Saturday, October 17, 2015

Go Flubs Go!

The Cubs are great! They can't lose! It's OUR year! How many times do we have to hear this? Goddamn, I love Chicago, I love Wrigley Field, and I love the fact the Cubs lose every freakin year! Even the losers that are the White Sox have a championship, no two, since the Cubs last won. And one of them came in 1917, when the Ottoman Empire still existed. Give it up Cubs fans. It's destiny.

And now the best reasons to root for the NY Mets.

10) Cubs fans pray and cry and whine and think they are lovable because of it. Nah, you're just losers as is your overrated team.

9) You blame everybody but your shitty management for your loserdom. Goats, curses, black cats, and some geek in left field who didn't do anything you clowns wouldn't have done. Try to catch a free baseball.

8) Speaking of free baseballs, you bleacher drunks bully people into throwing back free baseballs if the opposing team has the utter gall to hit one of your crappy pitchers hanging curve balls out of the stadium. What the fuck. What does that accomplish? Hey Cubs bleacher drunks, throwing a ball back doesn't take 1 run or two off the ancient scoreboard for the team that's about to beat your ass.

7) Wrigley Field, though a shrine to the past, is a pit. Beams, and piss troughs, and creeping jungle vines growing all over the place. The place is again a shrine and the actual reason to go to a Cubs game. But face it. It's a dump.

6) Cubs fans, much like Nebraska fans, actually think the whole country roots for them. Nah, not so much Cubbie fans. Most of you are preppy little fucks who treat a baseball game like one of your wine and cheese parties. Oh how cute, they lost again. I just love them so much, when does that Ernie Banks bat again?

5) Cubs fans love that goddamned 7th inning stretch where some attention seeking "celebrity" tries to sing Take Me Out To The Ballgame. I've been to Wrigley many times and the only "celebrity" I ever saw sing was Harry Carey. That moldy tradition should have died with him. And that fucking annoying ass other song.

4) They traded Lou Brock to the Cardinals. Good lord, if that alone doesn't make you hate them, nothing will. The creeps running that team at the time had a building named after them in downtown Chicago and to save money, and get a lousy white pitcher in return, they dumped one of the greatest players ever.

3) They are named the "Cubs'. Christ, at least the mighty Chicago Bears are named after a fully grown animal. Thee clowns are named after a baby. Oh its so cute. Look at them lose.

2) Lee Elia. Never a truer statement has been made about Cubs fans. I fucking love Lee Elia.

1) The owners of this miserable team. The Ricketts family. These lousy fucks are great Republican hypocrites. While Joe Ricketts, the old man, was ranting about government spending, he was holding up Illinois taxpayers to fix that shitty stadium and stick a giant big screen TV up so he could pretend it wasn't a 103 year old dump. Old man Joe started a millions of dollars campaign in 2012 to racially attack Barack Obama, and backed off when it was found out. Pete Ricketts, bored with his money, bought the Governor's mansion in a state stupid enough to elect his bald ass. My Nebraska. Nice going farmfucks. Not to mention this family of Ewings support of rat faced Scott Walker, another loser.

So fuck the Chicago Cubs, fuck their fans, and fuck their owners. Damns I started this as a lark, and now I am genuinely pissed off.

Let's go Mets.

Monday, October 12, 2015

Avoiding The Dumb!

I have been inn the midst of avoiding Trump and his daily serving of dumb people flakes, dodging the constant proof that being a brain surgeon doesn't mean you aren't a crazy person, and trying to find what financial institution is going to buy into the first woman president being a Republican and either a blatant liar or a person who thinks Rosemary's Baby was a documentary on the birth of Barack Look At Its Eyes Obama.

So Ive been going to movies, and football games and watching shit on TV like Hand of God, Fear The Walking Dead or that maniacal American Horror Story. The TV is so scary that I often check to see if the Republicans are debating again (Hand of God), there's another televised gun nut rally (Fear the Walking Dead) or I'm in a bad dream and Carly Fiorina has been elected POTUS (American Horror Story starring Carly Fiorina, errrrrrrrrr, Lady Gaga).

In order see the following cuz, quite frankly, these four are all pretty good.

4) Everest

This is a movie featuring people with a death wish. People not content with watching shit on TV but going to the other extreme and trying to climb a fucking mountain in Nepal. Personally, I'll kill myself with bad food watching shit on TV but if you want to die freezing to death climbing Mount Everest hey knock yourself out.

Jason Clarke (The Chicago Code,yep, saw him on a shit TV show), is the climbing guide with a hunky Aussie accent and a waiting at home Keira Knightley, did I mention he's also very dumb? He leads Josh Brolin, an arrogant Texan (thats a stretch), Dougie from House of Cards, Teardrop from Winter's Bone, Jake Gyllenhaal from everywhere and a host of others up Mt.Everest and after they make it (of course) all hell breaks loose and (spoiler alert) they all die, except for Josh Brolin who has Robin Wright in a fat suit at home being all Claire Underwood and bringing him home alive cuz she's effing Robin Wright.

It's a spectacular CGI movie, and it really is thrilling to see the top of the world on a big screen. And it's a 3 star movie. Well worth the matinee price. But man, are these people crazy.

3) The Martian

I know everyone is raving about this flick. And yes, it's pretty good. But it is wayyyyyy too long. I felt like I was trapped on a Martian movie palace after it was over.

Matt Damon is trapped on Mars after Murph from Interstellar (a far superior movie) leaves him behind while running from some Martian like storm that used left over effects from Everest. Matt is a botanist so he grows shit on Mars using actual human crap and survives for years by being a space like McGuyver while the Earth tries to get him back before he starts talking to a volleyball.

Do they get him back? Well you'll have to go see it to find out. Will McAvoy, Jeff Daniels really isnt for it and he runs NASA now so if Matt gets back or not is kind of iffy.

It's one of those movies I really want to love, and don't. But it really is good. A solid 3 star movie, though at times some of the effects look like the Lego Movie lent them some props.

2) The Walk

Yeah yeah, Man On Wire is far superior but to see this story of a Frenchmen walking on a wire from Twin Tower to Twin Tower back in 1974 is pretty captivating. And see it in Imax and 3D or you might not think much of the movie cuz the 3D effects of being up above the ground 110 stories and you're there is eye closing scary.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is spectacular as always. Ben Kingsley is weirdo Svengali guy and the rest of the cast is where have I seen them before types.

But when he finally walks the wire, it is beyond thrilling. The effects are superior and if you have those stupid 3D glasses on, well, good luck if you have a fear of heights.

But this really is a movie about the Twin Towers. The sight of them again is moving and hopefully we have all moved beyond the dumb hey Simpsons, dont show the Simpsons go to New York episode cu somebody might get sad phase.

I dare you to not feel a twinge in your gut at the closing shot of the Towers in this movie. As a movie this is a 2 1/2 star type, in 3D and Imax it goes way up to 3 1/2.

1) Sicario

Ok now I admit that Traffic is in my Top 20 of all Time movie list, right below Disorderlies (kidding, Disorderlies is way down there about 48 or so). I love Traffic, and Benicio Del Toro won a well deserved Oscar for it. He was a good guy sticking up for the future rapist Mexican kids.

Sicario is a Traffic and a Zero Dark Thirty clone. And its is the best movie I've seen this year.

Emily Blunt is the FBI agent recruited by arrogant Texan Josh Brolin (again?) to participate in some sort of international hunt for a Mexican drug King. Benicio Del Toro is the mysterious Alejandro who kind of hangs around being all who is this guy working for?

Emily Blunt goes along and becomes more and more disgusted by what she sees. Some could say naive' about what she sees. And she is great. But this is Benicio Del Toro's movie, period. As good a character he is in Traffic, he is as bad as they come in Sicario. Proving what a great actor he is, Del Toro is chilling in his drive for revenge. He is a cant take your eyes off him actor. I cannot emphasize how good he is in this movie.

It is wonderfully shot in the washed out colors of the desert. The scene of a border crossing, and the return back across the border is a film geek's dream. A how did they do that type of series. It is so great.

Sicario is edge of your seat. It is depressingly real. And it is a 4 star film. The best of 2015 as far as I am concerned.

Now back to the Dumb.

Saturday, October 3, 2015

All Potential Mass Murderers Get A Discount!

There are some bad fucking people in this world. Yeah there's your mass killers like CHRISTOPHER HARPER-MERCER (yeah say his fucking name over and over, sorry if it ruins your wine and cheese soiree) and then there's the really bad people. No not the mass killers like DICK CHENEY ,but the ones who think they're good and honorable and are just, in reality, sick sociopaths.

Like SHERIFF JOHN HANLIN of Douglas County Oregon. This prick seems to think if he doesn't mention CHRISTOPHER HARPER-MERCER"S name then nobdoy will realize what a shitty law enforcement creep this guy really is. This dumb constable of the law has made a living out of being one of those rubes who actually believe that the black guy in the White House is coming to take his dick away. This bumbling fool of a cop actually posted Sandy Hook truther videos to Facebook (which have suddenly been removed) as he put on his tin foil sheriff's hat to go protect Douglas County Oregon from the fedrull gubmint and its black panther muslim army. Sheriff Hanlin also wrote an actual letter to, oh no not that black interloper who hijacked HIS White House, but to the white guy, Vice President Joe Biden, expressing his concern that taking a gun away from ADAM FUCKING LANZA would have done nothing to prevent Sandy Hook cuz like it didn't happen anyway and when the Obummer administration does pass some sort of law taking guns away from psycho nut cases like JARED LOUGHNER, then he simply won't enforce suck laws cuz loser crazy people like CHRISTOPHER HARPER-MERCER have 2nd amendment rights too.....

Apparently SHERIFF JOHN HANLIN is very good at NOT enforcing laws anyway. Go fuck yourself you self righteous incompetent Barney Fife.

Then there's CANDI KINNEY, owner of the Roseburg Gun Shop, ya know Roseburg, Oregon, where some guy exercising his 2nd amendment rights took life liberty and the pursuit of happiness away from 9 people who have no rights cuz of uhhhhhhh 2nd Amendment. She loves mass killings cuz there's always a rush on the killing weapons right afterwards by the Dirty Harry types just itchin to kill somebody. It's the American Dream, baby. Make a lot of money exploiting the misfortune of others. Just ask your average hedge fund creep. Yeah inside the gun shop up in Roseburg (sounds awful "jewey" to me) is a life sized poster of the Nobama in a keffiyeh with the scribbling underneath "gun salesman of the year". Well at least somebody in that den of moral sewage can spell.

And then there's JEB! BUSH, potential Republican nominee in 2016 (barf) whose reaction to the death of 9 innocents is "stuff happens". Now Jeb!, everyone now knows you are actually the dumb one, you've proven that over the last 6 months, but also being the family asshole? Wow, Barbara Bush has been playing that role for years and now we know it was just a mother protecting her unfeeling prick of an offspring. Is it really Republican strategy, in the wake of Trump mania, to climb all over each other to become the loudest and nastiest dick in the room? Good job Jeb! You really weren't even trying, its just your nature. Trump is just exploiting dummies by yammering on about shit he doesn't even mean. Jeb! I am convinced. You're just a natural at being a villain.

Edmund Burke, conservative spank bank author (look him up conservatives) said it best........The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

Yeah I know they think its "evil" like the mooslim socialist gun grabber but in reality the "evil" looks back at you when you pose for selfies with your gun.

Friday, October 2, 2015

Kim Who? Yeah Yeah Give Her A Rosary And Send Her On Her Way!

First of all I am a complete Pope Francis fanboy. After all those years of stiffs like Paul VI and Reagan like nice guys with antiquated views like JP2 and Nazis like Benny, not to mention JP1, the one they "murdered" for being Francis before his time, this guy is making me yearn for the days when I was young and stupid and believed in all that Catholic shit.

But alas, he's a horrible guy just like all of them. He "met" with newly turned Republican bigot Kim Davis while in Philly and endorsed all of her bigot views on the queers and the lezbos getting hitched down there in her old Kentucky home, where the people are all gay(???) and the darkies have to part(???). Jesus Christ, Kim, have you ever sung that song and actually listened? Even American Pharaoh went what the fuck?

Now, of course, the Vatican is saying hey hey now, the Pope had no idea who this Amish bitch was and shit he blesses everybody anyway so lay the fuck off. Or words to that effect.

And I believe them for maybe the first time in my life. Hey now, there's a lot of cardinals and bishops out there who don't care for this guy. He rides in a Fiat, and he visits the bums, errrrr, homeless and he calls capitalism out on being the rigged game it is, and he says hey lay off the abortion and gay marriage shit, there's starving people in the world. Whoaaaaa there Pope my man. Have you checked the financials on the Vatican lately? We've never been more solid. Even with the payouts to those whiny ass child abuse pussies we have more candlesticks and relics than we know what to do with.

But the Pope don't care. He cares about people. Unlike the bean counters who make up the hierarchy of 95% of American Catholic dioceses, this guy sees the downtrodden as the heroes, not the rich monkeys trying to buy their way into heaven.

It is completely possible that this Pope was set up by Cardinal Carlo Vigano, the Apostolic Nuncio to the Unied States, in other words, he's the Vatican's Ambassador. Cardinal Vigano is a complete ass kisser to the still alive Nazi Pope, Benedict. So what would keep this Benedict Youth from setting the Pope up with perhaps the most despised woman in America, at least to those of us who want to like Francis so much we ignore the fact he's really just a Eisenhower Republican. Yeah see, all you liberal scumbuckets who cry about all those Syrians and the tramps and the homos and the diddled with kiddies, see, he's just like us. An uncaring asshole. So there!

Well it didn't work with me. I never thought this whole Davis/Pope deal looked anything other than fishy and not just on Friday. It's like those pictures political opponents creep us out with. Those photo ops that mean nothing where Rosalyn Carter is standing next to Jim Jones. or Bill Clinton is standing next to Monica Whatshername or Barack Obama is standing next to anybody or when the poofs stand next to Reagan, oh hold on there, that's blasphemy!

The Pope meeting with a law breaker like Kim Davis didn't mean anything more than when he went to the prison and met with inmates. For chrissakes,when he went to the prison he didnt endorse murder,rape or white collar crime, wait, none of those guys are in prison what was I thinking. It was a humanitarian gesture, and got him away from more photo ops with creepy politicians. The inmates are a better class of people anyway.

So lay off my boy, The Pope. Meeting with a scofflaw bigot like Kim Davis was no different than meeting with John Boehner where at least he had the effect of causing self reflection and a fuck this I'm outta here result. Davis and her ambulance chasing lawyers are up to no good. And her meet with the Pope had no effect other than her being the fall bigot for a grander scheme. The self aggrandizement of publicity hounds like the Liberty Counsel, and Benedict sympathizers like Cardinal Vigano.

I got your back, Jorge!

Thursday, October 1, 2015

U S A! U S A! U S A!

The tiny dicks win again.

Say did ya know a conceal carry permit holder did nothing today at the mass shooting of the day because he was afraid the SWAT team would shoot him?

Say did ya know the Congress of the United States won't allow the government to gather data on gun violence?

Say did ta know there's already gun nuts out there claiming Obama has had the shooter's social media history wiped and changed to fit his agenda of not taking their guns away?

Say did ya know there have been 45 school shootings in the 274 days of 2015? Or approximately one every 6 days?

Say did ya know there will another one next week?

Say did ya know that I'm gonna go puke now?

Fuck all of you who feel nothing but love for your guns right now.