so fucking Catholic he thinks a person becomes a person at conception and you cannot abort that blastocyst, conduct stem cell research, and I assume take the thing as a dependent along with forbidding in vitro fertilization for all. Yes, he's so Catholic he even believes that poor people are on their own, Jesus was a hippie commie and social justice means that the country club fee can be waived only under extraordinary circumstances.

6) Paul Ryan hate gays. Period. End of story. Even though when he's standing there next to Romney, they look like a lovely couple waiting in line to marry in Iowa.

7) Paul Ryan thinks Mittens and Ann Romney pay too much in taxes. The horror of America is the fact we even ask folks like Mitt and Ann to throw in a few bucks for the common good. The Romneys should have their tax rate lowered from 0% to 0%. But you, middle class loser, you need to kick in more. What job have you ever created? Mittens has created tons of jobs. In Indonesia, China, Vietnam, India, and the Planet Kobol.

8)Paul Ryan doesn't like big mouth liberals who interrupt his lies in public. He has them arrested and roughed up. The so called genius cannot even debate a 70 year old with a beef. Shut up or get a cop's knee on your back. Paul Ryan justice.

9)Paul Ryan would double student loan interest rates while eliminating Pell Grants for kids with a financial hardship. He doesn't want anybody to learn anything, like that he is a heartless prick like the guy who picked him.

10)Finally. Strike 10. Paul Ryan was voted "biggest brown noser" by his high school class. What the fuck more does anybody need to know about this soulless wonk?

Paul Ryan. Phony. Despicable. Ayn Rand suckup. And he's such a pussbag, he's not only running for veep, he doesn't even have the balls to not run for his old House seat at the same time. Confidence? Hardly!

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Chik Fil A Is Fabulous!

The picture of South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham (Closet Case-SC)at a Chik Fil A alone is so ironic I about spit out my Lamb Fries. Oh the Christians just have to show once again how Jesus-ey they are by standing in a line to eat a greasy chiken sandwich made by their gay kids.

Oh you Bible thumpers. You're so gullible. Don't you dumbfucks know this is a huge plot by the deviants to get you to eat greasy food, clog your arteries, and drop dead before November so that the commie Kenyan muslin socialist homo loving uppity foreigner can win re-election?