Monday, September 30, 2013

S F B!

Shut 'er down! The most worthless body of dimbulbs, nitwits, cowards and miscreants on the planet, The United States House of Representatives., will shut down the government tonight because they are incapable of defying 30 shit for brains called the Tea Party caucus.

Why can't Walter White mess with the Stevia in these 70 IQ's vodka and tea?

Breaking Bad!

So was it all everyone expected? It was to me. Everybody with a semblance of a soul lived and those fucking Nazis and that fucking Lydia went bye bye. The finale of Breaking Bad was perfect. Perfect. Redemption for Walter White and freedom for Jesse Pinkman. It was all I needed from this damn near perfect television series(the only thing that kept it at 99% was that unwatchable "Fly" episode).

Hey there have been other finales from other television series that were highly satisfying. The M*A*S*H finale was fantastic. The finale of Lost was also satisfying, at least to me (of course they were dead, I knew that in Season One Episode 1). The 6 Feet Under finale was highly creative, though the show itself was hit and miss. And up until now, The Shield had the best finale, Vic Mackie in in his own private desk bound hell. But Breaking Bad? Vince Gilligan nailed it like no other, man.

Thanks for 5 1/2 seasons of an absolute perfect story of a mild mannered man going mad and then being redeemed at the end. I'm a sucker for that kind of story. Like George Carlin used to say, scratch a cynic and you find a disappointed idealist underneath. Yep.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Shakedown Cruz!

Ok now that we've all heard that Canadian scumfuck Ted Cruz (McCarthy-Canada) yammer on for over 21 hours over a law that has already passed all 3 branches of government what can we conclude from this handjob to Rush Limbaugh and his mush brained followers? Ted Cruz and his fellow tea party cretins are every bit the terrorist that Mohammed Atta and Ayman al-Zawahiri and Anwar al-Awlaki and Justin Bieber are. In fact Cruz and his minions are doing the terrorists job for them. Oh they are not going to blow anything up other than the world economy. But their goal, to bring down President Black Hussein Blackama by any means necessary is every bit the goal of foreign psychopaths like Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Ramzi Bin al-Shibh, Adam Gadahn or Nickelback.

Cruz and his fellow nutjobs are so blinded by their hatred of not only the President, but of anything that even remotely looks like Obama are every bit a threat to this nation as Adnan el Shukrijumah, Saif al-Adel, Nasser Al Wahishi or Daft Punk. They have to dealt with. The foreigners by police work, drones, and relentless intelligence. The ones who currently live here in the United States, The Ted Cruzes (Nixonian-Tx), the Mike Lees (Mormon-Planet Kolob), the Michele Bachmanns (Flame Dame-Mn), the Steve Stockmans (Dingbat-Tx) have to be dealt with by their own party. But will they?

John Boner (Boneless-Oh) is currently unable to deal with these terrorist revolutionaries. As Speaker of the House he is being knee capped by a Canadian named Ted Cruz, who is openly lobbying the IQ challenged Republicans elected back in 2010 by the racists and scrunch faced losers who make up the Tea Party to shut 'er down,. Burn the nation down to destroy the legacy of President Negro Hussein Negroma. Starve the poors, starve the poors and starve the poors to the point of weakness that they won't vote in 2014 even if they can produce the "I'm White" ID that states are now forcing them to get. The Boner is so utterly without a clue he would be justified to down a fifth and start bawling. Much like the rest of us will do when this shutdown occurs and the world economy tanks.

How can this be allowed to happen? Well it can't. Sometimes you have to fight revolution with revolution. A group of Republicans, bolstered by gerrymandering crooks in their own states, have nothing to lose by kissing the collective ass of dumbfucks who roll to the voting booths on government paid for scooters. But do they have something to lose? They sure as fuck do if their party leaders grow some balls, and if the President of the United States does the same. These Republican terrorists seem to not take NO for an answer. Mittens Von Romneystein LOST. His Heritage Foundation issued stands LOST. Holding the nation hostage by insisting on the implementation of said issues that LOST is nothing short of an attempted coup d'etat. How do you deal with attempted coups? You crush them.

Are you willing to crush these revolutionaries? Boner? McConnell? Obama?....Let's hope so.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Giant Wizard Of Oz!

Hey remember when as a kid you used to wait for that yearly Wizard of Oz showing and gather at the neighborhood families house who had the only color television? Yeah I'm old as dirt.

Well if you consider the Wizard of Oz one of the Top 5 Movies of all time like I do, well then run, don't walk (sorry Larry King) to your nearest IMAX theater by the end of this upcoming weekend and see the Wizard Of Oz on a GIANT screen in 3-D. It is amazing what you see you never noticed before. Yep, 15 year old Judy Garland is one hot, uhhhhh, kid. Check out the scene where she first talks with the Cowardly Lion. She cracks a smile and damn near laughs. It is really fascinating to watch on a GIANT screen.

Go see it. You will be damn glad you did. And it makes you forget about that brainless, heartless, gutless Canadian, Ted Cruz.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Pope Hope!

What in the name of Jesus H Christ is going on with the super awesome Pope Francis Numero Uno? He says the Church focuses too much on "small minded rules" and is "obsessed" with abortion and gay marriage and all that shit that only fat New York Cardinals care about. Wow, Pope, you are THE MAN. I spent 12 years in Catholic school looking for guys like you and found some who were immediately sent away for "further religious education" which meant "yeah punk, you're never gonna see this hip dude again so turn off that Tommy album and get back to hating us".

Oh I don't mean to suggest the Pope is going to start gay marrying his priests or opening a Vatican Women's Clinic or something. No, he's still the Pope after all, a slave to all that bullshit they made up in the Middle Ages. But at least he seems pretty much sick of the homophobic, misogynistic fiends who make up the front office of the Vatican. This will not go over well with the bigots, the brainwashed and the American Midwest Catholics who think the 10 Commandments are whatever Ted Cruz (R-Canada) has spouted off about lately. Thou shalt not fund Obamacare. Number 1 I think.

How did this guy get to be Pope anyway? He rides the bus with the unwashed, he has a Renault, he washes the feet of evil Islams, and he's a fucking Jesuit! The job interview must have gone really well. Oh yeah, Commandment #2, thou shalt not do background checks.

The Pope said this in his interview “This church with which we should be thinking is the home of all, not a small chapel that can hold only a small group of selected people...." For the love of Christ, he sounds like, uhhhhh, Christ. You know, that hippie who hung with whores and the poors and the lepers and the gays and pissed off the Hierarchy so much they had the Roman Republicans capital punish his ass.

Watch it, Frank. The last time a Pope started talking all this commie crap was back in 1978 and he lasted all of a month before he had a "heart attack" courtesy of the Vatican Bank. Francis, please adhere to these "commandments:

1) Do not wear a Vatican hoodie

2) Do not go into a room alone with Rick Santorum

3) Do not go driving that Renault....ever...

4) Do not turn your back on Timothy Dolan...ever

5) Run from all albinos

6) Get a good food taster...perhaps that fat fuck Dolan (that could be a win/win)

Good luck, Pope Francis.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Little Bo Bleep!

Bammmmmmmmmmmmm! That's Nebraska football player Kenny Bell knocking a Wisconsin player halfway back to Madison. Yeah I know Wisconsin knocked Nebraska all the way back to Lincoln but when ya have a highlight ya gotta love it. Besides, Kenny Bell has the biggest 'Fro in Lincoln since Wonderful Monds Junior (google his image) back in '76.

I have been going to Nebraska football games since my Dad took me to see South Dakota State play in Lincoln back in 1963. I still go with Max to this day. It is all so cyclical.

The head football coach at Nebraska since about 2008 is a fiery Ohioan named Mark "Bo" Pelini. Heard of him? He's that psycho you see on ESPN about every two weeks ranting like a lunatic and looking like he's going to kill somebody. Oh you have no idea. Even on weeks when ESPN is fascinated with something else, like Tim Tebow or Johnny Football, Mark "Bo" Pelini rants and raves on the Nebraska sideline throwing headsets and clipboards, pacing the sideline like a caged tiger, ranting at his players and coaches and losing every big game he coaches. UCLA 38 Nebraska 0. That was last week. Oh it really was 41-21 but at one point NU led 21-3 so you do the math.

The football itself is really not important. I have learned as I age rapidly that football is really not that big a deal. Nor is baseball or basketball or Miley Cyrus acrobatics for that matter. Now Max's soccer games. THAT was important. Please don't screw up Please don't screw up. You parents know that feeling.

Bo Pelini has been a source of controversy since he got here in 2008. Embarrassing the program with his Woody Hayes like temper tantrums yet also allowing an 8 year old cancer survivor named Jack Hoffman run for a TD at the annual spring game. Poking his quarterback's chest with his finger and screaming during a game at Texas A&M in 2010 on national television yet giving a scholarship to a young high school senior who was injured in a game and may never play football again. Running his team with an us vs. them mentality, he has undying loyalty from his players. Yet his disdain for all authority figures, be they college presidents, athletic directors, referees or opposing coaches is also well known and demonstrated publicly on a regular basis. Hey man, Bo Pelini is 46 years old. He often acts 46 months old.

Why am I writing about this? Because he's in the news for telling me to fuck off. Me personally? Yes, me and the rest of the fans who support this team with money and passion. You may have heard the 2 year old tape where Pelini says "fuck the fans fuck em all" and tells us to "kiss his ass on the way out the fucking door". And that was after a WIN! What does this maniac say after he loses?

His act is old. His coaching is suspect at best. His bipolar personality is scary. Even the good things he does, and there are some, do not outweigh him telling his "bosses" to go fuck themselves. I have never cared for this loudmouthed hothead. He just doesn't strike me as a guy I'd like to even meet. You just never know if he'd say "hi nice to meet ya" or say "what the fuck do you want?" Actually the latter is far more believable.

Firing him is really not an option after 3 games. But this barbarian needs to move on after this season. Go somewhere they like a goddamned lunatic raving about every perceived slight. Did I hear the tea party is hiring?

UPDATE---Of course, like the abused spouses we Nebraska fans are, we have accepted Bo the Barbarian back with open arms and no punishment because we all know he loves us and won't hit us again.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Take It Away NRA!

Goddammit, I was hoping to write about something fun today but son of a bitch if it didn't happen again. Some gun enthusiast got loose at the Naval Shipyard in Washington DC and wasted 12 people as of this writing. Not even going to get into gun debate here as what's the fucking point?

How long until we hear the following:

1) Impeach Obama now!

2) This is God's punishment for America being so gay!

3) American Exceptionalism! Told ya, Putin!

4) If only all 3000 of those people had been armed...(no that one is real)

5) Obama staged this so he could take your guns (that may be real too)

6) Hey, what about Benghazi? (these are getting more real by the second)

7) Those 13 people deserved to die because they weren't armed (Ted Nugent's take)

8) How come Al Sharpton isn't talking about this? (Sean Hannity's take)

9) He could have killed those people with a golf club, you wanna ban golf? (My answer is yes)

10)Hey, Chicago has that many murders in an hour and nobody says anything (dumb people's take)

11) America, what the fuck is wrong with you? (The rest of the world)


Saturday, September 14, 2013

More Gun Fun!

Looks like the Child Murder Advocates (NRA) have not only succeeded in knowing that Americans forget shit rather quickly (Newtown) but after a couple of more of their brethren take out some more people in the months that follow (Hialeah, Fla 7 dead, Santa Monica, Ca 5 dead) that Americans will become bored and become outraged at something else, like a former Disney fraud shaking her non existent ass, sticking out her tongue and rubbing one out with a foam finger. Oh the humanity!

The NRA is like the bully who not only keeps bullying you after everybody knows they are bullying you, they step it up a notch and bring in other ruffians to knock you around while everybody yawns and says well at least its not me. Well it IS you and until you realize it, it will continue.

The NRA seems not only content on Americans amazing lack of memory, but they seem to now want to be complete dicks about it. Recalling state senators in Colorado for the high crime and misdemeanor of advocating background checks on gun nuts limiting these kooks to 15 round magazines is one way to be a prick. Limiting voting by mail is another. And counting on the fact normal Coloradoans were still busy watching Miley Cyrus on a loop and were so high they couldn't get off the beanbag chair was not only being a dick, it was being a very smart dick. I almost admire that move. A tip of the tin foil hat to ya, Child Murder Advocates of Colorado.

Meanwhile in Appleton, Wisconsin two cheesedicks decided to go to the Farmers Market carrying a couple of AR-15 child killer delivery devices along with holstered handguns just to show how 2nd Amendment-ee they are. Well of course man with a gun calls came in from all over and the cops decided to jam these two assholes up against a wall and figure out why these two wastes of air were being such dicks. And of course these two nimrods were just there to get hassled by the cops so they can now sue to get money to feed their let's be a dick habit.Lucky you two geniuses were white because I have a feeling this would not have ended so well had you been a Sikh or a black.

Wisconsin, what the hell is wrong with you? I know you have the disgrace of Joe McCarthy to live down, but that was 60 years ago. You seem to have dual personalities. Sending the first openly gay Senator in Tammy Baldwin to share space with that bag of stupid, Ron Johnson. You have the history of the LaFolletes as Governors to that mouth breather Scott Walker. You send a long history of Progressives to Congress to breathe the same Capitol air as that jug eared Paul Ryan and that Real World and MTV dimbulb Sean Duffy. On Wisconsin, I guess!

The gun crazies are winning. It makes me fantasize of the day when the Mass Murder enthusiasts, the 2nd Amendment masturbators , and the take on the Federal Government because of some Jefferson quote about tree of liberty being watered by the blood of patriots they don't understand all come out of the woodwork at once.......and water the treeof liberty by shooting each other.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Derp! Derp! Derp!

OMG.LOL.WTF? Can it be real? The Tea Party braintrust all in the same place at the same moment? The three, Rep Louie Gohmert (Pyle-Tx) , Rep Michele Bachmann (Homohoney-Mn) and the stunningly stupid Rep Steve King (Dolt-Ia) all stepped into Egypt at the same time, thus raising the collective IQ of the U S A and making the Sphinx look as smart as Rin Tin Tin, to make some sort of movie in which they all grinned like American lunkheads and expressed support for a military dictatorship.

Bachmann was the first spokesperson, which tells you how fucking stupid King and Gohmert must be, and made the people of Egypt cringe at her Palin like whine as she told them all sorts of cool stuff like yep, we will continue to send money to your military so they can get more of those cool guys on camels who beat the shit out of demonstrators, and yessiree compared that thumb breaking General Abdel Fattah al-Sisi to George Washington. I'll betcha she even took a hot dish to the good General. Bachmann also "remembered" how dat Muslim Brudderhood caused all that 9-1-1 stuff back in da United States and kilt 3000 tousant brave Americans. Goddamn, I don't envy that poor Egyptian translator.

King got up to get his thin lipped piehole going and while Bachmann wildly grinned in the background like she'd just caught a walleye stuck on Marcus' crotch. Uncle Fester Gohmert was next in this SNL skit of a clusterfuck where he praised the General as some sort of selfless saint while somehow not putting a light bulb in his mouth and turning it on. Geez, Fester, you talked so long I thought the General was going to send camel guy down there to shut you up. In fact instead of a fence on the US-Mexican border why not just play tapes of Gohmert speeches cuz no sane Mexican would want to come anywhere where that idiot is an elected official.

Jesus H Christ, Egypt, once you stop laughing, please stop, oh to hell with it, you're welcome!

Meanwhile, let us pause to remember the anniversary of the greatest tragedy in American history. That, of course, is Benghazi.

Monday, September 9, 2013

The Good Guy With A Gun Strikes Again!

Looks like George Zimmerman has his gun back, or a gun back. Police decide to take him in for questioning on a complaint filed by his perjurer wife that he threatened her with a gun. Oh come on, who's gonna believe her, a convicted perjurer over the word of an acquitted murderer? Just like Trayvon Martin, I'm sure that Shellie Zimmerman was askin for it. Probably filed for divorce or some other crazy act that justifies being threatened with a gun. Can't wait for Hannity to ask him how's he holdin up, buddy?

Hey, Shellie, good thing you weren't in a hoodie, or had a bag of skittles, or an iced tea in your hand. George may have again had to stand his ground at YOUR parent's house and blast ya to the cheers of NRA types everywhere.

Zimmerman, I hear that lawyer you had, whatshisname, the guy who looks like Heisenberg, is not answering his phone until he can think up a new, hilarious knock knock joke! Good luck, good guy with a gun.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

What Are YOU Doing Over Here?

Jumpin Jehosaphat I am so confused over this whole should we or shouldn't we send a couple of cruise missiles someplace into Syria so that everything goes back to normal and people kill each other with RPG's and tanks and machine guns instead of that nasty poison gas.

My boy, errrr, man, President Obama wants to do just that. Send a couple or ten cruise missiles that are just sittin around gathering dust and not having to be replenished by some down on its luck defense contractor like Raytheon, into Syria and send a message to Rush Limbaugh's BFF, Bashar Al-Assad. What that message says is something like 'Hey Ratface, stop with the Sarin gas shit given to you by some unnamed British company, you weren't supposed to actually use it!! Duh!!"
I generally oppose such endeavors as being useless and simply done to enrich the already rich and cut down on the poors buy migawd, when I hear some of these right wing scuzzballs I have to step back, start my brain a thinkin, and reassess my opposition to random killings and general mayhem.

Donald Rumsfeld, he of the war criminal Rumsfelds, is running around speaking to the only people who don't want his ass in the Hague, tea party types and fellow war criminals, and calling Obama "feckless". Feckless is such a Rummy word, like by golly or Glad to meet ya Saddam ol buddy. Feckless, after the tea party types look it up, means lazy and shiftless. Oh yeah, Obama is "feckless". Rummy seems to think that going into Syria is a bad idea. Check.

Rand Paul, the nitwit from Kentucky who I so hope Republicants nominate in 2016 if Steve King (Nutjob-Ia) doesn't work out that is, thinks going into Syria is a bad idea. Why? Because his libertarian streak says we aren't the world's cop? Nope. Because of his strong Ayn Rand-ian independent streak? Nope, because Rand Paul, Ayn Rand devotee, thinks that Assad is protecting Christians from the eeeeeeevil Muslim rebels. Protecting Christians? Really, Rand? Did you know that trollop, Ayn Rand , thought anyone religious was mentally ill? Of course not, like the only other man over 20 who still likes Ayn Rand, Catholic hypocrite Paul Ryan (Senior Killer-Wi), Rand Paul has no fucking idea what he's talking about when it comes to that Ayn Rand character.

Michelle Bachmann (Fag Hag-Mn)"adamantly opposes" striking Syria saying she doesn't want "President Obama to start another war in the Middle East". What in the name of conversion therapy is this google eyed former war monger talking about? She once compared going to Iraq to going to the Mall of America and enthusiastically supported that clusterfuck of a war. But Syria? Has she wised up? Fucking impossible.

Rush Limbaugh, always the apologist for any bully, thinks his buddy Al-Assad is being framed by either the rebels or by Obama himself to take the focus off the upcoming Obamacare. Ok, Rush, that's good, now go pop a Viagra and go fuck yourself.

My other odd bedfellows who oppose this action are Senator Jim Inhofe (Dumber than Coburn-Ok), Lee Terry (Who?-Ne) has embraced the Hannity lie about the Sarin gas being left over from when Saddam Hussein Obama buried it all in Syria. His evidence? His gut. His gut also tells him gravity is a hoax. He's an idiot, but he opposes Syrian intervention. Ted Cruz (R-Canada) doesn't want the United States to be Al Queda's Air Force. He opposes Syrian intervention.

Hey I feel like I'm standing on the wrong side of the street with these goddamned nuts opposing Syrian intervention. That old saying about a stopped clock being right twice a day does not apply to any of these dipsticks. But here I am. Standing on the same side of the an issue with a group of people so fucking evil I wish instead of intervening in Syria, Obama would send a drone here and blow all of us up.