Sunday, April 30, 2017
There are still some really smart people left in this world. They get sick of being smarter than everybody else and eventually either quit, kill themselves or fade into being hacks because what the fuck, why fight the stupidity and greed any longer.
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame ceremony last night on HBO is exactly what I'm talking about. Because I wasnt going to watch the White House Correspondence Dinner due to the fact it was this hackneyed crapfest that made an orange glob of humorless goo decide to run for President because a black man made fun of him. And I wasnt going to watch the latest scream for attention by our Toddler In Chief in front of a bunch of Pennsylvania rubes who apparently do not know Hillary Clinton has faded into oblivion. So it was the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame. At least I'd get a Pearl Jam fix once Eddie Vedder stopped talking.
But what I got was a reminder of the genius and gift to those of us who despise authority that is David Letterman. Decked out in a suit and a beard that wold make Billy Gibbons and Dusty Hill proud, Dave gave a speech inducting Pearl Jam into the Hall that made me long for the days of the anarchist he was, and apparently still is. Even while praising Pearl Jam, he never once let them off the hook with his biting humor in regards to their inability to keep drummers in their early days and the losing fight they launched against Ticketmaster. Who else in one sentence can call Ticketmaster beady eyed weasels AND remind Eddie Vedder, hey dude, you lost and accomplished nothing.
But when Dave was ready to read a moving letter from Eddie to his son, Harry, and held up the guitar that his kid had been given, and then showed that picture of his son, and a picture of a middle schooler lighting up a smoke popped up, who the hell didn't not only howl, but also be sad that this genius is no longer making the comfortable uncomfortable on late night television.
I love Pearl Jam as they are one of the 10 greatest rock bands that has ever existed and certainly one of the top 5 American bands ever, but what I found out I loved even more was David Letterman.
Dave, I wish you well, keep that beard, and please some day come back as an interviewer on a news channel. You were the only one who ever held these asshole blowhard politicians and Fox News creeps accountable for their bullshit.
Has it really been 100 days since America was taken over by stupidity? I wonder what Dave would say.
Watch his speech here.
Wednesday, April 19, 2017
Per Donald Trump, Republican breast cancer advocate Karen Handel (Loony-Ga) came in with a big "win" over 30 year old nerd Democrat Jon Ossoff by getting 18% of the vote to his 48% of the vote. Trump of course is an illiterate moron that 3 million less voters elected to the Presidency of these United States last November because he was white. And now, since Trump has proven to be a lying. lazy, chubby, golfing, crude man child the rest of America has apparently taken the word lazy and set it aside. At least for now.
Jon Ossoff ran in a special election for the U.S. House of Reprehensibles in Georgia's 6th district last night and ran 30 points ahead of his nearest challenger, a truly horrible woman named Karen Handel. Yet to Trump, who didnt even support Handel cuz she's a broad or something, he did support the twist and she "won" bigley.
Now because Georgia, as much of the South, has this weirdo procedure where if the winner does not get 50% of the vote, we get a run off election in about 2 months time. I gather this is so the powers that be in Georgia, white men, can keep those pesky libtards or blacks or anyone not a conservative white con artist out of office by coming together to keep guys like Ossoff below 50%.
This will be ugly. Not only will the Republicans lie, cheat, steal and spend as much money as it takes to smear Ossoff as a "globalist", they will lie, cheat and steal and spend as much money as it takes to make Karen Handel the second coming of fucking Newt Gingrich, who held this seat through 3 wives and who knows how many mistresses until his hypocrisy brought him down and he turned to writing books about how the Confederacy should have won the War of Northern Aggression.
Now about Karen Handel (Cancer Advocate-Ga). This woman is a former Georgia Secretary of State, though why states have that worthless office is beyond me. Oh yeah, I know now, its so they can suppress the votes of blacks and browns and snowflakes. And that's what Georgia Secretary of State Karen Handel (Quitter-Ga) did, along with eliminating any paper trails for electronic voting machines and purged the voting rolls forcing many to re-register and "prove" they were citizens. Gee, I wonder what the racial numbers were on that purge?
But what everyone remembers about this awful person is the Susan B Komen debacle. While a national official for the Komen organization, a widely known breast cancer organization looking for "The Cure", Komen made it her mission to defund Planned Parenthood from any Komen funds because of that whole abortion bullshit. No more money for cancer screenings for you, Trampy, cuz you'll probably just get a pap smear and then go over to the Planned Parenthood abortion room and get one of those later. Now we all know that Planned Parenthood is just like Hitler because it gasses babies and takes over states with its mansion like abortion mills. But what makes the Susan B Komen Race For The Cure any better? Huh? God this country is just plain goofy sometimes. Thanks
Handel resigned from her veep duties over this issue. But the fact the Komen organization would hire a person like this made me stop running in the Cure races. That, and the fact I busted my leg and got fat. But still, hiring a smarmy little fuck like Handel shows poor judgement period. The voters of Georgia's 6th District must not show that poor judgement either. Damn, Georgians, you hired a guy named Newt for years and then replaced him with a corrupt insider trading asshole named Tom Price who Trump hired to starve the poor into oblivion, which Price will do gladly as long as he can figure a way to make a buck out of it.
The Georgia House race, in two months for chrissakes, is a must. Two months is plenty of time for the bullshit that will come out of the deep coffers of the Republican PACS and party to turn Jon Ossoff into a savage Jew who will eat your children and take away your guns. Oh its gonna happen. "Globalist" is the new Jewish slur. Expect to hear that one coming out of PACS that have Pepi the Frog as a symbol.
Fight fire with fire folks. Dont fall asleep here. The way to impeach the Toddler In Chief and his whole Russian spy network of an administration is to win the House back in 2018. We lost in Kansas, allowing a math moron like Trump to crow, but we cannot lose here or in Montana. We must fire the first shots and by sending Ossoff to Congress is one helluva shot. You know, like Trumps golf shots. I hear he shot an 18 last week.
Lets all help. Elect Jon Ossoff in Georgia. Ya like folk singers from Montana? Me too.
Monday, April 10, 2017
Christ I dont know if the Pulitzer Committee got cases of Chardonnay from an anonymous source over the last few weeks but they must have been blasted out of their minds for awarding Peggy Noonan a Pulitzer Prize for drunk typing or commentary or whatever the fuck it is she does.
Peggy dear, who was responsible for those baffling ramblings that came out of the mouth of Reagan during his Reign of Is He Senile, now drunk comments for the Wall Street Urinal (a little Rush humor for ya there lol) and the wild and crazy creeps who run that rag must be as ecstatic as if another hedge fund guy caused old guys to kill themselves by closing down their livelihood and selling the parts.
Giving a Pulitzer for commentary to a condescending Mother Superior wanna be like Sister Mary Nooners is like giving out a Pulitzer for journalism to Russian Bots spreading their pro Trump bullshit. Which after this announcement , may be next.
Noonan, who for some reason is continually asked to come on television news panels to hem and haw and look down her nose at others, writes some of the most nonsensical bullshit you've never read. Reading a Countess Peggy column is an exercise in futility. Chrissakes she makes Maureen Dowd seem normal. To get past the first paragraph of a Queen Peggy commentary is well, impossible. To say you have is to lie.
I admit I have no fucking idea what motivates her, other than a scotch and water. She gets all hot and bothered over the stupidest shit. In the age of Trump, the vulgar side of politics she's always pretended to disdain, she becomes the wise old soothsayer who imagines a "sane" Donald Trump and then pretends it's real. A sane Donald Trump? Really Peggers?
Noonan once became upset over a group of oversensitive Columbia University students who saw sexism and racism in old poems. Imagine that? Dame Noonan decided to respond to the bunch of surly students lecturing them that old poems are great and they, the cantankerous coeds, are spoiled brats. Well Sister Groucho, your gin stained view of the world is no less valuable than that of a group of easily offended scholars.
She wrote, " I won’t name the four undergraduate authors, because 30 years from now their children will be on Google, and because everyone in their 20s has the right to be an idiot."
She forgot to add because everyone in their 60's has the right to be an idiot too.
Congrats, Duchess Pegs, on your Pulitzer. It's the modern day equivalent of the Nobel Committee giving a Peace Prize to a war criminal named Henry Kissinger. I'd buy you the drinks, but I dont have that much money.
Saturday, April 8, 2017
Yeah Bill O'Reilly returned the favor. Told his fossilized viewers what a good week Donald Trump had and then it slip on why exactly he and his octogenarian viewers think Trump had a"good week". Cuz the "Trump haters" are frustrated. Yowza, when the libflakes and the snowtards are "frustrated" then no matter what Trump and his handlers did, however horrible, then it must be good. As these couch bound bitters watch their hero, he of the gropey hands and lawsuit losses, carry on about his buddy, and the fires of hell lap at their support stockings, well at least as they fade into oblivion they know the cucks and the blacks are worse off and that's good. But we are the haters.
Donald Trumpski got on the horn on Thursday, or rather one of his mouthpieces did cuz he was partaaaaying with the Chinese guy, and warned his Russian bosses that he was going to send about a billion dollars worth of missiles into the air and blow up an airfield so you may want to tell your Syrian goons to head to the hookah bar for a few hours. And then Trump sent 60 Tomahawks off to blow shit up. Nothing helps a 34% approval rating like an act of war to rally dumb Americans behind you. Raytheon, the maker of these missiles, wishes to thank you for the stock uptick and yes we will get right on replacing those 60 missiles and oh yeah the price is higher now due to the fact our workers actually expect to be paid to do their patriotic duty.
So when the missiles hit what was an abandoned airfield and went boom, all of media went oh my gawwwwwwwwwd, ratings! Again they couldnt wait to exclaim how cool missile attacks are and how Donald Trump, man child leader, suddenly became "President". You know, like that night he gave a speech to that band of thieves in Congress and somehow managed to not have his zipper down and vomit on Paul Ryan and he was judged to have become "President". The media, sitting on a restrained longing to love this Toddler in Chief, cannot wait to declare Trump's actions legitimate, strong, presidential, uhhhh normal. He might come on out network, ohhhhh Donald.This is how they reach out to flyover country, sitting at home watching Sean Hannity and blaming the black guy. You know Hannity, the man who crapped on Obama's want to bomb the shit out of Syria back in 2013,presumably without calling in a heads up to Putin and Assad. But now that his reach around buddy Trump has done it, those 2013 tweets are being washed away and the screen grabs are the far left's attempt to smear his flat head.
Donald Trump had a good week?
Mitch McConnell, as disgusting of an American as Paul Ryan, had to force through a Supreme Court nominee by changing ancient rules of the Senate that had survived every shitty moment in American history. The "nuclear option". Oh boy this sounds good. McConnell, after being able to only muster three cowardly Democrats from deep red states to vote for this thief of a nominee, took the road to Armageddon and nuked the worlds oldest body of lawmakers. You know, the good body of statesmen and heroes that were a counter measure to that group of hicks and rubes in the House of Representatives. Well no more thanks to a chinless cracker from Kentucky with a warped sense of history. The United States Senate, full of "statesmen" like John Cornyn (Liar-Tx) and Ted Cruz (Alien-Canada) has become just another group of red state dipshits with nice suits bought by special interests and a gift for gab just one step over their inarticulate voters.
Neil Gorsuch represents a "good week" for Trump. This folksy bullshit artist hemmed and hawed his way through his hearings by saying virtually nothing. Ah shucks Senator, I dont really know the answer to that very good question. Oh gee, Senator, I must have been playing with my cutesy wife and little girls that day and did you notice the black chick sitting behind me which of course means the blacks all love me.
Well maybe not all of them, Neil. Alphonse Maddin probably isnt too fond of you. You see, Neil, if you can somehow remember that case you ruled on in between playing tiddlywinks with the kiddies or going to the rodeo to bust sheep, you ruled that Corporate America, who are just like people, could fire Mr.Maddin for saving his own life and perhaps the lives of others. You may recall that Alphonse Maddin, a truck driver, a regular guy that the Republicans are looking out for, found his brakes were frozen due to the below freezing temperature. So Maddin called in his problem to his employer, a person called TransAm for help. Hey, Alphonse, said Mr.TransAm help is on the way, stay put. So he stayed put for about two hours until he began to fucking freeze to death. He called this person, TransAm, again. Stay put said TransAm. But Maddin couldnt feel his feet and his legs and his body so he did what anybody would do. He got out of the truck, unhitched the trailer, and drove the truck to a warm place where he could continue being alive.
So for this obvious transgression, Mister TransAm, a person, fired Alphonse Maddin for abandoning his trailer. Maddin filed a complaint with OSHA, a government agency the Republicans think is unnecessary cuz safety is so much for pussies. The complaint was upheld and Mister TransAm, an American citizen, sued and went to the Appeals Court where on Neil Gorsuch sat, presumably with his cute kids bouncing on his lap. The court upheld the complaint by a 2-1 margin.
Guess who the one was? Yep it was everybody's favorite Daddy Judge, Neil Gorsuch. Neil apparently thought that Alphonse Maddin, a second class American citizen, was in no way justified in saving his own life and not driving that frozen braked truck on the public roads and perhaps killing other second class American citizens. First class American citizen, TransAm, was right to shitcan Alphonze Maddin. Yep, Neil Gorsuch thinks Corporate America, a citizen, trumps everyone else.
So for that I say fuck Neil Gorsuch. No not fuck him as a SCOTUS life member. I'm sure he will be just a terrible as I think. Fuck him as an American citizen. Fuck him as a person. Fuck him as a human being. He'll fit right in with this bunch.
Good week for Il Douche' and as usual a bad week for the rest of the world.
Wednesday, April 5, 2017
"I dont think Bill did anything wrong". That's the opinion of the Pussy Grabber In Chief regarding the old lecherous Bill O'Reilly and his numerous sexual harassment lawsuits settled to the tune of $13 million.
Well of course he doesnt think Billo did anything wrong other than settle because Trump never settles any lawsuits either. Wait, what? The Fraud in Chief settled his $25 million Trump University lawsuit for grifting morons out of their money over the years? Wow, Russian Stooge In Chief, you're $12 million ahead of that creepy old Lothario. At least Billo never started his own University which would have consisted of nothing but grad assistants ready to get groped by the Fox News Romeo in his office.
Bill O'Reilly is that middle school teacher who thinks he's cool, but is actually an asshole and then brags that his students loved him while the students all say "seen that asshole O'Reilly lately? He's melting and he's still the biggest prick I ever dealt with".
O'Reilly is the kind of doughy disco jerk who went to clubs in the 70's, opened his shirt to his pot belly, hit on every chick in the joint, and went home alone. Oh yeah, O'Reilly eventually bullied his way into TV news, hit on the dopey interns by promising them airtime, and fooled dumb people into saying things like "yeah he tells it like it is", you know, the same idiots who said the same shit about another bullying blowhard named Donald Trump.
I mean these two skirt chasers belong together. Aging has-beens bragging to each other about alleged past conquests while sitting in the front row at Yankee Stadium rooting for the Evil Empire. Christ, O'Reilly perceives himself as so cool he does a one finger wave and Trump is two sections late. But in reality, these two pitiful playboys long for what they will never have. Acceptance. Acceptance by the very people they hammer either on Twitter in Trump's case or in Billo's case his nightly old man yells at cloud segment he calls "Talking Points".
Rosie is a pig. Meryl is overrated. Kanye is bad. The Dixie Chicks are dumb. Bryan Cranston is bad. Beyonce is a diva.
When they wont accept you you criticize them as beneath you. Look, only dummies fall for that. To be recognized by the very celebrities you allegedly despise would give both of these limp dicks a rager.These two juvenile delinquents need to be brought down to earth.
Trump needs to be impeached at the very least and his wild and crazy buddy O'Reilly needs to be fired from his cranky old man show.
God how I wish for the return of the man who brought them both down from their imaginary throne. David Letterman.