Thursday, March 31, 2016

The Apprentice Politician!

Trump on abortion. Christ only knows how many that pig has paid for over the years but yesterday's yeah throw the sluts in jail answer to a barking dog's question was just so Trump. First of all you know he didn't mean any of it, as the frayed cards in his diseased brain flipped as he struggled to answer as he thinks his dopey followers think he should. There have to be consequences. Then as the yapping yorkie continued to yip and yip and as Trump tried to go to the Catholic card to trip up the ankle biter, the inevitable happened. Trump became Trump. Unable to shut the fuck up. Insert Made in China shoe into tiny lil Trump mouth.'

And the shitstorm started. How dare he say that? Women need to be punished for having an abortion? Harrumph! What a tone deaf jerk. It was so loud as professional yappers argued and told us how this was it, Trump was done, he'd alienated too many women now. The politicians jumped in even louder. Hillary was shocked beyond belief, so shocked she wanted a whole dollar from me. Bernie was like hey give me $5, Max's Dad, like he does everyday at least twice. Ted Cruz was like boy that Donald is not really conservative is he? Guess cuz Trump didnt want to stone women was a dead giveaway. Kasich, the adult, pretended he gave a damn right before he went off to further defund Planned Parenthood.

Yeah it was such a shitstorm that the only place you heard about it was on cable TV where the old reporters go to die and on talk radio where the untalented radio faces go to die. Everybody else? Don't care. Trump is a freak show. Doing a 180 on anything aint news with this guy. It's expected. The only thing Trump stays consistent on is how fucking great he is.

So calm down. Trump can say whatever he wants and the bigots and tough guys who follow him don't care. It's been proven time after time. Trump says something stupid, or arrogant, or bigoted, or sexist, and his numbers go nowhere but up, He's like Archie Bunker for 2016. There's a lot of people who don't get the joke. So stifle.

And besides let's face it. Cruz would turn America in The Handmaid's Tale if he got a chance. Kasich would also, but be really adult about it. Trump would change his mind so much it wouldn't matter what he said. Congress would just shrug and go about it's business while Trump was busy entertaining his dumbass fans.

Geezus I can't believe I'm even talking about this. The over/under on how many states any of theses 3 yahoos lose is 40. So keep talking ,Donald. It entertains your nitwit supporters, keeps Hillary and Bernie laughing, drives Cruz & Kasich crazy, and keeps the talking heads employed.

Chrissakes, Trump saying something outrageous happens almost as often as a mass shooting. At least his loud blathering doesnt' kill anything. Just wounds the sensitive ears of the professionally outraged. The media.

Saturday, March 26, 2016

License Plate Blues!

No it's not a failed attempt at the audition for Lex Luthor in the now out Batman V Superman. That guy actually runs this state. A bored rich kid whose Daddy bought him a toy to play with. Unfortunately, the asshole is playing with us. And this is a sample of this prick's thinking. Oh yeah, it's Governor Pete Ricketts in case you give a shit unveiling his pride and joy. The brand new Nebraska license plate we will be forced to put on our tractors in 2017. This is what happens when a clueless plutocrat's kid gets to decide something.

Good lord, what the hell is that guy doing? Chris Hardwick, that guy who watches way too much Walking Dead, said it looked like a "muscular Quaker jerking off on a cupcake" and that is all she wrote. I'm sure our boy Governor is angry as hell, right after he looked up the words "Quaker" and "jerking off" which right after he found it said "oh yeah, that thing I did looking at Ronald Reagan's picture". Nobody puts Petey in the corner.

Yeah yeah I know, it's a fucking license plate. But the way this trust fund jack off unveiled it at a press conference you'd have thought he had just created the statue of David, without the penis of course. Guys like our Governor, who is just short of being as dumb and heartless as Snyder, Scott, Brownback, whoever is running Texas now, LePage, Pence, Walker,or that fucking douchebag in North Carolina, love this unveiling crap. He even had his paid monkeys who clapped when they saw it. Yeah, Pete, this is the thing we have to put on our cars for the next five years, driving around the country looking for fellow embarrassed Nebraskans with a guy whipping out his johnson to identify us.

Now our Governor has denied the poor Medicaid, paid for a petition to put the death penalty on the ballot after it was repealed, spent $56K of taxpayer money to illegally bring drugs into the country so he could kill people (by the eay, the drugs never got here and the broker kept the money), is paying to stop a gambling ballot initiative, jetted off to Chicago to get his knee replaced with Daddy at his side to hold his hand, spent more on security for himself than the last 5 Governors combined, refused to live in the Governor's mansion cuz his mansion in Omaha is bigger, vetoed a bill to give drivers licenses to children of illegals brought here when they were tiny little rapists (by the way it passed anyway and WE were the LAST state to allow this), and was made fun of not only by Chris Hardwick but by the brilliant John Oliver. Pete Ricketts is a freaking nightmare but because he had that R next to his name, he won. Big. So let's all enjoy the fruits of electing some dick with a billion dollars to run the state like a business. And that license plate featuring some hay bale lifting meathead with a 132 pound scrotum . Thanks, Pete.

We could have gone back to what was known as the I Can't Believe It's Not Butter plate we had in the early part of the century.

Colorful, birds flying north, sunset. People would look and go hey that's pretty gaudy but I like it.

Could have gone back to the blue and red plate. The one where the covered wagon is getting the hell out of here kind of like on our state quarter. Leave Nebraska, bitch.

I used to think the current one was bad. You know the one with the bird sitting on a flower. The one you see on the car that has stopped dead on your busiest interstate as he tries to figure out where he's going.

But due to Pete Ricketts folly we get stuck with the plate featuring the guy throwing tax money all the place willy nilly. And gawdammit, he aint changing it cuz it's already being made by our 168% full prison folk he wants to kill and they love it, it's terrific. Trust him.

This is what happens when you elect a billionaire to political office. He just buys what he wants. And his supporters all think the guy with the money is smarter than them. Or better yet, may share his fortune with them. Ha.

Shit, Guv, as long as you and your ilk want to take us back to the good old days, when the browns and the blacks and the yellows and the poofs and the vagina americans all knew their place wy not just unveil this one.

Oh no, it's black and yellow!

Friday, March 25, 2016

Ted Cruzin For Babes!

Watching Uncle Ted and Uncle Don fight is really getting entertaining. Trump tweets pictures of his foreign non English speaking latest spouse next to the sneering photo of the woman repelled by Ted Cruz but still legally forced to call herself his spouse and states in that oh so classy Trumpian way....A picture is worth a thousand words. I guess we should be happy that twitter still limits this diarrhea mouthed short fingered vulgarian (loved it since 1988 thanks Graydon Carter and Kurt Andersen) to 140 characters or a thousand words would not be sufficient.

Lindsey Graham (R-The Smart Carolina for once) has just given up. Senator Foghorn basically stated Trump and Cruz are both awful humans but one didn't give out my cell phone number so fuck that guy and I am endorsing that other asshole I hate too oh fuck it I'm voting for Hillary.

Meanwhile that bastion of journalism, and I am not kidding compared to the lapdogs of the mainstream media we are forced to endure, The National Enquirer, has claimed that Joe McCarthy Ted Cruz has up to five mistresses. Ewwwww.....Five women actually let that creep touch them and ewwwwwwww.......Get the thought out of my head. One of the alleged "mistresses" is female short fingered vulgarian-ette and Donald Trump spokesperson Katrina Pierson? Wow, now that would be an affair to remember. Christ, that tape..ewwwwwww........stop.

The fact remains here that The Republican party has two of it's worst choices perhaps ever. Thanks to their voters, a bag of dicks created by this party over the last 50 years, the country club set has been set on fire. A crass, horny, sneering vulture and Donald Trump. There's your choice, Republican voter, thanks. Whaaaaaaa? You are happy with that choice? One is a "businessman" with plans to make America white great again and other than that nuthin, and the other a fucking suicide bomber bent on blowing up the entire nation and anything that gets in his way, apparently with a few pit stops along the way. But the folks who have crawled out from under their rocks since the election of President Blackenstein are too strong now and too many now and the country club set has failed to rein them in with smooth talkers like their last 30 or so nominees who promise to be white centric, stop all white Gerber babies from being "murdered" by their slut mothers, give every white guy a free gun to shoot black teens with, keep 'Merca safe from brown terrorists, forget about the white ones, they're just mentally ill, kick everybody not white off welfare, and pump up the "gutted" military with even more shit even they don't want. Meanwhile, just ignore all that previous bullshit and do what you are told,make the rich richer and the poor poorer and just blame the "Democrat" party. Hey. it's worked for 50 years, what the fuck happened now?

Ted Cruz may or may not have been banging around with these women, I have no idea nor do I really care. After this guy gets caught slamming this woman I am just baffled by everything. So Uncle Ted, you and Uncle Don just keep it up. Let the jackals of the celebrity media take a shot at this for a change because the alleged journalists of the mainstream media have failed miserably as usual.

One more thing. Though I hate guns, what they do, who has them, the whole shitstorm surrounding them and again who loves them, I have to say that for the first time in my life, I love guns. So all you gun control pussies, butt out this time cuz this could be fantastic.......Trump delegates and Cruz delegates openly carrying guns at the Republican convention? Yes! Oh gawd Yes! Please put your anti gun bias aside and sign this petition which means absolutely nothing unless you are a psycho with no sense whatsoever, like me.

Can you imagine? Now for once those other thoughts have left my head and I see a gun battle in Cleveland, Oh yes......what......ewwwwwwwwwww...........those other thoughts came back.

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Religious Freedumb!

They never give up. Nope, the so called religious folks who makeup much of rural America simply refuse to stop believing it's THEM who face discrimination. Poor babies, forced into underground churches to worship that vengeful God who loves them so much he stuck them in some backwards ass community cuz of that Obama. They cant even worship the invisible man in the sky that hates everybody but them and brings on bombings to show how much he loves them. They are so beat down and oppressed that Obama probably wants to patrol christian neighborhoods or some dumb idea like that. And those homos, oh those horrible homos, what with forcing their way into stores and living their lives out in the open and acting like regular people and all the while recruiting the rural kids into the beastly big cities where the politicians have an open mind and pass those pro-homo laws. It just has to be stopped, and neanderthal tea party bigots are just the people to stop it. Back in the closet you ghastly queers. The savior, our Lord Jesus Christ, demanded it. It's in the Bible!. As soon as I actually read it I'll tell ya where He said it. But He did. The pastor we give money to told us that, and everything else we wanna hear.

Now because angry white people are making a lot of noise because of a perception that 'Merica is being forced into the 21st century when many are kind of iffy of anything that happened since about 1964 or so. Oh yeah that belief and the fact Democrats tend to stay home in off year elections and let this angry bunch of noose carrying pricks run the show. So we get right wing politicians bent on restoring the legacy of America. White "Christian" people rule and gay people drool. Thus, we get North Carolina.

North Carolina ran a bill through their tobacco chewing shit kicker legislature that was a cro-magnon Trump or Cruz voters porno (that and two hot chicks on dat there computer). The bill, signed by some guy named Pat McCrory, a truly horrible man that tea party Republicans put into the Governors office .Now McCrory ins reality is nothing but a stooge for an even more horrible man named Art Pope, but for this creep to sign a bill rammed down everybody else's throat (they LOVE that analogy) is beyond the normal silent bigotry reserved for propahhhh folk. Goddamn, and I thought South Carolina was the dumb Carolina. North Carolina Republicans, you know those small government advocates who think a strong central government is Stalin like, have now given themselves the authority to tell big cities, full of homos and homo lovers, that they can't pass those Satan inspired anti-discrimination laws and raise minimum wage because some hairy sex offender guy will try and go into a ladies bathroom. These are truly stupid people.

But North Carolina isn't the only state trying this bullshit to turn back the clock. It's now called "Religious Freedom" and it allows you to practice your superstition in whatever way you wish as long as it's not Muslim or any of those other non christian monstrosities. Discriminate against the gays. check, It is your religious freedom. And that's about it. Yep, back to the good old days when Gary down the street was just a life long bachelor and we actually liked him.

Georgia is threatening this kind of bill. Governor Nathan Deal (R-Possumville) hasn't signed it yet cuz commies like Disney and the NFL have said whoaaaaa there big fella, sign that and no Super Bowl for you and no filming our movies in Georgia any longer. Deal is sitting on the bill currently praying to his non existent savior and counting how much money his state will lose if he signs it. Oh dear Jesus, what do I love more, you or money?

Oklahoma, a social experiment on just how stupid people can be, has tried 28 times or so to keep the gays in the closet. Led by a truly hateful person named Sally Kern (R-Hell), Oklahomo has passed bills targeting those damn men who go into ladies bathrooms all over the state and as soon as we find one we'll be sure and tell you about it. Oklahomo ( I know its juvenile but you have to fight juvenile with juvenile) has passed laws stating school counselors have to out the gay kids if they come to them to "talk", presumably about going into the ladies bathroom. Some closet case Republican in that red clay wasteland actually tried to outlaw all marriage just to keep a couple of guys from gettin hitched. Then I presume he went back to watching High Art cuz that Ally Sheedy is hot.

Missouri, another state with two cities on each end and then a wasteland of revival tents and snake handlers in the middle, is in the midst of passing bills aimed at the gays, preventing them from adopting children and thus molesting them or whatever these sick minded creeps think.

Virginia, South Dakota, Indiana, Kentucky (home of thrice married homo hater Kim Davis (R-Homely), hell even my state tried this shit (it failed because contrary to popular opinion we do have some fair minded folks mucking up the tea party legislation), Kansas, a state so morally and financially bankrupt it thinks the Koch Brothers are just a couple of philanthropists saving America from liberal elites like Dwight Eisenhower, Mississippi (gee what a shock), Arizona, Texas, Nevada, Michigan, basically any place with a bought and paid for moron running the show are passing these "religious freedom" laws legalizing bigotry against gays. Hell I'm surpised half these fucking states haven't tried to admit Uganda to the Union though there might be too many blacks for their taste.

Fuck these self righteous phonies. And when they get caught screwing their aides, or when they get caught trolling Grindr. or get caught in a bathroom, the mens I presume, or get caught leaving messages on sex lines, or get caught soliciting for male hookers, or get caught blowing some guy against his will, or get caught banging pages we an all laugh and chortle when we should be sending the prejudiced pricks back into their holes. Stop voting for these repressed freaks.

As the poet, Willie Nelson, once said "But the ones who brag loudest are the ones that are most likely queer."

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Burn Baby Burn!

Now that two psycho suicidal criminals have blown themselves to smithereens and taken 30 or so innocents with them, again, and has made scaredy cat America piss its pants, again, and the American criminal class (no not Wall Street this time, the politicians) has taken over, again, let's all step back and take a look at what is going on here. One more thing, man it is such a shame that Americans become positively baby like when some whack job brainwashed by killers and con artists forfeits their own life shooting up places and bombing places overseas and thinks eh whattya gonna do when some American loser decides to slaughter 6 year olds or shoot up a temple or kill employees of a women's health center or shoot a congresswoman or murder people having fun at a movie premiere or to shoot an innocent reporter on live TV or blast non Jews at a Jewish Center or blah blah blah....there aren't enough words to keep going. Oh it's just depressing, but just keep fondling those guns folks. its yer freedom and right I guess.

The politicians, specifically the Republicans, have again hardly taken an evil breath before hopping on the cynical train pulling out of the station and chugging off to Bigotville.

Donald Trump, the scarecrow haired weasel who has captivated the moron vote and kind of started his own version of the Blackshirts, jumped onto the it's all Obama's fault and Hillary's fault and he'd get real tough and we need to build a giant wall and man is that WaPo editorial board chick hot. Now ya all know Trump is full of shit, he doesn't want to win this thing, he cannot wait to lose so he can go back to making money and being a reality show host and he knows nothing about anything, just like his supporters. But Trump keeps winning. Winning a primary full of leather faced Arizona Republicans who think Sheriff Joe is the second coming of Wyatt Earp (the fictional Earp, not the one who took yer guns away) really isn't that difficult but its a winner take all deal so he gets closer to his own nightmare, winning a majority of delegates and not having to call for riots. Trump is a clown, we all know that, and his twitter feed is priceless, of course, but to the 45% of Republican voters who just can't get the joke he is a legitimate candidate who will make America white great again. Personally I have always hoped he wins this nomination. He's an unarmed candidate. He has no real knowledge of anything. Everything will be terrific or great. No specifics, just simple solutions that simple minds can grasp. Jesus, he is such a loooooooozer in November. I know letting Trump come close to the White House is getting dangerously close to the sun, but I am confident no sane human being will vote for this reluctant candidate. Old white men, old white women, and the dumb are in his corner. There really isn't enough of them to make a difference.

Ted Cruz on the other hand is far more dangerous than Trump. Calling for police patrols of "Muslim neighborhoods" whatever the fuck that is. Cruz sees to think the United States is Europe where there actually are Muslim neighborhoods. Cruz seems to think a lot of things that just aint true. He recently hired one Frank Gaffney, a notorious crazy man who thinks the Muslims are taking over everything in American gubmint thanks to Obummer. Cruz went on CNN yesterday to push his talking points over and over to notorious CNN bland man Anderson Cooper, who despite his vanillaness, actually kept asking Cruz what the fuck he was talking about. Cruz is hated by everyone in politics. He is a lone wolf out to destroy everything that gets into his weird path. He has about as much chance as Trump, but him winning the nomination is definitely getting too close to the sun.

Cruz and Trump really do hate each other. There is no doubt about that. What with Trump threatening to "spill the goods" on Cruz's strange wife and Cruz retorting with the coward card, what more entertaining can happen? This will be fun, until one of them actually wins.

I don't fear Trump. He's a bully and a loudmouth with more skeletons in his closet than a storefront Halloween store. But Cruz, this guy is a true believer. Cruz is smarter than Trump. He is also a bigger liar than Trump. His lies are much more coherent than Trumps. He says climate change is a hoax, that the IRS should be abolished, that Christians are being crucified in Iraq, that same sex marriage is evil, that the constitution is inspired by gawwwwd, that anybody can have a gun, that thePlanned Parenthood killer was a "trans gendered leftist", that Obamacare is a job killer, that all criminals are Democrats and on and on and on. Cruz lies like it's his greatest asset. He does it so smoothly and for the dummies who don't like the thuggery of Trump, he cons them into his campaign.

And now, because Trump has insulted the hierarchy of the Republican party into apoplexy, they are forced to endorse a creep like Cruz. Mittens Romney has done it, and now Jeb! has been forced to endorse this slimy goof Cruz. It's becoming very personal in this dying party. Lindsey Graham's ringing endorsement of Cruz was still the most classic. Yeah Cruz sucks, but Trump sucks worse. Classic.

It has all the looks of a self contained fire. Burn it down and start over again in 2020. Burn baby burn!

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Posing For Selfies With Dormitory Posters! President has finally admitted he's a commie revolutionary, born in Kenya, fathered by Frank Marshall Davis , brought up in madrassas, secretly a gay hooker, is both a Muslim AND a radical Christian . Jesus H Christ everyone, how could you not have seen it for the last 8 years? By posing in front of a mural of a guy that every hip college student in the 1970's onward has at one time or another had a poster , worn a t shirt or admired as a rebel against the man, man, without knowing anything about him other than he's a cool looking dude and wears a fly hat, the Prez has totally admitted he's a commie. Now I understand a lot of college kids never had a Che' hat, poster or t shirt, not because they were devotees of good old American white bread Republican politics, but because they thought Che Guevara was that Mexican joint that has super Thursday night margarita specials. But that President Obama? He knew. He believed. He's a commie. So totally underground, like Che, that he pretended to be Wall Street's bitch for the last 7 1/2 years just to lure us into his evil plan to fluoridate all the lead infused water we are forced to drink, thanks to the EPA the Republicans want to get rid of but now blame for not enforcing the regulations they oppose on lead water.

The right wing is just so funny. Sitting around listening to talk radio phonies read the Heritage Foundation talking points they get e mailed to their AOL accounts each morning. Hating all things black, Obama. Becoming outraged at everything that black President and his black family does, hating all things about that black First Lady who has the audacity to be black classless, unlike those nice white Republican first ladies who were nothing but white class and really dedicated to causes we all can believe in, like saying no to drugs, and reading and being white classy.

Oh now, posing in front of a giant mural of a college kids BFF is no sin except to the people who hate the Prez for being black a Demoncrat commie because that diminutive troll Mark Levin told them he was. How dare he? What kind of President does that, pays tribute to a murderous regime of bloodthirsty killers and freedom oppressors?


Monday, March 21, 2016

Neo March Madness!

First things first. I like soccer. Unlike my late father who despised the sport because a drill sergeant in WW2 made him play it against his will while he was supposed to be killin Nat-zees, I enjoy it. In fact while the rest of you were watching March Madness last week, I was watching some German soccer match between Bayern Munchen and some Italian team. So yeah, I know nothing of the sport, I just enjoy watching it. It's slow, yes, it's low or no scoring, it's foreign, it's played by everybody except us Americans which naturally means it's inferior in every way but so what. I like it.

One of the things I placed on my bucket list, which of course means things I will never ever do before I drop dead, was to witness a European soccer match in person. To sit in an old English soccer stadium in a winter coat and scarf hollering nonsensical chants and screaming at nothing going on was something I find fascinating. But in reality, the chances of me leaving the country, at least voluntarily, is fairly remote so to see an MLS match in person will have to do.

Sporting Kansas City is one such team. A mere 3 hours away. What the hell. Get a half check on a bucket list item is better than leaving it blank.

So the Max's Dad family got into the rented Dodge Charger (wow, thats a powerful car) and flew down I-29 to Kansas City to witness the match between Sporting KC and the Toronto FC. Damn, I love the fact they call themselves FC or Sporting. It makes me feel all Euro. Now the ads on their jerseys kind of turn me off, ya know being a Feel The Bern guy and all, but going to a live professional match is gonna be great. Quite fascinating old sport.

The stadium is in Kansas by the gigantic Nascar track. How quaint. One niche sport I really like, another niche sport I wouldn't be caught dead at. One sport with a stadium seating 20,000 and another sport that seats 100,000, though to be fair, considering the size of your average Nascar fan, maybe only 20,000 can fit in there for the two times a year they use it. Sorry for that cheap shot at Nascar fans. It was another elitist Feel The Bern moment I couldn't resist. Ya know, kind of like the Hillary is a corporate stooge moments I have, right before I realize I'll be tearing off a Bernie sticker and putting a Hillary sticker on the not Dodge Charger I actually drive sooner than I'd like.

Once again, I know nothing about soccer. Not going to pretend I do. I just like watching it. I like the enthusiasm of the crowds, I like the methodical way in which it is played, I like the fact the clock starts running at the start of the game and it doesn't stop every time some coach wants a timeout or a manager walks out to talk to a pitcher or some penalty is called or a pass is incomplete or whatever. Start the fucking game and play it. That's my theory.

Sporting Kansas City plays in a modern stadium for modern people. Giant concourses, strange food stands, and lots of beer stands. My gawd, there's an actual concession stand if you want fruit. Fruit. You can buy an orange or an apple or a container full of grapes and pineapple. To be fair, the lines to get fattening Papa Johns were much longer than the fruit stand but come on. How hip is that? Grilled cheese? Yes they one of those stands. Bud Light? Yeah those invaders got their Clydesdale piss into the park too. But you could get a Boulevard Wheat also. Those Kansas Citians sure do like their local beer. And their soccer club.

The game itself was very uneventful. Lots of missed opportunities. One goal scored. See above. If you don't find a soccer goal being scored (see above) exciting, well then, stick to football and the rousing 11 minutes of action you love. But soccer is so slow and boring. Yeah stick to the 11 minutes of football action. I like football too so don't get all pissed off. I like basketball too so don't worry about my Yankee-ness. I like hockey, well, at least during the playoffs when it suddenly turns into the greatest sport ever. And I worship baseball, so there. But a soccer goal in person. Wow! I never knew it could be so good. I really is exciting. The energy is overwhelming. Really unlike anything. Yes, it may be because finally something happened after 62 minutes of nothing happening, but nonetheless, it was a rush.

The players are also fascinating to watch. A tiny little man named Sebastian Giovinco, laboring for the Toronto club, was obviously the best player on the field. I later found out well of course he was the best player, he's the league MVP for chrissakes. But little Sebastian was so little. I mean, riding a horse at Santa Anita little. But he was fast and damn near scored a couple of goals thwarted by the Sporting KC keeper. Hey man, it was freaking fun!

The park is packed. 20,00 people. The end zones are full of young rowdies chanting what turned out to be very American chants while some guy beat a drum the entire game. The crowd is young. Very young. I could count us olds on two hands. Very few boomers were there.

So a warning to the 3 major sports we bow before in this nation of Trumpites. This crowd is young. It's energetic. It loves this sport. It loves this atmosphere. And it loves the fact for a 6pm game, you are in your car and out of there by 8:30. You aren't stuck in a parking lot for hours with a bunch of alkies looking for fights like at a KC Chiefs game. You aren't stuck in a baseball stadium for 3.5 hours watching prima donna baseball players stall for time and think this game is all about me. You aren't stuck in a basketball arena for 3 plus hours because referees decide the game is all about them. You are in, and out, in 2 hours. Tops. Cuz the game lasts 90 minutes plus maybe 4 more stoppage minutes. Period. For a generation of sports fans to be given that convenience. Well, there it is.

Hey, I love baseball, but it's slow and needs some updating. But I'm old and got nowhere to go, except back home to watch Bluebloods so I don't care if it takes for-freaking-ever. But kids do care, they have lives to lead, mistakes to make, fun to have. My generation's fun took its toll and soon theirs will also. But for today, I am no longer an old, I am a millennial having a blast. Goooooooooooooooooooooooooallllllll!!!!!

Monday, March 14, 2016

A Drifter And A Grifter!

Todd Palin got bad news on two fronts today. One, he busted 8 ribs in one of those snow machine accidents, probably because there isn't any snow in Alaska anymore, and then got the real bad news, that his shrieking wife is coming home to sit at his bedside and make him hope for a long operation. What the fuck, Bristol AND Sarah sitting bedside. More propofol, please.

But before she went back to Alaska to make poor Todd's life miserable again, she shilled a bit for the madman winning the Republican primaries in unbelievably easy fashion. In her classic knife on metal screech, she took on the "punk ass thuggery" going on at Trump rallies. Oh not from 78 year old punk ass thugs cheap shotting protesters, but from the guy who got cheap shotted. "Punk ass thuggery" is such a Sarah Palin shriek. An taking shots at the media "Hey media what da heck you thinkin?" for being on the "thugs" side. Now we ALL know what "thug" means to those old white dumb hicks who attend Trump rallies. Christ, Sarah, why not drop a N bomb ending in an A, yer so kewl.

Just when you think the 2016 version of The Music Man can't get any worse, it does. Chris Christie, get out, man, insulted by Trump at a rally in Ohio, reduced to being introduced by an Alaska grifter in Florida. Oh my, Chris, how much more can you take before you take a bat to the knee of the guy who advised you to kiss the reality show host's orange ass. Probably the same guy who thought it would be fun to teach that Democratic mayor a thing or two by closing down the Bridge Too Far.

What comes tomorrow? For Todd Palin, pain! Lots and lots of pain.

Saturday, March 12, 2016

Stop Now!

Ok, now this is getting serious. I physically cringed at this, and I hate this creep.

If you lived through 1968, this should terrify you.

Get out, Mister Trump. This has gone on long enough.

Friday Night Raw!

This has all happened before. The white rage, the white fright, the white embracing of a demagogue who means none of what he spews. George Wallace was Donald Trump back in 1968. Capitalizing on the civil rights gains, the baby boomers getting all freedom-ee and listening to that hippie music and smoking that stuff and Afros, Wallace, the Guv-nah of Alabama who had famously stood in the schoolhouse door to keep the blacks out for an extra 5 minutes or so, was on a roll. The former 1950's socialist populist who was beaten by a segregationist in his first election and had vowed to never be out-n*****d again was running his own third party Presidential campaign in a surrender to his own con man instincts, his own ego, and maybe a bit of good old American love of violence, came to sleepy Omaha back in March of 1968 and the shit hit the fan. Yep, right here in Omaha.

Wallace caused a fracas at the Omaha University when a brawl broke out among students and Wallace security forces. Later that night at the Omaha Civic Auditorium, more brawls broke out, chairs were thrown, people got arrested, people got hurt, and Wallace went onstage and denounced the "militants, activists, Communists and revolutionaries". words right up the alley of pissed off white people.

News reports stated the following:

"Wallace delayed his entrance for nearly an hour while tempers flared from the front rows where some of Wallace’s most fervent supporters were seated. After Wallace came out to a thunderous ovation the protesters got busy and jeered nearly every word.

Soon some of the protesters began tearing up their signs and throwing the bits of paper and stick at Wallace.

Police moved in to clear the aisles and suddenly the floor erupted in violence as Wallace supporters began hitting the trapped protesters with the metal chairs. The bloody battling continued outside the Arena where $1,200 worth of windows were broken. Before the night was over the Near North Side of Omaha was in riot.

Thirteen people went to the hospital with injuries and a 16 year-old was shot to death by police attempting to break in to a pawn shop. Horace Mann Jr. High had 50 windows broken out."

Yeah Omaha, 1968.

And Chicago, 2016.

So this isn't new. Donald Trump is another con artist massaging his own ego, grifting people out of their morality, and causing a shitstorm while doing it. Donald Trump believes nothing of what he says. But his voters, pissed off, not that bright, not that clued in, and definitely racists, refuse to get the joke. And Trump, driving along in traffic honking his horn, has suddenly found himself way out front and sort of likes it. Wheeeeeeeeeee!

Look, Donald Trump isn't going to be President ever. If the GOP nominates this phony, they will regret it and the problem is they know it. But the motherfucker is so far out there in front, the police pursuit may be too late. Personally, I feel Trump will slow down enough to be caught because ,come on, he doesn't want this any more than 90% of the rest of America. But once caught, Trump wins again. Because he can then become the center of attention without doing anything. And this, like Wallace, is what it's all about. Attention to a whore. Trump is a whore and Wallace was a whore.

The demise of Trump is coming, whether by his own hand or by the Republican assassins. But it is coming.

And oh yeah, remember when Bernie Sanders gave up the mike to a couple of BLM loudmouths? He had enough and left? Trump crowed about how that would nevahhhh happen at his rallies, he'd fight for that mike, Sanders is a wimp, Trump is tough. Yayyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!

Last night in Chicago, Trump proved to be the real creampuff. He didn't even show up. Fuck this guy and his act. Keep it up. Silence this creep. Maybe he'll just go away like he did last night.

Saturday, March 5, 2016

Nebraska Has Democrats?

Bernie Sanders won the Nebraska caucuses today by a 56% to 44% margin and according to the yakking pundits of CNN and MSNBC it doesn't matter because it's not Hillary Clinton friendly and has no connection to their over 49 and up advertising base. Some notes from the caucus at the local middle school that Max, Max's Mom (damn Hillary fan) and Max's Dad attended.

1) Getting to a middle school two hours early to register and get a seat in an auditorium I feel will be overcrowded is probably a fantastic idea on our part. More on this later. Standing in line some older woman gets angry at 8:04 am because they are 4 minutes late registering Democrats in line. She expresses her outrage loudly. Nobody cares.

2) Bernie Bros are all over. It looks like the main characters running this show for Bernie are a Chumly (Pawn Stars) lookalike, a guy who I think may be related to Rick Rubin, and a red headed woman eager to get out the vote. Moe on her later.

3) The Bernie Bros seem more interested on checking their phones and standing there in their blue t shirts subliminally announcing their hipness than actually doing anything.

4) Hillary voters look like middle aged Republican suburbanites looking down their nose at the ragged group of 18-80 year olds sitting on our side of the room that's filling to capacity and standing along the walls pretty early. I can smell the condescension from 100 feet away.

5) This room is packed. It's hot. I am beginning to sweat. The claustrophobia is kicking in. People are sitting on the floor in front of me. They are sitting on the stairs in front of me. An older man in back of me won't shut up about robots and GMO's and Monsanto and climate change. Geezus, it's like being at a Neil Young concert without him at least playing Down By The River for 20 or so minutes to break up the lecture. the woman he's talking to is about to switch sides. I would completely understand.

6) A caucus chairman is elected. Much like hey, you're already onstage, why don't you just do it. The chairman is a former Democratic Nebraska congressman from back in the 1970's who used to be a skinny red headed policy wonk and is now a chunky gray haired old guy like me. He keeps calling Bernie Sanders "Senator Saunders". Gee whiz, I wonder who he is for? A young woman with dyed fire engine red hair makes a joke that he's taking about a "Barney Saunders" he used to know. The crowd shouts "SANDERS" after about the 4th time we hear "Saunders". I guess if you just elect the guy who happens to be up there anyway you get what you pay for.

7) The caucus makes its first vote. Sanders voters have to hold up the caucus sheets and count off out loud because there's so many of us it's impossible for one person to physically count each one. The final count is 510 for Bernie. The Hillary side of the room has sort of filled up and they count physically. The final count over there HAS to be half of us. Maybe 300 at most. This caucus is ALL Bernie. It's a rout. A massacre.

8) The first vote is announced. 478 people for Sanders in the room. Boom, Hillary! And then the fix is in. In this state is something called "absentee caucus voting". Where you can fill out a ballot in advance, mail it in and you don't have to get up early, fight parking, register in a line, find a seat in a hot auditorium, wait for 2 hours, put up with a guy blabbering about GMO's, and inconvenience yourself. You can sleep in and it all counts just as much. Yes, there are 228 "absentee" ballots cast for Hillary Clinton and 22 "absentee" votes for Bernie Sanders. I can see the steam coming out of the Sanders folks ears. What the fuck? And yes, the rigged system hits us right in the face. Final first count......510 for Sanders, 486 for Hillary. 228 of them not even there. Fuck!

9) There are 17 undecided people sitting in the middle of the room. Personally I think they just want to sit without being crushed by humanity. Or they want attention. They get it. They move. Except for one. How much attention can one person crave? Make up your fucking mind.

10) Before the 2nd vote each candidate gets a spokesperson to pimp them for 90 seconds. An older black man stand up and expresses his admiration for Hilary Clinton. He's from Arkansas originally and remembers how she and Bill took Arkansas from 49th in everything to 48th or whatever. She cares about us. She has "evolved" on LGBT rights. Whoaaaaaaaaa. "Evolved"? It was a great speech up till that. Better to stay silent than to remind us over in the Sanders camp that Hillary is really a cynical political opportunist. Chrissakes, now I'm even more pissed.

11) The spokesman for Bernie, the aforementioned Rick Rubin relative, seems to think he's in some African American church and wants lots of "Amens" from all of us agnostic white people. It aint working. It doesn't work so bad that Hillary voters start heckling him. "How ya gonna pay for that?" seemed to be main heckle. It threw Rick Rubin off a bit to be heckled by old white people anxious to get back to their golf game. But he plowed through.

12) The 2nd vote begins. The red headed Sanders woman leans in and says " please hold up your cards" in a voice that would have made James Earl Jones blush. I thought, wow that chick has a very deep voice. Max later informed me of what exactly a transgender is. I am not sure if that is a good thing because I didn't even notice this woman probably wasn't born that way or I'm just a clueless old man. I prefer the former.

13) The 2nd vote occurs. The undecided seem to have split up equally. Still a bit bothered by this whole "absentee" scam, I holler out my number all the while seething that I've sat there sweating for 3 hours while 228 Hillary clones are home watching the Home and Garden Channel. Shit. The final tally was 518 for Bernie and 494 for Hillary. Yay! We win! Goddamit we won. And I'm not happy. Typical.

14) Hillary voters begin chanting "Hill-ar-ree Hill-ar-ree!!" It is quickly drowned out by the "Feel The Bern" chant of the young and energetic. What a great home field advantage. Too bad the road team starts with a 228-22 advantage. Ugh!

Now yes, I am from a state that makes you sit back and stay quiet if you are a Democrat. Republicanism is genetic here. There is no other explanation for the vast number of people voting for creeps interested in keeping the comfortable comfortable. But to be around over a thousand fellow Democrats for 3-4 hours was wonderful. I cannot imagine living in the nether regions of this state with a Republican knee jerk tendency that equates Democrat with commie. I fact, there were two counties in this vast wasteland of a state where nobody, yes nobody, showed up for the Democratic caucus. Another county went for Hillary Clinton by a vote of 1-0. One person showed up, perhaps the bravest of the brave. But to be dismissed by CNN pundits as welllllllllll, Sanders was supposed to win so big fucking deal, the real story is a bunch of Cajuns voting for Hillary Clinton. Do not dismiss us. We exist. Nebraska Democrats. For a Democratic Socialist from Vermont.

There were places where there were so many people they had to move the caucus outside to a field. And it wasn't cuz of a influx of Hillary Clinton voters. Remember they all stay home and send their votes in like the lazy assholes they are. Dammit I'm still mad at the absolute fixing of this system. In 2008 Obama beat Hillary's ass 68% to 32%. There were no absentee caucus ballots then. The powers that be here were not about to let that happen again. Because it would have.

They call Sanders kids slackers and moochers. Now I don't dislike Hillary Clinton and her slacker voters. But today I do. Who are the real slackers? It is not us.

Feelin The Bern!

A whole lot of years back I voted for the first time and learned what the term "fall in love in the primaries and fall in line in November" meant. It is a great saying and now it still means something to me. I have no intention of falling in line to support a former first lady, a former United States Senator and a former Secretary of State. I have no intention of falling in line to support a Wall Street stooge, a person who will say anything to get votes, a person I feel would start wars to prove how tough she is, a person who still gives a shit what Republican creeps who hate her think. No way man. Because I am in love with Bernie Sanders.

Today I will go to some overcrowded school auditorium, with the other 10 or so Nebraska Democrats and caucus for Bernie Sanders. And who else will be there, swooning over a 74 year old man with a new England accent? Max. Max votes today for the first time like I did lots and lots of years ago. Max loves Bernie Sanders, The idealism of youth. I am so freakin jealous of the real youthful enthusiasm of supporting a candidate the powers that be dismiss as a "socialist" as they busily look for tax breaks and drive to their coffee kiosks on public roads while passing fire stations and public schools and did I mention the tax breaks they find? That idealism is so wonderful. Eventually it will turn to cynicism of course, but for now it is so wonderful to watch.

If Max supports a winner today, and Bernie Sanders will win Nebraska, lets hope that later on, as Bernie gets fucked over by the DNC and the Clinton machine that the disappointment doesn't destroy that idealism. At least for a while. My idealism went on life support with the re election of Saint Ronald of the House of Reagan. I wasn't yet 30. But for Max, a political junkie like his old man, let's hope the win today will keep the interest up and the bitterness of what's to come down. Man, do I sound pessimistic or what?

My list of ex lovers from Democratic primaries is longer than Donald Trump's imaginary schlong. I mean who remembers these people except me? Frank Church, Ted Kennedy, Gary Hart, Jesse Jackson, Jerry Brown, Bill Bradley, Howard Dean, John Edwards, Bernie Sanders. I am the Chicago Cubs of the Democratic primary league. And I dont expect to finally back a winner this year either.

So for today, I am still in love with Bernie Sanders. I have no intention of walking to a corner full of old white people yapping about a woman president and how much a corporate stooge cares about them. Nope, I'll be in the corner with the kids, yapping about "free" college and throwing the entire population of Wall Street in a cage where they belong. Yes, I am blindly in love again. And until I have to, I refuse to fall in line. Yet. I'm feelin the Bern, baby. I'll take the shots in the ass later.