Friday, August 24, 2012

Akey Brakey Rapey!

Todd Akin (Flintstone-Mo) by now is infamous for his remarks on chicks getting raped unleashing magic fluids or something and shutting down rapists baby juice but if they are lying about getting raped, which of course in Akin's world they all are, the female body welcomes rapey guy's seed and God blesses them with a cute little baby. So what if you got all beat up and shit, you have a nice little baby. Thank you, rapist dude!

Oh the condemnation from Republicans is deafening. Even the Fox News liars are whining that Akin needs to step aside and move back into his cave. Republican politicians are all also condemning Akin and urging him to leave the race. Even Mittens Romney, after a focus group was hastily called I'm sure, in all Romney outrage (yawwwwwn) called for Akin to drop out. Paul Ryan, Akin's rape baby buddy, has put out the firm controversial statement that "rape is rape". Really, Eddie? What else? "inheritance is inheritance", "offshore bank accounts are offshore bank accounts", "bullshit is bullshit" "Ayn Rand is Me"?

But the consistent outrage from these Republican hacks is the same. They want Todd Akin to drop out not because he is a stupid motherfucker, but because he may lose a Senate race the Republicans were counting on. What Akin said is irrelevant to them because let's face it, they all think he's right. Paul Ryan thinks he's right. They all think he's right. If you get raped, and you get knocked up, you are a dirty slut and need to be punished by being forced by small government to have that baby, who will be uninsured and on his or her own until he or she gets thrown in jail for welfare fraud. All that lady parts biological hoo hah that Akin and the rest of the Christian right believes is not even debatable. It's that rape baby that's sacred. They love their rape babies over there in Nutland. Why there's millions of rape babies who grew up to be fine Republican millionaires. Why there's, uhhhhhh, you know, that one guy, and that other guy, oh yeah, uh uh, Detective Olivia Benson! There! In your face, rape baby killers!

Let me take one opportunity to spew some praise on a man I have hammered as being either the dumbest or second dumbest person in Congress (depending on what Michele Bachmann has said lately). Steve King! You go boy! At least King is honest in his dumbness. It's natural. King supports Akin and hates all the piling on the poor fellow. King says attacks on Akin are "petty and personal". He also claims he knows of no 12 year olds getting pregnant by rape or statutory rape despite his bizarre 13 year old girl getting kidnapped and raped and abortioned against her will and dropped back off at the swingset of days past. Steve King is at least honest in his dishonesty. He's too damn stupid to not let his mouth run with the Jackson Pollock painting that is his mind. So there! I aid something nice(?) about the dumbest man in Congress (sorry Michele).

Please stay, Todd! Don't listen to the uppity ups. Stand your ground. Stick up for dragging your wife by her hair back to eat the mammoth. Stick up for your Christian values. Women are dirty, tempting harlots begging to get a rape baby from a young republican drunk. Oh if you were only young again. No chick would be shutting down the mommy parts with you around!

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