Monday, December 26, 2011

Say It Aint So, Sheriff Joe !!!



He's the rootinest tootinest sheriff west of the Pecos, wherever that is. Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Maricopa County, Areeeezona. Yahooooooo!!!...

We all know about Sheriff Joe and his tough guy stance. How he dresses up convicts in pink and throws them a baloney sammich every now and then and makes them live in tents and sticks them out on a road all chained up and makes them pick up stuff so your average leather skinned Arizona pale face can drive by and go "I love that Sheriff Joe cuz he's tough on crime, now where did Bill say I could pick up a guy to clean my pool for $10?" Yeah, Sheriff Joe, tough guy, keeping them Apaches from an uprising for 120 years now.

Sheriff Joe is really nothing more than the Lawrence Rainey and Cecil Price of his day. You might remember those two redneck Mississippi sheriffs from the 1960's and a little incident involving three young men named Schwerner, Goodman and Chaney? Sheriff Joe likes to send out what they call "sweeps". Joe sends a whole lot of his deputies (you know, deputies, the guys not smart enough to become real cops) out into neighborhoods to pull people over in cars for various things like not using turn signals or speeding or looking all Hispanicee or something. Well for some reason 57% or so of all arrests involved "illegal aliens". I say "illegal aliens" instead of "undocumented workers" because if I hear one more person say "what is it about eeelegal you don't understand" my head will explode. So the Homeland Security Department, you know, that big government department created by the small government Republicans, told Sheriff Joe that they don't respect his authoritayyyy any longer and to stop the "racial profiling". Meanwhile, Sheriff Joe started destroying e-mails and records that might implicate him for "racial profiling", which of course he does not do (winky winky). Sheriff Joe is losing time after time now in his quest for whatever it is his quest is.

Oh yeah, Tea Party speaker. Much like his fellow scam artist, that illegal half Governor from that pretend state north of the Pecos, Parah Sailin, Sheriff Joe likes to be pampered with private planes and 5 star hotels and room service provided by "questionable citizens" for doing one thing. Giving a little talk to a bunch of old Teabagger people who really just want their white country back. Some probably even say "Arrrrr-pay-ohhhh where did "his people" come from anyway?" From under a rock like the Palins probably. Anyway, Sheriff Joe gets paid a whole lot of money to yammer on about the ACLU and illegals and Obama and Eric Holder (shhhh, you know, that black guy runnin the Justice Department) and heads in the desert and drug cartels and rapists and murderers. You know, one big fun time at the Tea Party Ball! And it works much like when the Quittah from Wasilla does the same thing you betcha by golly. Idiots pay $50- $100 to hear the same thing they can hear for free on any Fox News show on a nightly basis. Oh I know, it just aint the same as hearing it in person. And it gets them out of the home for a night. And it really gets the old blood boiling too. Yeah, who needs the Cialis after a night of Sheriff Joe?

Sheriff Joe is on his way out. He refuses to investigate hundreds of rapes and murders because the victims are not citizens. Instead he loves to arrest field workers, busboys and dishwashers for not having papers. Sheriff Joe, kowtowed to by every Republican whore on earth, and loving every second of his celebrity status. Now, he's in trouble with the very law he pretends to enforce. As far as I'm concerned, the faster this self aggrandizing blowhard is fitted for his own pink jumpsuit, size extra fat headed, and given a hunk of green lunchmeat, the better. Yahoooooooooo!!!

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Shanta Claush Ish Coming To Town!



Everybody have a good day! Then tomorrow starts a whole new day to face palm and despair. Start drinking...NOW!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

When Do The Reruns Start?



Jesus H Christ, this abortion of a reality show has gone on longer than most of the cool shows I watch that get cancelled after 8 episodes. I'm talking to you, ABC. You put this shit on and you cancel Flash Forward and Life on Mars? No wonder I only turn ABC on to watch The Middle, Suburgatory and , uhhhhhhhhhh, uhhhhhhhh, hey Rick Perry, what's that third show I watch? Oh yeah, Modern Family, you know, that show with the two homos that Santorum watches in the dark with the sound turned down fantasizing what it would be like to wrestle with Cam.

Another Republican debate, live from Des Moines, Iowa where these Republican nimrods all spent time sucking up to socially retarded home schoolers who get their Jesus on every four years to caucus and send one Republican religious freak into oblivion. Hey, as far as I'm concerned, that 1988 victory you Republican Iowa dorks thrust upon the rest of the sane states by caucusing for Pat Robertson should disqualify your whole state from ever having any kind of power ever again. You obviously have no idea what to do with it. Huckabee? Bachmann? Go sit down and let the adults handle this.

Yeah everybody is all atwitter over Mittens Romney offering to bet Brokeback Rick Perry on something his book said or didn't say. Who gives a shit? Who read the goddamned thing anyway? But the first monetary figure that comes to Mittens' frazzled head is $10,000? Like that's a buck or 5 bucks in normal guy terms. What, is that what Mittens keeps in that magic underwear of his? $10K? Just for a rainy day? Jesus, Mitt, betting is not your deal! Hey, Mitt, I'll bet you $10k that not one person with an IQ over 80 can actually watch another one of these debates without drinking themselves into a frothy mixture of puke and santorum. Easiest $10K ever.

Ron Paul. Oh my. How can a man make perfect sense for 20 seconds or so and then veer off into some sort of Peter Max looking la la land. Oh yeah, I believe that we do not belong in foreign lands forcing our will on them (veer) and we should then start trading big and little rocks for currency. If you live in a rockless land, too bad for you. (Cheers from the Paultards with lots of rocks in their heads)

Newtie. They are all ganging up on you now. Calling you out for your philandering and your shameless pocket stuffing. Don't they realize what a fucking genius you are? You have that 80+ IQ. Newtie, the competition is weak. You're playing 1-AA teams while hoping to get to the Sugar Bowl and take on Obama State. Not sure you really know what's happening, Newtie. Obama prays for your nomination. In that Muslim way of his.

Rick Perry. Why? I know you aren't afraid to express your Christianity even though all those libs keep passing laws outlawing Jesus. You don't want the gays serving openly in the military. How about gays in gubmint? You like that, don't you? DADT for Texas! Yee Haw!

Michele Bachmann. Hey girl, you really are batshit crazy. What, from that mail order law degree that charlatan Oral Roberts gave you, to your lack of knowledge that working for the IRS isn't really the "private sector", to your wacky cleverisms like "Newt Romney", you really are just eye candy for the tea bagger elders wishing they'd have found you instead being stuck with Edna. The only reason you still exist in this race is because even those same tea bagger elders know a beard when they see one and yep, they think still got a shot with ya!

Rick Santorum. Please pay attention to him. Only in Iowa could this douche nozzle still matter. Pushing his woe is me we christians are so discriminated against bullshit on the homeschoolers is his only salvation. Santorum is that kid nobody wants around, who keeps popping up with his crazy ass philosophy. Shoo, kid, is what the rest of these dopes are saying.

Hey, Barack Obama, it's still working. These easy marks are all still here. Though the bad news about Herman Cain was unfortunate, Newtie and Mittens are still beating the shiite out of each other. Thing are looking good, my friend. If we can keep these Republican fire breathers occupied with their tea parties and poor folks hatred, they may never notice their secret weapon. Shhhhhh, you know, that reasonable guy, the one you appointed as Ambassador to China just to get him the hell out of the country? Shhhhhh, I think he's still out there. I won't mention his name if you won't. These Republicans are so 2nd amendmentee, you'd think they could equate hunting and an activity that men like. You know, I'm one of those hunt men...Figure it out for yourselves. I aint' helping.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Newtie Is A Blowfish!



Oh my God! Just when you think the Republican yokels can't do anything more entertaining than elevate a book huckster like Rock You Like a Herman Cain to the top of the polls, they do it again. The Teabagger favorite has now become Newt Gingrich. Jesus H Christ, Republican primary mouth breathers, Newt Gingrich? Why not Rod Blogoevich? At least he's got charisma. Gingrich should be Rod's cellmate to be honest, a word Gingrich had removed from his scatter brain.

You have to be kidding me, Republican knuckle draggers. Newt Gingrich? You hate that slippery Mittens Romney so much you go for a wild eyed crazy woman first, then when she shows the crazy too much, it's off to support the Texas dumber than Bush guy, then when he says something about your black hearts and says oops you abandon him for the non scary black dude who speaks perfect gibberish just like you, nine nine nine and iz becky becky becky stan. Then when he becomes the "victim" of the lying bitches and the commie media and gets one upside his head from Gloria you move on to THIS? Newt Gingrich? What the fuck is the matter with you Republican neanderthals? Get a brain, morans!

Newtie is about third on my dream list for Obama to run against. Right after that wild eyed foster parent from Minnesota and that lecherous back massaging pizza guy. Newt is a walking scandal. We all know of his inability to walk the straight and narrow. We've all heard the stories of how he served divorce papers to his first wife, Jackie, while she was in the hospital recovering from cancer surgery. No, she wasn't on her deathbed and we should stop saying that because it makes us look as truth challenged as him. We know that while he was impeaching Bill Clinton for getting hummers from a chubby intern, while still married to Marianne Gingrich, he was meeting a woman 23 years his junior and banging her after Mass. No wonder he converted to Catholicism. That would be Callista Gingrich, the Tiffany's enthusiast. Geez, how many chicks has this guy snookered into marrying his fat bloated ass?

And that's just Newtie's personal life. Forget about the backdoor book deal with Rupert Murdoch, the bounced checks during the Congressional check kiting scandals, the personal profiteering using tax exempt charities to enrich himself and his buddies, his "college courses" in which he recruited Hitler youth types to run for office, the $330K fine he paid for ethics violations, the fact, yes fact, he was the first Speaker of the House to be reprimanded by his colleagues 395-28 and resigned after that public humiliation. And that's just through 1999 for chrissakes.

Since then this scumbag has taken money from Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae as an "historian". He feeds his wife's lavish tastes with a $1 million account at Tiffany's while expressing concern for overspending by the Government he loathes yet profits from. He dismisses a Mediterranean cruise as a fact finding mission to "study" Greece's faltering economy. I mean this guy makes Nixon look like Abe fucking Lincoln.

But you Republican hillbillies just keep wandering aimlessly looking for anybody to get that black guy out of your White House . Anybody!!! Except of course that Mormom flip flopping son of a bitch from Taxachusetts. You know, the one who may have a chance. Nahhhhhhhhh, we'd rather dress up like Ben Franklin, handle our snakes, praise Jebus, and ignore the chaotic life of an immoral prick like Newtie Gingrich. And besides, it's easier for us to sit back in our easy chairs and piss and moan than actually try to win. And hey, those 9 year old kids, you know, the ones those minorities always have so they can get more tax money, they need to get a freakin job, just like Newtie says. Now, where's my social security check?

Monday, November 21, 2011

Support Your Local Police!



Hey, look at those hippies assaulting that poor police officer, Lt. John Pike, (japikeiii@ucdavis.edu)at the University of California-Davis. Lt.Pike, who gets paid $116,000 per year to be assaulted by dirty jobless lazy slackers like those sitting maniacs threatening Lt. Pike (japikeiii@ucdavis.edu) . No amount of money could possibly compensate poor Lt. Pike to put up with such hideous assaults like those depicted in that picture. Let's all e-mail Lt.Pike to tell him how much we appreciate his sacrifice and how he puts his life on the line everyday for us so that people sitting down don't kill us. Thanks, Lt.Pike (japikeiii@ucdavis.edu) you are a credit to your public sector profession.

Another American hero, Lt John Pike, of the University of Cal-Davis Police Department.

Once again, tell him how much you appreciate his protecting us from crazy sitting down people at japikeiii@ucdavis.edu

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Hamlin-Hernandez 2012!




Ramiro Ortega-Hernandez thinks he's Christ. He shot up the White House because he thinks Obama is the devil, or the anti-christ or some Muslim Kenyan or whatever.

Then there's Loren Hamlin. He's in jail doing 3-5 years in Lincoln,Nebraska for burglary. He was eligible to be let out in April of 2012. But Loren decided to write the President of the United States a little letter from his cozy jail cell. He told Barack Obama when he gets out of jail in April of 2012, he's going to track him down and kill him. Once again, he wrote the letter from the penitentiary. You do know all about that censoring thing in prison, right, Loren?

So you have a religious nut from Idaho, Ramiro, who should have been at that crying religious whackfest over in Iowa with Gingrich and Cain and the rest proclaiming he is Christ and how Obama is the anti-him.

Then you have Loren, a complete imbecile, probably about as smart as Cain and certainly as smart as Santorum (dont google it).

So there you have it, my friends, the dream ticket for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination. An idiot and a religious kook.

Hamlin-Hernandez 2012! Because the Republicans aren't quite ready for a Hispanic top of the ticket type.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Roar Lion Roar!



I'm sure everyone is sick to death of Penn State by now. The criminal enterprise that is Penn State has been exposed and the shit hasn't even hit the fan yet. Much like the other criminal enterprise, The Catholic Church, Penn State got away with the despicable cover up for years because, like the Catholic Church, Penn State had its sycophants and deniers whose entire life would be exposed as a lie if this thing blew up. Well, it blew up.

Religion and football. Both sacred. Both enabled by millions of true believers who refuse to do what's right when wrong is uncovered. The Catholic Church, enabled by its millions of scared little minions unwilling to let their brain work. Shifting pederast priests from location to location to stay one step ahead of the law. Leaving a pile of victims in its quest for power and money. Enabled by its superstitious congregation. Fucking disgusting.

Penn State, football royalty. Led by an ancient figurehead whose head in the sand mentality enabled an evil to grow and prosper in his presence. Covered up literally from bottom to top. From the lowly unpaid grad assistant right up to the President of the University and right up from there to the football coach. They are all guilty as hell and responsible for untold pain to children. All to keep stuffing 110,000 paying customers into a stadium 7 times a year. Too bad, kid, there's money to be made. Fucking disgusting.

Fire them all. Penn State's entire athletic department should go. In fact, though I know this will never happen, the entire football program should be disbanded. There isn't an honest man in any position of power there. The players should be allowed to move on and the whole damn thing should be shut down. It's a cesspool back there.

Same for the Catholic Church. There are so many criminals running that organization now it makes me sick. There are mafia dons doing time for less than what some of these "men of god" have done with their cover ups and racketeering. The jails should be full of guys in collars and funny hats. Seriously.

Joe Paterno is a God back in Happy Valley. Drunken students rioted after Joe the Denier was canned last week for his refusal to do right. Oh he's legally in the clear, he told somebody. But he is morally as culpable as anybody. He saw Sandusky in the Penn State facilities for 10 years after the "incident" he was told about. He did nothing. He said nothing. He deserved his unceremonious departure. The students who stood up for him by turning over news vans and worshipping on his front lawn should be ashamed. I'm sure they aren't and I'm also sure most of them will be solid rock ribbed Republicans when they grow the fuck up.

When Nebraska played back there last week, much was made of the giant circle jerk praying being done before the game. So what? All the praying in the world aint gonna change a thing. There are abusers and there are victims. There are co-conspirators in covering up said abuse. A lot of them were out on that field "praying". That made me sick too.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Here's To You, Mr. Simon!



There are relatively few musical geniuses around who still matter after all these years. Most of the musical geniuses of the past are content with touring and playing their hits for the adoring masses of baby boomers willing to part with a Benji or two. Then there's the others. The ones who still write songs with great lyrics and social commentary relevant to today's world. Dylan, Springsteen, Young, and perhaps the greatest of them all, Paul Simon.

Paul Simon came to town last night not even 24 hours after a talentless goofball named Ax'l Rose showed up 2 1/2 hours late and played until 1:30 in the morning for the tweakers willing to stay and listen. The stench was still in the arena when Paul Simon took the stage promptly at 8:15 for a 2 hour concert full of old hits and new songs that kicked ass. Backed by a band of veteran players so diverse in their musical talents I saw a drummer pick up a guitar while still sitting at the drums, soloing on the guitar and then hammering the drums some more. WTF? This is great stuff.

Paul Simon is a genius. His voice is still there. His songwriting talent is still there. His guitar playing is beyond reproach. His band is top notch. Once again, music made me glad to be alive.

One of the most extraordinary things I've ever witnessed during the first encore. Simon played an acoustic version of the Sounds of Silence. You could have heard hair falling out of old hippie heads it was so hushed. My god, it was moving.

We've seen it all now. Simon with Garfunkel. Garfunkel without Simon. And now Simon without Garfunkel. All three were without match. Artie has the voice of an angel. Paul has the mind of a great poet. Together....WOW...Apart...WOW.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Bullying For Jesus!



Way to go, Michigan. Passing one of those anti-bullying laws to keep all those overfed, future teabaggers in line. Stop them from harassing some kid so much he finally ends up hanging from a curtain rod because he was born in the way God made him/her. You know, God. That invisible guy in the sky that justifies your hate, ignorance and Detroit Lions worship.Good job, Michigan Republicans. No more bullying in Michigan. Not only that, the atheist pro-bullying Dumbocrats all voted no on your bill. I knew you Republicans were the way and the light. I am officially changing my registration to Republican as soon as I can whip up some good old fashioned disgust for my fellow man. WHAT?????

What's this? I have been informed that Michigan Republicans inserted a tiny little exception to this anti-bullying legislation. If you have a "“sincerely held religious belief or moral conviction” you can go right ahead and call the theater kids "fags" and nothing can be done because Jesus hates homos, we all know that.

The father of Matt Eppling, a young 14 year old kid, who after being bullied by the closet cases at an East Lansing school, killed himself back in 2002 even said this law is complete bullshit. Kevin Eppling stated, in effect, bullying is a-ok in Michigan. As long as your pretend icon tells you it is. Nice going, Michigan Republicans.

My solution to this law is simple. Conjure up some "religious beliefs and moral convictions" and start bullying the shit out of everybody in the Bible club. Ram your car into the guy with the "Abortion Stops a Beating Heart" bumper sticker. Turn off the oxygen tank of the next teabagger you see. Lock his wheels on his Gubmint provided scooter he rolls around in. Call Eric Cantor a pencil neck. Pinch Herman Cain on his ass. Start bullying Republicans, America. It all has to do with your
"religious beliefs and moral convictions".

"Religious beliefs and moral convictions". You know, like those 19 guys had back on September 11th, 2001.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Omaha's Famous Vacant Lot!



Hey it's Breeders Cup weekend and for those of you who have no idea what that means, well you are in the majority. The vast majority. It's horse racing's Super Bowl. And since it's a sport I love, it, like baseball, is on the decline as the millions who follow it are all at death's door. Compared to the other clientele at a track I am a toddler. When I go to a racetrack, I feel like playing on the jungle gym, I get carded, I get asked if I've lost my daddy, I cry when my horsie gets tired and finishes 4th, I ask for a sippy cup for my Coors Light, I ask people when it's going to get over, I fall down a lot, and I wonder why a 1200 pound animal lets a drunken midget tell it what to do.

This brings me to my point. Why DOES a 1200 pound muscled animal let some 110 pound person, probably hungover and cranky tell it what the hell to do? Well for one thing, horses are dumb. This is my same question to the water carriers of the right. Why do you let 1% of the population tell you what to do? Are you dumb too?

Recently the Occupy Omaha folks were "evicted" from a vacant lot in an Omaha neighborhood known for run down apartments, goat restaurants, crack dealers and sweatshirted hookers. The reason the city gave for "evicting" them from the world renowned vacant lot was because of complaints from the neighborhood "residents" of open fires and pissing in public. Chrissakes, in that neighborhood, those activities would be considered revitalization.

To get to my point, I read comments on news websites. Probably not a good idea, but I cannot resist feeling intellectually superior while reading to the ramblings of Husker69 on how he/she sees people at the Wal Mart buying lobsters and caviar with food stamps while talking on their I Phones and hopping into their Cadillac Escalades while dragging their 8 kids back to their taxpayer funded mansion. Just cannot resist I tell ya.

The comments on the "eviction" of Occupy Omaha floored me. "Dirty hippies", "Unemployed losers", "smelly felons", "lazy bums", "welfare scum", "communists", "socialist Obama supporters", "too bad the cops didn't shoot a few of them", "drop them off in the 'hood and see how long they stay". Yeah, quality well thought out stuff like that comprised 90% of the comments. Either that or Herman Cain was working overtime typing out nonsense in between hitting on chicks on Match.com.

My question goes back to the beginning. I assume most of these people are not the 1%. I mean, to give them some of their own medicine, don't any of you "morans" have jobs? You seem to have plenty of time to pound out hate inspired shit like that all day long. Yeah, I'm talking to you, Nobama2012! Why do you let the 100 pound dude sit on your back and whip you into doing what they want you to do? Are you stupid? The 100 pounder, the 1%, has no power unless you give it to him/her. And you give it to them on a regular basis. The Koch Bros are whipping the shit out of you and then telling you it's not them, it's that horse next to you crowding you. You buy that?

I've often wondered why a stupid horse, sick of being whipped, doesn't just get fed up, stop running, throw the 100 pounder off his back, and stomp the shit out of them. A tiny part of me would cheer that. Ok, a large part of me would cheer that but nonetheless, horses are dumb. Humans are not. STOP letting that little guy whip your ass. You have the power. Goddamnit, start using it.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Cain & Enable!



Oh Herman Cain. You old rascal you. I know the restaurant industry is full of young "actresses" looking to take your order, but come on, Herman, not THAT kind of order.

Rick Perry, you ol' sweet talker you. Rambling on like a drunken George W Bush at an AA meeting. I've never like ya better, Rick. You sounded like a lot of fun. If you were sittin' around the Eagles club on Prime Rib night. Not so much if you want to run the free world.

This is what they have to run against Obama? A man who has settled sexual harrassment lawsuits, who bursts into song on a whim, who states "I don't have the facts on this but...", a man who wants to fry Mexicans on an electric fence, a man who has so black a heart he states the 10-25% of his fellow countrymen without meaningful employment have only themselves to blame, a man so warped in his values he goes straight to a human maggot like Rush Limbaugh to fight his battles for him, and a man who wears a hat right out of a Superfly movie?


Another man, a Texas nitwit who rambles on incoherently and loses in the coherence department to the likes of Michele Bachmann? A man who coldly allows an innocent man to be lethally injected and then fires the state board members who call him on it? A so called Christian who has presided over more killings than any other state leader and is applauded for it? A man who falls for the Canadian version of The Onion and quotes from a fake story? A man who sucks up to a vulgar fake millionaire like Donald Trump and digs up the birther nonsense only the craziest of the crazy buy into any more. A man who put up with a rock emblazoned with an N bomb for years on his huntin' preserve?

This what the GOP has to offer? The only challengers to Plastic Man? The only challengers? Are you kidding me?

The Robot, Willard Romney, is bad enough. A flip flopping, principle-less, erectile dysfunction model looking whitebread dullard, Romney is perfect for the GOP'ers who simply want to offer up another Bob Dole and get 2012 over with. He has nothing to offer the meat chomping conservatives who somehow think their loud, boorish behavior dominates American politics. Romney is a loser. The kind of guy a 35 year old unmarried woman settles for. Perfectly good provider, looks good, and has the excitement of a vibrator without batteries. That's Romney. A vibrator. A cheap one at that.

Obama has troubles. That's for sure. But don't forget this guy is a vicious campaigner. He know his shit. He knows his pop culture. He is with it. He reads. He watches bad TV. He knows what a Kardashian is. He knows who LMFAO is. He knows about Dancing with the "Stars". He knows what The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is. He knows what Steve Jobs' last words were. This guy is hip.

Romney is the guy who stands to pose with young black kids and suddenly shouts out "Who let the dogs out? Woof woof". Nice 2000 drop, Willard. None of those kids were even alive when that novely song came out. What's next? A nice 1993 Whoomp There It Is shout out? Willard, you are simply too white to win. I never thought I'd say this but compared to a stiff like Romney, John Kerry looks like Snoop Dogg. Fo shizzle ma nizzle!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Squirrel!



Occupy Omaha drew a police estimated 1000 folks which is about 900 more than I thought would show up. We marched around downtown amid catcalls from Teabaggers (hey old people, get a job, get a haircut or calling somebody a communist is really not clever nor relevant). Hey media, STOP equating us with the fucking Tea Party. Those codgers are not new, grass roots, or anti-anything except minorities, gays or eating salads once in a while.

I am not saying there weren't some Occupier kooks there with their hammer and sickle signs and the weed drawings. The Ron Paultards were there in full force with their Ayn Randian signs and deep desire for legal pot. Hey, maybe their kooks and our kooks have a common ground. There's a hookah store right up 13th. Check it out dudes. I can do without all of them.

It's a start. When there are 4 rallies in a genetic red state like Nebraska, it means something. Perhaps the fact the Huskers were not playing gave a bunch of people something to do, including the Occupiers and the scooter riding tea party. I am still baffled by the Tea Party Animal who told me he was there to show people "the other side". The other side? Looks like the Koch Bros have spent their money well distracting these dementia infected pensioners. Hey hey hey, over here! Snap! Focus, teabagger guy! They remind me of Doug, the dog in Up. SQUIRREL!!!

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Occupy What? Everywhere!



I turned the corner in front of the City County building in Omaha around 9 am and was met by a burly older man (and by "older" I mean at least my age) in a Husker shirt who asked me "What side are you on?". Huh? "Over there or over here?". To my right (how appropriate) were about 6 or so Tea Partiers with "creative" signage about getting a job and how much they love capitalism. To my left were hundreds of folks ranging in age from 10 to 80 who were "occupying Omaha" much to the chagrin of this official Tea Party "greeter". This is not going to be pretty.

I could not resist telling this man how disappointed I was at his movement becoming just the same old out of the UN, John Bircher freaks they've always been. "Did you know the organizer of this event is an avowed communist?" he asked me. Where did this alleged "avowing" occur? "In the paper". When? "I don't know a couple of weeks ago" He said he was an avowed communist? "well he may as well have".......Ok pal, I get it. Thanks for proving my point.

Arguing is my weakness. I cannot resist arguing with someone I perceive as being wrong because of their own lack of knowledge. Not that I am so smart, but because I read. A lot. And the person I'm arguing with can read also. I urge them to. But Fox News inevitably wins. It's easier. To be misinformed and comfortable is easy. To be informed is power. Facts often have a liberal bias.

A 14 year old kid wandered over to talk to the Tea Party MC and I was gone. Over to my people. The 1%. But not before a young man (by young I mean younger than me) held up a sign that said "discrimination against 1% is still discrimination". Once again I couldn't resist. Maybe it was my "carrying water for the plutocrats" or the "bet you're a Yankees fan" or "what's it like to be a Kochsucker" that made him angry but we did not part as buddies.

The rally, for a red state, was organized and peaceful. Lots of cool people all fed up with the status quo and the legalized thievery that goes on everyday on Wall Street. Let's keep it up. No letting up of the pressure. As the old saying goes. First they ignore you, then they mock you, then they fight you, then you win.

More later.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Is That Guy Fawkes Over There?



I hate Wall Street. When I was much younger I got into arguments with my mother about Wall Street because my Dad made his living dealing with Wall Street. I think Dad despised Wall Street also but as they say hey, it's a living.

Couple of years back in my only trip to New York, my brother took Max and I down to Wall Street where I quipped in my oh so hyperbolic way that behind that GIANT American flag the greedheads had placed on the front of the Stock Exchange lay more criminals than your average state penitentiary. I meant it then and I mean it now. These people are less than human in their self indulgence and lack of humanity. Ripping off hard working Americans for their own benefit and having the gall to place an American flag in front of their monetary crack house as a diversion to what goes on in there. It made me want to vomit.

The occupiers of Wall Street are real patriots. Not that you could tell from the coverage on the mass media, whether it be Fox or MSNBC. The occupiers are portrayed as clueless hippies and kids with not much to do. Fox News and their millionaire yakkers have resorted to the 1960's tactic of telling protestors to take a shower, get a job, and get a haircut. Really? That old line. Well I have news for those self preservationists at Fox. The unwashed, jobless long hairs won in the 1960's and hopefully will win now.

I don't know which scene I have eyeballed is worse. The NYC Police treating the occupiers as street thugs by macing them, tasing them or roughing them up, the disgusting sight of tuxedoed hedge fund creeps and their ho's sipping champagne high above Wall Street mocking the 99%, or the stunning lack of fair coverage from the news media. The sight of the Wall Street slavemasters mocking protesters from high above on the balcony of the Stock Exchange should be shown on every network newscast from now until the time that shithole comes tumbling to the ground. They are laughing at you, America. They know you will do nothing. They know half of you are so brainwashed by religion, Fox News, and economic advice from millionaires, you will look at the occupation of Wall Street as commies coming to take your Christmas fund away. Wake up!. Learning about economics from the likes of Rush Limbaugh or O'Reilly or the Kochs is like going to a charm school run by Bo Pelini (sorry Big Red fans). These millionaires aren't telling you anything that doesn't benefit THEM. I have no idea why that's so hard for Middle America to grasp. So stop being their cannon fodder for chrissakes.

The Tea Party (yes I can call them that if I have to) is portrayed as a bunch of populist grass roots normal everyday folks fed up with out of control spending and big government. The occupiers of Wall Street are portrayed as nuts. Hey look, I've been to two Tea Parties. These are definitely everyday folks. But what they are fed up with is welfare and government aid to children and food stamps and black people, I mean poor people, and not being able to own a bazooka and black people in the White House ,I mean Democrats in the White House and the changing of the demographics of the country they grew up in. You know, the one where white folks ruled and the rest of those other people stayed in their own neighborhoods and shut their yaps.

Wall Street miscreants steal more on a daily basis than the entire poor population does in a year. Yet the teabaggers continue to carry water for the Kochs and the Limbaughs. I really don't know if it's possible to change that perception of the thieving minorities for these people. Racism is an inbred thing. Most of them don't even know they are. They deny it so much they've convinced themselves THEY are the victims. But whatever. The occupation of Wall Street may change minds. Not many, but some. If it changes one, it's worth it.

Occupy away kids! Tear that fucking place down if you have to. The American economic system is doing 99% of us no good anyway.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Some Stupid With A Flare Gun Burned The Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame To The Ground!



Hey,there's a lot wrong with this world and changing it is very difficult. But one of the biggest wrongs on earth is the fact these guys are NOT in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Deep Purple is not there, folks. It's the most unbelievable thing about that place. This year's nominees include such rock icons as Eric B & Hakim. Is that a morning zoo in Kalamazoo? Guns N Roses? The Cure? Chaka Khan? Ugh!

Deep Purple was my first concert back in 1973 in Lincoln's Pershing Auditorium. When I heard the start of Highway Star back on that Friday night I was hooked. I've seen some shit since then, including many groups IN the Hall of Fame I hate. I'm not going to argue that Guns N Roses doesn't belong there, but if it's true that the reason Deep Purple can't get in is because Ritchie Blackmore is an asshole, what the hell is Axel Rose doing there? Look up that word in the dictionary and you see that headbanded Halloween masked freak's picture. I am outraged!

Come on. Deep Purple is the bomb. Still is. Who doesn't learn guitar by strumming Smoke on the Water? You think the fact Michele Bachmann won a straw poll is outrageous. Deep Purple being snubbed AGAIN is really an outrage. Disagree? HUSH!

Monday, September 26, 2011

I Want You For Class Warfare!



Class Warfare? Really? Are you guys serious this time? I'm all for it. Where do I enlist? Because I'd really like to kick that drunk Andrew Breitbart right in the franks and beans he wants 90% of us to subsist on.

Everytime you see the inevitable talk of raising tax rates on the wealthiest individuals, you hear that term "class warfare" shouted from the castle berms and repeated by the useful idiots down below who think the drawbridge will soon come down to let them in. "Class Warfare" has been waged on the middle class for about 30 years now by the castle dwellers and they are kicking our ass. They call it "trickle down". I call it pissing on me and telling me it's life sustaining water.

The class warriors from above have been destroying the middle class, destroying the unions, destroying the right to vote, destroying the right to sue negligent corporations, destroying the environment, destroying the educational system and destroying my eardrums with their media friendly bullshit for years. And it's time it stopped. It's time to fight back for once and stop being afraid the big bad job creator will ship your job to China or Vietnam just plain eliminate it and make your co worker do twice as much. I have news for you. They'd cut your throat and tell you it's elective surgery tomorrow if it made their bottom line go up a dollar. They hate you. You are a lazy, unqualified sot who steals from them by even demanding a salary. The problem is, a lot of you do their dirty work for them. I see it everyday. $30K a year Republicans, convinced they are just thissssssss far from getting that big promotion and a free ticket to the corporate skybox to see Stevie Nicks. Ha. You people. WTF.

The latest villain is Warren Buffett. The billionaire with the inexplicable want for fairness is now the subject of the talk radio cretins bile. If I hear one more of these radio faces and their listeners say "well Warren Buffett is free to write a big check to the IRS if he wants to pay more taxes" I will ask that the drawbridge be dropped right on my head cuz I can't take it anymore. It's not original, it's not clever, it's not funny and it's also not relevant to the discussion. Buffett simply wants reality when it comes to fixing this fucked up economy. Reality, the fact that the wealthy pay less of a percentage of taxes as their wealth goes up. Reality, that if you cut middle class taxes, the money gets spent and the economy prospers. Reality, that if you cut the wealthy's taxes, the money gets holed up offshore and does no good. Reality, that the wealthy being taxed 4% more is not going to make them throw up their hands and say I'm done. I quit. Right, Bill O'Reilly?

So let the warfare begin. Tax the enemy from 35 to 39%. See what happens. Carnage in the streets? Millions of deaths? Torture? Nope, a gigantic collective shrug from the rich. Like a fly has buzzed their Chablis. Kind of like they think of us now. Flies. Stop letting ourselves get swatted and start biting back.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Why You Little........!!!!!



Oh it's been a long month, a long year, a long two years. Selling a house is a bitch, especially when you have incompetents, including me, running the show. But it's done. Thanks, Bush and you Republicans for fucking up the economy and pretty much forcing us to give the damn house away. Anyway, enough of my personal pissing and moaning. Onward.

I just keep getting angry. These Republican nincompoops running for President are bad enough with their ass kissing and flip flopping and desire to suck up to the dregs of society,otherwise known as the teabaggers. I hate to sound like a one note Max's Dad here by continually harping on these pricks, but it has to be done or my head is going to explode and turn this state even redder than it already is.

Look, the candidates running for the nomination of that party of privilege are all a bit off. Whether it be the wild eyed craziness of Michele Bachmann or the lack of principles of Mittens Romney or the shucks y'all Bushit of Rick Perry or the froth spewing from a body opening of Rick Santorum (dont google him)or the philandering pablum of Newt Gingrich or the house boy capitalism of Herman Cain or the who the hell is that Limbaugh spouting Gary Johnson or the suddenly seems sane compared to the rest of them but still right wing crap of Jon Huntsman it still doesn't even compare to the mouth breathers whom they drop to their knees for. The Tea Party.

Late in August while running through a park here in Omaha, I wandered upon the Tea Party Express parked in a gravel lot. There were vendors selling borderline racist bumper stickers and t shirts to the lawn chair sitting blue hairs who drove the Buick down to listen to the "wisdom" of these scam artists. I stopped to listen, inevitably wandering over to the 6 or so protesters and asking if this was the "cool" section. Onstage, yacking to the government subsidized oldsters who applauded any time one of them said "one term president" were a group of folks who one by one, took the stage to holler about debt ceilings and deficits and socialism (how ironic that 3/4 of these idiots were on Medicare and Socialism Security) children and grandchildren and oh yeah, to proclaim over and over and over and over they were not racists. Geez, who said ya were, guy with the Obama as an African chief T shirt. Hey, if you say that you are not something after nobody accused you of being it, like when Larry Craig said he wasn't gay after nobody said he was, then you are. Well when the third straight blabberer started off by saying she wasn't a racist, I ran off before I called her a fat cracker.

I used to think these teabaggers were misinformed, talk show brainwashed, or just plain stupid. But after the last three Republican "debates", I am convinced they are all three. And also black hearted sociopaths.

Three debates back when Bush Junior, Rick Perry, was asked about his sleeping habits after whacking more humans legally than any other person in US history, the audience of souless cro magnons cheered wildly. Ok, they don't like murderers, who does? But killing them, guilty or not, is a-ok with this bunch. Yeah, fry 'em. ok, teabaggers, now shut up and go to church were you can get erections at the sight of your lord and savior being executed.

Two debates back, when Ron Paul the Anarchist was being asked if he would let an uninsured person die rather than give government help, horned devils in the teabag audience hollered Yeah! Nice. This was THE most appalling thing I have ever seen in American politics, and I've seen a lot. Pat Buchanan's 1992 cross dressing Nuremberg speech. Ronnie Reagan the Saint honoring SS soldiers at Bitburg. Our own Governor Mini Me Heineman vetoing Medicaid funds for pregnant women because they may be illegal right before he signed some bullshit abortion law cuz he's so pro-life. APPALLING all but nothing like that audience sheering a hypothetical death due to lack of funds.

And then last night. The BOOING of a gay soldier for daring to ask the obvious question of Man on Dog Santorum (dont google) if he would repeal DADT. BOOING? A soldier? Your precious military men? BOOING a guy who has risked it all so you fucking morons can go and act like chimps? Fuck you Tea Party. I really can't say it any other way. May you all rot in hell you compassionless assclowns. And yeah I know there's no hell other than being in the same area as these assholes bu they don't. Little do they know that the only devil that exists is right there inside of them.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Next Year He's Going To Nathans!




Congratulations to Congressnut Michele Bachmann on paying enough overweight Iowans to vote for her in Saturday's straw poll.

To celebrate, Marcus Bachmann decided to give in to his natural urges.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Ben Nelson For Senate?



I never thought anything or anybody could get me to vote for Ben Nelson. But, folks, this is the tool who would replace Ben Nelson in the Senate. Jon Bruning is the Republican Attorney General of this state and he wants to unseat Nelson for being a commie socialist. Hey, Bruning made Ben Nelson look like Steve King (Moron-Ia) back when he was a young law student at the University of Nebraska back in the 1980's with his pro-choiceyness and his liberaliness and stuff. But Bruning soon figured the road to political success in this state, at least the part of the state anywhere west of Lincoln's airport where the genetic Republicans breed, was to get all pro-lifey and anti-homoey and stuff. So he did, and won by default the Attorney General's job which is controlled by the Repugs ever since some colored guy Democrat somehow took it over back in the 1990's for a short period of time and got the Republicans in the West all scared he was gonna let all his thug buddies out of jail and come rape their daughters Tomasina Osborne and probably Roberta Devaney too.

Bruning is the guy who once proclaimed he was against gay marriage because the next thing you'd see is some guy "marrying his chair". Yes, that's a quote from this turd burger , but after listening to that idiot speak in the above video, that wouldn't surprise anybody.

Before you ask, yes we do make people of questionable intelligence wear red shirts with an N somewhere on them in this state. The N stands for NUT. That's so you can tell where they are at all times. This state has about a million and a half of these "nuts" walking around at any moment. You see them all over. It's almost like they're proud of being "nuts".

And one more thing about this Bruning nitwit, does anybody find it ironic he compares raccoons and welfare recipients while yapping to a bunch of welfare recipients? Here, they call them "farmers".

Friday, August 5, 2011

I'm Runnin' This Tea Party!



The classic case of the tail wagging the dog, or perhaps Flounder running the Delta House. Why are the Republicans, most of whom have been in office for years, allowing a small number of first year teabagger economic illiterates tell them what to do? I had hoped that the Boner would grow a pair and put these first year dipshits into a time out room and let them throw their tantrums alone, but he didn't and they now have won, and are drunk with power. Or perhaps drunk period. What else can explain these financial nincompoops and their stupid radio talk show caller views? These are the kind of dimwits who call into the local yokel radio show and complain that if we just cut off all furrin' aid everything would be fine. Or the infamous I gotta manage my budget, why don't Warshington argument that you hear out of that next door dope right before he charges his Disney cruise on the old Discover card.

I have to admit, never in my life have I gotten to the point of hating a group of people more than I have have gotten to hate these tea party jackoffs. They brought the country to the brink of economic collapse to get that black guy out of office. Oh yeah, I went to the race card. But teabaggers have this racism gene so far buried up their ample asses they don't even realize the sight of President Obummer (so funny everytime I hear one of them say this out loud like they just made it up) sends them rushing to wash their sheets even though they aint even dirty. They don't get it. Why I like that Herman Cain fella, they say. Right! Pizza Man has no chance of ever getting close to any kind of office. I like that Alan West. Of course you do, he's insane and the most self loathing black man I've encountered since the last time I heard Wally Williams fill in for the four times married drug addicted child molester on the radio. I forgot that guy's name. Limpblob or something. So stop even denying your disgust that a black man has inhabited the White House. You should LOVE this particular black man, teabaggers. He is so not angry, he makes me angry. The man is so middle of the road he lets himself get run over by total limpwrists like Mitch McConnell. I wish he would become angry black guy. It'd be a welcome.

The dumbest member of Congress, no not Michele Bachmann, at least this week, Steve King of Iowa (whats up with that Iowa??) went onto the floor of the House and railed against free birth control. King, who I seriously think may be mentally challenged said the following, out loud, in public, with TV cameras rolling, with his constituents watching, with his family watching, with fellow retards like Rep Louis Gomert watching, :
"They’ve called it preventative medicine. Preventative medicine. Well if you applied that preventative medicine universally what you end up with is you’ve prevented a generation. Preventing babies from being born is not medicine. That’s not— that’s not constructive to our culture and our civilization. If we let our birth rate get down below replacement rate we’re a dying civilization."

Our culture. Our civilization. You know, shhhhh, white culture. And that is the teabagger mentality. Oh all this bullshit about their kids debts and grandchildrens debt and socialism and Nobama and light bulbs and abortion comes down to one thing. Us whiteys are losing ground. To a teabagger thats unacceptable. King let it out. And King is just too stupid to keep it under wraps. I can hear the teabaggers now shrugging their shoulders and asking, "what's wrong with what King said?" Right before they hopped on the old Medicare bought scooter and headed off to the drag races.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Cubs Win! Cubs Win! About 60 Times A Season!



I love ball parks. I have books about ball parks. There's nothing like a ball park, an old ball park. You know, the kind of ball park where you have to walk up the cow chute and see the fresh grass when you emerge. That sight is as good as it gets. And that sight is disappearing as these new ball parks spring up.

The cookie cutter ball parks built in the 70's were hideous concrete tombs. Three Rivers, Veterans, Riverfront, Busch, The Metrodome, The Kingdome, Fulton County were all spawns of hell. Shitholes. They destroyed the baseball experience. Oh, they were fine for football since most football fans are closet fascists bent on jailing anybody to the left of Ayn Rand (look it up gridiron guy).

But a couple of places from the past remain. Wrigley Field is one of them. I haven't been to Wrigley Field for a ball game since the early 1990's. Back before the 1984 season it was easy to walk up to the ticket window on gameday, plunk down $5 and sit by the bullpen and chat with the relief pitchers. I once bought Dickie Noles a hot dog while Lee Smith blocked Manager Charlie Fox's view from the Cubs dugout when I gave it to him. There ya go, a good 1983 Cubs reference. Nowadays, it'd cost ya $100 to sit there, and you'd be stuck next to some "young professional" eating sushi and sipping a nice merlot. Fuck that.

We went to Wrigley on Sunday and sat in seats normally reserved for poor people. High up and on the aisle under the overhang out of the sun. Heaven! For $50 each, it oughta be heaven. Oh it was. Old Style Beer, Vienna hot dogs, and baseball in a stadium built in 1914. 23 skidoo this was the bees knees! All we needed was Rudy Vallee shouting Go Cubs Go from a megaphone.

The game, ah who cares. The Cubs won in 10 over the Astros. The two worst teams in baseball duking it out into extra innings at a 97 year old neighborhood baseball park. A yawner to you football folks. The best day ever for us national pasttime people. But it's not the same as when I was younger because the Cubs have become trendy and the ownership couldn't care less if they win or not because 40,000 idiots will show up to see the Astros, a team nobody should want to watch. The place only holds 40,000 so what is the incentive to win? None. No wonder it's been 103 years since that team has won a World Series.

But I have to admit. Wrigley is falling down. The cement is old and cracked. The bathrooms still have troughs. But it's still Wrigley Field, the place my Dad took me in 1964 for my first major league ball game. A moment that hooked me for a lifetime.

Hey, the new ball parks are super. Target Field is the best stadium I've ever been in. The remodeled Kauffman Stadium In KC is wonderful. Our new stadium here in Omaha is phenomenal. Saw Journey there two weeks ago. But nothing will ever ttop Wrigley Field, if for no other reason than it reminds me of the July day in 1964 that Dad took me and my brother to see the Giants. Thanks, Dad.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Hail Mary, Full of Whaaaaaaaaaaa?



Faith is a very personal thing. It's just that, faith, usually unrewarded but still an important part of human existence. Faith in God, or Jesus, or Allah, or The Chicago Cubs. It's really all a waste of time but come on, who wants to believe in nothing?

Somewhere outside Green Bay lies some out of the way burgh called Champion, Wisconsin or New Franken, Wisconsin or Al Franken, Wisconsin and for some reason, The Virgin Mary decided to appear here back in 1859 to some little girl from Belgium. Well that's the Vatican's story and they're sticking to it.

We visited this little place last weekend. Me for my I'll do anything once attitude and Max's Mom's I'm living with this agnostic idiot and maybe I can save his soul attitude. Pulling into this gravel parking lot at the Our Lady of Good Help, I fully expect my 20/seeing eye dog sight to immediately become 20/15. Unfortunately my faith went unrewarded. But I did find a bathroom off to the side. Small victory.

Just as we went into the small church to check it out, yep, Mass began and I was stuck there for the first time in months. You see, despite my 12 years of Catholic education, I got over it about a month after I got out of it and I only attend Mass when somebody dies, a child gets confirmed, or I really really want to get out of the house for an hour.

I can tell the Catholics are still all hung up on that fetus worship because they mentioned it numerous times. At the end of the Mass, in the true Catholic tradition, they attempted to guide you not to a better life by serving others, but to the gift shop. Chaaaaa ching!

The gift shop, you know, the place where the mother of Jesus took time out of her busy day back in 1859 to scare the shit out of a little Belgian girl, was full of Chinese made statues and cards and books and a pile of anti abortion bumper stickers so high it may have been what Mary ascended back into heaven on.

To the "crypt". This is the place where Mary actually showed up. In the basement of a church? Surrounded by candles and plastic rosaries which can be yours for only a dollar. I lit a candle for both my deceased parents though my Mom may have been screaming at me from the great beyond to not bother. My Dad may have appreciated it, especially if he hasn't been sprung from Purgatory yet. Hey, I'm hedging my bets, folks. It only cost me a couple of bucks. The beer at Titletown and the slot machine at the Oneida casino cost me twenty times that much an hour or two later when in the fine Irish Catholic tradition we went from kneeling and worshipping the Lord to furiously drinking and gambling. Thanks, Mary!

No,as I said, faith is your own personal superstition, errrrrrr, belief. Whatever brings you peace in this world is a-ok with me. I wish I had that blind allegiance to something that makes no sense. Like rooting for the Bears. But Our Lady of Good Help, the only place in North America where Mary visited, other than under a bridge in Chicago or a tortilla in Mexico, is a peaceful enough place. It was quiet and it was interesting to flash back to the 60's and see the old school Catholic women with head covers and ten kids.

Our Lady of Good Help in Champion, Wisconsin. Hey it's cheap entertainment. Thanks for comin', Mary!

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Hello, City By The Bay!



I am so sick of this debt ceiling shit I packed up the Prius and left town to the garden spot of the nation. Green Bay, Wisconsin. Why Green Bay? Don't ask. Hey, its on the way to Chicago if you're directionally challenged.

The family has always wanted to see Green Bay, well at least one of us did. So off we went to Scott Walker's coming hell hole. Wisconsin.

The drive to Green Bay is just about the longest 12 hours you can ever spend for no payoff. Stuck in a Prius (46 MPG yay!!) and in an endless loop of cornfields and windmill farms is really not what Henry Ford had in mind. He was more the Hitler was great guy type. But after 12 hours and about 16 Mountain Dews, we arrived in the city by the bay!

Oh I kid Green Bay. It was a perfectly fine town. In the summer, all two months of it.

For all my doubts about what lay ahead in upper Wisconsin, I gotta say. The people in this city by the bay are the friendliest people I've ever encountered. Gawdam, they make Minnesota Nice look like Satan's workshop. These folks were cheery as all hell. It made me uncomfortable. What exactly ARE they up to???

A trip to Green Bay has to include a tour of that huge stadium on Lombardi Avenue and Oneida that houses the Super Bowl champion Green Bay Packers, otherwise known in Chicago as we found out later, the Green Gay Fudge Packers. Chicago has a lot of class. Green Bay residents would see that and say oh you darn Bears fans, to heck wit all of you and dat is kinda funny.

YOu pay your $19 to see the Packer Hall Of Fame and the tour of the stadium. It was a fun time. I know I'm a Bears fan and I'm supposed to piss on the Lambeau frozen tundra, but it was impossible to hate these people. They were constantly telling you that bullshit story of how the citizens of Green Bay "own" the team and they are just the poor little team down the street with the used equipment and how Packer women have weddings at the stadium and how hard it is to "compete" with Ziggy Wolf and the McCaskeys. You almost forget they WON THE FUCKING SUPER BOWL! I fell for all of it. They take you into the bowels of Lambeau and lead you through the tunnel that the players use to run onto the field complete with fake crowd noise. God this is cheesy. Get it? Haha. You shout Go Pack Go and hear the echos. You see Packer fanatics kissing the field. You see a luxury box (the crappiest seats in the house by the way) and you buy into the whole Packer nonsense. My Dad would have loved every second of it being one of those Packer lunkheads. I hope he was watching.

So there ya go. We wanted to go to the City By The Bay and we did. Just in the wrong direction I guess.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Please Let Me Down, Mister Boner!



Eric Cantor is a complete fraud. While this nerd is fucking with the nation by pontificating on debt limits and spending cuts and insisting on protecting his corporate and wealthy masters, what is really going is obvious. Eric Cantor is interested in one thing and one thing only. Eric Cantor.

Eric Cantor, aka Millhouse Cantor, wants John Boner's job as Speaker of the House and will do anything, including turning the United States of America into the world's biggest deadbeat dad. What a tool. Now I have no love for the Boner, trust me, but the Boner needs to man up and hang this pencil necked geek from the Capitol flagpole, take him down and present him to some dimwitted constituent as a souvenir. If the Boner doesn't, he deserves to get sand kicked in his red face.

This whole deficit thing is such bullshit. It doesn't take fucking economic whiz kid to figure this out. The humongous deficit began about 10 years ago when after being left a surplus by the Big Dog, President Nitwit proclaimed something about "eh eh eh if there's a surplus, yer payin to much in taxes, eh eh eh" and proceeded to ramrod a huge tax cut through the Republican controlled Congress cutting taxes for everybody. You know, $100 for you, $100 million for me and my friends. That's fair, right? Well it is to the Republicans and their useful idiots, otherwise known as $35K a year Republicans. The deficit grows and grows and grows and jobs grow and grow and grow, in China, Vietnam and anywhere else American "job creators" can get away with slave labor and unregulated squalor.

This policy continues for 10 years and the current band of Kochsuckers, along with a pussy whipped band of Democrats unwilling to stand up to their abusers, want this to continue because its working so well. You have to be a complete imbecile, a complete liar, or a complete self centered opportunist like Millhouse Von Cantor to buy into this economic carnage.

Go ahead Republicans. Bring the hammer down on the United States in your blatant attempt to get that black guy out of your White House. It's not going to happen, the default thing. Only the most rabid of moon bayers would want default and the utter destruction it would bring. Only the most irresponsible oafs would work to ruin an economy the world looks to for guidance. Only the most anti-American traitors would work to give China the #1 spot. But there they are. The 2011 Republican Party. Moon baying irresponsible traitors. Who would have ever thought one skinny black man would cause such self destructive behavior? To paraphrase Samuel L Jackson, I'm sick of these motherfuckin Republicans in my mutherfuckin country!

Monday, July 4, 2011

Breaking Fake News From Fox News!



Did anybody change the password after Glenn Beck left the building? Did Sean Hannity just tweet normally? Was O'Reilly trying to impress Ann Coulter with his technological expertise? Is Bret Baier gunning for Beck's old slot? Was it Weiner's hackers who broke through the Fox News security? How tough is it to crack the "fuckobama" password everybody uses to tweet at Fox? How many Fox News viewers popped open a PBR when that one came through? Is Andrew Breitbart accounted for and under what barroom table was he found? Is Judge Andrew Napolitano readying a defense for the "shooter" already? Is Jared Loughner really pissed? Did Megyn Kelly and Gretchen Carlson finally lock lips? Has Steve Doocy finished looking up the word "assassinated"?

And finally, Fox News keeps its 100% error rate intact!

Thursday, June 30, 2011

I'll Take Marcus Bachmann For The Block!



How great would it be to have the Fabulous Marcus Bachmann and the batshit crazy Michele Bachmann as our First Couple? Couple of nuts that is. Of course, there is zero chance that either of these whackos will ever get close to the White House, even on a tour, but I secretly hope that Republican voters send this woman and her flamboyant hubbie Marcus right to the stage at their 2012 convention and expect them to beat Barack Nobama. That would be awesome.

I used to think Michele Bachman was batshit crazy. Oh, she is, but I've come to love her batshitiness. She used to be a Democrat back in 1976 when Jimmy Carter was running for President. But high gas prices turned her Republican. That's just batshit nuts. High gas prices? That is the single best reason I have ever heard to switch parties. Because we all know the Republicans and the oil companies are like Charlie Sheen and Chuck Lorre. Right?

Now Marcus Bachmann. There's a piece of work. This fleet bagger, who somehow managed to squeeze $137K of taxpayer Medicaid money to turn the gays straight through Jesus, is an absolute sound alike for the center square on Hollywood Squares, circa 1970 or so. Calling Uncle Arthur. If Marcus ever gets to the White House, Dupont Circle may never be the same without him.

Now the old fishwife, Michele, seemed to go all shy and reserved on Face the Nation last Sunday when Bob Schieffer asked one of those gotcha questions like "is homosexuality a choice?" She bobbed and weaved like Apollo Creed in refusing to answer that lame stream media question. Or perhaps Marcus hadn't answered her text yet.

No, once again, I kid the Bachmanns. They have five kids and have had 23 foster kids, all young females (sorry,Marcus). Though no foster kid has had to endure the Minnesota nice that is the Bachmanns since 1998, the fact she keeps telling everybody about it would make you think there's a houseful of anorexic waifs running around at all times. Nope, its just Marcus and his fish and chips. Keep running, Michele, I'm rooting for you. Can't wait for that daily fuck up. It's a singular sensation!

Monday, June 27, 2011

Dear Carrie's Mom!



You social conservatives are going to lose. In fact, you have already lost and you just cannot see the forest because you want it logged to oblivion. Oh your tantrums are amusing and you still can generate the faithful to get on their government provided scooters, get in their SUV's, and go off to the voting booths to save the country from the heathens and socialists while still managing time away from Fox News to waddle out to the mailbox to get your Social Security check.

Your ideas about gays and tea parties and taxes and corporations and minorities and Mexicans and serial killers named John Wayne Somethin may be facts in your minds and on your altered Wikipedia pages but they aren't facts at all. A fact is a fact and despite that facts have a liberal bias, facts are truth. And what do they say in your houses of superstition? The truth will set you free? Well, welcome to freedom, teabaggers.

The New York State Senate, run by Republicans, passed a gay marriage bill. No, not one of those gay marriage bills where you get to tell your third wife how immoral homos are ruining the sanctity of your marriage and thus, they can't get marries, have civil unions or even look at each other in a longing way. Nope. Now, in New York, in 30 days or so, anybody in the nation can fly into LaGuardia, get in a cab and run off to get hitched, just like you did after Earlene pissed on that EPT dealie.

Now I know the middle of the country, also known as the middle of nowhere, thinks anything east of Dollywood or west of the Rockies is full of goateed Bolsheviks, but it's also the start of the cultural tsunami that eventually drags you kicking and screaming into the present day. Or at least the present day as it was 30 years earlier. So look out Husker fan, the 2026 football opener against the University of Tijuana may feature you sitting next to Adam and Steve, not Adam & Eve.

I'm not really gloating here, because I know there's still a whole lotta stupid goin' on and the whole magilla may be undone if the under 30's and the rest of us who sat on our asses in 2010 don't get moving. When a dolt like Michele Bachmann or a pea brain like Rick Do Not Google Santorum or an Alaskan moose turd actually gather support from people who can actually vote, it's still a problem. The ones standing on the outside of the Crazy House waiting for permission to enter, like Texas Governor Rick Perry, also have a lot of closet followers. If the fact Perry let an innocent man(google Cameron Todd Willingham)die in a Texas execution chamber isn't enough to send this guy back to his closet, the fact he lives in one should be. But Perry is the new Guy Who isn't Running Savior Of The Day! He's getting his marching orders from the Koch Brothers in Vail right now. This Kochsucker needs to be dealt with NOW.

Anyway, you social conservatives, a polite term for "stooge", can kiss your ideas of heaven on earth goodbye. You are in front of a freight train. better get off the tracks because it's being driven by Jesus. And he aint stoppin'. Adios.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

You Can Hardly See Scalia's Mouth Move!



Back in 1966, Supreme court Justice Abe Fortas accepted a $20,000 a year "retainer" from a shady Wall Street stock speculator named Louis Wolfson, who went to federal prison later for SEC violations. Speculation became that Wolfson was buying influence on the Supreme Court for appeals of his conviction if they went all the way up the ladder to the Supremes. Fortas resigned from the court in 1969 over these allegations.

Ever hear of Harlan Crow? He's a Republican right wing nutjob millionaire. And he's from Texas, which makes the guy about as slimy as they come. And he loves him some Clarence Thomas, Antonin Scalia's ventriloquist dummy. Seems Crow gave Uncle Thomas a Bible worth $19,000 that once belonged to Frederick Douglass, who presumably is attempting to keep from vomiting in the great beyond . Crow also loves him some Ginni Thomas, my fellow Husker graduate who I liked to argue with about what a great man Joe McCarthy was. Guess which side she was on? Crow handed over $500K to Ginni to start Liberty Central, a teabagger group that drools and rolls their eyes whenever they hear the word "Obama". Teabagger, I mean Liberty Central, is all out to repeal the Health Care Act and now can conceivably spend whatever amount of money they want to bombard the airwaves with lies and bullshit thanks to Clarence the Clown and his fellow fascists on the Court who ruled on Citizen's United. Ginni may also be getting lobbying fees to bribe Congesspeople, oh sorry, that's "lobby" Congresspeople to repeal the Health Care act. You see, Ginni hates people who don't have what she has, health insurance and lots of money which she apparently uses to buy substances that take her inhibitions away and force her to drunk dial law professors her husband used to hit on.

Clarence Thomas also apparently forgot that his wife works. Oh yeah, sorry IRS, I forgot to report her Heritage Foundation income. I used that money to take trips to Nebraska to watch a football team and bore the shit out of graduates with commencement speeches. I also recently forgot to report income to the IRS, but I'm an idiot. And I'm not on the fucking Supreme Court. I will gladly resign from all of my political organizations. So long, Liberals Who Live In Nebraska. You now have ummmmm, zero members.

Clarence Thomas is a fraud. He's a silent puppet of Scalia and his wife, who longs for the days of child labor, locking up the homos, and putting up a statue of Tail Gunner Joe McCarthy outside of that commie haven, the United States Senate. Everytime I see a tape of old man Bush stating Thomas is the "best qualified" person to replace Thurgood Marshall, I want to throw GHWB out of an airplane, which he apparebntly likes to jump out of anyway.

My point after this rambling screed is if Abe Fortas had to resign back in '69, this unethical sonovabitch needs to go too.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Clarence Clemons!



They were never better. Things just won't be the same. Thanks for the memories, Clarence Clemons.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Is This The Debate? Or Is It The Bachelorette?



Oh boy, it's time for the Republicans to get together in New Hampshire and have some sort of talk or something tonight. A debate in June of 2011 would be pointless and just plain crazy. What? Oh great, The Republicans who have jumped into the race to unseat that Kenyan in the White House will "debate"? Jesus, more like climb all over each other to be on the right side of the TV screen. Let's go over the players.

1) Mittens Romney-- former Governor of Taxachusetts. Was Obama before there was an Obama. Pro-choice. So concerned about the folks without health care he instituted universal health care in Taxachusetts. Belongs to some crazy cult religion that lets you have ten wives and thinks Jesus was born in Tucson or something. What? He hates poor people without health insurance? He hates women who get knocked up? He only has one wife? Jesus, this guy sounds bipolar.

2) Michele Bachmann -- proof there's crazy people in Minnesota too. Nice crazy people but crazy nonetheless. Thinks the Revolution started in New Hampshire. Thinks the Founding Fathers ended slavery. Attended some nutty revival tent with giant hands holding it up posing as a university in Tulsa. Husband Marcus Bachmann is a bit flamboyant if ya get my drift. She is batshit crazy. Is one third of your average conservative guy's dreamy menage a trois'.

3) Newt Gingrich-- is he back from his cruise? Did he dump Calista into the drink?

4) Herman Cain-- Your average conservative's second best black guy, right behind Clarence Thomas. Cain ran Godfather's pizza. He may have delivered them for all I know. Other than that, he yacks on the radio and impersonates Neal Boortz. He used to live in Omaha and moved to Atlanta. I'm not sure if that pisses me off or makes me happy. Cain? Wasnt he the first murderer in that book of fairy tales? Face it, Herm, they ain't voting for you any more than they would vote for Obama. By the way,Herm, where's your fucking birth certificate?

5) Ron Paul-- Half the time he's brilliant, half the time he's nuts. It all depends on when. I think he's brilliant, they will thinks he's crazy. I think he's crazy and the full mooners think he's brilliant. Paul spawned Rand Paul presumably naming him after that selfish bitch Ayn Rand. Hey, Rand, I think she took Medicare. Shhhhh.


6) Tim Pawlenty-- ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! Republicans can let that bridge collapse when they get to it.

7) Rick Santorum-- please please please DO NOT google "Santorum". Please DO NOT do that. D'ohhhhhhhhhh, you did it. And you think he has a chance in hell???

I have no intention of watching that "debate". Isn't the Bachelorette on? Oh hell, one stupid woman and a bunch of dunderhead men on two channels at once. TV sucks.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Watch Your Back, Broadway Joe!



For chrissakes, now Paul Splittorf has died of cancer at age 64? I loved watching him pitch back in the 1970's. I wasn't much of a Royals fan, unless they were losing to the Yankees, but I did love seeing this crafty lefthander who wore glasses like me. It made us blind guys think there was hope. Not much, but a little. RIP Splitt! Say hi to Harmon.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

The Killer!



I had two sports heroes as a kid. Only two. One was Joe Willie Namath, a carousing, loud, look at me, heavy drinking playboy (love that 60's word, kids?). The other was a quiet, humble strongman. Harmon Killebrew. I loved, love, Harmon Killebrew. I remember my Dad and Uncle Dick taking me to games at the Met, and whenever the Twins came to Kansas City to play the A's and later the Royals. My only goal was to see Harmon Killebrew hit a home run. It never happened. The best I could come up with was the Killer blasting a Lee Stange fastball off the left field fence at the Met back in 1967 and lumbering into second with a double. Hey, but in retrospect, that was ok. I saw Harmon Killebrew play ball on numerous occasions.

Harmon, the Killer, the Fat Kid, Brew, the guy who I once heard a fan behind me in Kansas City say, "Killebrew's on deck, squeezing his bat into sawdust" announced on Friday he was entering hospice care and giving up any treatment for his esophageal cancer. Goddamn. How can he die? He's only 74. He's the freaking epitome' of what kids should look up to as a sports hero. And he's dying of a horrific disease. Meanwhile, these pricks who make up today's sports leagues carry on with their self indulgent, egomaniacal, shitty behavior and get rewarded for it. Life sucks sometimes. It makes me wonder.

Who doesn't love Harmon Killebrew? I remember arguing with friends about his Hall Of Fame credentials. They thought he was Dave Kingman, I though he was the second coming of Babe Ruth. I won. He got in to the Hall easily. He gave a humbling speech in which he thanked one of his sons, who had gone down a bad path. Who does that? He does.

Two thing caused me to drift from the Minnesota Twins in the 70's and the 80's. One was that Dome as I have said. But the other was my refusal to forgive Cal Griffith for shipping Harmon Killebrew off to Kansas City to play the last year of his career as a DH. I even drove to KC twice that summer to hopefully fulfill my goal of seeing him hit a smashing home run. But The Killer was 40, and slower than ever, and a shell of his former self. He grounded out everytime I saw him hit in that last season in KC as a Royal. Why, Cal? Why would you do that to your greatest player? The Royals were good, you sucked. Would he have really hurt you stagger to a worse than 76-83 record that year? He retired after that season, as a Royal? Good god. That's blasphemy, Cal.

Now we will all say goodbye to Harmon Killebrew. The best Twin ever. In all ways. Maybe the best ball player ever, in some ways. When The Brew gets to wherever it is we go after death, I hope Calvin Griffith says sorry. But knowing Harmon, he would say no need, Cal. You did what you thought best. Harmon is like that.

My Dad had this cancer. It 'aint fun not being able to swallow. It's painful. Hospice is the end. Both of my parents were in hospice before they passed. The saints who work there will make the end comfortable for the Killer. And judging from what I know about this great hero of mine, he will make it comfortable for them. I'm going to go cry now.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Birthers Are All Fired!



Here's what the government provided scooter ridin' pudgepops are thinkin' about that socialist Kenyan colored guy's birth dealie.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Is That Why They Call it Skunkweed?



Even more "hip" than listening to Arcade Fire is asking who the fuck IS Arcade Fire? Yeah yeah, the Gaga crowd and the Kings of Leon crowd went all bonkers when Arcade Fire won the Grammy for Best Album a couple of months ago, but for some of us, it was perhaps the best Grammy ever.

I first heard of Arcade Fire back in 2004 when I happened upon a video showing a group of youngsters walking through a town playing a guitar, beating on drums, and playing violins. I stuck with the 6 minute video just to see where the hell these people would end up. That was the video for Rebellion, a song from Arcade Fire's first album, Funeral. I loved it. It was unique, quirky, and just weird enough for me to want more.

In September of 2007, after the release of Neon Bible, their 2nd album, Max and Max's Dad drove to Kansas City to see them at the Starlight Theater, a really cool outdoor venue. The place was about half full tnat night. Max was a wee lad of 10 and I was a big lad of 50 or so. I loved it, Max thought it to be too loud. Who's the kid here?

Last Wednesday, fresh off their Grammy win, this Canadian band was back at the Starlight and this time, it was packed with "hipsters", including the 14 year old Max and still 50 or so Max's Dad. Migawd this band is cool. This band is up there with U2 in its devoted fans. You never ever know what you're going to get when the 8 member band gets going. Hey, she's playing the accordion, now she's playing drums, now the pipe organ. He's playing guitar, now he's beating on a snare drum, now he's shouting into a megaphone. She's playing violin, now she's on keyboards, now she's blowing some sort of horn. It is crazy up there. And this old Beatles,Doors,CCR,Who fan loves it.

Arcade Fire is the freshest new band out there. It's such a unique experience to see them. And their fans drink, oh do they drink. And smoke weed. Just ask 14 year old Max. His first pot smell occurred during Read To Start, AF's second song. His reaction? "Will I get high from smelling that?" Only if you're lucky, kid. His second reaction? "If I get drug tested, will I get caught?"...Yeah yeah, Max is a bit uptight, but we love him.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Some Of My Best Friends....!



No, the Tea Party isn't full of racist jerk offs. No way. The above knee slapping picture was sent by a member of the Orange County, California (shock!) Republican Party SS Committee to her fellow 19th century humor enthusiasts.

I won't mention her name because she's old and stupid and I feel sorry for old, stupid people. Unlike her probable hero, Paul Ryan. More on that shitstain some other time.

Anyway, to reiterate. Teabaggers are not racists. They are just old and stupid.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Trump's Tower Of Babble!



Donald T Rump is an amusing fellow. At least when I'm watching the Celebrity Apprentice so I can actually believe there is a human being more self absorbed than Sarah Whatshername, he amuses me with his fragile ego and bully boy demeanor. But he's becoming less amusing by the day as he fleeces dumbass teabaggers into becoming even more paranoid and delusional.

Trump is no dummy, though somehow going bankrupt while running casinos and owning Manhattan real estate is making me doubt what I just wrote. But this birther bull he's riding? Why, Donnie boy? What can this possibly get you? You are not running for President. You are not picking on Rosie O'Donnell. You aren't really even firing "celebrities" (who the fuck is NeNe Leakes?).

Year ago I regularly read a magazine called Spy. In it they constantly referred to Trump as a "short fingered vulgarian". The greatest description of a douche nozzle like Trump ever. Because it's true.

Trump is just another carnival barker in a long list of charlatans that "run" for President every four years. He's getting attention from the dildos that make up TV news. He's plugging his little fake business show (I still want one fired "celebrity" to leap the boardroom table and grab that bale of hay off Trump's head). He's feeding his massive ego. And he gets to sit next to Ivanka, the daughter he said he'd be "dating" if she wasn't his daughter. Right up the birther crowd's alley.

President Obama is a smart man. Just let tiny mouthed narcissists like Trump keep talking. It only helps the re-election train pick up speed. I disagree with Bill Cosby who told Trump to shut up. Keep flapping those non existent lips, Mr.Trump. It only helps the President. His re-election margin is going to be "YOUUUUUUUU-GE".

Thursday, March 10, 2011

On Wisconsin!



No, that's not a picture of New York assclown Peter King living his fantasy of beating up brown people while simultaneously giving pasty,red headed Irish "freedom fighters" a hand job. Nope, it's Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker's exempt union thugs beating up other non exempt union thugs.

No collective bargaining in Wisky? The State legislature of that binge drinking cheese addicted state has finally done it. Given the Koch Brothers a Cialis fueled four hour stiffy. I hope they both drown in their respective bathtubs.

This is the first shot fired in the war on working people. Scott Walker is the Gavro Princip of this war. Let's just hope that the working people of this nation, including those useful idiots of Teabag Nation, wake up before it's too late. If not, this country will simply be another economic shithole between Canada and Mexico.

Keep fighting, Badgerland. Oh sure, take a day off next Thursday to drink green beer, the cheap stuff of course, but be back on Friday to get rid of these Koch whores in the legislature. We are all counting on you.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

And Another Thing, John McCain Is Old!



Oh my, that crazy dildo enthusiast, James O'Keefe, is at it again. Getting two of his bitches to pose as Muslims, presumably with fake beards and Ali Baba shoes, and secretly taping FORMER NPR fund raising poobah, Ron Schiller, saying really horrible things about teabaggers. Like they're xenophobes, and racists, and Christian fundies, and gun nuts, and uneducated. Schiller also praised NPR for terminating Fox News' house boy, Juan Williams last year. O'Keefe's errand clerks also ranted about Jews controlling the media, presumably to impersonate a teabagger, and offered Sciller, a FORMER NPR fund raiser, a $5 million dollar "donation". Showing more than enough integrity, Schiller said no thanks.

Wow. Some guy who USED to work at NPR spouts off fair and balanced opinions that nobody can deny and now NPR is being attacked again by a self loather like Eric Cantor? Christ, O'Keefe, what next? Are you going to secretly tape a bear crapping in the woods? Or how about The Pope saying a Mass? Or Charlie Sheen snorting blow?

And you, NPR, stating how shocked you are at the fact some former employee thinks teabaggers are racist, dumb, and religious fanatics? I am going to have my brother erase his Carl Kassel voice mail message in protest!