Sunday, June 28, 2009

Who Plays A World Series in June?

After being taken over by clinkball for the last 3 weeks, Rosenblatt Stadium welcomed back real baseball last night as the Omaha Royals, all players one step from MLB, returned. Thank goodness for this team, and thank goodness they are staying after the city of Omaha, in its wanton desire to suck the NCAA's toes, ignored the Triple A baseball team and decide to build a new stadium downtown and give exclusive rights to the purveyors of the College World Series. This forced the Royals to seek other places to play. The Houston area, Arkansas, Orlando all wanted them and were willing to build new stadiums for them. But Sarpy County, Nebraska stepped up and will build them a smaller stadium and they will stay.

The College World Series, featuring 8 baseball teams playing a round robin double elimination tournament, has to be the most inept national championship event the NCAA has. This event features 4 hour games, aluminum bats, errors galore, mental errors galore, lousy pitching, and the city of Omaha loves it. 25,000 thousand show up every night to watch this? This proves that about 20,000 of them show up to be seen because they play better baseball 50 miles down the road in Lincoln, who plays in the independent American Association, the equivalent of single A ball.

Anyway, I rant against this crappy event every year, and every year it gets better attendance and better television ratings so I am pissing into the wind. Nonetheless, I am happy the O Royals are back, and the clinkball crowd has crawled back into their hole and await the next event to be seen, which will be Fireworks Night at the stadium where they will all exclaim " Why don't they just shoot the fireworks and make the Royals stop when it gets dark". I hope it goes 16 innings.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Tin Soldiers And Ahmadinejad Coming!

This subject may be getting old but I am old too so here we go. By now, you've either seen the video of the young Iranian woman named Neda dying or you chose not to watch but there is no way you don't know what happened here. I saw it because I ignored the approximately 7 thousand warnings that this was graphic and disturbing. The warnings were right. It was graphic and extremely disturbing .

Neda was shot by somebody in power in Iran. She apparently wasn't even taking part in demonstrations against the sham government that had stolen an election days before. Wow, it's just like 1970 Kent State and 2000 Florida. Murders of innocent bystanders during demonstrations and sham elections. I guess we do have some common ground with Iran.

It seems that the "election" in Iran "won" by incumbent weirdo and Members Only jacket wearing Mahmoud Ahmadinejad defied all pollsters numbers and made no sense. Mir-Hossein Mousavi , the challenger and favorite of young Iran, lost his own district by such a wide margin, it was said he even lost to Pat Buchanan there. That's a joke, but so was this election.

Meanwhile, back in the United States, Barack Obama was keeping a low profile, expressing his concern and lightly treading on an issue he has no power to do anything about while Republicans like Lindsay Graham, unmarried conservative from South Argentina, uhhh, Carolina urges Obama to be more aggressive and , oh I don't know, blow smoke in the Iranian ambassador's face or something. Even mustachioed warmonger John Bolton has called for caution, yet Graham continues to call for something from Obama. I really don't know what Graham wants, except to sit there and yip like a Yorkie stuck in a closet.

Stop it, Republicans. You're making a joke of your party. You have more in tune with Ahmadinejad and the religious nuts who run Iran than the rest of us. It seems the Iranians of the rural areas, clinging to their religion and swords, love the mullahs and Ahmadinejad. The cities, where people actually live, seem to want progress and change. Why hate Iran, conservatives? You are just like them. You are what you hate. Rest in peace, Neda.

Monday, June 22, 2009

MLK's Spinning Could Power Atlanta!

There was a challenge to the 1965 Voting Rights Act decided today by the Supreme Court. The Voting Rights Act, you know, that law that allowed blacks and other minorities to vote in actual elections in the South and Alaska? The Voting Rights Act, renewed by a Republican Congress back in 2006 for 25 years and signed by George W Bush? Well, there are about 16 states that still need federal approval to change anything about any election. Surprise, Texas is one of those states. A small voting district near Austin where people voted in somebody's garage wanted to change it's polling place to a school. Federal approval was needed as per the Voting Rights Act. Some wingnut conservative group filed a law suit to challenge the Voting Rights Act based on this minor league case. After the Supremes allowed the small district to change its polling place, it voted 8-1 to not go further and decide the Voting Rights Act's constitutionality. Eight to ONE to not go there. Guess who the ONE who did want to go there was? You got it, it was good old Uncle_Ruckus, aka Clarence Thomas. Jesus, Unk Ruck, even Antonin Scalia didn't want to go there.

Wow, I knew Thomas was self-loathing, I mean he went so low as to perform one of Rush Limbaugh's sham marriages for godsakes. But voting to attempt to subvert voting rights for minorities , and having 8 white folks say whoa there, Stepin. Sad.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Fore? No,I'll Take Five More Beers!

I really dislike golf. My feelings on the so-called sport of golf are better expressed by geniuses on youtube, but anyway it seems golf has been invaded this weekend by the sort of fan the rest of us baseball,football and basketball fans already endure. The beer swilling drunk. Oh the humanity!!!

Ever watch golf on TV? George Carlin said it was like watching flies uhhhh fornicate. I suggest it wasn't even that exciting. My parents would watch golf every weekend like it was some sort of message from the mountaintop. I didn't get it . Oh, when Jack Nicklaus won the Masters when he was 50 or whatever, that may have been history, or when that Frenchman went all Tin Cup in the British Open. that was just comedy, but 99.9 % of all golf is guys walking and walking and announcers pretending to be right there whispering as not to disturb the precious golfer.

Tommy Lasorda once said something about golfers not really being athletes because they don't have to put up with 50,000 people hollering that they suck or words to that effect. I agree. Now that drunks have apparently infiltrated the country club, and I'm not speaking of John Daly, well, welcome to athletics, Tiger. Let's see what you can do now.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

You Say Tomato And I Say Why Me?

That's me. The Freak Magnet. All my life I have attracted life's deadbeats,drifters and derelicts. I don't dislike this as much as I am amazed that it continues to happen over and over. I mean I have no idea why if you walk through the Field Museum, you see great exhibits of history, art and science and I see some Chicago schizo playing one man tug-o-war over in the corner who then comes over and starts a conversation with me while zipping up his pants. I've had drunks in the mall try to tackle me while laughing hysterically, taken passed out alkies in my apartment hallway to the dry out facility, had hard-core criminals take a liking to me while at the same time threatening somebody else's life, had women I don't even know walk up and ask me if I'd take them to the local abortion factory, had religious cult members kidnap me, had strippers buy me beer, was befriended by Canadian bikers who drove me around Winnipeg, and early this morning at approximately 4 AM, my freak magnet went off in my sleep.

A 24 year old woman rang my doorbell at 4AM. After establishing in my sleep stupor that she was legit as she was dripping wet, crying and standing like a flamingo on my porch, I opened the door and asked a real clever question "May I help you?" while waiting for her "accomplice" to attack. She has been beaten and thrown from a moving car on the busy street I live on by a guy named "Kevin". Pretty much carrying her to a couch and setting her down allowed me to get to the phone and call 911. Needless to say, 4 cops, and 8 paramedics showed up to take care of my freak magnet moment. As they carried my latest freaky friend out the door and the paramedic asked her "who did this to you" , she exclaimed " I don't want to go to Kevin's house!". I think my new BFF was drunk, as most of my BFF's turn out to be.

The Omaha Police, who actually shot a dachshund last week for nipping at some wimpy cop's shoe laces or something, also told me to take my Westie to another room. I took that as a threat and complied. He was looking at his shoe heel a bit too aggressively I guess.

Anyway, calling all freaks. I am open for business yet again.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Top Ten Reasons Levi Johnston Is The Luckiest Man On Earth!

I tried real hard to ignore this non-issue, but I understand that David Letterman is going to apologize to Tracy Flick and her knocked-up daughter for making a joke and thus, I cannot let this go any longer. I know that Dave has more class in his sneakers than the entire Alaskan first family and because of this, he will say "I'm sorry". Yet, he has nothing to be sorry about. He made a joke about an 18 year old woman who was used by her atrocious mother to further her own political career. He made a joke about an 18 year old woman who sat at the Republican convention with Baby's Daddy and pretended to be in love. He made a joke about an 18 year old woman who had her baby, preached abstinence, and allowed her disgraceful mother to run baby's daddy off the reservation.

People like Governor Mooselini and her whatever the hell he does beaten down Tawwwwd are the very definition of the Alaskan dream. Citizens of Alaska are on the run from something, they hide out and try not to be noticed, they live in the cold with a Husky named Simka and they like snow. In other words, they be crazy. While the citizens of Alaska hide, people like Bible Spice, with no shame, rise out of the snowdrift and take over. The Alaskan Dream. Anybody can grow up and govern Alaska, and the Talibunny is proof positive.

So I know Dave has already said he was sorry. Will it be good enough for the Wicked Witch of the North? What do you think? Not a chance because Snowjob Squareglasses is a media whore. She is the type of person who believes the cheers of a few misfits and bitter horny white men (hey Rush wassup?) are the mood of the country. We all know the Shrilla from Wasilla is a blip. She thinks big, I'll give the Bride of Toddenstein that. Like I stated before, I hope she runs in 2012. I really do. If I was insane, I'd even consider changing parties and voting for her in the primaries. But I am confident Myth Alaska will begin to fade.

So Dave, I understand the apology. The joke really wasn't that funny anyway. You should have said that during the 7th inning of the Yankees game, A-Rod knocked up Northern Overexposure herself. Now that would have shut the Iditabroad up.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

A Good Hangover?

I'm a kind of film snob. See, I called it "film" thus verifying that fact. I like movies like Doubt, and The Reader, and Slumdog Millionaire. I watch the Oscars and actually get pissed when a "Chicago" wins Best Picture. I argue with people who think Superbad and Knocked Up were funny and the snobby part is I never even saw them. I believe 99% of so-called comedies are not funny and I don't go see them because it actually torques me off to hear people laughing at something I don't think is funny. In fact, some guy getting hit in the marbles doesn't even amuse me. Ok, now that I've established my total elitism and arrogance let me say this loud and clear.

The Hangover is the funniest freaking movie I have seen in 30 years. This thing is Animal House funny, folks. I don't know how the writers of this thing did it, but every minute of this masterpiece is captivating, disgusting, gross, stupid and hilarious. You all know what it's about, so I won't even describe it, but go see it. Drag your wife or girlfriend or any female you like to it because women will laugh out loud also. And stay for the credits. Please.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Read My Hips!

Hey hey, 41! Start hangin' with the Big Dog and good things start happening! Poppy has already started the process to disown his criminal son and adopt Bill Clinton.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Yankees Suck! But Nobody's Perfect!

"I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn't lived that life". Those words, spoken back in 2001 by Supreme Court nominee, Sonia Sotomayor, have caused white males, well at least conservative white males, to suddenly become sensitive little souls who abhore racism. Unfortunately, "racism", as defined by these precious fair-minded victims, is anything that puts them back on their heels and makes them go all Ralph Kramden trying to respond. Settle down, white guys, you still run everything, usually right into the ground. Perhaps soon-to-be Supreme Court Justice Sotomayor has a point.

So far, in the 200 and some year history of this nation, 107 of 111 Supreme Court Justices have been white guys, 108 out of 111 if you count one of the whitest justices I know, Clarence Thomas. Some of them have actually been great and wise, standing up to the bully boys in favor of the citizens with rights. Others have been dopes and shills for the corporations and bully boys. The current court contains 4 of the lousiest legal minds in the history of the court. Antonin Scalia, a man so scary in his desire to go back to 1783 and allow only land-owning white males to vote, is the leader of the pack of 4. The aforementioned Thomas, who basically brings Scalia his nightly mint julep and then does whatever he's told, is a hack. John Roberts apparently thinks a kid holding a "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" sign is a threat to national security and deserves suspension from school as he stated in Morse_v._Frederick . Samuel Alito apparently thinks strip-searching a 10 year old girl is just fine by him as he stated in Doe_v._Groody.

Thus, Sonia Sotomayor's statement made in 2001 about "better conclusions" really doesn't have a very high bar to leap.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Warning! Scary Picture!

Now that I've scared the Fox out of you, let's talk a bit about responsibility. The above bloviator known as Bill O'Reilly, and his escort , love to talk about personal responsibility, whether it be O'Reilly's "advice" that gays stay in the closet, or that kids should cut their hair and don't make any waves, or that hip hop is destroying a generation, or that Keith Olbermann is a poopy face. O'Reilly pontificates on a daily basis about what's good for you and the country and his so-called "folks" while at the same time calling opponents "pinheads" and wagging his stinky finger at people he lets get to him. O'Reilly is a bully, pure and simple. He thinks of himself as the Jesuit 7th grade teacher with the iron fist and the rest of us are his paper plane flying students he secretly hates.

However, now that Bill O'Reilly, ignoring his own preachings on the influence of rap music and MSNBC and drugs and MTV on an entire generation, refuses to accept any responsibility for egging on the murderer of Dr. Tiller in Wichita last weekend. "Tiller the Killer". "If I ever got ahold of him". "He will kill your baby for $5000". Over and over and over this Irish instigator has told his "folks" what an evil man Tiller was and how there was "special place in hell" for Tiller. Yeah, right next to the serial sexual harassers I hope.

O'Reilly and his ilk are "commentators" or when they get caught lying or being especially offensive, they claim to be "entertainers". They may be in fact both of those. Hell, they might not even mean what they say. But there are stupid people out there who do believe it. Trust me, I hear their "wisdom" on a daily basis from their devoted sheeple. Stupid people like the nut who shot up the "liberal" church in Tennessee because he couldn't get to the libs in Washington DC, or the stupid person who shot three Pittsburgh cops because he was afraid Obama would come and take his guns and now the nut who shot Dr.Tiller. This crazy bastard drove around Kansas with a handwritten license plate claiming he was from a "sovereign nation" and didn't need to pay no stinking taxes.

Now I have nothing against stupid people being out there listening to guys like O'Reilly or Limbaugh or Hannity or Weiner or Coulter or Ingraham. Knock yourselves out, dum dums. But the stupid people who listen ARE influenced by these "entertainers". Some of them tell the rest of us what was said and how bad Obama is but some of them have guns, or bombs, or are so utterly stupid they think the man in the box is talking directly to them. This is why if O'Reilly tells his sheeple that rap is a bad influence then ,by logic, he must be a bad influence too.

What say you?