Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Cuba Si Castro Si!

It only took 55 years or so. But Fidel Castro has won thanks to the Kenyan Surrender Donkey, Barry DeObummer. Signing the surrender papers today,The United States of America has now officially become Estados Unidos.

Normalizing relations with the worst place on earth, Cuba?. Excuse me while I whip this disbelief out. Disbelief that this hasn't happened oh about 50 years ago.

To those unconcerned on why the shunning of Cuba began back when JFK was still alive I'm about to give you the official Max's Dad version of Cuban/United, errr, Estados Unidos history.

1952--just another Cuban douchenozzle not named Desi Arnaz, Fulgencio Batista, after being told he was running off the board in the upcoming Cuban Presidential Election, says fuck this and seizes power in a military coup.

1952-58- Batista gives blow jobs to the American Mob, American Corporations, and the Cuban elites while the Cuban people make about 6 pesos a month working in American sugar fields.

1958- after years of bitching and moaning and a few bombs blowing up, Fidel Castro leads a revolt that successfully sends Batista into exile and seizes control, unleashing a regime that kills about a zillion Cubans, or maybe not that many, or maybe about as many as Batista whacked in the name of freedom.

1960--after years of squeezing every cent on the backs of Cuban peasants they could out of Cuba, US corporations say heyyyyyy JFK, what are ya gonna do, our profit margin on slave labor is under siege. JFK embargoes Cuba by using one of those commie executive orders, much to the delight of the right wingers.

1963-- JFK forbids Estados Unidos citizens from traveling to Cuba, forcing them to go thru Canada or Mexico to get there. Right wingers cheer.

1963-- JFK goes what the fuck? Right wing Cuban exiles kill him anyway. This may or may not have actually happened. But it was a helluva movie.

1970-- Rafael Squidward Cruz (R-Canada) is born in Calgary, Canada. He comes out the womb and immediately the doctor hates his guts. His first words are "Cuba? Eh?"

1971-- Marco Rubio (R-Cuba) is born. He comes out of the womb screaming "Cuba Si, Castro No".

1971-75--Lots of American whack jobs hijack airliners to Havana. They must have really mad about that whole travel thing.

1976-1991--Cubans, driving around in 1957 Bonnevilles, get drafted and sent to foreign wars to die for a cause only their corrupt politicians believe in. Or maybe that was Estado Unidos citizens. Who knows?

1991- Daddy Warbuckski (the Soviets) collapses and Cuba says aye yi yi!!! Castro has to go get economic help from Venezuela and China. Or maybe that was Estados Unidos. Who knows?

2008-- Fidel Castro dies. Or at least gets really sick and resigns. Fidel hands power over to Raul Castro, his brother. Or was that the Bush family in Estados Unidos? Who knows?

2009- A Kenyan communist Muslim takes over Estados Unidos after millions of fraudulent votes from Acorn, illegal aliens, and Black Panthers. Cuba waits and sees.

2012--The Kenyan wins re-election over a robot. Cuba waits.

2014--Cuban government accused of torture, murder and little by little stealing freedoms from its own citizens. No that DEFINITELY was Estados Unidos.

2014--Barry Obama, dictator of the Estado Unidos, announces a lifting of some of the bans on Cuba after conferring with the Communist Pope.

Translation-- Fuck You Republicans.

2014-Somebody points out to Marco Rubio where Cuba is on the map before he throws a temper tantrum sifting up memories of the 1960's.

2014- Americans shrug and say, "uhhhh does that mean I can buy overpriced cigars now?"

2014- Rush Limbaugh salivates over a new destination for he and his rent boys.

2014- Barack Obama continues on his scorched earth lame duck kiss my ass tour.

There ya go. Turn that in to your history teachers, kids.

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