Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Beep Beep Beep!

I'm going to tread into dangerous waters here, but I don't care. So strap on in.

Over the weekend when two black teens were arrested in Brunswick, Georgia for the murder of Antonio Santiago, the little boy in the baby stroller, the country as a whole shook their heads at the sadness of the whole situation. Meanwhile George Zimmerman's brother, Whothefuckcares Zimmerman, went to Twitter to expound on his philosophical wisdom. You know, wisdom like yeah because my brother shot a kid for threatening his life with skittles and tea and there's a picture of the kid flipping off a camera so well then the other kid who allegedly shot the baby between the eyes is just like the kid George wasted so therefore the world is safer without either of them. And oh yeah, they're both black! Nice non sequitor there, Whothefuckcares!

If there was ANY doubt why George Zimmerman followed Trayvon Martin around the skittles banned gated community and got into an altercation and then shot dead the tea carrying interloper, well then, there isn't now. The Zimmerman family sounds like both George and Who were raised to not trust skittles eaters, tea drinkers or black kids. Poor Trayvon hit the trifecta by crossing paths with Paul Blart Zimmerman. Hey, Who, the only ones giving you handjobs are Hannity and the rest of the racists at Fox. So STFU. That's twitterspeak, right?

As for the murder of poor little 13 month old Antonio Santiago, out for a walk in a stroller with Mom, Sherry West,when two black teens accosted Ms. West, demanded money, shot her in the leg, then shot her baby right in the forehead before running away. Goddammit, justice is demanded say the tabloid news channels. Arrest these two murderous bastards NOW! Give us something NOW! Nancy Grace is bored with that chick in Arizona who self defended herself by stabbing her boyfriend, shooting him in the head, slitting his throat, cleaning up the self defense scene, and dumping the gun in the desert and now has PTSD. Nancy needs some nice fresh meat to devour. So 17 year old De'Marquise Elkins and a 15 year old were taken in as the main suspects. Great job, Brunswick Police!

Ok so let's see, mother shot in leg and lives , baby shot in head and dies. Two black kids did it. Hmmmm....I hate to be a lynch party pooper here but my horseshit detector has been beeping since about 5 seconds after I heard about this horrific case. Susan Smith, Charles Stewart, numerous other bullshit cases have all blamed the proverbial "black guy" for murders THEY committed. I am not in any way suggesting Sherry West shot her own baby, or hired somebody to shoot little Antonio. However when I see thing like this getting ignored by the tabloid cable news networks anxious to get onto the next sensational case I wonder aloud. The "this" is:

Firstcoastnews.com interviewed Ashley Glassey, the 21-year-old daughter of West, who told the station that the night of the shooting, West asked her how soon a life insurance policy would send her a check. "She changed her story she told me the baby was shot first and then she told me she was shot first," Glassey told the station.

I don't know about you, but as a long time watcher of both 24, and Homicide Life on The Streets, I would love to see either Jack Bauer or Frank Pembleton get Ms. West into the "box" for a few questions. I know I have LOTS!

Tuesday, March 19, 2013


Ten years ago today, this band of miscreants began their criminal conspiracy to steal oil and in their wake killed 4400 plus Americans, untold hundreds of thousands of Iraqis, and led thousands of more Americans to mental illness and broken bodies. You stole these people's lives for your greed.

You want to blame somebody for your deficit obsessions, tea party?. Blame these assholes.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Boy, Can She Tawk!

Every "funnywoman' owes it all to this woman for busting her ass paving the way. Joan Rivers continues to bust her ass and to prove it she showed up in Omaha last night and proceeded to make a crowd of 1500 or so cool Midwestern folks piss their pants. I say "cool" Midwestern folks because I saw people from 20 to 80 roaring with laughter, spit taking, grimacing and having a great fuckin time as this legend threw everybody and I mean everybody into her lair.

Who can get away with this for 60 years and stay sane? Joan Rivers can, that's who. I can say with all honesty that I have not laughed this hard maybe ever. George Carlin and Bill Cosby I do remember making me roll down aisles but this woman, this 79 year old goddess of comedy, well holy burning ears batman, this was great stuff.

She endeared herself to me almost immediately when she asked two gay guys in the front row "can you get married in this shitty state?" Wow, I'm in love. She called the place I live a "shitty state". In the first 30 seconds? Go baby! She made fun of "cripples", stroke victims like Kirk Douglas, herself. Yep, she made fun of herself. Get it, Taylor Swift? And every humorless celebrity out there got a swift kick in the ass. The Kardashians, "Kim, Kourtney and of course Lurch". The aforementioned Taylor Swift, "maybe if there's nine guys in nine months, it's YOU!" Her "friends" got no slack. Cher, Kathy Griffin, and did I mention it before, herself!

Anyway, see this legend before it's too late. She herself drops to the ground pretending to die, "just so years from now, you'll still get invited to parties just to say "yesssss I was there"....

Joan Rivers! Funniest 79 year old on the planet! The only problem I had was she didn't tell one joke about her husband, Fang!

Saturday, March 16, 2013

CPAC Jacks!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHA........AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHA......oh man I cant stop laughing at the comedy team of Fargo & Fargo. Cracking jokes, holding up Carrot Top like props, oh man when is the singing and dancing coming?

The Minnesota Beard and The Hillbilly starred today in front of C PAC, that annual gathering of pencil necks who think Chris Christie is a liberal and thus crack fat jokes at him in their oh so 12 year old boy way.

The Beard, also known as Marcus Bachmann's husband, errr, wife began the day by apparently dissing cats (what would Marcus say?) bringing up Benghazi and once again claiming that Nobama was "partying" in Vegas with those two other black people, Jay and Beyonce (did ya hear they are black too?) while Americans were being hunted down and executed in Libya, probably by hit squads sent by Obummer cuz he hates white people. Ya know he was in Vegas partying with others of his persuasion dontcha? And he has projectionists in the White House, probably to show him Pam Grier movies and Django Unchained on a continuous loop. And he lives a garish lifestyle, did ya know that? Just like all those welfare queens Ronnie Reagan (all genuflect now) warned us all about. How dare he be so uppity, I mean arrogant! The Beard also called for more funding of cancer and Alzheimers research, probably cuz all those homos get all the money now for all that AIDS research. Did she clear that with Paul Ryan first? Wow....pfew wasn't that beat off session just great there CPAC nerds? A little refractory time is needed.

Phyllis Schafly is as big a boner killer as can possibly exist and thus her speaking position. Screeching in that oh so soothing making cockroaches scurry for cover voice, she said Mittens Romney, Bob Dole and John McCain were "losers". Yeah, so? And you have a gay son. Any other facts you wish to drone on about?

Big moment C PAC geeks and the appearance of one hot babe. The Hillbilly, best known for her "7 years of college down the drain" reality, struts out to thunderous applause and lots of pants tightening. Ready with the obvious PG-13 Jay Leno material, she kills. Spewing fluids all over the hall. Background check jokes, Big Gulp jokes, risque rack humor, the Hillbilly had em eating out of her whatever. Oh yeah, oh yeah, spank banks all over Washington are full tonight as C PAC weirdos replace Rand Paul with her.

And ya know what, I KNEW she drank. Just look at that picture!

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Hey Bro,How Many Reps?

First of all that picture of a meathead in a gym should disqualify this putz from ever holding any office ever. But thanks to the good folks of Wisconsin, Paul "Gibrone" Ryan, is back in Congress and suffers from short memory loss. Would somebody tell this smirking twatwaffle that he lost the 2012 election? Oh he won among his Janesville cheese dick constituency, but he lost the big one by running his mouth until even the Romney campaign sent the shit for brains to the Deep South where he couldn't hurt them cuz everybody down there thinks Ayn Rand was some dude who played for Bama back in the 70's.

Paul Ryan, who should be running around with Sarah Palin comparing notes on which one was a bigger fucking disaster, is back with a budget that baffles the mind. If you have a mind, that is. Ryan's budget is so blatantly dishonest, so loaded with bullshit propositions, that treating this tool like an "intellectual" of the Republican party is like comparing Donald Trump to Warren Buffet. Yeah they both have money, but one has real money, the other is a clown who pretends to have money and fools the lazy ass American press into taking his ego seriously. Ryan IS Donald Trump. Only the hair is different.

Ryan's budget depends on fantasies such as assuming the Medicare cuts (the ones he "opposed")to stay intact, the Obamacare's tax increases stay put AND that The Affordable Health Act gets repealed. Ryan, true soulless prick that he is, would slash Medicaid, kill 2 million jobs, dusting off that old voucher coupon Medicare plan, turning food stamps into a giant bag of money given to the states to do whatever they want, like NOT give people food stamps, eliminating federal control of medical research, job training and education, and letting those criminals on Wall Street a free ride to steal your 401K again. And of course, Ryan's budget cuts taxes on the rich from 39% to 25%. How that cuts the deficit is beyond me but to numb nuts like Ryan it's addition equals subtraction because he says so. Hey, he's a smart Republican, remember?

One of these days, this widow peaked asshat will fade into oblivion and by fade into oblivion I mean get a keynote speech at CPAC alongside his fellow loser Sarah Palin and Donnie Trump Junior where he can spout Hobbit like fantasies while Rand Paul followers yell and scream right before the annual In Memoriam to Andy Breitbart. At which point they head off to hit on Ann Coulter and pickle their livers.

A while back I saw a beat up truck with a Romney bumpersticker in which Mittens name was crossed out and "RYAN" was written in over it. The guy who waddles out to get in the truck was supported by a cane and though I shouldn't do this I assume was disabled. He had no idea that a toolbox like Ryan has him in his crosshairs. Or maybe he did. Hey buddy, ever hear of the Judenrat? Oy vay!

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Ten Years After!

It was 10 years ago ago that Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks got up on a stage in London and made the following pronouncement to the crowd of English country music fans? Maines said "Just so you know, we're on the good side with y'all. We do not want this war, this violence, and we're ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas". Well frost my britches! Country music radio stations all over the US of A went batshit crazy because they were so gosh darn offended by what the traitorous Ms. Maines said because we all know shitkickers are much more patriotic than the rest of us. Actually the country music radio stations simple recognized yet one more way to gin up a lot of publicity for themselves by having Crazy Billy Bob and Darlin' drive a steamroller over Dixie Chicks CD's that were already paid for. Trust me, I know radio people. There isn't a one of them with a principled bone in their doughboy bodies. Most of them would drive said steam roller over their own mothers if it meant an extra ratings point or two.

What Natalie Maines said from that London stage 10 years ago was nothing more than the truth as she saw it. She was ashamed that Bush was from Texas by way of Connecticut. She did not want the war, the violence and the lies. In retrospect the woman was correct. But that didn't stop the right wing smear machine as the Dixie Chicks were lambasted and got the one thing you know means you got to the pricks. Death threats from idiots. Shit, you aint lived till you pissed off a right winger by stating facts. Facts make them go nuts. And when they go nuts, they call you a fag and threaten your life. I know the Chicks were frightened, just watch the documentary Shut Up And Sing, but in the words of Henry Gondorf, they dont threaten to kill ya, you know you're not gettin to em.

Speaking of death, Alvin Lee of Ten Years After died recently after routine surgery. Alvin Lee hit his peak at Woodstock by outperforming everybody else that whole muddy weekend. The segment in the movie Woodstock featuring Lee slamming I'm Going Home is phenomenal. I've owned the Woodstock album since it came out in 1970. Listening to that song is still absolutely thrilling to me. Alvin Lee was an unsung guitar god. But we'll always have Woodstock . He's going home, via helicopter.

Monday, March 4, 2013

47% Of Me Is Angry Now!

Oh what is there to be pissed off about from this past weekend. The Congress? Well yeah, to the point I wish Flight 93 had made it to the Capitol and blown the place up. Nah, just kidding. I actually wish the passengers had taken control of the plane, landed it safely, strapped bombs on those fuckstick hijackers and thrown THEM into the Capitol. The Ayn Randian nurse in Bakersfield who refused to help the dying 87 year old woman and also refused to ask anyone else to help either? Well yeah, to the point I wish Richard Speck came back to life to deal with one more nurse. No, again I'm kidding. Juan Corona is much closer. The reemergence of child suffocator party animal Casey Anthony? Yeah to the point I wish Casey and the ghost of Aileen Wuornous could battle to the death. But that would take a change of venue for the car trunk enthusiast Miss Anthony. Like to hell. Nah, just kidding again. Casey getting fat and living in a trailer in Florida is good enough for me.

Nope all of that is bad enough. But the sudden interest in one Lord Mittens of Romney and his lady the Princess of Waaaaaa, Ann Romney,by Fox News did the job.

I though these two Downton Abbey rejects were finished. Pumping gas and riding up and down in their car elevator while dreaming of denying Oliver Twist some more gruel. Isn't that enough for these two grifters?

Mittens told Mike Wallace's mutant son that it "kills him" to not be in the White House "doing what needs to be done". Really, Mitt? I'm not sure which is the more Palin like statement. That it "kills" you or the "what needs to be done". Because, Lord Romney, what you think "needs" to be done WOULD kill the rest of us. So go ahead let it "kill" you every time Obummer expresses concern for those who make less than $36 million in interest per year. Fucking moochers.

Now Ann Romney, the one even less likable than her stiff as a board hubby and their psycho eyed son Tagg or Trigger or Bristol or whatever his fucking name is. She blames the media for Mittens' loss. Yeah, Annie, had the media not longed for a story so they could sell even more ad time by pretending your douchebag partner was actually close to Nobama and his Acorn voters, you would have lost by 20 points. You should be sucking Dick Morris' toes and giving David Gregory a handjob at the same time for their complicity in your landslide loss because it could have been a disgraceful loss. She also believes it would have better for America "in my heart if he had been there right now.” She has a heart? Somebody alert Dick Cheney!

These two should just do what other losers do. Go back to Alaska, I mean, California, or is it Massachusetts, or Michigan, whatever, any of those home states Mittens got his ass kicked in by the Kenyan Usurper and do what other losers do. Go on Dancing With The Stars, or the Apprentice, or start your own reality show where Mittens can wander around the mansion screaming "Annnnnnnnnn" everytime he needs his caffeine free espresso topped off.

On the other hand, Rafalca needs tending to also. That is if Rafalca ever made it back from London and hasn't been made into an Ikea Swedish meatball by now.

Saturday, March 2, 2013