Saturday, December 27, 2014

Annie Bobadook!


You can't go from 60 to 120 much better than seeing Annie at 10 am and The Babadook at 5 pm. Wow, my brain almost exploded from eating sugar and candy at noon to becoming a healthy eating vegan by 6:30.

Annie

This remake or original version or black version or whatever you wanna call it has been universally crapped on by every critic in the Hotel Smug they hang out in. Ok fine. I've never seen Annie in any version. No stages, no movie theaters, no television, hell I'm so old I just remember the comic strip with the big eyes and the dog that goes arf and the leapin lizards exclamation.

But take away my movie snob card cuz I loved it.

This kid with the big hair, Quvenzhané Wallis, she just makes me feel good. She stole Beasts of the Southern Wild as an 8 year old and she steals this movie as a ten year old. She is a freakin joy to watch.

Jamie Foxx generally annoys me but makes this work. Rose Byrne, Bobby Cannavale, Cameron Diaz and a group of little girls so perfect makes this movie win.

All I can say is there wasn't one moment I wanted to leave. And that is a winner.

And for all those who think hackers leaking Annie was a 9/11 type attack, sorry, the 9/11 type attack was releasing The Interview.


The Babadook

I really don't like so called horror movies. What with the slashing and the misogyny and the violence they just bore me.

I also don't like it when critics start yakking how a movie is the scariest movie in 40 years or 10 years or ever. Because I know the hype is going to ruin it for me.

Quite simply, if you want to jump and scream and hide your eyes and see people's heads get chopped in half, forget it. The Babadook is not scary. That way. But if you are a parent, and remember how much your screaming, snotty, never stop talking brat used to make you think "I am going to break your fucking neck" this movie will get under your skin and into your head.

The Babadook scares you like Hitchcock used to scare you. That is a compliment, trust me.

The Babadook is a kid's book. A scary character who enters your house and won't leave. Like your relatives a couple of days ago. But the Babadook will also make you do things you want to do, but would never do. Like break your hollering wretch of a kid's neck.

The Babadook is about a single woman and her little boy. The father was killed taking her to the hospital to have the boy. The inner workings of the human brain are in full force. She hates that kid for killing her husband. She loves that kid cuz he's all she has. The Babadook enters the house and plays one against the other.

It really is a great movie, but not because of what you may have heard. It's not going to scare you that much, and it probably will not resonate with men as much as it will with women, but it really is a different kind of movie. And being from a first time director, it is a wonderful debut.




Friday, December 26, 2014

File The Lawsuit At 4:20!


First of all, just look at that picture above. Those two, uhhhhh, gentlemen, are the two, uhhhh, fellas that the voters of this state, uhhhhhh, Nebr-cool on the right side of the map, cave people on the left-aska, elected twice to be their Governor and Attorney General.

The guy on the right, the little fella with the I'm watching little fella porn look on his face is our esteemed Governor, Dave Heineman. A man so popular that even after his total indifference to whom he hired to run the state prison system resulted in violent criminals being let out of jail early and killing and raping and rooting for Miami, that he leaves office with a 60% approval rating. Mostly because those loons on the left side of the map see an (R) next to your name and think yer automatically good people. But he will soon be gone to be replaced by a trust fund kid named Ricketts who will run the state in much the same way. Shitty.

The guy on the left. Wow, what a piece of ,uhhhhh, work this guy is. That's our Attorney General,Jon Bruning, also soon to be leaving and to be replaced by a guy with an (R) next to his name cuz of freedom!

Jon Bruning has decided to go out with a spark. Jon Bruning doesn't much care for the pot, the weed, the MJ, grass (I'm old),reefer, the kind, the herb, oh hell, he just thinks it's called loco weed and it made Popeye go nuts once after Bluto spiked his spinach. But Bruning is gonna save all of us poor innocent Nebraskans from the drug cartel that is called Colorado. And he has joined up with another genius attorney general from Nebraska south, Okla-whole state is nuts-homa, to sue Colorado so they have to stop selling pot to its citizens legally cuz they voted that way. You know, Jon, the way the dopes here voted you into office twice?

Bruning and Okie Boy, soon to be joined by Kansas if they can find enough money there in Brownback-Ville, are trying to get the Feds to put a stop to the wackiness in Colorado cuz of federal law and shit. You know, the Feds? The guy Bruning and his ilk hate cuz he's black, uhhh, cuz of state's rights! The Feds? The ones who implement Obamacare that the little guy, Heineman, won't take Medicaid money for. Yeah those Feds.

Bruning thinks cuz the citizens of that hippie state legalized the pot, that all the people who go there to buy it legally all bring tons and tons of it back to Nebraska and that Buford T Justice has to arrest them and keep em in jail cuz of freedom, that it costs too much money to incarcerate these drug addled freaks and the tiny little counties out in JesusLand will all go broke.

Ok Bruning. Whatever you say. Ans state's rights guy, Little Davey, is all in his corner cuz of, oh hell I don't even know anymore.

Bruning is a former liberal pothead from way back. Writing about pro choice and legalizing pot back when he was employed by the college newspaper suddenly Bruning found the way to riches and fame in this state came NOT from those views but by being a right wing wacko. And thus, the transformation happened. All of that past shit is just being young and stupid.

Bruning asked all Colorado's border states to take part in his little lawsuit. Only Oklahoma was fucking dumb enough to bite on Bruning's blunt.

But instead of taking it to his mind and saying maybe these other redneck states won't joint, errr, join my little temper tantrum, perhaps it's not a good spending of that taxpayer money I so wish to save. Fuck no. I'm Jon Bruning and what I say goes.

Ok fine. Bruning is Bruning. He's run for U.S. Senate and lost. He's run for Governor and lost. Thus, logic tells me even the nutjob Republicans don't really care for this fish eyed son of a bitch. Maybe the other Attorneys General in fellow redneck states see him coming and go fuck I''m not in. But he trudges on, with the support of a guy whose growth was obviously stunted form something, to tell the hippies in Colorado what's good for them. Or maybe he just wants money.

He has sued to keep casinos out of Iowa. He has thrown legally married 22 year olds into jail for statutory rape. He has said that his answer to prison overcrowding is to stuff 6 inmates into one cell if you have to.

Yep, that's our Jon Bruning. A complete phony, a cynic, a con man and a cancer survivor. Oh yeah did I tell you that? Jon Bruning got colon cancer. He survived. He informed everybody who would listen he was changed man.

But who would have thought that after surviving cancer, and being a changed man, that a total dick would become an even bigger dick?

Stick that in your bong and smoke it.

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Merry Christmas!


Merry Christmas to all. Lock yourselves in for one long ass day. Christmas music! Santa Claus in the spirit!

But always remember what the greatest of them all said.

Have a great day!

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

The Interview!


You have to be kidding me. This movie caused all that shitstorm of activity about free speech and freedom and terrorists winning and all that bullshit?

First of all, the terrorists already won back on 9/11/01 when they gave the neo-cons, the defense industry, and the war profiteers all the reason they needed to scare the shit out of the American public and start makin money again after the lull of the 8 years of peace and prosperity of the Clinton years. So fuck that. THEY WON 13 YEARS AGO! Patriot Acts, NSA, Haliburton, wars, Gitmo, torture, Republican sweeps, War Criminals running the beacon of freedom in the world. Congrats to them. Suppressing a piece of shit like the Interview was the kindest thing terrorists have ever done. Too bad I was too dumb to just say thank you and relax.

The Interview is a two hour exercise in stupidity. Yeah yeah, stupid can be funny but this particular stupid is just, well, stupid. Making fun of Asian names? Dong? Hahahahahaha! Agent Fock and You? Hahahahahaha. If that amuses you when its done by someone other than a dipshit San Francisco TV station, well knock yourself out.

To even discuss this digital dump is a waste of time. It sucks like nothing has ever sucked before. James Franco is just wasting his talent. Seth Rogan is just getting wasted. On our dime.

So go ahead and contribute to the misguided notion that if you fork over $6 and watch this cess pool of a movie you have somehow saved America from terrorists. Freedom of speech is saved. U S A U S A!

Unfortunately, your mind will not be saved.

Go see something that will improve your mind. Save THAT kind of freedom of speech. Saving the type of freedom of speech The Interview touts just encourages the pricks at Sony to make more of this toxic bullshit.

And to the hacker, the ex-Sony employee, the disgruntled worker who hacked Sony. You should be running that studio, dude. You are brilliant.

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Cuba Si Castro Si!


It only took 55 years or so. But Fidel Castro has won thanks to the Kenyan Surrender Donkey, Barry DeObummer. Signing the surrender papers today,The United States of America has now officially become Estados Unidos.

Normalizing relations with the worst place on earth, Cuba?. Excuse me while I whip this disbelief out. Disbelief that this hasn't happened oh about 50 years ago.

To those unconcerned on why the shunning of Cuba began back when JFK was still alive I'm about to give you the official Max's Dad version of Cuban/United, errr, Estados Unidos history.

1952--just another Cuban douchenozzle not named Desi Arnaz, Fulgencio Batista, after being told he was running off the board in the upcoming Cuban Presidential Election, says fuck this and seizes power in a military coup.

1952-58- Batista gives blow jobs to the American Mob, American Corporations, and the Cuban elites while the Cuban people make about 6 pesos a month working in American sugar fields.

1958- after years of bitching and moaning and a few bombs blowing up, Fidel Castro leads a revolt that successfully sends Batista into exile and seizes control, unleashing a regime that kills about a zillion Cubans, or maybe not that many, or maybe about as many as Batista whacked in the name of freedom.

1960--after years of squeezing every cent on the backs of Cuban peasants they could out of Cuba, US corporations say heyyyyyy JFK, what are ya gonna do, our profit margin on slave labor is under siege. JFK embargoes Cuba by using one of those commie executive orders, much to the delight of the right wingers.

1963-- JFK forbids Estados Unidos citizens from traveling to Cuba, forcing them to go thru Canada or Mexico to get there. Right wingers cheer.

1963-- JFK goes what the fuck? Right wing Cuban exiles kill him anyway. This may or may not have actually happened. But it was a helluva movie.

1970-- Rafael Squidward Cruz (R-Canada) is born in Calgary, Canada. He comes out the womb and immediately the doctor hates his guts. His first words are "Cuba? Eh?"

1971-- Marco Rubio (R-Cuba) is born. He comes out of the womb screaming "Cuba Si, Castro No".

1971-75--Lots of American whack jobs hijack airliners to Havana. They must have really mad about that whole travel thing.

1976-1991--Cubans, driving around in 1957 Bonnevilles, get drafted and sent to foreign wars to die for a cause only their corrupt politicians believe in. Or maybe that was Estado Unidos citizens. Who knows?

1991- Daddy Warbuckski (the Soviets) collapses and Cuba says aye yi yi!!! Castro has to go get economic help from Venezuela and China. Or maybe that was Estados Unidos. Who knows?

2008-- Fidel Castro dies. Or at least gets really sick and resigns. Fidel hands power over to Raul Castro, his brother. Or was that the Bush family in Estados Unidos? Who knows?

2009- A Kenyan communist Muslim takes over Estados Unidos after millions of fraudulent votes from Acorn, illegal aliens, and Black Panthers. Cuba waits and sees.

2012--The Kenyan wins re-election over a robot. Cuba waits.

2014--Cuban government accused of torture, murder and little by little stealing freedoms from its own citizens. No that DEFINITELY was Estados Unidos.

2014--Barry Obama, dictator of the Estado Unidos, announces a lifting of some of the bans on Cuba after conferring with the Communist Pope.

Translation-- Fuck You Republicans.

2014-Somebody points out to Marco Rubio where Cuba is on the map before he throws a temper tantrum sifting up memories of the 1960's.

2014- Americans shrug and say, "uhhhh does that mean I can buy overpriced cigars now?"

2014- Rush Limbaugh salivates over a new destination for he and his rent boys.

2014- Barack Obama continues on his scorched earth lame duck kiss my ass tour.

There ya go. Turn that in to your history teachers, kids.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Murder He Taped!


Oh what's been going on lately as I've contemplated moving to fucking Sweden or Canada or whatever black hole that Interstellar movie took place in as this country degenerates into a giant mass of stupid.

What you see above is a murder. A group of tattooed, short man diseased, NYPD cops irate over a guy selling loose cigs on the street deciding to mete out a little NYPD justice by killing the guy. Ayyy you tapin' dat shit, go ahead you fuckin rat. Yeah, go ahead and tape it. Because of gutless prosecutors and rigged grand juries, nobody is going to do shit about police murder. Period.

Eric Garner, desperately begging for these little trolls to let him go, got in the way of strangulation artiste' Daniel Pantaleo's desire to teach this guy a lesson. By killing him. Ever been jacking around and somebody gets you in a position where you can't breathe? After you plead that "I can't breathe" your buds let you go. Oh but not NYPD. You fuckin pussy. Garner pleaded for his life, and these tough guy cops kept up the pressure until he was dead. Sorry NYPD apologists like Rep Peter "Archie Bunker" King (Mook-NY), you CAN speak if you are being choked to death. Obviously you dumb fucking Congress-meathead. Ya know how I know that? Cuz I saw the tape of a guy being choked to death SPEAKING.

Demonstrations taking place all over America are scaring the shit out of the Teabaggers. As the people in the crossfire of Police Departments all over the country say no more, the comfortable become less comfortable. The cops are all that keep the bad guys from busting into their houses and stealing their clown collections (as my Mom used to say NO MORE clowns!!) in their minds.

Our local paper publishes the old people version of internet comment sections in which those still talented enough to write in sentences longer than 140 characters can express their outrage. Hey I used to do it all the time until I got threats via snail mail for being for the gays, or for the chicks right to choose, or for the prosecution of war criminals running the USA. Yep, the anonymous comment sections are the way to go. Or this blog.

Anyway on 3 occasions this week, small town hicks have sent letters in stating their worldly view that if Eric Garner, or Michael Brown, or John Crawford, or Ezell Ford, or Tamir Rice or anybody else just obeys the police officers commands, well then, all is well and they aren't dead. Once again, every letter came from small towns in Nebraska where the clueless dominate. This is the prevailing view among white people. Well if you aren't doing something wrong, well then the nice policeman will not hassle you.

Pull your heads out of the black hole. Because until it happens to you, you deny it happens at all. At age 16 I was delivering newspapers at 5am in the "bad" part of Omaha, Nebraska. Sitting in my car with my helper folding the papers, in the dark, making a teenagers living, when 4 police cars screeched in behind us. The officers all had their weapons drawn, opened the car doors, yanked us out, threw us on the hood of the 1964 Rambler and put a gun to back of my ear demanding to know what the fuck we were up to. As I literally pissed myself, another "friendly" cop familiar with us and our notorious newspaper delivery job backed them off. Geezus, what if we'd been black, sick of the bullshit, and resisted the strongarm tactics of OPD?

I have never forgotten that incident. I'm white. I don't know what it's like to be black and won't pretend I can. But that incident with Omaha's finest made me a bit more sensitive to what it must be like to have that happen over and over. I work with black people who have told me of being stopped repeatedly because the fact they have jobs that pay a decent amount of money have allowed them to buy a new car. "Where'd ya get the car?" seems to OPD's method of interrogation.

So in conclusion.

Where's that black hole in Interstellar located?

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Nightcrawler!


Nightcrawler is one of the creepiest movies in a long while. The message after the nearly two hours of sleaziness, leering lust , intimidation, law breaking, attempted murder, murder, thievery, and immorality, all by Jake Gyllenhaal's Lou Bloom, is that all local news sucks. Oh does it ever suck. My city has a metropolitan area of nearly a million and half the time the lead story is a fucking car wreck, complete with the mandatory shot of a lone shoe lying on the pavement. Man, it's unwatchable. Ebola, car wrecks, burglaries, robberies, shootings, child molesters.

Nightcrawler covers all that. Lou Bloom is a thief who one day sees another ambulance chasing cameraman come upon a car wreck and begin filming. It intrigues Lou Bloom, one of life's losers. Exploiting dummies is Bloom's gift. With his how ya doin bullshit, Bloom steals metal and gets himself a cheap video camera at the pawn shop. This vampire begins running around at night finding things to film and sell it to local news stations so low in the ratings that reruns of Mike and Molly beat it to death in the ratings. Renee Russo is news director at that station and begins a relationship with Gyllenhaal's Lou Bloom. Buying his tapes, and eventually sleeping with him to keep the tapes coming. Man, is local news a sleazy business. Yep, says Nightcrawler.

Lou Bloom is a creep. Migawd he's a creep. Gyllenhaal lost weight, darkened his greasy hair, and leers with the best of the movie creeps as he exploits dumb assistants, blackmails news directors, arranges crimes to be committed, puts people in danger, meddles in crime scenes, sabotages the competition and eventually betrays his puppy dog loyal type assistant as much as you can betray someone.

Hey I liked it. Gyllenhaal's character, Lou Bloom, reminded me of somebody but I can't place it right now.

Paging Travis Bickle. Paging Travis Bickle. Your taxi is ready.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Bye Bye Bo!


Finally, the caveman who has led the University of Nebraska football program is gone. Bo Pelini was fired today after 7 years of mediocrity, sideline explosions, profane tapes , job seeking and denials, and a general us versus them mentality pitting he, his players and coaches against everybody else, including people like me who pay the money and sit there and watch him embarrass himself and us.

I don't give a shit that he won 9 games a year for 7 years and his players loved him. Children love their abusive fathers all over the world cuz they know no better.

But 40 something year old men in the spotlight who constantly beat lesser competition, lose big to superior teams and act like a goddamned maniac constantly should not be the face of the program. Hell, this guy should have been fired 4 years ago when he got into that finger slamming sideline rant against his own quarterback on national TV. He should have been fired 3 years ago when he went on an obscene rant against the media and the fans who pay his fucking $3 million a year salary. He certainly should have been fired last year after that temper tantrum against the referee and the subsequent I dare you to fire me press conference after the Iowa loss. But he survived because a certain number of Regents were in his corner.

Well today, Silent Shawn Eichorst, the almost mute Athletic Director, cut the cancer out and fired Pelini. And he did it without consulting the Regents, who are pissed and that makes me very happy.

The players, in true Us V Them Stockholm Syndrome mode , are not happy. They tweet, they get into bum fights with fans on twitter, they are swearing and cussing and saying nasty things. But hey, they're 18-23 year old guys. God forbid if twitter had been around when I was that age. So passes are given. Their 2nd dad is gone. It's tough.

I used to love Nebraska football. Lived for it. But that was long ago before I had a life. Now its entertainment. But Pelini made it a chore. Entertainment should not be a chore.

Good luck Bo. I'm sure your family loves you and your two Goldens love you too. But crazy actions and profane rants are not the way to make strangers love you.

Birdman!



Michael Keaton played Batman and Jack Nicholson played the Joker. Holy 1989, Batman. Remember? Dark, moody and freaking great for those of us who grew up watching Adam West cornpone his way thru 3 seasons of classic TV.

But in the past 25 years, Keaton has been a character actor. You know, the guy who shows up and you go oh yeah, I remember him.

Birdman pretty much tells his story. He's a former superhero movie star who has faded into obscurity and is pushing 60. He has decided to write,direct and star in a Broadway play to revive his career. He's all in on this and there is no Plan B. And oh yeah, he may or may not have actual superpowers. He also has a demon who constantly tells him what a complete piece of shit he is. Oh yeah, this guy is a mess.

Will his last shot at a career work? Well it won't be easy as Keaton has to deal with his manager (Zach Galafanakis), his cast, his eye rolling daughter (Emma Stone) and his ex-wife, perhaps the greatest ex wife ever (Amy Ryan). Not to mention a NY Times theater critic who hates his guts and promises she will destroy him no matter what.

The journey to opening night is a trip. If you didn't think actors are nuts, you will after watching this. Trust me I know they are nuts, I live with one. They hate themselves and thus, they play other people. Not exactly Freudian but certainly the norm.

Keaton and his demon are great. He is a frantic man holding on by his nails. But as great as Keaton is in this role, goddamn, Ed Norton is absolutely stunning as the egomaniacal theater actor who comes in to save/destroy his play. Norton is as controlled crazy as any screen character has been in years. He fucks up previews, he gets aroused onstage, he gets drunk onstage, he asks to be threatened with a real gun. He is impossible to not watch.

Naomi Watts is the insecure actress who constantly needs reassurance. Andrea Riseborough is the 4th member of the cast who is also Keaton's gal pal.

Will this play work? Not a chance if the critic has her way. Her disdain of movie actors is apparent. But Keaton is so desperate, so backed up against the wall, he will do anything to win her approval.

What will he do? Will his "superpowers" kick in?

Birdman is fascinating. An almost documentary of backstage Broadway. See it.

And about those superpowers. There's a scene involving a taxi driver that will tell you all you need to know about his superpowers.

Love it.

Saturday, November 29, 2014

Movies!



Get 4 days off? Hang with family? Get in verbal fisticuffs with the Uncle who thinks Obama is a Muslim socialist? Eat too damn much? Yeah me too. And then?

Movie Time.

WHIPLASH:

You like jazz? Nope, nobody does except me and old black folks appalled by what passes for music nowadays. But Whiplash aint about jazz. Oh yeah, Andrew Nieman (Miles Teller), who idolizes Buddy Rich for both his drumming and for his being a prick, drums and drums and drums at a Julliard type music school. But what this movie really is about is bullying. And how bullying is one of the most contagious diseases known to mankind.

Terence Fletcher (J K Simmons) is a bullying jazz professor intent on not so much teaching jazz, but on destroying those who do not live up to his standards. Which is everybody.

Fletcher destroys young people with his profane, mean, racist, homophobic outbursts much like R Lee Ermey did in Full Metal Jacket. But Andrew aint biting. At least until he has his Private Pyle breaking point.

This movie is not for everyone. Andrew is Fletcher light. He's an asshole too. But Fletcher is a nuclear asshole and watching Simmons, the Farmers Insurance guy in case you don't know who he is, play this role is fascinating. Man, he scared ME half the time. You just want somebody to deck him. And so does he. The self loathing is evident.

Whiplash is a great movie. One of the best I've seen this year. And J K Simmons? Wow. It's Oscar time.

Back with another later. Gotta go watch Terence "Bud" Crawford fight.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

How Close Is St. Louis To Being In The South?


I guess when white people do it, it's a disturbance, or kids having fun, or drunken horseplay , or the protesting of the removal of a pedophile enabler from coaching your plain label football team. Oh the outrage! Perfectly justified!

But when the blacks do it. Oh my lawd, batten down the hatches, hide in your house, buy guns and watch Fox News. They'll tell me what I want to hear. Savages. Thugs. Bums. Punks. Agitators. Race Hustlers. Animals. What the fuck man. No white people rioted when O J was acquitted. Mike Brown was stealing cigars. He rushed the poor cop. He was like a demon. Hulk Hogan except, ya know, darker. The poor cop got his eye socket busted by that violent strong armed robber, and then miraculously healed by the time he'd pumped 10 bullets into the charging bull of a man.

Well the media, Fox News viewers, conservatives, racists, dumbasses, maybe I should just have left it at Fox News viewers, got what they wanted. A good old fashioned riot. Show the looters!Show the looters! Damn them all to hell, that poor vodka bottle never had a chance. See, I told ya, they are animals looking for free stuff. I'll bet all of them voted for Obummer.

Just fucking STOP!

I have no love for criminals who loot shit, who take advantage of a bad situation to benefit themselves, like the Kochs and Lord Mittens Von Romney. I know the idiots who took stuff out of the Quickie Mart couldn't care less about Michael Brown. Who? Yeah exactly.

The problem here is twofold.

1) the cops are the real agitators here. What with their bullshit equipment (APV's really?) their itching for a fight attitude, their desire to crack a few heads without consequences its no wonder this happens.

People assembling on a street has become a crime? And even if it is, so fucking what? The Police reaction to this is the real appalling part of this. No common sense. A desire for violence. To demand these people, with real grievances, to disperse and when they do not, tear gas them and fire bean bags into them? No wonder they're pissed.

Oh what's your solution Max's Dad. You just gonna let them stand there?

Yes. On this night. You're goddamn right I am. Stand there and protest all night if you want. Blocking traffic, of which there is none, except for the tanks and all that other appalling crap cops have nowadays.

This was as usual, nothing but a police inspired riot. Period.

But like George Zimmerman, the guy who starts it is loved by the majority.

2)The African American community is pretty sick of being treated like a conquered people by a paramilitary force. We used to have a Mayor in this city who talked like that. The Omaha Police, you know, the ones who shoot Cops cameramen, were considered a paramilitary occupying force. The Mayor said that. In his outside voice. Yep, he got elected twice.

It's hard enough to send my white teenager out into the bad world. But I also know the chances of him being shot are kind of low. By the cops? Probably somewhere around 0%.

But a black family sending their kids out? Good lord. How terrifying on a daily or nightly basis. Christ, the cops shoot black people in this city for carrying cell phones. I cannot imagine the terror of knowing if the gangs don't get your kids , the cops might execute them for taking some cigars and walking in the middle of the street. They seem to have a real problem in Ferguson with people being on their pothole infested streets. Ya just never know when a tank might need to get through.

So as appalled as the comfortable white folks may have been over the looting of a store, I was just as appalled at the unnecessary show of force by a police department full of robed idiots. And by the death of yet another 18 year old black man. Even if he scared poor Darren Wilson because he was like Hulk Hogan and was like a demon.

Hey Darren. Before you become a regular talking mook on Fox News. You do realize that Hulk Hogan is a fake wrestler? And the demons you saw may have been just a reflection in your side mirror.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Viva La Wingnuts!


Tonight the world ends. Barack Hussein Jose Obama will let about 100 million Mexicans stay here and be able to vote retroactively to destroy America. His evil plan, with the help of all the networks who refuse to air the speech which will destroy 'Merica, will be unfolded this evening. On Mexico's Revolution Day? Co inky dink? Of course it is, but not to the tin foil hat crowd, in other words, half the United States Congress and all of rural 'Murca.

So while White America watches fat people being humiliated, or horny nerds making double entendres, a doctor show most people thought cancelled somewhere around the last stages of the Bush disaster and a show about bones, Obummer will be opening the back door and letting all those browns in to take good white people jobs like slaughtering cows, picking fruit and cleaning shit out of porta potties at soft jazz festivals.

Of course, cranky old uninformed whites could turn the speech on and watch it on Fox News while Megyn Kelly makes faces in the background, half interested whites could watch it on CNN while Don Lemon chomps down on a hot dog in the background, or really scaredy cat whites could turn on MSNBC and watch the speech as Rachel Maddow makes margaritas for all the Big Bang Theory rejects in the back.

Me? I'll be watching the Latin Grammys to brush up on my Espanol and like the 'Merican Grammys, I know nobody who will be onstage. So far by watching lots of Univision I have learned the following Spanish.

1) Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooal!!!!!!!!!!

2) You pronounce You-Ne-Vision Oon-a-vee-zee-own

3) Gracias a Dios (muttered quite often at the Latin Grammys)

I figure by the time Nobama gets thru turning New Mexico into just Mexico again, I will also be able to say Dos Cervezas por favor'.

Meanwhile I have to go figure the real significance of Obummer making the speech toda. What secret Mooslim holiday is this really?

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Lan Screw!


I have two words for future Ex-Senator Mary Landrieu (Chickenshit-La). Fuck you. I have two words for Joe Manchin (Hillbilly-WV), future Republican turncoat. Fuck you. And I have three words for future Ex-Senator Claire McCaskill (Coward-Mo). Fuck you too.

What these three dicklicks are up to is disgraceful. To force a vote to approve a filthy pipeline out of Canada carrying tar and shit through my fucking state? To save your miserable asses? And your strategy isn't gonna work anyway you stupid fuckin hillbillies.

Mary Landrieu is already boiling in a pot full of crawfish and is about to be eaten alive. Hey dipshit. You think the Republicans in Louisiana aren't going to tear you a new asshole no matter what you do or say? You could dress up in Klan robes, knock all your teeth out and speak in some sort of weird hybrid of French, English and Bigfoot and the Republicans will call you an "Obama" lover anyway. Jesus H Christ. Fight.

I hope that dumbfuck running against Mary Landrieu ,you know, the guy who sponsored the filthy Keystone Pipeline bill she is trying to pass beats her by about 100 million votes.

Joe Manchin, a Senator from a state full of hillbillies so dumb that when "Freedom Industries" dumped their toxic sludge into the Elk River earlier in 2014 causing them to boil drinking water and breathe poison, they all voted Republican anyway cuz of freeeedum. Manchin is a coal whore in which the over/under on him switching parties is about 3 months.

And Claire McCaskill, who wouldn't even be a Senator any longer if it wasn't for a stupid misogynist named Todd Akin who said in an out loud voice that he wondered how much rape was "legitimate". Shit, Claire, he still got 39% of the vote against you. McCaskill is the first Democrat to start sucking Mitch McConnell's turtle dick and oppose Harry Reid as minority leader. The over/under on this shrew switching parties is about a year.

Ya know what, fuck all the Democrats. Joni Ernst bit all your balls off long ago.

You see, Democrats, Republicans are cobras. Yeah they are scary. They will attack you. So you have choices to make. You can try to stomp the shit out of them as they try to bite you with their venom and lies OR you can get down on the ground and pet them on their heads trying to make them like you. Well no matter what you Democratic pussies do, the goddamned cobra is going to bite you and kill you. They cant help it. It's who they are and they make no apologies for it. The Republicans are slithering, venom filled killers and you Democrats are chickenshits afraid of your own constituents.

So start stomping. Become the mongoose.

Meanwhile, a furrin company is going to build a leaking tar shit pipeline through the water aquifier in Nebraska so their gunk can get to Louisiana and Texas faster so they can refine it and ship it off to China and India as gasoline.

Thanks Mary Landrieu. I hope that cobra fucker beats you so bad you end up sucking dicks on the streets of Nawlins. As opposed to sucking Trans Canada's 1179 mile long crank like you are doing now.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Oops!


I have always liked the Ivy League. I watch the games they play not very well. I vote for the politicians they often put out. Harvard, Yale, Cornell, Penn, Princeton, Columbia, Brown (my Dad, a Fordham man, said they'd chant at Brown's football team "what's the color of shit?" which is why he was simply a Fordham man) and that bastard child of the Ivy League, Dartmouth. I never liked Dartmouth. It was the one that nobody could remember, stuck up in the forests of New Hampshire, blessed with degenerate grads like screeching kazoo yeller Laura Ingraham and convicted criminal Dinesh D'Souza. It has that awful newspaper, The Dartmouth Review, that outed the gays back before being gay was cool, supported apartheid, published racist articles to demean affirmative action and made William F Buckley face palm over how his influence had been taken over by Klansmen in green.

But now, thanks to an energetic bunch of Dartmouth men and women, I love the Big Green!

Rick Perry, bespectacled closet case Governor of America's nuttiest state, was in New Hampshire because he actually thinks he can become President.........I shall pause now for you to clean off your monitor......and spoke to a mass of Dartmouth students because hey why the fuck not and the Q&A session got taken hostage by a bunch of right minded urchins who couldn't stop asking Slick Rick all about the anal sex he hates so much (yeah right).

One Emily Sellers cleared her throat, and asked famed Ni****head resident Governor Rick Perry if for $102 million , the amount he has raised in his campaigns, he'd have anal sex. Now of course, the obvious answer for any politician is when and where and for Perry the obvious answer is simply yes I've done it for a lot less, but Great Caesars Ghost were the Dartmouth Young Republicans offended. How dare that dame ask a sitting Governor of some state out there somewhere a question such as that! Migawd I almost spit out my Peggy Noonan 1978 Chardonnay.

Now Ms. Sellers was one of many in the crowd who had a list of 11 questions to ask Oops Man if they got a chance.

Wow, how I wish that Candy Crowley had gotten a hold of this list and asked Mittens Von Romney "I know you have been very strong on all foreign policy issues, including Somali pirates, but what is your stance on butt pirates?"

And how I wish Gwen Ifill had that set of inquiries in her hands back in 2008 and asked Half Assed Governor Sarah Palin "if new documents revealed that Jesus liked to play with his own hairy hollow, would you change your opinion?

And wowza, what if Martha Raddatz had this set of questions and asked jug eared soulless prick Paul Ryan " Does your ideal anti-sodomy law prevent me from playing with my own poop chute?"

Can you imagine Uncle Joe Biden hearing that one?

Anyway Dartmouth, thanks to Emily Sellers, I now like you just as much as I like that other one, you know that place far above Cayuga's waters where there lies an awful smell (thanks Dad for that one too).....probably the stench increasingly irrelevant drag queen Ann Coulter left behind.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

WTF Is The Matter With Kansas?


Holy Smokes, did anybody get the license numbers of that caravan of trucks driven by all those old white people that ran us over last night? Most of those fossils shouldn't be driving much less voting but since the voter suppression laws are written for the darker persuasion and not for the Buick drivers it's really hard to stop them. I suppose passing a law stating you need a special form to vote and only advertising it on CNN, MSNBC or the major networks other than Fox might do the trick but crap, that would be wrong. And being wrong is THEIR fucking job.

I can take the loss of the Senate because what really changes? Filibusters, holds and vetoes will assure nothing gets done so fuck that club of cackling nutjobs.

Here in Nebraska, we sent a buck toothed carpetbagger named Ben Thath, er, Sasse to that club of cackling nuts where his Sylvester like speech pattern will be assured to cause hilarity to ensue the first time he tries to thay thufferin thuccotash..

But we got rid of Lee Terry. After 16 years of doing absolutely nothing, this back benching leech was finally beaten by a guy who was registered under 3 different parties in the last two years. Brad Something or other. It doesn't matter cuz we got rid of Lee Terry, of 2014 Willie Horton fame. Fuck Lee Terry and I hope that's the last time I ever type that.

But hey. Kansas? What in the fuck is the matter with you?

Sam Brownback took your state and shit down its neck the last 4 years. And you re-elected him?

Pat Roberts lives in Kansas less often than I do, which is never. I mean the guy lists Fairfax, Virginia as his primary residence which as far as I know is nowhere near the Sunflower State. He rents a space in a home in Kansas for $300 a month to make it all kosher. And you re-elected him too?

Kris Kobach, a genuine bigot if there ever was one, who as Secretary of that Miserable State, seems to think by making it harder and harder for people to exercise an actual right and vote he can assure Kansas of being a kind of White Utopia, disenfranchised over 22,000 voters before this 2014 election as a punishment for 5 cases of voter fraud. And ou assholes re-elected him too?

Oh Kansas. And I thought you were the good state if I had to choose between you and Missouri. But apparently you can be just as dumb as those Show Me State hilljacks.

Ya know I have often believed that in the nations heartland, Republicanism is genetic, like color blindness or sickle cell disease. In fact, Republicanism is the white peoples sickle cell disorder. You may intend to say no more to your average Republican political dicklick, but once in the voting booth, it cannot be done. Great Grandpappy will roll over in his grave if he knew you voted for a Demoncrat. The hand just naturally goes Republican. Even though the Republican you just voted for is sticking his hand up your ass and tickling your uvula.

Ah he don't mean it. He won't hit me again. Kansas, home of perfectly moderate sensible Republicans like Alf Landon, Dwight Eisenhower, BobDole, Nancy Kassenbaum, and the Koch Brothers. The Lawrence Koch Brothers not those evil pricks from Wichita.

Sam Brownback took an economical stable state and turned it into a fiery mess. Oh yeah, he cut taxes all right. To the point it cost the state over $600 million in revenue. So he cut the Earned Income Tax credit, which in effect raised taxes on the working poor. He cut state spending on education which apparently worked. Brownie created an atmosphere so toxic Kansas will run deficits through 2019. How could anyone re-elect a disaster like that?

Kansas, that's who. Thats cuz Paul Davis, the poor slob who somehow lost to this burning mass of Republican tires, went to a strip club back in 1998 and got a, hushhhh yo mouth, lap dance. The genetic Republicanism kicked in when Ma and Pa Kettle in Dodge City saw that. While Pa, in between the harangues about the gays, angrily decried Davis and his lap dance (while fondly remembering his time away from Ma in the big city of Topeka and Baby Dolls)and Ma swung the rolling pin at the Obama punching bag Davis was cooked. Even though Brownback was barebacking Kansas, he was still a good Christian man and dammit, I'm voting Christian again.

Schadenfreude. That's what I'm feeling now. When Kansas finally falls into that septic tank and drowns in that pile of Brownback poop, I will be laughing.

And then I'll turn to my state capitol. Lincoln, not Memorial Stadium, and realize my state just elected Charles Foster Kane to run this state. Fuck.

Monday, November 3, 2014

Car Talk!


So long, Tom Magliozzi. You and your brother, Ray, kept me entertained for many years at 9 am Saturday mornings when I was working.

Tom used to get so mad at people who were driving gas guzzlers. That's why I liked him so much.

What a life you had. And making others laugh was the best life possible.

I will miss you. Thank goodness for reruns.


Advice From Jimmy Malone!



That Obama. Remember back in 2008 when he quoted Jimmy Malone about bringing a gun to a knife fight and the conservatards all got their secret panties in a wad cuz ya see, that Obummer is a thug and a Chicago ni,uhhh nitwit.

Well I thought ya'll be happy he brings a drone with a missile to an ISIS knife fight but I guess not cuz Republicans are all nice family people without a mean bone in their body. Nosiree.

Check out Jennifer Horn, a kind of bowling ball with arms and a big mouth. She wants to hold people's heads under the water until they drowned or something. Too bad that stringbean dumping water on Mrs. Horn didn't think the same thing, but that would be wrong. Right? Only gubmint should be drowned, or at least shot at by Joni Ernst.

And then we get some drunk holding hisself up by the podium yammering on how a disgrace is a disgrace and how disgraceful and disgracing Nobummer is.

So tomorrow, bring that gun to a knife fight and send them to the political morgue they belong. VOTE!

Please Vote!


I'll tell ya what bugs me about this election and the impending takeover of the Reichstag by the Huns. It's the age of these interlopers. Chrissakes, once you get into the Club, its virtually impossible to get them out because of the money that their puppet masters will fork over to keep them in, and the fact the American public is so fucking busy trying to overcome the policies of these assholes they vote along the lines of yeah I've heard of them, what the hell. Jesus, locally around here, the same fucking people get bored being a utility board member so they move onto a local college board, then move over to some obscure county office and they keep winning. Christ, talk about living off the dole, which most of them also oppose, unless it's them of course.

Who in the hell is a young Republican thee days? Well plenty. Now I sincerely believe to be a young Republican, and by young I mean just north of dead, you are one of two things. Either you are a very observant, cynical, cold, soulless con man/woman who know that conservative white folk eat up the victim card, love the Obummer bashing without dropping the n word, think the media hates them and will fall for anybody who tells them what they want to hear OR you're a kook, a lunatic, a nut, a whackjob, a dope.

The first group would be your Limbaughs, Levins, O'Reillys, Romneys, Coulters, and yes, Reagans. If anybody thinks the previous list includes anyone who actually believes their own bullshit, Hello Suckers!! You have participated in a con game so large it pays them all millions and millions to lie to you.

The second group would be your Palins, Hannitys, Cruz's, Bachmanns, Perrys, and yes, Joni Ernst's and Ben Sasse's. These are the nuts, the loony birds, the unhinged. And they are young. Shivers.

Joni Ernst is 43. Ben Sasse is 42. Cory Gardner is 39. Tom Cotton is 37.

Wow, thats a lot of crazy to go. A whole lot of years of nutty statements to come.

Ernst, an Iowa pig castrator, believes the UN is coming to take your land. Sasse, a so called Nebraska Harvard educated lunkhead thinks violating the law in the name of one's religion (I assume he means fundy christianity only) should not be prosecuted. Cory Gardner, a Colorado mouth breather, thinks the chicks should just shut up and have babies for the love of gawd. Tom Cotton is a jug eared Arkansas believer in paying down the federal debt by increasing interest rates on 20 year old college kids and cutting taxes to the Koch Bros.

All four of these young Republican nutjobs could be a Senator for life. For Life. Like Chuck Grassley, an Iowa dope who has been in office for 35 years. Or Mitch McConnell.

Get out and vote Tuesday. It does matter. Or these Personhood Screwballs will be there forever. Hey, it's only the rest of your life too.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

It Sucks!


1)Two more days and the deluge of bullshit permeating your televisions will be over. The Republicans will take over everything, Ebola will kill everybody in Maine, the abortion and the birth control will be over so white people will be forced to breed like rats to put the kibosh on the minorities getting too uppity cuz of the numbers and all that, the ISIS will all be scared to try that beheading shit cuz an actual turtle will be leading the Senate, the poor will learn their place and shut the fuck up, people who get sick can just go ahead and die like before cuz of Ayn Rand and stuff, the cops will be able to shoot anybody they want to with no fear of any consequences, oh wait, that's how it is now.

2) Joni Ernst is a nut. And it looks like, because once again, The Democrats have put up a complete stiff like Bruce Braley, Joni Ernst will become a United States Senator from Iowa. Yay Iowa. You will soon have an octogenarian crank who gets worse each day and now a kook who wants to shoot Feds who come into Iowa and tell citizens that their kids can stay on their parents health plans to age 26. That's a shootin'. Iowa, you aren't that crazy. Well except for that district of Jesus whackos who keep electing Steve King (The Devil-Ia)to Congress.

Joni Ernst still thinks they found WMD's in Iraq, has gone to the Sharon Engle 2nd Amendment remedies screed, thinks that implementing Obamacare should be a crime to anybody who mentions it, and quite frankly, looks like that college professor who waltzes in that first day and gives you that creepy smile and you immediately know you will be visiting the administration building to drop that class. Good Luck Iowa with that blathering nitwit.

3) Hey I am glad that US Marine Reservist Paul Tahmooresi has been released from a Mexican jail for violating their gun laws but shitbird, it's THEIR fucking gun laws. Mexico. A furrin country. Now I understand that Americans are an arrogant sort, guns guns and more guns make them safe safe safe. But don't exercise your 2nd Amendment rights in a place where they don't have that amendment. Not smart.

Tahmooresi became cause celeb for all sorts of scumbag politicians who couldn't care less if the Mexicans fried him on a spit but saw the opportunity to bash Obama and appeal to the dipshits who see the word "Marine" and get a gigantic hard on. Well now Tahmooresi has been let go and those same politicians will use this guy, who may be crazy and certainly has one helluva case of PTSD, to further their own ambitions.

Dana Rohrabacher, a cynical creep from California, who blames climate change on dinosaur farts ,is front and center on the Fox News blaming Obummer for being "AWOL" on getting the gun toting Marine out of Mexican jail. Rohrabacher is a guy who was hell bent on going to Vietnam in 1965, but got sidetracked by going to Cal State Long Beach, then just had to go to USC to get a Masters. So oh damn, the draft,errr the war ended and he couldnt go save Long Beach from Charlie. But non veteran Rohrabacher called Nobama not invading Mexico a "slap in the face" to all veterans. Now Dana can go back to talking out of both sides of his big mouth.

4) Jack Hoffman is a 9 year old brain cancer patient getting chemotherapy treatment for the umpteenth time in his fight to stay alive. Jack brings tears to my eyes everytime I see him. The kid is a fighter, the kid is an inspiration, the kid is everywhere fighting to help others in this fight to stop pediatric brain cancer.

But yesterday, on the sidelines of a Nebraska-Purdue football game. Jack said it better than anybody when asked on national TV by Jeannine Edwards what the game ending injury to Ameer Abdullah. He said, "it sucks"...

Yep, Jack, it sucks. Brain Cancer. Injuries to Heisman Trophy candidates. And The Great White People Temper Tantrum of 2014.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Ungrateful Kaci!!!


Look at those 5 star New Jersey accomodations that left wing Marxist uppity Ebola free nurse twist Kaci Hickox had while in Chris Christie State Prison for People Who Dared Sass Him. Geez, lady, what are you complaining about? There's an election to win coming up and Republicans thrive on fear and bullying tactics and especially fear.

While in the Chris Christie Jail For Chicks Who Need A Good Spankin', Kaci Hickox was not really all that thrilled with the box with a hole in top for her non Ebola bathroom needs. So she said so. A lot. And pissed off a lot of fat Republicans.

So let the trashing of Kaci Hickox begin.

Did ya know she's a registered Demoncrat? Did ya know she's a secret CDC employee? And we all know Obama's CDC will be instrumental in killing off all good Republicans with the Ebola virus since most Republicans are at least 65 years old, sucking up government money, figure something just aint right about that Obummer character and immune system challenged due to their eating Elmers Glue while young children in the one room schoolhouse.

I heard kazoo voiced radio yeller, Laura Ingraham, today yakking about Hickox's Linked In account being scrubbed, her Google cache account has been sanitized and she's just so damned bitchy about being forced into a nice room by that kindly old Doctor Chris. Now, Laura, the odds of anybody who listens to your daily kazoo symphony knowing what the fuck Linked In or Google Cache involves is about the same odds that Endiomologist Expert Chris Christie becomes either President or healthy. Zero.

Science. Bah. Loudmouthed females. Bah. FEMA Camps For Republicans? Oh yeah, that is totally believable. Car Thief Darrell Issa wanting people to throw up on buses full of Ebola. Oh yeah, watch out. Obummer will totally send suicide Ebola thrower uppers onto public transportation.

I fear the stupid virus is becoming more rampant than Ebola. I'd take my chances with Ebola vomit before I'd take my chances with Stupid Vomit.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Kris Kristy Kreme!


Imagine my surprise last Saturday when looking down onto a football field in Lincoln, Nebraska and some fat guy in a Rutgers tent is standing there. Nope it's not Ralph Friedgen, nah certainly it's not Mark Mangino. It took till I got home to figure out that Chris Christie was there humping for billionaire boy Governor to be, Peter Ricketts.

Trust me folks, that picture above is a rogues gallery of dumb. We have a woman dumb enough to marry that guy to her left, the diminutive taxpayer sucking Governor of Nebraska, Dave something or other. Then we have Doctor Chris Christie, and then finally a trust fund baby Nebraskans will soon trust to run their tiny little state just like he runs the Chicago Cubs, Peter Ricketts. You see, Rutgers was playing Nebraska in football on Saturday and what better way for the Scientist that is Chris Christie to come help Ricketts get over that underprivileged hump he has overcome than to pose for pictures with Petey and Heineman and watch a football game involving two Universities that not one of those three pricks have never attended.

I mean I've seen some pieces of shit walk on that field before, Clarence Thomas brought particular joy to me as I screeched "Get that asshole off MY football field" much to the chagrin of my Republican neighbors. Rush Limbaugh descrated holy ground once as I sat speechless thinking somebody will certainly throw something at him, like logic. A Rod, with nothing better to do since he's suspended from baseball hopefully forever, slipped his slimy self onto the field this year and Larry The Cable Guy's down there every freaking week gittin er dun, sometimes with rarely funny comedians. Nah, Larry's harmless, but get the fuck off the field every week. You're wearing out yer welcome Dan.

Anyway back to Infectious Diseases Expert Chris Christie, Republican also ran 2016. Quarantining nurses and leaving the state? That sounds a lot like that Texas nitwit, Rick Perry. But in quarantining a nurse named Kaci Hickox, who put her life on the line helping people less fortunate, Doc Christie has once again showed himself to be the "soverchiare" he is and can't help but be. And after the nurse, Kaci Hickox, didn't bow down and let Chris Christie PHD in Toro Merda bully her, he changed his mind and backed down and let her go back to Maine where that dipshit Governor of theirs will make an ass out of himself again.

Hold on now, Ebola expert Christie did not "reverse himself" by letting the loudmouth broad go back to Maine, he simply heard she was not ill, which he could have heard 5 days ago, and let her go. Presumably in a lead box surrounded by New Joisey state troopers. And some day, kindly Doc Christie said, the disrespectful dame will appreciate his good sense and catering to Fox News viewers with one foot in the grave and shitferbrains.


Saturday, October 25, 2014

Jack Bruce!



Jack Bruce passed away today. Who didn't think it would be Ginger Baker? After all, Clapton's will to live passed on long ago but Bruce kept on humpin it with Robin Trower or whoever he could play with.

Sorry folks, the 2005 Cream reunion is all we will ever get now. Because if Baker and Clapton ever reunite, who gives a shit? Jack Bruce was the voice and the "God" of Cream, not Eric Clapton.

I have covered Cream before by bashing Clapton but I am not going to do it here. This is about Jack Bruce.

Jack Bruce created the guitar riff of Sunshine of Your Love. What more do you need to know? Dun Dun Dun Dun Dunnn Dunnn Dunnn Dunnn Dunnn...........Wow.

Jack Bruce is gone. Forever.

I guess my point is this. Do not put off seeing your heroes because there may not be a next time. I did that with Warren Zevon figuring hey, he's in his 50's, he'll be around forever. I did not do it with Joan Rivers, seeing her a year before she died. Thank goodness.

I have done that with Willie Nelson who is still alive and hopefully will be for a long time. I have done that with Neil Young who just keeps going.

But geez, who knows? Jack Bruce died and nobody knew he was sick.

See them NOW. Your heroes. And throw your family in there while you're at it.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Tawwwwwd!



Holy Moose Shit! John McCain you son of a bitch. This close to the White House? Were you insane?

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Willie Horton? Never Heard Of Him!



I cannot tell you how low the 2nd Congressional District campaign has sunk until you watch the "Willie Horton" ad above. Watching? Watching? Yep it's 1988 all over and Republicans just cannot stop being who they really are.

You see, one of their backbenchers is in trouble. A loyal stormtrooper with a pop gun who does whatever the Republican leadership tells him. Sometimes he votes both sides of an issue at some point so he can placate the racist, homophobic, dumb wingnuts AND the regular just plain greedy GOP'ers.

Lee Terry, oh I know I've ranted about this dork before. He, of the dang straight flub, the joking about dead GM customers at hearings, the promise to serve only 3 terms, the Madonna concert hideout, the fact that he is truly the dork in high school wearing the Boston t shirt trying so hard to look cool. This guy, whose only accomplishment while serving on a City Council of a city of half a million people, was to outlaw "cruising" on the main drag. Yes folks, "cruising" was a "problem" here in the 1990's. Welcome to Pleasantville.

But this ad, put out not by Lee the Dork, but by the regular Republican Klan back in DC, has taken Pleasantville back yet again. Will this bullshit work? Oh Lee sort of disowns it. Hey IIIIIII didn't have anything to do with this ad. Not lil old me. Uh huh. Not me. But hey, I won't stop it if it keeps me in my nice house and pays me well enough to suck off taxpayers for another two years while complaining about others sucking off taxpayers.

Pardon my Pleasantville, but Fuck Lee Terry. This awkward geek needs to go home to his nice house. Constantly pulling out 1 and 2 point wins thanks to the gerrymandering done in Lincoln by the teabaggers who run this state, it's time to say to Lee Terry to go become a lobbyist or whatever so he can get drunk with buxom babes and drool while giggling and tell his story to interested ladies who hate cruising too. After he explains what that is of course.

Terry's opponent, Brad Ashford (a dead ringer for Jerry Springer) is not an ideal candidate. He's been a Republican, an independent and a Democrat all in the last year or two. So he he has no idea who he is. But when it comes to Lee Terry, I don't care who runs against him and his fucknut puppetmasters in DC. ISIS, Ebola, dead people, I dont care. If you run against Terry the Nerd, you have my vote. Again, Fuck Lee Terry.

By the way, Lee, this latest version of Willie Horton, Nikko Jenkins, is batshit crazy. The fact he's black is really irrelevant to his murder spree. Oh what the fuck am I saying, of course it's because he's black. And so was Apophis, the Egyptian serpent god that Nikko serves. As opposed to Bonerphis, the ancient drunken god Lee The Dork serves.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Where's That Off Button Again?



How sick of political ads are you? To the point of watching only Netflix, DVR's, Redbox or actually reading or taking a walk? As far as I'm concerned, every one of these creeps can go fuck themselves. I have never ever been more sick of Midwestern values phonies like Joni Ernst, Bruce Braley or whatever the fuck his name is, Lee Terry, Peter Ricketts, Brad Ashford and many others none of you have ever heard of.

You literally find out that Bruce Braley or Bailey or whatever is a disgusting creep who will help Obummer install the Nation of Islam into the deep reaches of gubmint followed immediately by Joni Ernst is a psycho bitch with a racist prick for a husband and tolerates sexual harrassment as long as it's a red blooded Republican male drooling over some Republican hottie. Then next you hear how Lee Terry personally caused the Ebola panic by cutting funding to the CDC followed again by how Brad Ashford opened the cell door to let a mass murderer out of jail to kill a nice pretty white woman. Then we get an ad telling us what a nice, bald trust fund kid named Peter Ricketts will do for our state when he wins the Governorship because he has a R next to his name. Atually it should be a tape of little Peter begging Daddy for a state to run.

Now about the next Senator from Nebraska. A Senator so silent, he makes Teller look like Robin Williams. Ben Sasse has disappeared. Gonzo. Hasn't shown up for the last two Senate debates. Has $5.8 million in the bank from his various puppetmasters to be. On the positive side, no ads. On the negative side ,the dimbulb is so hunkered down hiding that there is little chance he has his "legitimate rape" moment we all knew would come. But it won't. Cuz he's hiding out with a 20-30% lead because of that R next to his name.

I hate political ads. But what I hate worse is chickenshits like Ben Sasse.

Friday, October 10, 2014

Why Go Home?


Nobody works as hard at a concert as Bruce Springsteen. The guy sweats, runs around, plays for 3 plus hours, and entertains the hell out of people. Nobody.

But last night I saw close. Eddie Vedder and Pearl Jam set foot in Nebraska for the first time since the played a bowling alley in Omaha back in 1992. A show that came the same week back in '92 as another show featuring Ice T and Body Count at the same bowling alley. Both cost $15. I could only afford one. Guess which one I went to? But Cop Killer was cool.

Last night in the Pinnacle Bank Arena in Lincoln we saw Pearl Jam in Nebraska for the very first time. And that 49 year old man named Eddie Vedder works his ass off. Singing, playing, swing from ropes for 3 plus hours,Eddie had it going. Max and I stood on the floor, about 10 rows back from the stage, sweated our butts off, and sang like foghorns to every song they played. Well at least Max sang all of them. I was not as familiar with the new stuff. But goddamn, when Do The Evolution started I screamed "I am the first mammal to wear pants" as loud as anybody there.

Look, I'm old. My knees hurt (as do Eddie Vedder's he said so).I'm overweight. I'm not fond of masses of sweaty drunk humanity in close proximity to me. But the one thing I learned in that close quartered sausage fest of young males on the floor of a Pearl Jam show is that the occasional young female feels they can do whatever the fuck they want because hey, I'm pretty and young and fuck you. Jumping on an old man's feet after pushing people out of the way so they can get closer to their dreamy Eddie is not cool. Every dude who hit me, ran into me or pushed me, apologized. Every chick who did it and the three who did know who they are, were rude and didn't give a shit that they had jumped on my feet, blocked my view and looked at me like I was the one intruding on them. The C bomb was very very close. It did not appear but it saw the end of the tunnel.

The show's setlist is out there. It was fuckin great. It was in my Top 5 of all time. I would go back tomorrow which is Saturday and would give me a day to recover. It was worth the 22 years wait after that mistake I made back in '92.

Bands that give a shit about their audience. Can that be beat? Nothing against Ringo Starr or McCartney or other performers who do a setlist of the same thing night after night. Fine. You are all wonderful too. But bands like Pearl Jam, or Bruce and the E Street band, or even Phish and anyone else who cares where they are and who they are playing for are the best.

Last night Pearl Jam played Open All Night, a Bruce Springsteen cover from the Nebraska album. For the first time ever I guess. That's special to me. They give a damn. Not a lot of people may have gotten that nod to us here in Nebraska, but I did. And I appreciate it.

Like when Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band played practically the entire Nebraska album when he was last here. Highway Patrolman for the first time in 30 years. I appreciate that too. Despite the casuals being pisssed he didn't play Born in the USA.

Years ago Phish went backstage after their regular set and practiced as quickly as they could Grand Funk's "We're an American Band" and came back and did it as an encore just because of the "Three young chiquitas in Omaha" line. I hate that song, but hey Phish, thanks for the nod.

So all the other bands can stop with the pandering "Go Big Red" shit and do something meaningful. I wanna hear somebody do Moby Grape's "Omaha".

Thanks to Eddie, Mike, Stone, Jeff, Matt and Boom for a great great time.

Monday, October 6, 2014

Ringo!


You can argue all you wish. John was better, Paul was better, George was the real genius. But you cannot argue that anybody hates Ringo. Ringo Starr and his All Starr Band swept into town last night and played two hours of hits, hits and more hits.

Jesus, this concert was fun. Fun Fun Fun. Backed by Todd Rundgren, guitarist Steve Lukather of Toto, keyboards man Gregg Rolie of Santana, bassist Richard Page of Mister Mister,drummer Gregg Bisonnette and multi talented Warren Ham on drums, sax, and keyboards, Ringo was just being Ringo. He bobbed his head while drumming, he hopped from foot to foot while singing, he told lousy jokes, he bantered with the crowd. Dammit I was like a teenager again. I saw Ringo!

The fun part of this concert, however, was the backup band. I never realized a lot of stuff. Toto was not a bad band. I always thought I hated them, but after hearing their songs again with Steve Lukather doing the heavy lifting, I found myself singing along to Rosanna, Hold the Line and the song I really thought I hated, Africa. Nope, loved it. Downloaded it.

Todd Rundgren, like Ringo, is just plain goofy. He Saw the Light, he Banged on the Drum All Day and told us Love is the Answer. All the while he looked like he was having fun.

Richard Page ,of a band I do not care for, Mister Mister played his group's two hits. Broken Wings and Kyrie. And a new song, You're Mine, which I actually liked.

And Gregg Rolie, the lead singer on classic Santana songs of the 70's (and he was at Woodstock, I am not worthy) did Oye Como Va, Black Magic Woman and a kick ass version of Evil Ways. He sounded at age 67 like he was 27. Perfect. Makes me want to see Santana again, or at least watch Soul Sacrifice at Woodstock for the 1000th time.

And Ringo. He sang Yellow Submarine and he sang With a Little Help From My Friends. And a bunch of other stuff like Photograph, Act Naturally, and any other song he sang as a member of the Beatles.

I've seen Paul sing A Day in the Life and now I've seen Ringo sing With A Little Help From My Friends.

And with the tragedy of John Lennon and the early passing of George, I guess that's the best it's going to get. And I'm fine with that.



Saturday, October 4, 2014

Hurricane Jake!


The weather sucked so bad in East Lansing, Michigan tonight where my Nebraska Cornhuskers lost to Michigan State, that the wind apparently blew over a 300 pound Husker lineman named Jake Cotton.

Get FEMA up there now!

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Free Barry!


Good Lord, if I had a really bizarre conspiracy theory mind, I might think the United States Secret Service is actually carrying out orders from Roger Ailes or the Free Republic and trying to let some kook kill the Obamas so they can get a white guy back in office and hate him for reasons other than his uppityness.

How many times is this Police Squad farce or a force going to let things like this happen. 7 bullets fired into the White House. A nut who should have been clipped by either a dog or a high powered rifle (in fact take him out of his cell and at least let a dog chew on him for a while) getting into the White House, shoving guards and running around like Lindsay Graham if he saw a rodent. And now, some guy with a gun on the elevator with Obama two weeks ago?

For chrissakes, Obama, fire the clowns and get a real security force. Like the ones pictured above.

Hire the Panthers. And give Fox News something to cry about.


(PS I know that pic is from The Butler, but da-yam, look, just look at that 'Fro!)

Sunday, September 28, 2014

AP American History!


Ok by now you've heard of the controversy over the teaching of Advanced Placement American History. How the poor oppressed white conservatives are being smashed under the left thumb of Marxist teachers and professors from commie bastions like Boulder when they try to instill a lil bit of patriotism into the course curriculum. Get yer guns everybody, Alinsky is ALIVE!!!

Max took AP American History last year. He aced it. He loved it. He also wants to burn the country to the ground and start over again but what 16 year old kid doesn't? Hell, I did. I even still have the gas can I was going to use. Of course now I use it to get gas to mow the freakin lawn.

AP History aint your granddaddy's history. You see it's called "Advanced Placement" for a reason. The kids who take it are generally more interested in school than your normal skateboarding slacker hanging around the school for hours cuz he doesn't want to go home. Nope, these kids want to learn. And the want the fucking truth. Not your politburo approved bullshit we learned when we were kids. Washington chopped down the cherry tree, the founding fathers were inspired by Gawwwd, Paul Revere rode around warnin the British were comin to take your guns while ringin a bell. All fine things to learn. If you're in kindergarten and think Sponge Bob rules, which of course he does.

In the spirit of Values Voters and the oppressed white christian I now present AP 'Merican History, approved by the silent majority.

1) The Founding Fathers was just like Jesus. 10 Commandments, Bill of Rights? Both 10? Coincidence? I don't think so. God is the founding father. Period.

2) Slavery was obviously morally wrong. But hey, the blacks in Africa sold each other to the white job creators who were just trying to provide a job. In fact, the blacks should stop getting all "arrogant" and thank the white people for bringing them to a better life. And they should all get off welfare too.

3) The Civil War was not about slavery. It was about states rights. The federal government telling the South what to do? Who the hell do they think they are? In fact, the Civil War was just the South defending itself against the oppressive power of the feds. Like now. Get yer guns!

4) Marbury vs Madison--huh?

5) All wars are like WW2. What if we hadn't stopped Hitler? Huh? Everybody we don't like is Hitler. Saddam, ISIS, Khaddafi, Grenada, Obama.

6) Communism is rampant. Anyone who wants equality, a clean environment, livable conditions, decent jobs, or eats Kale is a goddamned commie and needs to be stopped from influencing our children.

7) The following Americans are bad and cannot be mentioned except as an example of Bad Americans who should've been jailed for treason.

a) Malcolm X
b) Jimmy Carter
c) Cesar Chavez
d) Harvey Milk
e) anyone named Roosevelt
f) Margaret Sanger
g) Jonas Salk
h) Samuel Gompers
i) Crazy Horse
j) anyone named Obama
k) anyone named Hillary
l) France
m) 1940ish Japanese Americans
n) Hollywood
n) Larry Kramer
o) Muhammed Ali
p) Eugene Debs
q) Glass and/or Steagall
r) Robert LaFollette
s) Upton Sinclair
t) Bayard Rustin
u) Nat Turner
v) Dixie Chicks
w) anchor babies except Michelle Malkin
x) George McGovern
y) Harry Reid
z) anyone named Pelosi

8)Ronald Reagan saved America. He never raised taxes, never started a war he couldn't win, never raised the national debt, got everybody except lazy people jobs, outlawed abortion, deported everybody here illegally, never ever sold arms to Iran, stopped a Nicaraguan takeover of America, never supported apartheid in South Africa, did not create the Taliban, won the Cold War by faking like he wanted to get rid of nukes, and totally fired those union thugs who were crashing planes into each other. All hail Saint Reagan!

9)America is the best. If one of our drones kills your Yemeni wedding party, you should say thank you. Ungratefulness is not a good trait. What would you rather die of, being blown to smithereens by an American missile or being beheaded by a bearded hippie? Your choice. I think we know your preference.

10) America was founded by Jesus and is a christian nation of decent forgiving religious people who if you stray from this view will hunt you down and force you to love the country that will hound you to an early grave. Your choice. Love it or leave it!

AP American History. Fuck Yeah!

Friday, September 26, 2014

The Equalizer!


I very seldom see movies their opening weekend, hell, I very seldom see movies at all until my annual see all the Oscar nominees in two weeks splurge, but for Denzel Washington, I'll make the exception.

He's my age, he went to Fordham, my old man's alma mater, and he looks just like me, if I was good looking and not pasty white that is. Oh yeah, he can act like no other. The Equalizer proves it.

This isn't your Dad's Equalizer. It's your son's Equalizer.

This movie is a brain drain. Like Taken, it's two hours plus of some old guy kicking everybody's ass. And like Taken and Liam Neeson, it is a tribute to Denzel that he can pull this off. But he does.

Denzel is a mild mannered big box hardware store employee named Robert McCall who his fellow employees love and wonder where the hell he came from. He reads a lot, he doesn't sleep, he eats healthy, he trains friends to pass security guard exams and he lives like a monk. He drinks tea at a 24/7 restaurant late at night where he becomes acquainted with a young prostitute with high hopes and no options. A prisoner of the Russian mob.

Well guess where it goes from there?

Denzel Washington has never been bad in anything. This movie would be a complete failure, trash if you will, with anybody but him. He's fascinating to watch. As not subtle as this violence fest is, his character is as subtle as they come. Christ, he uses a gun one time to whack someone and it wasn't even his gun. The ending involving his fellow employees being held hostage by a Russian nutjob and his men-skis is masterful in the number of ways you can kill bad guys with nothing but power tools and garden tools. I was so hoping for death by something "As Seen On TV" but alas.

Other than a scene in so many movies nowadays I am so fucking sick of , gratuitous violence against an innocent woman, the rest of this movie is just what you think it is. It's Death Wish, Dirty Harry, and Taken. You bet you will see more of this character, Robert McCall.

Friday, September 12, 2014

Huh?


Hey, ya can't fix self loathing I guess.

Well I do agree with this future punching bag on one thing. Pittsburgh Sucks! Nobody is totally stupid.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Drop A Nuke On That Anthill!


How long before the hundred armed to the teeth cops go after the 50 unarmed protesters for:

1) throwing rocks

2) blocking traffic

3) throwing Molotov Cocktails

4) abusive threatening language

5) being black

Quick, somebody call Officer GoFuckYourself.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Rice A Phony!


She's the victim. I don't care if Janay Rice married a man after the fact he coldcocked her in an elevator. I don't care if she hit him first. I don't care if she was drunk. I don't care if she told Ray Rice she was a Steelers fan. She is the victim here. Not the abuser.

Ray Rice was FINALLY cut by the Baltimore Ravens today after a video was leaked to the media showing a left hook to the right side of a woman's face worthy of Joe Frazier, who only hit other guys trying to hit him as far as I know. It's about fucking time. The NFL increased the "suspension' of Rice from 2 games to indefinite. After the video was leaked. I guess dragging her around like an extra from 1 Million Years BC was not all that bad. Hey, who knows what happened in that elevator, shhhh, icks-nay on that other video, so we here at the lofty towers of the National Football League suspend Ray Rice for two whole games. Oh yeah, you , Josh Gordon, you gotta real problem. You smoke too much weed man. You are gone for a year.

Look, I hate the NFL. I think that league would allow murders at halftime if they didn't think all the do gooders out there would get their panties in a wad. The NFL is made up of the biggest group of old white miscreants since the meeting of the Springfield Republican Party. These people are about one thing. Makin money you fools. Makin money with one sided contracts, merch, overpriced concessions, tickets, parking and extortion of city governments too scared of dim witted fans to say go fuck yourself we aint building you a new stadium.

The NFL has notoriously ignored safety concerns concerning it's players. And yeah, most of the players would give up the right side of their brains to make millions because they are invincible, but that doesn't make it right. You don't let 9 year olds shoot machine guns, do ya? Ok bad example.

The NFL has grown into such a monster it also feels invincible. To put up with the violent jerks who often play the game, to putting up with doctors who send injured players back onto the field, to putting up with racist nicknames that only a cretin would defend, to paying their cheerleaders less than an average child laborer makes, this multi BILLION dollar entity needs to be slapped around a bit itself.

Come on, Roger Goodell, the so called "Commissioner" of the NFL, has the power of whatever his handlers let him have. To suggest that he did not see the elevator video and thus under penalized Ray Rice is ludicrous. He saw it. And he, along with the Ravens owners, coaches and teammates, enabled him to give Ray Rice not the left hook he deserved, but a tiny slap, and then probably apologized.

Screw the NFL. It's product on the field is the most popular sports related product out there. It is a money machine. I own NFL crap myself. I'm part of the problem, granted. I watched games yesterday. Well I watched the Bears anyway. But this league ,much like a lot of stuff out there, really bothers me.

Being a baseball fan first and foremost, football is about third or fourth on my list of sports I must watch. So I really don't get the fascination with the sport and with the NFL. But I actually do get it.

1) it is a weekend activity

2) it's easy to bet on

3) it's violent

4) it allows one to drink beer at 10 am on a Sunday

5) it lets men be men

At least until today.

Remember, she's the victim. No matter what the circumstances.