Saturday, December 29, 2012

Good Morgan!

Hey sometimes you just have to choose a side. You may be repelled by an arrogant English phone hacker like Piers Morgan and then he gets attacked by a mob of IQ-less gun fondlers for calling an unbelievably stupid man named Larry Pratt "an unbelievably stupid man". Pratt is the head of some scam organization named the Gun Owners of America thus proving Piers' point.

Sorry unbelievably stupid men and women, I take Piers' side. Seems the incredibly stupid faction of the Child Massacre Advocates have started a petition, another stupid one I might add, to that White House website, you know, the one where my dreams of Southern secession can come true, to deport Piers Morgan because he has the scones to stand up to the gun nuts of America. They love the Second Amendment so goddamned much they are perfectly willing to throw out the First Amendment when somebody gets through their ear plugging nyah nyah nyah act.

The petition states :

"British Citizen and CNN television host Piers Morgan is engaged in a hostile attack against the U.S. Constitution by targeting the Second Amendment. We demand that Mr. Morgan be deported immediately for his effort to undermine the Bill of Rights and for exploiting his position as a national network television host to stage attacks against the rights of American citizens."

Yep, that's it. And so far over 90,000 moonshiners have signed it. Of course as Piers states in his all so wonderful tiger poking twitter responses, that leaves about 310,910,000 folks who want him to stay. I know the math is really hard for mass murder enthusiasts, but that's a lot!

Oh wait, that petition was started in Texas. Aren't you rootin tootin traitors gone yet?

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Holiday!

Merry Christmas everybody! Maybe we can stop with the killing and shooting for a day or so.

Tomorrow it's back to work. Or in the case of us Obama voters, back to taking from the makers. Yeah, I'll be up at 5 AM I can drive over the ice and snow and go take from the makers.

So have a good day, drink so you can tolerate the relatives, pop in Bad Santa, and get ready for New Years Eve! And oh yeah, praise Jebus!

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Santa And Captain McClusky!

Ah let's all calm down. It's Christmas time and despite the Child Massacre advocates attempt to screw it all up for the rest of us, let's deny them that pleasure. Ignore the death threats and bizarre justifications for child murder and let's all enjoy ourselves with the traffic and the bumping and the shoving and the family meltdowns this fine holiday season.

Just pop a Haldol, start drinking, and put on that wonderful Christmas movie you all love. In my case it's The Godfather. Nothing gets me more choked up than when Michael and Kate come out of a cheery decorated Christmasee Macy's right before he finds out the Don has been gunned down because Fredo is all Three Stooges in one. And oh yeah, I begin weeping when Mike goes to the hospital to see his poor father and sees the Charlie Brown Christmas tree in the hallway right before Captain McClusky cracks him in the jaw.

Let's all have a "Merry Christmas" or for you atheistic or non Jesus hell goers, "Happy Holidays". I prefer to hear "I've frisked a thousand young punks". Gets me every time!

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Lawrence O'Donnell Better Get Bodyguards!

I beg you to watch this man rip apart Wayne LaPierre! He is the gutsiest man on TV. And he better protect himself from the very nuts he deplores. My hat if off to you, Mr. O'Donnell and I don't take my hat off very often. Thanks, man for saying it!

Friday, December 21, 2012

Wayne La Pepe' Le Pew Speaks!

Holy shit! What the hell was THAT??? After a week of thinking it over, Wayne "Needle Dick" LaPierre holds a presser to address the murder of 26 people, 20 of whom were 6 or 7 years old, and he came up with this? What the fuck would he have said had he not had a week to come up with an intelligent response? Something like that idiot who said the 6 years olds should have bum rushed the shooter and nipped at his ankles till he fell over? Or better yet, what he spewed forth today.

LaPierre babbled on like the kind of guy he is. A well paid wingnut who doesn't possible believe anything he vomited all over the American people. "The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun" Really, numbnuts? You mean like when John Hinkley shot President Reagan and Jim Brady? Or hey, when Kennedy got blow away or yeah when George Wallace got gunned down, or Bobby Kennedy or on and on and on. Those assassins were fuckin surrounded by "good guys with guns". Didn't work, Wayne!

Armed guards in EVERY school? Really, Elmer Fudd? Your tea party cost cutters might not want to pay for that.

The media reports on it, bad? The video games are violent, bad? The movies are too carnage-like, bad (except for that cool Red Dawn blockbuster Wayne masturbates to). It's everybody's fault except the poor National Assault Rifle Association. The anti gun sane people are crazy, not the moon howlers who run the National Child Massacre Association. Yeah yeah, they are all rational human beings. All 4.3 million of them. They just want to shoot animals, shoot targets with Obama's picture on them for fun, and maybe now and then blast the shit out of a church full of liberals. What's the big deal?

No, I am so happy Wayne the Whiner came out and said EXACTLY what he said today.It was just brilliant! Wayne, I didn't think you could have taken your rat hole organization any deeper into the sewer , but goddammit, you did it! Way to go! Now everybody hates you and your Nugent listening moonshiners.

Now all sane NRA members, and there have to be about 4.2 million of those will resign on the spot from this insane organization. At least you would think so. I mean after all, I resigned from Acorn right after I illegally voted 16,000 times last November because they were so insane. Well, I will, if I ever find where the fucking office is.

In conclusion, and in all seriousness, I applaud you. Mr. Pepe Le Pierre. You just committed suicide on national TV and nobody got hurt.R._Budd_Dwyer would be so proud.

Plan B From Outer Space!

What the hell??? John Boner's Plan B to avoid all this fiscal cliff nonsense failed to gather enough Republican vote promises because that poor .19% of the Americans that give and give and give so the rest of us can live paycheck to paycheck would have lost some money they never use anyway? Migawd, that Obama really mucked that up, didn't he?

Hey Plan B was gold! Millionaires would see their tax rates skyrocket from 35 to 39% on all that hard earned money they pull in once they hit that magic million mark. Take that Mitt! You blew a slam dunk thanks to illegals and Acorn! You deserve to get your tax rates raised. Switzerland is on Line 1. Capital gains long term (I have absolutely no idea what that means, thus proving I'm a peasant)over the magic million would rise from 15 to 20%. Good heavens! How much more can we expect that .19% to pay? There, the fiscal cliff is solved, right? Geese lay golden eggs again, Mitch McConnell pokes his head out of the walk in closet again, and The United States is numero uno once again, right?

Huh? Only 60% of the revenue needed is raised that way? Well where the fuck does Plan B get the rest of it then? Yacht tax? Private plane tax? Car elevator tax? Bentley tax?

Boner. please! Remember that "failed stimulus" you kept hearing about in all those Karl Rove/Koch Brothers (hee hee I still giggle at how much $$ they lost) ads that told the "truth" about our Muslim socialist football interrupting President? A lot of that "failed stimulus" (which cost you either 800 million or 1.2 trillion depending on how big of a fucking liar the Republican candidate was) was tax breaks for us losers. The payroll tax cut for Socialism Security . Tax credits for snobby college tuition . Tax credits for low income folks who irresponsibly breed like rats and have kids . Lower increases for those mooching old people for inflation. Bah!

Hey all of that goes bye bye under Boners Plan B! You know what happens then. YOU and I pay it. Say goodbye to 3 grand or so. You know, Mitt Romney's daily egg nog budget. And not only that, Plan B, while raising taxes on Mr.Burns, preserves all those other tax breaks on that tip money income below a million resulting in an average tax cut of 108 thousand dollars for the .19%. Yeah baby! Plan B? More like Plan G for Grift.

But it went bye bye last night because the Boner couldn't even find enough Republicans to vote for it. Not because of the unfairness and bullshitness of the whole scam, but because tea party nuts still in Congress thought $108 thousand wasnt enough of a cut for their donors and $3 thousand more on the unwashed wasn't enough of a raise. Why are these id-jiots still there?

So it's dead. Plan B ,not the Boner (though he is on life support). Expect even bigger scams to come forth in the coming days. Me? I am all buckled in to go over the fucking cliff. It'll be a rough landing. But to know I'm spending a temporary 3 grand or so to kill off the Republican party will be worth it. And when the Congressional Democrats introduce a plan to restore the tax cuts for us peasants, I want to see how many of those gutless Republican pricks actually vote no. Oh, going off a cliff can be so fun. Like the roller coaster it scares the shit out of you at first, but then its over and you realize you want to do it again. In this case, going off the
cliff could result in not only a cheap thrill, but the end of a political party full of soulless Ayn Randian assholes.

Buckle up for safety!

Friday, December 14, 2012

It's All Bob Costas Fault!

Too soon? I mean its never too fucking soon anymore since every two days some crazy lunatic exercises his 2nd Amendment rights and whacks a bunch of innocents because his life doesn't resemble the Kardashians or something. But today. TODAY! A whole lot of 5 year olds were massacred by a hell dwelling maniac with a fucking gun. Yeah, there are other consistents to these mall shooters, these domestic violence enthusiasts, these political assassins, these movie theater bitters, and these school killers. Yeah they are all mentally ill and walking the streets thanks to Saint Ronnie. But they all also have guns. Guns they bought legally from some profiteering asshole who once he fondles the cash, doesn't give jack shit about what the shaved headed cross eyed oddball who bought 4 guns and 10,000 rounds of ammo does with his new toy.

20 children. 20 little children are dead. Little children who went to kindergarten this morning to hang with their new friends, learn some stuff and then get killed because this nation doesn't have the balls to tell the NRA to go fuck itself and put the same restrictions on guns they do on driving a car, the other weapon the NRA tells you is so dangerous.

I am so angry right now I can say this with gusto. Yeah, I wish Obama had the nuts to come take your guns away. I know it's not going to happen but I have a dream. I hate guns. I used to own one. I got rid of it. Firing a gun gave me no thrill. I didn't pop a chubby when it went off. In fact I was appalled by it. That's not to say if you get a stiffy from firing guns and pretending you're going to stop a madman is wrong. It's just silly. And it identifies a deep seeded hatred of anything alive. Sorry, but Dr. Max's Dad has spoken.

There are people all over this nation who fired guns and actually did stop madmen, whether in the Pacific, or Europe, or Korea, or Vietnam, or Iraq or Afghanistan. And a lot of them are all fucked up now. That's what happens when you get to fire your gun a lot. And of course somebody shoots back. You don't like it.

So stop the paranoia gun nutz. Nobody will do shit. Massacres will continue. Obama will still be President. And you will buy more and more guns praying you can play Charles Bronson someday.

I abhor the violence. I abhor the NRA. I abhor mentally ill maniacs walking the streets with no shot at getting help. And I abhor those who buy more guns today.
In fact I abhor guns so much, the first person who makes the inevitable "well if those kids had been armed, this wouldn't have happened" statement, I'm gonna shoot them.

With a lot of VERY LOUD words of course.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Is That A Thug Or A Goon?

Yep all together now. What's the word that comes after the word "union"? That's right, "thug" and /or "goon". Fox News has video end everything of union "thugs" and union "goons" beating up Steven Crowder, Fox News contributor and alleged comedian. Crowder, who hasn't ever in history said anything that remotely resembles "comedy", was punched repeatedly in a heavily edited video by both "thugs" and "goons" and maybe even a "boss" or two. For what? Oh I dont know, he was just standing around being all patriotic and shit and some guy just punched him for no reason. Anyway, that's where the video starts, some guy just clocking Chowder for no reason at all. I'm sure Steve was just reciting the Pledge of Allegiance or something and made that union thugs brain short circuit because its been so soaked with Obama socialist commie propaganda that he couldn't react any other way except to punch that fine American "comedian".

So now we, and by we, I mean the 65 to dead year olds who watch Fox News can get their bloomers all in a knot and holler "seeeeee I told you them unions were all a bunch of bums and freeloaders" right after they get off their Medicare provided scooter. Sean Hannity will STILL be showing the fucking edited video in 2020 when Hillary Clinton is running for a second term. Right after he shows the Black Panthers from 2008 that is.

Steven Crowder, comedian, known for such gut busting comedy as dressing in a bear suit and stealing children's Halloween candy just to be a dick. You know, like Obama is a dick for trying to tax the job creators. Such irony. That man is brilliant. I'm sure he has created a battalion of 6 year old Republican zombies who already are glued to The Five instead of Spongebob. More like "hey Johnny, remember when that douchnozzle from Fox News took our candy? Yeah I wished I'd have been the one to jack him in the face"

Karma, Stevie. Karma!

Monday, December 10, 2012

Now I Know Zeppelins True Meaning Of Black Dog!

Oh its that time of year when we get cards from all of our friends pretending that they really aren't in full schadenfreude mode wishing the coming year is as bad as theirs will probably be. Hey, the White House, still occupied by a muslim socialist foreigner who stole the election from Lord Mittens of Boxingfanville by using a non existent organization called Acorn, sent out their card also. And Fox News is out-foxing-raged at the non mention of the birth of Jesus (the lord not the gardener) in the card. Goddamnit, they even rubbed in our faces by sticking a black dog on the front of the card and we know what those muslim kenyans think of dogs? The nerve!!!

Why this is the most insulting card since George W Bush put that giant phallic thing on the front of the 2008 card (probably urged on by First lady-elect Moochelle)and in effect told the nation to suck his crank before he left office with that kick ass economy Nobama screwed up so bad.

Yeah Fox News, you are the only link to true Americans we have any longer. Excuse me while I weep for America.

There, a nice shot of good old American owned Budweiser got me back on course. Keep up the good work, Fox News looking out for traditional America. Hey, tomorrow tell us something else we can gnash our dentures over. Hey, a little tip. I heard that black dog's name is Bo! Short for Bo-ys marrying Bo-ys!

Monday, December 3, 2012

Putting Things In Perspective!

Want stuff to be in perspective again? Like Bob Costas I cannot stand the following phrases...."that really puts things in perspective" and...."He/She died doing what they loved". Bullshit. If things aren't already in perspective for you, you're lost. And nobody dies doing what they loved because nobody loves plunging in a plane to the ground or smashing into tree while skiing or smashing into the ground after your parachute fails to open. Please stop!

The children pictured above are Isaiah Casillas and his buddy Jack Hoffman. Both boys have cancer, brain cancer to be exact. Rex Burkhead, a running back for the University of Nebraska, has befriended Jack and that 22 jersey is Jack's pride and joy as it came from Rex himself, his hero.

Last September, Jack got lead the Husker team onto the field before the first Wisconsin game and wanted his buddy Isaiah to help him out. Rex Burkhead led 7 year old Jack onto the field and receiver Quincy Enunwa led Isaiah out onto the field. They had a ball, and it "really put things in perspective" to see this scene.

Isaiah died over the weekend. He was 6 years old.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

No Spin Moan!

Sweet Jesus I Hate Bill O'Reilly! That was a great book and also pretty much sums up how I feel about the bloviating jack off who charms 75 year old cranks who can't reach the remote on a nightly basis.

O'Reilly has once again begun his annual woe is me War on Christmas month. It began with his yakking with another bloviating jack off atheist and moved on with a waste of time interview with the Governor of Rhode Island. All the while Mr.Do It Live hammers home his point that poor christians are getting the shaft, quite a change from his normal shafting of his employees.

O'Reilly is a bully. A former junior high school history teacher who claims his students loved him because he was "tough but fair". Yeah right, Mr. Fuckin Shit Sucks. They hated you. Every last one of them. He reminds me of every star fucker wannabe who can't get into the cool club so he gasbags his disdain of said cool club. If Clooney or Natalie Maines or Springsteen, all people Billo has hammered, ever invited O'Reilly to an event, the skid marks would be on fire in the Fox Studio from his road runnering his way outta there. Beep Beep!

So get used to it. Or better yet, do like me, and ignore this serial sex creep for the next 20 years or so.

Oh yeah but one more thing before I Etch a Sketch Billo off my radar screen. It was interesting to note that Mr. I Don't Know What That Means considers christianity a "philosophy" not a religion and Jesus a "man". Jesus H Christ Bill! That's a huge step for a fucking buffet catholic like yourself. Now if only the government would consider christianity a "philosophy" and Jesus a "man" like L Ron Hubbard or Joe Smith or "Reverend" Moon and tax the living shit out of it! Fiscal cliff "nightmare" solved!

Thanks Bill!

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Sean Hannity's New Hero!

funny gifs

Another Florida white guy with a gun has stood his ground goddammit! 45 year old Mike Dunn pulled into a convenience store in Jacksonville or Sanford or some other shitty Florida town with his girlfriend to buy some classy wine when he heard an SUV full of hoodie wearing rap blasting skittle buying black thugs parked right next to him. So Mike did what any white guy standing his ground would do. He hollered over for them to shut the fuck up. When they didn't, he shot 8 or 9 times into the vehicle just to scare them a bit. Oh he killed 17 year old Jordan Davis but hey, what did that kid think was gonna happen when he turned up that loud ass music?

Mike and gal pal drove off to a motel to make sweet love after ingesting the MD20 and finally turned themselves in to the local cops after seeing that somebody got killed. What the hell? You can't even fire into a vehicle 8 or 9 times without some idiot getting in the way and killing himself. Oh and by the way, Mike's lawyer says Mike acted as any responsible gun owner would. By shooting somebody who sassed him after he started a verbal confrontation in a public parking lot.

You can even hear the Fox New machine gearing up for its spin and the defense of Mike Dunn, avenger of Mitt Romney's loss in Florida. Unarmed but very dangerous 17 year old black kid killed by scared white guy with gun. You know, the same old story. The act made perfectly legal by the nitwits who lounge around the Florida legislature. Stand Your Ground Laws, as long as you're white, male, stupid and actually fantasize about stopping a madman from shooting up a loaded theater full of Red Dawn fans. Yep, it's Florida being Florida. Again.

Oh Bugs, you had no idea how right you are. Next cartoon, saw off Texas too.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

You Two Have Nuthin On Jeff Dunham!

Hey Grampy McCain! You lost over 4 fucking years ago! Get over it for chrissakes and leave Susan Rice alone. I know you cannot get the black guy out of the White House but by getting the black chick out of the State Department or the UN or the CIA or wherever the hell she is aint gonna help your pain.

I'm not really sure of much about this Fox News generated impeachable offense but I do know the following:

1) Four Americans were murdered in Benghazi, Libya

2) Mitt Romney got smacked upside the head for even bringing it up

3) Dana Rohrbacher (Dickhead-Cal) is a complete asshole

There, that's about it. But from my limited knowledge of the "scandal", Fox News, John McCain and his effeminate ventriloquist dummy, Lindsay Graham, along with an inexplicable nobody from New Hampshire have begun to attempt to reverse the election by Clintoning Barack Obama.

McCain and his band of nitwits have it our for Susan Rice, presumably the next Secretary of State after Hillary leaves to become the 45th President of the United States. Why? Because Susan Rice said something about a video causing riots that resulted in 4 dead diplomats in Libya. Oh come on! Everybody knows it was Al Qaeda that whacked those innocents. And for that, Susan Rice is a complete incompetent dumbshit!

Yep, that's about it. 4 dead Americans. Check. Killed by a mob. Check.

Orrrrr could it be this? 4 dead Americans. Check. Killed by a mob of terrorists. Check.

Seeeeeeeeeeeeeee! What a goddamned scandal this is. And leave it to Gramps to get to the bottom of this!

Just like he did when Colin Powell spoke to the UN about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Or when Condoleeza the piano player national security'd her way to 3000 dead innocents and became Secretary of State. Or when he got to the bottom of that war of liberation we started. Or when we let Bin Laden go at Tora Bora. Or when he tried to figure out where the yellow cake (hmmmm yellow cake) was.

Yeah, Grampa Simpson was all over those fuck ups like lies on Romney.

Is it possible to ship John McCain back to Hanoi?

Friday, November 16, 2012

Springsteen Does Nebraska!

Who's the greatest American rock n roll band? It's debatable of course but you very seldom hear the E Street Band thrown into the Aerosmith (yuck), Doors, Beach Boys, CCR argument. Well let me submit that name to the argument.

I cannot gush enough about Bruce Springsteen as people know. When The Boss made nice with Chris Christie the other day and the Guv said he went home and wept, hey man, I get it.

The E Street Band came thru Omaha last night and I've never seen anything like it and I've seen these guys 5 times. Hey I'm not a Bruce stalker or anything but 5 is pretty good, right? A horn section, backup singers, some guy banging a bongo, some other guy playing accordions, hell there were 18 people up onstage and it was my favorite type of concert, organized chaos! It was jazz man!

Leading off with Reason to Believe, off the Nebraska album, Springsteen mauled his way thru a 3 hour 10 minute show that had everybody in absolute heaven. He played 6 songs off Nebraska, apparently according to my Springsteen statistician buddy, a new record. For goodness sake, he played more songs off Nebraska (6) than he did off his Wrecking Ball album (5) and again, for you sabermetrics geeks like me, he hadn't played Highway Patrolman since 1985 and hadn't played State Trooper since 2007. There, enough geeky crap.

There were a couple of people who had to have hit peaks of their rather young lives. First, a 10 year old boy holding a "Badlands" sign singled out by Bruce for being "the future". On the big screen, this kid was ecstatic as he was "excused" from school today, "tell em the Boss said so". And yeah, he played Badlands as the kid thrust his fist in the air better than most of us vets.

A 12 year old girl, in full braces and an I Love Bruce t shirt, brought onstage to not only sing "Waitin On a Sunny Day" with the Boss, but givin a chance to sing all alone and doing a damn good job, rewarded by Bruce for her singing by being put on his shoulder and carried around.

I have no idea how much of this show is scripted but if it is, they sure as hell mask it well. A Santa hat thrown onstage caused Springsteen to lament that come on man, its too early, its not even Thanksgiving yet. But during the encore, yep, we got to hear Santa Claus Is Comin To Town with the Big Man's nephew doing the Clarence parts. A tribute to Clarence Clemons and Danny Federici, the two deceased members of the band, during Tenth Avenue Freeze Out was very moving.

Hey I love Born To Run, Thunder Road and Dancin in the Dark (well not really) as much as the next person, but to hear this Nebraska album stuff with a full kick ass band was special. I just wish Chris Christie would have been here to see it.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Nyah Nyah Nyah Goodbye!

Well by now you've heard so many not at all racist sore losers are really hacked off that a Hawaiian won re-election as POTUS. So they are doing their patriotic duty by getting out and working really hard so their state can petition the United States Government to let them go form their own nation. And by working real hard I mean reaching over with the hand that's not stuffing a chip into their mouths and typing their name on an online petition requesting secession.

That may the BEST idea I may have ever heard. To force the White House to respond by first laughing and then taking down your name for placement on some sort of nut list each state must gather 25,000 names. Let's all guess which states have already reached that 25,000 crazy minimum. Yep, Texas is numero uno with over 100,000 Rick Perry oopsters ready to leave the Union. So can you guess the other 6 states that have that many brain dead Victoria Jacksons living there? You got it. Congrats cuz I know y'all chose Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, North Carolina and Tennessee. All have the necessary 25,000. Cmon Mississippi, get with it. There's gotta be somebody down there savvy enough to teach ya how to point and click. Kentucky is probably all distracted by their crooked basketball team and being moonshined up but they'll get on the ball soon enough. Arkansas, you are so close, so close, ask Mikey Huckabee for some help. Oklahoma, cmon now, Sharia law is right around the corner and I found a fetus in my Spam the other day so you better Boomer sooner than later.

I am imploring you, Obama administration. Get rid of these bloodsucking Dixie whistling losers. Though they think they contribute to society by supplying the cannon fodder that goes into the defense industries profit margins, they really don't. They suck tax money out of blue states faster than Confederate troops shooting Stonewall Jackson. They really don't want to be here anyway. I mean Roots is considered commie propaganda and their favorite Spielberg scene is when the Amistad crew sent a bunch of Obama voters to the bottom of the sea.

No I kid the South. I've been there, uhhhhh, never. Unless you count Texas that is. The place where some drunken lout tried to claim the moon in the sky was exclusive to Texas and that I couldn't see it up here.

So I'm torn here. Hey, if Dixie went away again, yeah we'd lose 29 electoral votes from Florida but the bad guys would lose 133 electoral votes and the Prez wins 303-73 and we get to sleep at about 7:30 every 4 years.

By my rather limited math skills, if Dixie went bye bye, Obama wins popular vote by 53-47% and that's when it's close.

Ok, I am convinced. Fort Sumter has been attacked. The South has seceded. I yawn.

Please. Do it!

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Oh Yeah, Well If Like Only Fox News Could Vote, You'd Have Probably Lost!

Yep Uncle and Aunt Sam, your boy lost. That guy you so identified with as of about October 3rd or so when you discovered he was white. Oh well, I think the casino buffet stays open till at least 11.

The excuses have begun. They are so entertaining. And as delusional as Fox News was right up to the point that the numbers nerds in the basement declared Obama the winner and were visited by that hot blonde from upstairs who was ordered by Karl Rove to go downstairs and distract them while he ran and hid from his billionaire owners.

Hurricane Sandy was the talking point that seemed to dominate most of the blamers like that fat Southerner Haley Barbour and the serial sex harasser Bill O'Reilly. Romney's bullet train like momentum was derailed by Sandy they said. Man, if Sandy hadn't happened because of the gays, why Romney would've beaten the Kenyan usurper by at least 90% to 10% and that's if Obama cheated.

The fact checkers were biased against Mittens. Why, they would say things like hey Mittens, you said the exact opposite of whatever it is you just said five minutes ago. How dare they? Hey Paul Ryan, that GM plant closed under Bush. Fact checkers? Bahhhh. Romney claimed Obama ended welfare work requirements and claimed he caused Chrysler to move Jeep jobs to China. Well just because its 100% false doesn't mean its not true.

Voters are idiots. Well about 47.82% of them are. So that whine is sort of true. For chrissakes, if you can't get what you want by spending $900 million lying to the idiots, well then, exactly who are the idiots?

White people are the minority. Well with logic like that, who can argue? I mean when 71% of the voters are white, what more of a minority can you be? Makes you long for the good old days when only white male property owners could vote.

Chicks are so emotional. It's a well know biological fact that women vote on an emotional basis while men vote based on logic and facts. Just ask Ted Nugent. If only women would vote like dudes, none of this shit would be happening. OH MY GOD, I need to go buy more guns before Obama passes more anti gun laws!!! Stupid chicks!

Chris Christie! That "gelatinous clown" as some loser from the American Expectorator magazine (that is still around) referred, caused Mittens to lose. Oh I know Christie took 18 minutes to mention Romney's name when nominating him, and I know Christie praised Obama for his handling of Sandy, and I know he made Steve Douchey of Fox & Friends look even dumber than he usually does, and I know he didn't vote for Romney but for the love of sweet jesus, who wouldn't have loved to do all that?

And my faves. The Tea party! Mitt Romney wasn't conservative enough. After the teabaggers were all enthusiastic about that plutocrat job killer's candidacy and rushed off to the polls to sweep Mittens to the Oval Office, he lost big? But all you tri corn hatted nitwits voted for him, right? Yeah that's it. Keep it up.

Please Republicans, keep the hate alive. Keep fooling yourselves that Americans are all in your corner. All Americans hate the gays, hate taxes, hate the Mexicans, hate Obama, want to go to war with everybody, want to destroy Medicare and Social Security after you're done with it of course, and live in the Cleaver household. Keep Hope alive republicans! It makes me look forward to 2016 when another Democrat like Corey Booker or Hillary Clinton or the taco truck guy kick your boring white guy's ass again.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Well At Least They Are Taking The News Well!

Well at least the righties are handling their crushing defeat well. The sun came up, the stock market went down, and Nebraskans sent a bullying witch to the Senate. Just another day in the US of A. Wait, what? The righties are angry? No way!

Ted Nugent, has been Republican guitar player and chronic adulterer, was very succinct and wise in his comments on Obama's win. Ted, lyrical poet that he is, exclaimed, " Pimps,whores and welfare brats and their soulless supporters have a president to destroy America". Wow, Ted, turn that into a 13 minute self indulgent tune you play at your next white supremacist rally.

Victoria Jackson, unfunny plus sized blonde SNL mystery cast member, "can't stop crying" because, ta daaaaa, "America died". Somebody do something to uncross those eyes and knock some sense into that empty head.

Patricia Heaton, pint sized ex wife of Ray Barone, decided to weigh in with her expert economic analysis by stating "Bracing for 4 more yrs of high taxes, high unemployment, high debt" and topping it off for you stock market investors with ""At least the president can't blame the mess he's 'inheriting' on anyone else but himself!". And you thought Axel was the dumb one on The Middle.

The dumb Baldwin brother, Stephen, apparently hanging around with Trump too much blathered on with this philosophical gem, "2nite Gods Spirit lifted within me&joy came over me, I will serve the Lord, my hope is in Jesus not Obama, Gods wrath is upon US. 2Thes2:11" Hey Alec, did you drop baby Steve on his head and didn't tell anyone?

Karl Rove, dark prince of the earth, simply argued with fellow Fox News propaganda artist Megyn Kelly about Fox calling Ohio for Obama. Megyn, not as delusional as I believed, told Karl "it's over" to which Rascally Rove shot back with "I think this is premature…” .....there's something really dirty about that exchange. And disgusting.

Fox Radio loser Todd Starnes, apparently not talented or blonde enough to get on Fox News TV decided to go all judicial on everyone's ass by yakking " well the first order of business should be a full investigation of Benghazi-followed by impeachment proceedings". Wow, Todd, you're regular Sherlock Holmes, investigating and solving it in 27 syllables.

Brian Kilmeade, the emptiest chair on Fox & Friends, actually became dumber than Gretchen Carlson when he jumped into a very intellectual discussion of Hurricane Sandy's effects on the election and how it helped the Prez by stating "Then we're the shallowest country in the history of man" . If anybody knows anything about shallow, it's Fox, Friends, and Kilmeade.

Pat Robertson, snake oil salesman, wonders aloud "What is up with the American people?".Uhhhh they've figured your bullshit out, Reverend Crazy Eyes.

And good old Rush, the thrice married Oxycontin addict, just said ""We Are Either Outnumbered" Or "One Of The Most Outrageous Thefts" In "The History Of Elections Has Taken Place"....Rush, you sit in your basement talking to an imaginary man named Snerdly. Of course you are outnumbered. Duh...

The Vatican said hey congrats on the win despite our blatant attempts to sway our sheeple but of course reminded the Prez that they really hate abortion and birth control. Ok, red beanie boy followers, turn in your rosaries and bibles by next week or else!

These people never fail to fascinate me. By next week they will all be back to bashing Obama, collecting their gigantic paychecks, and thanking the lucky stars that Barack Hussein Obama won re-election! After all, everyone of those people voted for Obama to keep the gravy train going full steam ahead. What more could these greedy charlatans ask for? Keeping the nitwits on the hook for another 4 years. It's easy. And if any of them DID vote for Mittens, they truly are as cretinous as they act. Come on, that cannot be! Right?

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Monday, November 5, 2012

Babies Know!

Babies know. Dogs, even ones not strapped to the roof of a car, know. And you know,too.

Mitt Romney is a tool.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

I Am Woman, Hear Me Whine!

Now that Mitt Romney is assured of winning the Presidency on Tuesday and Barack Obama is going down in a crushing defeat thanks to the Washington Redskins losing,why even bother to even show up and vote?

I'll tell ya why because for every idiotic "formula" predicting the election for one side, there's another idiotic "formula" predicting the election for the other side. Thanks to Alabama's never in doubt victory over the LSU guys last night, Mitt Romney is done. Kaput. Put a fork in Duke Mittens of Massa-fornia-gan. Barack Obama will serve another term where he can enslave the white race with no opposition whatsoever.

The last week we have seen Lord Rombot of OnePercentland try to appeal to that all important demographic of married white women living in comfort but still bitching that the black usurper isn't handing them money for staying home and watching The Talk.

Put out by the surrogates of Prince Poppycock of Prickville, one ad features a thirty something actress pretending to be a real married chick of means whining how bad her life is as she sits in a $100K kitchen watching Obama on a $600 I Pad and slurping a $6 cup of coffee. The other features a stern looking thirty something actress pretending to be a married chick in a $200 jogging suit pushing a $600 baby stroller as she runs through a well to do upper class neighborhood crying about her horrible life under the Black Avenger. Not only that, but the scary man in the White House makes her baby cry. Really?

Whitey, please! Appealing to this type of person is a ridiculous waste of money for the Koch Bros and Karl Rove. Women like that are already in the Mittens camp, protecting their investment, errrrrr, marriage. These kind of ads are laughable to anybody with a brain. To feel sorry for either of them is something only Romney could comprehend.

It's getting close to the end and Romney seems to be the desperate one. Implying that you all will be fired by his buddies if Obama wins. Threatening the country's financial future by saying the House will only work with him and if the Kenyan Muslim socialist wins, sorry, the country goes off the cliff. Sending out clowns like Rudy Giuliani and Donald Trump to "persuade" the nitwits still claiming to be undecided? Huuuuuuuuuge move, Mittens.

I am more optimistic than I was week ago. Reading between the lines, the Republicans seem to be gearing up for a loss, what with Chris Christie's Obama praise, and the bitter old man McCain bringing up the "I" word as in impeach over the Fox News generated Libya nonsense. Shit, even Sarah Palin has kept her hillbilly piehole shut for about a week.

If and when the Emperor of Entitlement gets his ass handed to him Tuesday, let's hope this privileged dope goes back to one of his houses and does what he does best. Nothing.

Thank You Hibbing,Minnesota!

Hey thanks Hibbing, Minnesota for spawning Robert Zimmerman 71 years ago. Bob Dylan roared into a 20% filled arena (WTF is wrong with people? Two days of Taylor Swift sells out and 3500 show up for a legend?)last night to help Max and I forget about all the political bullshit for about 3 1/2 hours or so.

Now you either love Dylan, hate Dylan, or have no idea who Bob Dylan is. If you love him, as I do, you know what's coming. If you love him and have never seen him, SURPRISE! I've seen him now three times and he gets better each time as far as I'm concerned because he's, well he is who he is. Hey folks, you are not going to recognize any of his songs because he changes them to the way he wants to do them now at age 71. And he's earned that right. If you go see Bob Dylan, you are going to hear all new music. Yeah you still figure it out about halfway through the tune when you hear the croak of his voice say "Tankel oop in blooooo" (like the case of the 20 something dude in front of us who once a lyric was actually decipherable would stand and wooo hooo).

The first time I saw him I wasn't sure. The second time I got it. This third time, WOW! This was Max's first and though it confused the kid for a bit, he got into it soon enough. Let's face it, Bob Dylan's band is now a boogie band heavy on the driving bass and Dylan pounding keyboards and that's fine with me. He never speaks, he introduces his band, and he plays his music. That's it. If you have an appointment and need to get someplace, he's the guy to see.

Highlights included, oh hell, you wouldn't recognize Thunder on the Mountain, Highway 61, or Blowin in the Wind anyway so let's just say the whole thing was great.

Mark Knopfler opened and played new music almost exclusively. No Money For Nothing, no Sultans of Swing. It didn't matter because the former Dire Straits frontman still plays a mean ass guitar. Loved him too. And he did Brothers in Arms so that made it a great opener. You won't be disappointed arriving early to see this act. And a song about Sonny Liston? Brother, you know how to please Max's Dad!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Cosmic Bob For Senate!

I have no idea if you've seen the Steve Martin endorsement of Bob Kerrey in the Nebraska Senate race. If you haven't, google it. It's worth watching.

I also have no idea if Bob Kerrey can pull of a win Tuesday in the Nebraska Senate race. The odds say hell no. Reality says ehhhhhhh, probably not. But there is hope.

I know the Nebraska Senate race is of no big whoop to most people outside of the state that worships red, both politically and footbally. A month ago, Bob Kerrey trailed an obscure Joe Ricketts puppet named Deb Fischer, a state senator here (trust me, being a state senator here in Nebraska is kind of like being a Mormon in Utah, no big deal). Deb Fisher was rolling with a double digit lead simply because of that "R" next to her name over the former Governor and two term Senator Kerrey. But then.....

Seems Deb Fischer is a fucking bully. An intimidating presence in her gigantic people-less county she kind of ran like a thuggish Ma Barker. Suing neighbors to obtain land that wasn't hers and losing, ramming bills through the biggest pussified legislative body in the world, the Nebraska Unicameral, to keep the family she lost to from selling the land to the state as a state park just out of spite. Running ad after ad featuring her grinning back stabbing mug and saying how she would balance the federal budget while cutting taxes and reinstating pre-existing conditions and cutting young people off their parents insurance (oh she said she'd repeal Obamacare)& flying on her broom back and forth from DC.

Then all of a sudden, the ads changed. Deb Fisher began responding that her family was being attacked unfairly. That the lawsuit was a simple "land boundary clarification". Then Joe Ricketts, instead of spending money on his shitty baseball team, the Cubs, pumped another $250K into her floundering campaign. Republican "heavyweights" like Mike Johanns (???) began standing up for her "character".

Now the latest poll shows Bob Kerrey only 3 points down. Could it happen? The Wicked Witch of Valentine sent home to bully people half her size?

Hey,we can hope. As last resort, Bob Kerrey can wear his fucking Medal of Honor around his neck, talk about his tenure as a University president, his governorship, his two terms as a Senator and his starting up of the best cheese frenchee joint in the Midwest. What's she got to brag about? Her squatters rights lawsuit, her stealing of gas tax money to fix the untraveled roads in her desolate wasteland of a county, or her sky writing ability on that broom of hers?

Monday, October 29, 2012

Who's Laughing Now? Republicans Are!

"President Obama promised to begin to slow the rise of the oceans." Here Romney paused -- for 14 long seconds. "And to heal the planet."

And then, the Republicans howled with laughter. Who's laughing now? Mitt Romney and the Republicans are as the east coast fills with water. From the rising oceans that are so fucking funny to your average Republican. Rising oceans caused by an unhealthy planet that needs healing. Cue the Republican laughter. Batten down the Hamptons, dahhhling!

Seriously, I'm in off the ledge, but I am still concerned. Dimwits are threatening to take over this nation. Let's stop them.

For chrissakes! Vote!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Does Romney Have A Barcode On His Body?

Ok I'm beginning to worry. I am worried that Mitt Romney will lie and buy his way right into the White House. This worry, which I never really faced until last night, is getting real.

I thank the American people for this. At least the idiots they polled on CNN or NBC or that other place I don't turn to. 60% think Mitt Romney is fit to be Commander in Chief based on last night? Really? A guy who spent an hour and a half saying "yeah I agree with what that guy just said, but I'm a white guy(wink wink)." What the hell is wrong with people? Based on the clips I saw (I didn't watch the goddamned thing because the Giants were playing and the Bears were almost as boring as Rombot) Mittens Romney agreed with virtually everything Obama said. And he paid no price for this shameless pandering? Other than get a bump in the number of knuckleheads who saw him as somebody they'd trust to send their kids off to die?

I have no idea what's going on here. It just seems that Obama can't shake this 3 sides to every issue Kochsucker. Is the Billion dollar attempt to oust the black guy working? Are people so utterly spongelike that endless bullshit just can't be kept out? Chrissakes, a President Rom......damn I can't even type the fucking word.

I am still optimistic this will turn out correct and people will not wish to return to the times of Joe McCarthy but I had the same optimistic feeling in 2004. And then Diebold voting machines spewed out horrific Bush vomit in ,ta daaaaaaaa, Ohio.

Ugh! Pass me another Colt 45!

Monday, October 22, 2012


Let's hope this disrespectful prick shows up and continues the assault on the uppity negro by the Republican hierarchy.

It IS an amazing spectacle. Why not just show up in a hood, Mittens? A custom made one of course. And bring that bony fingered leatherface with you this time.

The lack of respect is just HEY SHUT UP YOU'LL GET YOUR CHANCE SMART GUY!

Sunday, October 21, 2012

George McGovern, Thanks For The Memories!

Oh if only he had been President McGovern! George McGovern died this morning of being 90. 40 years ago he was about to be overwhelmingly rejected by the American public as a Presidential nominee by losing to a criminal mastermind named Dick. But in the end, George McGovern won because he was a fine,decent human being while his conquering "hero" was found to be a lying, cynical manipulative creep. Once again, that man's name was "Dick", not "Mitt".

1972. Wow, seems like yesterday. I was a 15 year old kid with an intense hatred of the Vietnam war, an idealistic streak that thought the world would change overnight, and a naivete' that believed George McGovern would win over the Trickster. I remember counting the votes at the Democratic convention on my little Time Magazine ballot until McGovern clinched it. I remember staying up till 2 in the morning to listen to his speech. I remember the Eagleton debacle, the Shriver nomination, and my belief a Kennedy on the ticket would put it over the hump. Wow, was I wrong.

At my Catholic high school in the fall, I was involved in the mock election. In fact I ended up running the McGovern "campaign" because the school version of the "Young Democrats" actually endorsed Dick Nixon. Hello, Max's Dad. You are going to get killed here. Down to the local Democratic office to get literature, bumper stickers, flyers, posters,and passing them out at school to the students, the Catholic students, the rather well off Catholic students, the rather well off Catholic white male students. Hello, Max's Dad, you are going to get destroyed here.

But I didn't know that. Fuck Dick Nixon. Fuck Vietnam. Fuck Kissinger and that whole criminal enterprise.

And then, election night. What a punch in the gut. 49-1. Loser. Nixon was going to let more kids die, crime pays, what's the point? My school election was a landslide also. I'll never forget the vote count. 557-223, Nixon. I took so much shit it really affected me. I hated that place from that moment on. I was a "Communist" , a "space cadet", "anti-American" and that was from the fucking teachers!

Amnesty, Abortion and Acid. That's what they said about McGovern. Turns out he was right on all three. Godspeed buddy!

George McGovern, you really were one of my heroes. A Midwesterner who overcame the genetic disease we all suffer from around here called Republicanism. When people like him die, I really do wish there was a heaven. Cuz there, he eats Nixon for breakfast.

Friday, October 19, 2012

More Teeth Gnashing On The Right!

When Paul Ryan showed up at a Youngstown, Ohio soup kitchen/homeless shelter/enabler place for takers, and stuck his stubby fingers into a clean pot so his handlers could snap a photo of how much Eddie Munster cared about the deadbeats,he became even more of a joke than he already is. Even though Ryan violated Ayn Rand's strict orders from the grave to not give a shit about anyone but himself, Eddie pretended he did. For that, he was ripped by comedians, by the "loser" who runs the place, and by anybody with an ounce of human compassion. Cue the right wing assholes (redundant I know). They began threatening the shelter with phone calls and e mails and the head of the shelter fears for his family's safety. Nice. Alleged "donors" have threatened to never "donate" again. Though I doubt any of these anonymous cowards have ever donated to anything except their own descent into idiocy, just in case this place is losing money you can help them out with a few bucks by sending it to:

Society of St. Vincent de Paul, P.O. Box 224, Youngstown, OH 44501

Let's see, in other right wing asshole news, reaction to Mittens being called out on his lie about Libya and his being kicked in his magic underwear by the foot of Barack Obama is also out of control. As usual, Fox News went nuts. Right wing radio went nuts. That is, even nuttier than they already are. Much as they cried about Joe Biden's "rudeness" and "condescension" that meant Joe knocked Ryan out. Now it's all Candy Crowley, who stated Obama DID say "act of terror" the morning after the murders in Libya, much to Mittens' surprise, who had that "WTF" look in his eyes as if someone just told him the interest rate in his Swiss bank account went down a hundredth of a percent. Even though Crowley didn't even go as far as she should, like saying "Governor Romney, you are a fucking idiot for actually not knowing this", she is evilllllll. She "fed" Obama questions, according to El Rushbo, and should have committed "career suicide" by actually telling the truth. In Limbaugh's world, the truth does not exist. In Fox News' world, crying and whining when your guy gets stomped is the norm, and they do that well.

Finally in right wing asshole news, former Democratic Senator and presidential nominee George McGovern lies near death in a hospice. More on him in a later post. But reaction to the news was swift and predictable in right wing asshole world. Read the comments over at Free Republic if you dare. You will lose all faith in humanity. The Freepers, generally basement dwelling losers, can't get enough of gloating over the deaths of their opponents. Arlen Spector was shaking hands with Ted Kennedy in hell. Now George McGovern, a decent humanitarian WW2 bomber pilot, is being ripped by these blood sucking asshats. On second thought do not go over to that website, you will never think of humanity the same.

Finally, in a personal anecdote, driving home the other day I came upon a Toyota Corolla with bumper stickers that said "Defeat Obama" "Somewhere In Kenya, A Village Is Missing Its Idiot" "Romney/Ryan 2012" "Where's the Birth Certificate" "Get a Job" and another "Defeat Obama". And that was just on the back bumper and back window. As I passed the car I saw the driver, a little old white lady who could barely see over the steering wheel. As I moved back over in front of her, I saw more. More "Defeat Obama" stickers on the front bumper and TWO of them on her fucking FRONT windshield. Wow, if I was a right wing asshole, I'd have run her off the road and there'd be one less voter I didn't like. Being a left wing asshole, I just shook my head and thought about running myself off the road to get out of the nutbag world.

It's getting rough out there. Let's hope we keep the right wing assholes in prime form for another 4 years. They wouldn't know what to do if they won.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Does Staples Have Any Of Those Binders Full Of Women?

I wonder who this Romney supporter thought won the debate last night? That is if you could get him off the Mud Lovin Redneck DVD collection to actually watch it instead of letting Rush tell him what he thought today.

Barack Obama was back. Not putting up with any of Mittens' bullshit, not allowing His Lordship of Willard to dominate the conversation, and certainly not allowing himself to come across as sedated. Of course in white people language (Fox News, Republican hacks on CNN and most of West Virginia) Obama was "angry". Much like Joe Biden was "rude" and "condescending" and "drunk" and dementia'd, Obama was "angry". You know, like that scary black guy at work who scowls at you and secretly wants to rape all white women and most white men. Yeah, "angry". That's Obama. Oh no matter what he said. No matter that Mitt the Smiling Munster looked creepy and lied his ass off repeatedly until called out on it by that CNN plus sized anchor. Oh no, Obama was "angry". Just like all black people, except for that nice shoe shine guy at the country club.

Angry! That's the new word courtesy of Reince Preibus, angry Republican white guy. But of course Republicans have a right to be angry. Such gratitude from the blacks. Free boat rides, 100% employment, Abe Lincoln (though a bit too radical for most current day Republicans), their own private bathrooms, their own private rooms in the Army, their own parts of town, free lawyers for their bad apples, and now, free lobster tails and Colt 45 bought with free food stamps, free money for not working, advantages to get into colleges after their wonderful free public education at their own schools, and free oppressing of the put upon white christian straight males. The gall! And now they even have the Presidency, where Obama has taken all the money from the whites and given it all to the blacks who now live in mansions and hire white maids and drivers.

Had a person text me he never ever hated anybody as much as he hated Barack Obama. That made my night. It meant Obama was fighting back. Pissing off the Romney voters who are voting enthusiastically for Romney because welllll, uhhhhhhhh, because of his position on the fact he aint Obama. And of course he's pale.

Binders Full of Women! Yeah baby! You wimmens are nuthin but a name in a binder. So quit yer bitchin because Mittens has your best interests in mind. Now go get your probing ultrasound, have your rape baby, get paid whatever you're offered and be happy, put up with guy who looks like Mittens pinching your butt and serve your man.

Now THAT, should be what "angry" means.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Pumpin Ryan!

My stars! That beastly Joe Biden, you know the one who actually rides the Amtrak with icky people, was just rude to that nice Paul Ryan boy the other night. Why I never!

This seems to be the reaction of the Republican hierarchy, and by that I mean anybody at Fox News or CNN (who I am really beginning to hate). Biden was condescending and rude and disrespectful and acted like he knew everything while that Paul Ryan, a very serious policy wonk (see above pic), stated facts and figures and was in awe of the Vice President of the United States with so much respect that he called him "Joe". Shows ya how folksy and respectful of his elders that nice young man was while that old hobo Joe kept calling a sitting United States Congressman "Paul". Harumph! It's terrible when Joe calls Paul, uhhhh "Paul", but hey no problemo when Paul calls Joe, uhhhh "Joe". That seemed to be the CNN take. Very very important stuff, Wolfie.

Now Fox, the 40 pound dumbbell of the Republican party, now they were aghast! Not so much of what was said, because most of what Paulie said was lies, but of Uncle Joe laughing at the kid's bullshit. Now of course when Sir Romney of Mittensland interrupted and bullied that black eyed Jim Lehrer, all the while hopping up and down like a tweaking meth head , that was aggressive and a winner. When Joe Biden does it, it is utterly the behavior of a man who needs rehab.

Fox News is funny. Well, not really, but if you don't laugh at Gretchen Carlson or Megyn Kelly's furrowed brows as they express real concern about America's direction, you will throw shit at the TV, no I mean real shit, like Joe Biden acting like a crazed baboon debating that cool bro, Paul " Wisconsin Shore" Ryan (see above pic again if you can stand it).

Fox's Brit Hume, a cranky mumbling old man, called Biden a "cranky old man". Greta Von Susteren, a plastic faced unlikable "interviewer, called Joe "unlikable" even though she likes him. Sean Hannity, a delusional liar, started speculating if Joe was drinking bourbon, keeping his "speculation" tally a big fat 0% . Way to go, flathead. Charlie Krauthammer, a droning Phantom, called Joe "disrespectful". Of what? The Beav and his statistics and junk? Chris Wallace, whore son of a legendary newsman, said he had never seen a debate where one side was more "disrespectful" of the other. Hmmm, "disrespectful" seems to be the word of the day sent down from Roger Ailes blonde sucking lair. Steve Hayes, whoever the fuck he is, called Biden "smirking". You know, that facial expression permanently frozen on Paul "The Situation" Ryan's mug. Mark Levin, nose picking screechy voiced troll, said Biden was "off his meds". Levin should lend Joe some of his then. Mike Huckabee, former fat fuck soon to be fat fuck again, called Biden "the obnoxious drunk at a party". Wow, I'd like to attend a Huckabee party, who would have thought he'd have booze there? Gretchen Carlson, perhaps the dumbest woman on earth, wanted "to "deck" the Veep. Why not practice on Douchey and Kilmeade first. No concussions possible there. Sarah Palin, much like John Belushi's watch in Animal House, just went off into the tundra with an ox and who knows what the fuck she said? Hey but Sean Hannity's hands were busy while she rambled, I'm sure.

All in all, everybody knows Biden put that punk in his place. Like one of Mittens' lying sons, Chillin Paul Ryan had to be laughed at, chortled at, smirked at, and treated like the dimwit he really is. Just look at that fucking picture above that a man who could be thissssssss far from the Oval Office posed for. Chrissakes, he's an embarrassment, not to mention a lying backwards hatted 43 year old meathead.

Joe, you did good. Too bad you just couldn't send that snot nosed creep up to his room without his Vitamin Water. God knows, he drank enough as it was. Surprised he didn't ask Martha Raddatz, Obama co conspirator, if he could take a potty break.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

You've Been Bidened!

Nice debate, Douchenozzle !

Joe And Eddie!

Oh this conspiracy just gets better and better. Let's review.

Back in 1961 or so, a baby was born in Kenya to an anti colonialist, like the commie Founding Fathers, and some slutty white Kansan. Putting the conspiracy into full battle mode, a fake birth announcement was placed in an Hawaiian newspaper. Check.

The kid grew up in foreign lands, eating dogs and cats, attending Madrases and learning his mission from Angela Lansbury and Hillary Clinton. His mission? To destroy the United States of America. Check..

The kid , lazy as he was, was enrolled at Columbia University , didn't bother to even show up, and his fake transcripts were buried underneath the Twin Towers in a secret vault. Check.

The kid was then shoehorned into Harvard Law School, where certain conspirators gave him a job as head of the Harvard Law Review, a second rate publication your average tea party member could write. Check.

The kid was then led to Chicago, where he engaged in gay sex, organized the lazy 47% into such radical activities like voting, and was arranged a marriage to one Michelle Robinson, another lazy black who just wanted to live off the government dole and had a fake University of Chicago Law Degree. Check.

Along the way, the kid attended the marriage of one Martha Raddatz , a so called journalist, who became just another one of the co-conspirators in this plot against America. Check.

The kid was bought a seat in the Illinois State Senate, something that doesn't even draw attention, where he practiced his speaking and talking and stuff. Check.

The kid was given a shot at the United States Senate seat from Illinois, when even the patriotic Republicans cooperated in this conspiracy by nominating a nutcase black guy named Alan Keyes. The kid won. Check.

The kid was given a primo speaking spot at the 2004 Democratic Convention, held only to offer up the last piece of the puzzle, the Democratic Mittens Romney, John Kerry, as a pawn to be beaten by George Bush. Check.

The kid was told to run for President, but to make it look good, co-conspirator Hillary Clinton put up token resistance to the kid, who won the 2008 Democratic nomination. The powers that be arranged for world wide economic collapse, and a 100 year old Republican nominee with a dingbat running mate. The kid won easily. Check.

The kid ruled very moderately. But the soothsaying Republicans knew better. The kid was a Marxist, Kenyan, socialist, commie, lazy, shiftless negro and had to be stopped. A second term would be disastrous to the 1%. They would only double their net worth. Heavens to Betsy! Check.

And now, after Lord Mittens of Bainville showed the kid how it's done in a debate, the conspirators needed another plan. That plan is Martha Raddatz, sucked into the conspiracy back in 1991, who will moderate the vice conspirator debate between the loudmouth truth teller Joltin Joe Biden and Eddie Munster of Racine. Check!

AH HAHHHHHHHHHH! You just know she's going to ask Joe Biden his name, his favorite color and his quest and ask Eddie really tough questions and junk. Like please explain your masturbatory fascination with an atheist narcissist with a name like a dude. Check.

But alas, certain Republican geniuses like Sean Hannity and Sweet Jesus Joe and closet bound Matt Drudge know what's up. Hell, even Republicans of really low intelligence, like Gretchen Carlson and those two numbskulls who sits in between on Fox & Friends have it figured out.

Watch out, kid. The conspiracy is only half done. Martha Raddatz is going to bail your lame ass out tonight.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Joseph Smith Is Celebrating!

Oh my god! It's over. Pew polls, Rasmussen polls, Hannity polls, it is a done deal. Prince Mittens of Kobolville and his lady, the Duchess Ann of Stopitland, will be inaugurated as King and Queen of The United States of Mormerica come January of 2013 and that Kenyan Muslim Commie sleepwalker will be deported along with his Black Panther wife and their radical socialist urchins. It is over.

Start Panicking folks. One bad day has cost us the future. All the white people have come home to vote for the whitest man on the planet simply because the black guy was lazy and shiftless, per that Cuban Palestinian asshole, Juan The Iron Sheik Sununu.

Oh I know there are three more debates, two for the tweaking white guy and the stoned black dude and one for the stern 65 year old hippie with the pony tail and Eddie Haskell.

But it IS over. Just ask your average Obama voter. The hysterics are completely convincing.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Down Goes Frayz-ahhh!!!

I don't know who showed up last night in Denver, but it apparently was a caffeinated Mormon and a Lunesta filled "Christian". As usual, caffeine wins over sleeping pills but for chrissakes, somebody give Obama a Monster before the next "debate".

Before we all commit mass suicide over this speed bump, let's take a look at what happened. Hell if I know, I didn't watch because I value the 55 inch HD TV in my living room and was afraid I'd throw my grape Mad Dog 20/20 though the screen trying to knock Romney off kilter. This proved to be a wise move on my part, because watching the epitome' of pure evil, The New York Yankees, clinch a division was less ugly than what I could have witnessed. The unchallenged bullshit of a pathological liar like Mittens Romney out there for every undecided nitwit to digest. On the other hand, are there any undecided nitwits?

Barack Obama is not rope a doping. The altitude in Denver wasn't a factor. Obama is not out of it. Obama is not "lazy" like that Cuban son of a bitch Juan Sununu says. Obama is not suffering from the flu. Nope, Obama is just like the rest of us. He thought he could take the exam without studying. And though he passed with a C, on the curve he failed miserably because Niedermeyer Romney memorized the answers and did what he does best, lied his ass off.

Mittens must have popped a giant Mormon stiffy as while he lied, furiously convincing himself he didn't say something he just said, nobody bothered to say hey Mitt, you're a big fat liar. Faced with a sleepwalking Obama zombie and a senile alien eyed Jim Lehrer, Mittens was in Celestial Kingdom heaven. Lying and lying and lying with no chance to even whine at the moderator or bet walking dead Obama $10 zillion that his accountant did indeed suck, Mittens was running downhill and not even stumbling. My God, I'm surprised Romney didn't feel so unbeatable that he started baptizing Anne Frank again right onstage.

Joe Biden must have been gripping like Mick in a Rocky movie growling, "come on Barack, knock his fuckin block off"! But it didn't happen, so it's up to Joe to get this train back on the track. Hey, everybody has a bad night, but when the Miami Heat drop a game to the Washington Wizards by a lot, a team meeting needs to be held.

So come on, Team Obama, get your shit together and listen to Joe. Next time you better eat lightning and crap thundahhhhhh. Or we all are going off the cliff. Willing or not.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Fox Skews!!!

That's the Fox New electoral map for 2012. We all know the polls are all wrong, including their own, because all pollsters are gay, Muslim, chicks, gun haters and healthy eaters who are under the Obama spell put forth by Michelle Obama and her army of black panthers who will intimidate sweet little old white ladies by just existing somewhere within 50 miles of the sweet little old ladies polling place. Pfew....writing like Sarah Palin talks is hard, so stop it and get in the ring if you thinks its so easy!

The conservatives are getting so desperate, scared, panicky and nuts they have now come up with a new strategy. Just deny reality. You know, like they do on climate change and well, reality. So here are some more things Fox News has come up with that are facts that were skewed by liberal hippies with all that book learnin and shit.

1) The Germans really DID bomb Pearl Harbor

2) Fox News IS fair and balanced

3) You really DO tug on Superman's cape

4) Rhianna did NOT fall in a love in a hopeless place

5) Michael Corleone did NOT have Carlo killed

6) Despite Joe Scarborough's insistence, Jesus is NOT sweet, but very bitter

7) Paul Ryan is NOT Eddie Munster, he is Zoe Deschanel

8) Mitt Romney does NOT have two positions on every issue, he has three

9) Bill O'Reilly in fact does NOT like to "do it live" and the fuckin thing does NOT suck

10) Golden Tate DID catch that pass against the Packers

11) Clint Eastwood was NOT talking to an empty chair

12) Gretchen Carlson IS talking to two empty chairs

13) Inception & Lost ARE easily explained

14) Facts DO indeed have a liberal bias

15) Roger Ailes does NOT have a fetish for dumb blondes

16) Ann Romney DID work one day in her life

17) Scott Walker DOES support unions, as long as the union wears stripes

18) Mitt Romney did NOT avoid the Vietnam draft, he simple kept Charlie out of Paris very successfully

19) The Five is NOT 4 morons and a moderate punching bag, it's the panel from the Planet Kolob

20) and finally, Fox News is NOT a tool of the Republican party , but a very cleverly disguised tool of the Onion

Sweet Jesus!

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Technical Knockout!

This is getting sad. I haven't seen this bad a beating since Steve King (Moron-Ia) took on linear thinking. Mittens Romney cannot possibly want to be President. No man throws a match like this without trying. Romney is the Republican Black Sox scandal in the making. There has to be a reason Mittens is not spending any of his own money on this debacle. Well for one, he doesn't have to. His billionaire puppet masters are footing that bill. The other reason has to be the fact that Mittens Romney doesn't want to be President. Stay with me here.

While Paul Ryan was squeaking his way through that lying sack of shit speech at the Republican convention and mentioned Romney's name, Mittens sat there with a look on his face that screamed, "I don't wanna do this!" What must it be like for Romney? A man without a principled bone in his body. A man who lives in the shadow of his father and mother, both of whom were admirable people. Mittens, pushed by his superiors to be somebody, to win win win at any cost. Mittens Romney, pushed by his never worked a day in her life wife, to be somebody he aint. A leader. Mittens Romney has bought everything he's ever had in life, whether it be a dying company he can rape of all its remaining assets, whether its a Governorship, whether it's a wife, and now the Presidency. But sorry, Mittens, this is beyond buying. You have to convince 50.1% of people you actually give a shit about anybody but yourself. It aint working. Oh there's the ignorant, the racists, the plutocrats, the self loathing, the fetus worshippers and the genetic Republicans. But that doesn't add up, Mittens, because you are so fucking unlikable. Your awkwardness, your social instability and your pathological lying are getting the better of you. Come on, Willard, you really don't want to win, do you?

Soon enough, Willard Mitt Romney will join the ranks of Bob Dole, Michael Dukakis, Adlai Stevenson, and well, Mitt Romney in the list of losers who tried not very hard to win the Presidency. And that's the problem, Mittens, you don't know what it's like to work hard for something. If you want to to know what it's like to bust your ass, ask that 47% of the people you loathe so much. They'll tell you. Right before they get the pleasure of kicking you in the balls on November 6th.

Friday, September 21, 2012

47 Percent Named!

Hey all I know about taxes is I gotta pay them. Key words. "Pay them". Yeah and I'm so sick of the 47% that don't pay any federal income taxes I could spit. I'm with Romney here. Those lazy deadbeats need to be taken to the woodshed and forced to take personal responsibility and contribute to society like we do! Mittens Romney will accept the tough job and force those 47% to fork some dough over. So get off his back cuz its hard. Ann Romney, who pays a lot of taxes, said so. We are so fortunate that a man like Mittens has stepped forward to make that 47% get off the dole and get a freakin' job, even though there aren't any.

I'm so angry with that 47% I am going to name names of some of those 47% to shame them into taking personal responsibility and pay some taxes.

Here are their names:

1) Mr. Bank of America - Mr. America paid nuthin! These deadbeats got all sorts of government welfare and then turned around and sent it to offshore bank accounts like in the Caymans or Switzerland, something Mittens Romney would never ever do cuz he's a real American.

2) Mr.Boeing- Boeing got a whole lot of welfare from the government and then sent that offshore , presumably on the same plane as Mr.B O America's welfare , and they too paid not one copper cent. Mittens Romney is going to force you to check some baggage and pay up!

3) Ms. Citi Bank-- More federal welfare came their way (how DO they do it?) and they sent it off to Hong Kong. Hey aint Hong Kong in China? Ms. C. Bank, you are truly traitors and Mitt Romney is gonna get you!

4)Mr. Exxon Mobil--The government sent them a whole bunch of welfare, errrrr, subsidies, and Mr. E Mobil paid no taxes because they sent it off to the Caymans also. You clowns don't know Mitt Romney knows the Caymans like the back of his bronzed hand. He'll find you!

5) Mrs. Merck-- this drug dealing lady deals drugs! They paid no taxes either. It's about time to pay the pusher, Mrs.Merck! Mittens Romney does not like drug dealers and he will find you too!

6)Mr. Verizon- now this guy has balls. Not only did Mr.Verizon pay no taxes, he got a refund from the federal government of around a billion dollars. Kind of makes my $400 refund sort of meaningless. Mittens Romney will put a stop to that, Mr.Verizon!

7) Mrs. Wells Fargo- this woman got tons and tons of welfare and used the welfare to have a kid named Wacovia (typical weird welfare name) and pay no taxes. Mittens Romney will not only make you pay taxes, Mizzzzzzzzz Fargo, he will sell you condoms so you don't have any more kids!

8) Sir News Corp-- this guy sounds ridiculously foreign. Sir? Sounds Aussie or something. Sir News Corp is pretty foxy about not paying taxes. Hides all there ill gotten gains offshore also. Mittens Romney will sic his pit bulls, Bill and Sean, on you and make you pay taxes!

9)General Electric- ok ok a man serving the country like the good General may deserve a tax break, but Mittens Romney will make him pay a bit, dontcha think?

There, those are some of the 47% . I just had to name names. I am so sick of paying more federal taxes than these lazy assholes!

So you see, Mitt Romney was right. The people listed above are truly leeches, moochers, and takers. They need to be stopped and I'm sure Mittens is just the man to do it! But like Ann of Green Gables said, its so hard! Poor Mittens!

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Another Nail In The Coffin!

This is what it's come to? Crazy Caucasians hanging empty chairs from trees? There's some sort of deep seeded psychological meaning to these people's actions I am sure, but this isn't clever, funny, nor even legal. The Secret Service will be visiting these assholes and then the oppressed white male christian straight dumbshit will cry about the big bad government trampling on his right to free expression of his neanderthal views. Sean Hannity will rise to his defense, Bill O'Reilly will wave it off as another prank from Dick Pinch of Cedar Rapids, and Rush will just wonder why he's a fat slob hiding in a bunker talking to another empty chair he named Snerdly.

Really? Eastwooding? This is what it's called? Hanging an empty chair from a tree because you really wish you could go back to the good old days of higher taxes and lynching Negroes? Hey, idiots, I really think Clint Eastwood was punking that stiff you are going to vote for. He took all the attention away from whoever that nominee was by acting like Abe Simpson. Come on, Dirty Harry knew what he as doing. He was killing Mitt Romney's chances. I am convinced of it.

Clint Eastwood at age 82 could kick all of your asses. Now you have to ask yourself a question, is my IQ 6 or 7?

Stay stupid my friends.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Is Romney More Like Thurston Howell III or Gilligan?

Is this Republican asshole trying to lose? Is Duke Mittens of Mormonsky so out of his league he's blowing it on purpose? Does he really even want to be President? Is he like Dubya, so desperate to please his father, he's biting off more than he can chew?

Now we all know this elitist prick believes everything we think he believes. That half of America are "takers" and the other half are "makers". That he, Prince Willard of Footinmouthville, is well above the unwashed masses and should be given the Presidency as a birthright. That his spouse, Ann, The Princess of Tuna Township, deserves her elevation to First Lady as a matter of protocol. That the so called 47% who pay no income taxes are moochers and leeches who force him to foot the bill for their lavish lifestyle. That is, IF he pays any fucking income taxes himself.

You know that 47%? The elderly, the working poor, the guy who got his leg blown off in Iraq, the working poor, more working poor, and of course, Mittens Fucking Romney and his millionaire tax cheats. Look, this 47% bullshit has been around for years. Oh it may technically accurate, that 47% pay no federal income taxes but trust me, the 47% pay FAR more in taxes as a percentage of their meager income than King Mitt and Queen Ann ever thought of paying. State tax, sales tax, property tax, gas tax,phone tax, city tax, this tax and that tax. You know, the kind of taxes that jackoffs like Romney and his buddies don't even concern themselves with. But of course, to Romney and his "donors",as long as they portray that 47% as a group of tap dancing, shiftless unemployed blood suckers they keep the Republican base of hateful bigots up in arms.

Now it's a well know fact that the vast majority of the "47%" live in red states. You know, Red States, those places that regularly vote Republican, holler about the welfare cheats, hate the gays, hate the "urban" areas, and suck up more federal tax money than any of the blue states ever thought of? You know those places? They are called Romney's base voter. Thrown the curve ball of Jesus, racism, guns and the blame game, they vote Republican everytime as the same people they love pick their pockets clean. It really is amazing.

Mitt Romney really does believe this shit. That $350K for speaking fees is not a lot of money. That Swiss bank accounts are patriotic because they are "legal". That paying not one cent more in taxes than he is legally responsible for is perfectly moral. That knowing Nascar "owners" somehow makes him a regular guy. That Ann Romney driving a "couple of Cadillacs " makes him a supporter of the American car industry. That firing people is a pleasure. That he really does not have to be concerned about the very poor. That his being "unemployed" makes him understand the unemployed. That corporations are people my friend. That "middle class" means making $250K a year. That making a $10K bet with an opponent is like me putting 2 across the board on the 6 horse. And hanging with kooks like Steve King is not batshit insanity.

Let us all hope that Mittens Romney has finally closed the coffin lid on his candidacy. And if we are smart, we pound the nails in fast before that vampire Paul Ryan realizes what happened.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Values Smalues!

What a weekend. I went to Kansas and Missouri and saw a football game and baseball game all in the period of 8 hours. Kansas is a bad football team and lost, the KC Royals knocked off the Angels with a home run in the bottom of the ninth and made all the transplanted Californians around me all mad which made me just wonder who the hell moves from California to effing Missouri? I don't care for Missouri fan, who for some reason bellows "Zooooooo" when they cheer for whatever it is they cheer for. Guess it's easier to spell. Anyway, the difference between Kansas and Missouri is really nothing, but at least in Lawrence, Kansas I saw Obama stickers on numerous cars while in "Zoooooooo" I actually saw some asshole with a Todd Akin sticker on his SUV. And a "We love Chik Fil A" sticker on one of those mini vans where the guy sticks little stick figures of himself, his wife, their two adorable children and the dog on the back window to divert attention away from his nighttime "business trips" to downtown KC hookers. You know that guy, right?

It was a nice trip away with Max and we were able to avoid politics for a day or two until that Todd Akin asshole pulled in front of me getting out of the baseball stadium. So I missed the coverage of the Values Voters Summit where Republican phonies of all types go and suck up to the Jesus lovers who hate the kind of folks JC hung with types. The Values Voter? You mean, bigots of all types? The well dressed bigots as opposed to the sleeveless white trash bigots who gathered in Tennessee the same weekend to listen to David Duke and holler Zooooooooooo? Those Values Voters? I see.

Don't really see the difference in looking at the Values Voters lineup? Me either. I don't even need to hear the eye rolling bullshit puked onto these Christers to comment. In alphabetical order we had:

1)Michele Bachmann (Loon-Mn)- what can you say about Michele that hasn't been said? I'm sure Marcus had fun. The pickings at this repressed event must be fabulous!

2)Gary Bauer (Peter Lorre-Va)- Bauer hasn't been the same since he tumbled off that stage flipping pancakes years ago when he ,huhhhhhhhhhh, ran for President???

3) Bill Bennett (15? hit me-DC)- are there casinos and buffets nearby? Has to be, it's in his contract rider.

4) Glenn Beck---who?

5) Eric Cantor (Backstabber-Va)-- hey values voter? You know he's one of "them" dontcha?

6) Jeff Fortenberry (Nobody-Ne)- I just had to throw him in to show what complete zeros my state sends to Congress.

7) Laura Ingraham (Kazoo voice-NH)- Who can listen to this nasally witch? My god, the black eyebrows are distracting enough, but that alarm clock voice is too much.

8) Steve King (Are you kidding me?-Ia) Steve King is a fucking nut. You know it, I know it, he knows it. His constituents don't.

9)Oliver North (Felon-Va)- Oh Ollie, are you still around? You'd think a guy like you, one of those got off on a technicality felons, wouldn't be popular with values voters who think12) everybody charged with a felony is guilty. But hey, you're white, a military veteran, a smooth talking huckster and you are one of Sean Hannity's reach around buddies.

10) Star Parker (Ex Slut-DC)- finally one of the "good ones" as value voters refer to black folk. Star Parker is an ex slut and calls Sandra Fluke a right now slut. She also believes gay marriage leads to lousy public schools. Don't ask.

11) Rand Paul and Paul Ryan (Ayn Randers-USA)- Two soon to be obscure blips on the radar. Their stories about jacking it to Atlas Shrugged must be captivating.

12) Kamal Saleem (Ex Terrorist-Va)- I did hear about this fraud and his speech. Claiming to be an ex terrorist and all around jihadist, he found Jeeeeeee-zus and is now converted to Values. Nah, Kaleem, you worked for Pat Robertson for years and have a funny name like a certain other guy values voters hate. You certainly are not an ex terorist. You just terror for a different icon you can fleece people with.

13) Rick Santorum (Really Dumb-Pa)- Rick just doesnt know when to shut up. He claimed "smart people" will never be on "our side". Well duhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Gotta love the Rickster's honesty

14) Tim Wildmon (Nepotism-Ms) Tim is the "president" of the American Family Association. You know, that group of kooks who are so utterly repressed and so deep in the closet that they actually blamed the Holocaust on the "fact" that Hitler and the storm troopers were all gay. And he's the son of Donald Wildmon so he stayed in the family hate business.

15) Bob Woodson (Good one-DC)- Bob is one of those black men who hangs with conservatives and gets federal funds to "train" poverty stricken youth to love Jesus and get a job that doesn't exist while denouncing federal funds going to anybody else. You know, like every other values voter.

And finally, out of alphabetical order is Kansas Representative Tim Huelskamp. I don't know anything about this back benching nobody but he somehow believes that Planned Parenthood is racist and well he said:

"I am the adoptive father of four children, each of them either Black, Hispanic, Native American, and I am incensed that this President pays money to an entity that was created for the sole purpose of killing children that look like mine, a racist organization and it continues to target minorities for abortion destruction. Shame on this President and shame on that party."

OK Tim calm down. The "sole purpose of killing children that look like mine"? Good for you for adopting those kids. I just hope they are not female because with people like you, and the values voters, they will never achieve their potential. And oh yeah, Tim, even though you are from Kansas, "Zooooooooooooooooooo"..