Friday, November 29, 2013

Lil Bo Weeps!

They should have known this back in 2003 when then Nebraska defensive coordinator Bo Pelini ran across the field after Kansas State had slammed Nebraska 38-9 and called K State head coach Bill Snyder an "asshole".

They should have known back in 2003 when acting Nebraska Head Football Coach (Frank Solich had been fired)Bo Pelini ran onto the field at the Alamo Bowl and garnered an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty defending, of all people, Husker offensive lineman Richie Incognito.

They should have known after Pelini had been hired at Nebraska full time back in 2008 when Pelini was caught by a sideline mike calling a Husker lineman a "fucking moron" during a WIN over Baylor.

They should have known in 2009 when Pelini hollered at reporters at a practice his famous "what do you think?" when asked perfectly normal questions.

They should have known in 2009 when Pelini, after a loss to Texas, screamed he wanted to see the Big 12 Commissioner "right fucking now" and hinted of a conspiracy to deprive Nebraska of a win.

They certainly should have know in 2010 when Pelini was caught on the sidelines at Texas A&M screaming at his quarterback, poking his finger in his chest, and sneering like Voldemort.

They certainly should have known in 2011 when after a WIN over Ohio State, in fact the biggest comeback ever in Nebraska history, Pelini ran off the field screaming at fans and later went on a recorded rant criticizing fans who left early by saying "Fuck Em all" and saying how "they can kiss my ass out the fucking door cuz the day is fucking coming now." Speculation is Bo thought he had the Ohio State job. Oops!

And now they certainly know in 2013 when in his last game as Nebraska Head Football Coach, Pelini swung his hat at an official, called the subsequent penalty a "chicken shit call" and told his boss, Athletic Director Shawn Eichorst "if they wanna fire me, fire me". Oh yeah, and he lost 38-17 to Iowa in Lincoln, and event so rare it hasn't happened since 1943.

We don't have much here in Nebraska as far as sports go. We are a polite people who applaud the other team and scream for our own team. We do not need a knuckle dragging neanderthal with the social graces of a Visigoth being the face of this football program.

Well Bo, you will get your wish soon enough. The day has fucking come when you go out the fucking door. The only wish you are not about to get is anybody here kissing your ass as you go out the fucking door.

P.S. Apparently there isn't anything you can do to get fired around here as NU's puppet athletic director, under orders from Tom Osborne, has decided to allow a raving lunatic to continue being the face of Nebraska football. Nice.

P.P.S. Bo Pelini "apologized" for his childish behavior for the umpteenth time. So I guess it's all OK now. The collective black eye this state gets everytime Bo decides to hit us will heal. I knew he loved us and only hits us cuz he loves us. Nebraska, the world's biggest abused codependent. Nice.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Dead Dog!

I don't watch Family Guy. Something about waiting an entire half hour waiting for the one joke that actually makes me so utterly ashamed to have laughed just isn't worth it.

But if I hear one more wacky morning Dee jay or some dimwit lamenting the death of a cartoon dog and wanting people to sign a petition to save him, I am going to run out on front of a car myself.

Hey everybody, IT IS A FUCKING CARTOON. It has a talking baby with an English accent and a time machine. It has a fat guy so stupid he makes James Sensenbrenner (Family Guy-Wi) look smart AND skinny.

Family Guy, the show that simply takes every joke told on The Simpsons ever and pushes it over the edge, is the kind of show that appeals to the terminally hip. You know that "hip" guy. The guy who finds network television not edgy enough, the guy who watches Game of Thrones for the boobies, the guy who poo poos the Simpsons for being stale, yet finds the same jokes beaten over his head by a different dumb fat guy hilarious. The guy who rooted for Walter White and Vic Mackie was actually sad when Clay died in Sons of Anarchy. Oh yeah, he watches Sons of Anarchy too.

Once again, it's a goddamned cartoon! That stupid dog could be back next week you idiots. Chrissakes, the geniuses at South Park have been killing off a major character every week for years.

Family Guy is ANYTHING but hip.

Friday, November 22, 2013


I was in second grade at Christ the King in Omaha,Ne. Sometime around 1 pm, Miss Wegner went outside the classroom and re-entered in tears. She told us the President had been shot and we could go home. I don't remember what I felt. I do remember two pictures in the classroom, Pope Paul VI and John Fitzgerald Kennedy.

I don't remember the walk home (yeah we walked home in those days). I do remember my mother crying when I got home. What the heck? My mom never cried. What happened?

I don't remember much after that. I do remember the funeral and watching it on the black and white TV. Once again, Mom was crying. Everything changed for me after that. It changed for everyone.

And that's all I have to say about that.

There Goes The Neighborhood!

Don't know why, but I'm feelin' it today. Here's a 1960's letter, probably from a young Steve King (Bigot-Ia) to Dear Abby. I had no idea Dear Abby was cool before there was a cool.

Mad Dog Vachon!

What a sad day. Mad Dog Vachon passed away in his sleep yesterday. If you have no idea who Mad Dog Vachon is, congratulations, your childhood IQ was intact. However, mine was heavily damaged by the chicanery of old school professional wrestling, AWA Style. Mad Dog Vachon was one who never failed to stir up the old "hey he can't do that it's against the rules" natural reaction kids have, and sadly some adults, to some guy acting like a loon and beating another guy with a "foreign object" he pulled from his trunks. Katie bar the door!!!!

Mad Dog Vachon was 84. He had one leg since some drunk ran him over back in the 80's.

The story was that back in 1996 in Omaha, the new type of wrestling, full of hopheads and drug addicts who will all die at 40, came to town and Mad Dog was sitting ringside. Some guy named Diesel came out of the stands, dragged Mad Dog into the ring and began to beat him with his prosthetic leg. Damn, I wish I wouldn't have been an adult then because of course I wasn't there. That would have been cool.

I know of a guy whose young son saw Mad Dog at the South Omaha Hy Vee once and said hey Dad, is that Mad Dog Vachon? When told yes, the young boy approached Vachon, said Hi and Mad Dog IMMEDIATELY launched into character thrilling that kid for the rest of his life. Damn, I wish I wasn't an adult because that would have been cool too.

Mad Dog Vachon. Just thinking about him makes me a kid again. Thanks.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Boom Bitch!

Go fuck yourself, Mitch McConnell. You screwed around too goddamned long with even this wuss of a Senate. And you got nuked. So stick that in your turtle shell and chew on it for awhile. Yeah yeah yeah, the Dems will rue the day they told you to stick your filibustering bullshit up your poopchute but for now, get ready for a shitload of liberal judges to fuck up your quest to turn America into corporate controlled Jesus Land.

Nobody feels sorry for your loss, Mitch. Just the chronic Black Guy in the White House crowd you suck off on a regular basis. Blocking hundreds of bills and appointments by filling out a piece of paper telling everybody you are filibustering is over. Chrissakes, at least that scumbucket Ted Cruz (Hoser-Tx) had the balls to yak and yak about nothing for 21 hours and that fake optometrist Rand Paul (Copycat-Ky)carried on about drones for a long period of time. You and the rest of your Republican fucksticks didn't have the energy or intelligence to even stand there and read The Fountainhead for the time you were filibustering some guy or gal you wanted to keep off the courts so your neanderthal snake handlers could keep upholding bills to harass women and minorities.

I don't give a shit that at some point if the Republicans get 51 Senators they will do the same thing. Of course they will. These grifters and hucksters aren't about to play by the rules. Never would, never will. This current band of rubes and thieves that make up the Republican Senate are hell bent on destroying Nobama in some sort of perverted hope that white people will all start having 15 kids and restore the republic to what the Founding Fathers had in mind. White Malekastan.

Gotta give it up to the old pugilist, Harry Reid. I guess even the punching bag gets sick of being hit by 98 pound weaklings like that Kentucky shitstain Mitch McConnell. Way to punch back. Finally.

Now maybe I can realize my dream of Bill Ayres getting a judicial seat and making that fucking Sarah Palin's head explode.

I just sobered up. What did I say?

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Trey Grams Please!

Right Wing hip hop conservatives rock! Representative Trey Radel (Coke Fiend-Fl) put on 1 year of probation for his being a fan of the nose candy while voting time after time to repeal Obamacare and deny people the right to go to rehab like he can courtesy of the taxpayers. You know the taxpayers? The ones who have to get second jobs just so they can pay the taxes and support 47% (or 52% or whatever the fuck it is now) of the Americans who sit around all day playing X Box and smoking the bad cocaine, the crack? Yeah those people.

Rep. Trey Radel (Cokehead-Fl) got caught in a little sting last October when he got nabbed buying about $250 worth of the blow somewhere near DuPont Circle (THAT could be a whole new story I hope I hope I hope)from some liberal narc bent on destroying his sparkling reputation as Tea Party dopewhore. Radel (Speed Freak-Fl), once described himself as a "hip hop conservative" who listens to Chuck D. Really? Listen? I think hip hop conservatives just claim to listen to rap so they can holler out the N bomb and not get fucked up because burnouts like Trey Radel (Junkie-Fl) obviously have never listened to a word Chuck D has said.

Radel (Waistoid-Fl) also voted to drug test all Food Stamp recipients and worst of all, used to harangue South Florida with his coked up rants (I assume) on some radio station about how Nobama was ruining the country and how drug dealers needed to go to jail, right after they visited his house. Radel (Head-Fl) blamed his "choice" on alcoholism. Yep, cuz nothing goes with a depressant like a line of two of the old foo foo dust.

Yes, good old hip hop conservative Trey "the Rock" Radel (Sniff Monster-Fl) sitting in his taxpayer funded $20,000 per day rehab center reading Ayn Rand and listening to his Grandmaster Flash and Chuck D. Hey Trey (Snowbird-Fl) check out "Night of The Living Baseheads" by Public Enemy. You see Chuck D was the lead singer for that group. Try listening this time.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Worst Media Ever!

Right wingers are so flummoxed that the black guy is STILL President they have now resorted to tactics that would bring retaliation if done by a foreign power like, oh I don't know, Iran.

The Homeland Security Committee, led by some Republican gigolo named Michael McCaul (Golddigger-Tx), has been holding hearings on how evil and all non secure that the Affordable Care Act website has become and how poor people can get into it and cause havoc by actually signing up for health insurance. But in questioning a Homeland Security official named Roberta Stempfly, McCaul somehow stumbled into a charge that right wing geeks, nerds and deadbeats have been hacking into the website to overload and stop the website from functioning. The video is on youtube if you want to check it out and see how tea bagger nutjobs have been passing along a tool to fellow butt crack show offs so they can overload the site and crash it. This method of crashing the website is named "Destroy Obamacare". How subtle. Maybe at some point the lamestream liberal media can actually tell this story instead of calling Nobama a fucking liar, telling stories of how rich people had their premiums go up, and how Betty Lou had her $10 a month policy that covers only injuries suffered while actually exercising got cancelled by an private insurance company looking to profit off of this law in the first place.

McCaul (Cad-Tx), the chairman, inadvertently staggered into this story while counting his wife's money and gloating over the fact he's now the wealthiest member of Congress thanks to wifey's Clear Chanel bucks she got from Daddy. Chairman Mike, who earlier this year got all puffy over the fact that Boston Police and the FBI actually read Dzhokhar Tsarneav, the white hatted marathon bomber who brought a city of millions to its knees, his Miranda rights. McCaul said something like "Why down theahh in Texas we just beat confessions out of them minorities suhhhhhhh!" McCaul is also one of those Catholics who think the Pope is a commie. Help the poor, bahhhhhhh!

Keep ignoring sabotage, news guys and gals. We know you're lazy fucks, but for chrissakes, how long can extensive coverage of a crack smoking uncensored foreign mayor be that shiny object you cannot get enough of..oooooo pretty.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Bad Dog!

I am not about to dis the nation's first black prez, Bill Clinton, but if you are the Secretary of Explainin' Stuff, then goddammit, explain it correctly. The Big Dog is out there spouting off about his interpretation of Obammycare and how Nobama needs to "honor the commitment" and let Americans keep their shitty health care plans that pay $10 if you get scurvy, leprosy or need a good bleedin'.

Clinton is pushing forward the ignorance that Obummer is sitting in the sacred Oval Office with his feet up on the desk personally stamping "Cancelled, Motherfucker!" on all these crappy health plans sold by scam artists called insurance agents. Now I refuse to believe that the Secretary of Splainin' Shit is ignorant about anything except what sex is so why? Why, Bubba? Do you wish to separate Hillary from the looming disaster of a second term of Benghazi Barack? Are you just pissed it's not called "Hillarycare"? What's up, Bill?

Shhh, Bill, those crap plans are being cancelled by the people who made them. Private insurance companies. They have a guy in a short sleeved shirt and Mickey Mouse tie with his feet up on the desk stamping them with "Cancelled, Motherfucker!" So if somebody is crying about their $8 a month "insurance" plan that pays out in beer they really need to get a clue. And you, Big Dog, are the man to explain it, not lie about it.

Bad Dog!

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Senda ENDA!

The United States Senate, home to 32 of the biggest fucking assholes on earth, has passed the Employment Non Discrimination Act, otherwise know as ENDA, or the enda of civilization as we know it if you prefer. By a vote of 64-32 the bill tells employers hey there, Bubba, you can't fire that queer just cuz he's queer. You have to come up with some other bullshit reason to get rid of his or her fabulous self.

Now I know that an even bigger bunch of assholes lives over there in the House of Mouth Breathing Morons so this bill will never see the light of day. Mostly because a lot of the House stays out too late carousing at JR's Bar & Grill in between Jesus loving and gay hating. The Boner, who has already pissed his khakis in fear of the totally not gay Tea Party, will never let this bill onto the floor of his precious House. This is because he knows it would pass, orrrrrrr, he knows it won't pass, which will make Republicans look even more bigoted than they already do. Please, Mister Boner, put down the Makers Mark and put it out there for your minions to vote on, and more memorably, to talk about. Nothing would make me happier than to see these gin soaked closet cases like Steve King (Psycho Killer-Ia), or Virginia Foxx (Who'd Do Her Anyway-NC) or Louis Gohmert (Rubs One Out To The Rifleman's Tight Jeans-TX) or Marsha Blackburn (Totally Gay For Ellie Mae-TN) get up and give me more sound bites to holler at.

Come on, Speaker Boner, get that fuckhead Kevin McCarthy (Total Waste Of Space-CA)to round up all the House dudes currently hanging out at the DC Eagle and get 'em back to the House and let 'em go at it. I want to hear that cake boy Steve Stockman (Fondles Guns-TX) dazzle us with his wisdom on why he opposes not being able to fire somebody for being themselves. I want to hear my favorite Nebraska swag Lee Terry (Head Up Ass-NE) justify his bigotry. I want to hear Bicurious Michele Bachmann (Worlds Most Famous Beard-MN)explain how eating a corn dog leads to cervical cancer in a man. I want to hear them all. But alas, we know them to be tiny little girly men.

Anyway, congrats to the gays. It's a step. A long overdue step and the first of many. I know it means virtually nothing now but once 2014 comes around and most normal thinking double digit IQ types come around, it may change.

Until then, keep on dressing in drag, and working at day cares and elementary schools all over America. What? That doesn't happen? Who would have thought people who worship a Jewish Hippie would lie?

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Hilarious Halloween!

Goddamnit, I can't be not serious and post a football GIF of a black guy throwing a ball to a white guy for more than an hour before I run into this.

In Hyndman,Pennsylvania these losers decided to dress all up for Halloween and go down to Hillbilly Haven and pretend lynch the President to the amusement of all Hillbilly Haven patrons. Hyndman, Pennsylvania, close to Maryland, 98.5% white, and proof positive of James Carville's description of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. Philadelphia on the east, Pittsburgh on the west, and Alabama in the middle. My apologies to Alabama.

And in Craysville, Virginia, Mom dresses 7 year old in Klan costume for Halloween. The mother (shiver), Jessica Black (how ironic), spat out this poison, “It’s suppose to be white with white. Black with black. Man with woman and all of that. That’s what the KKK stands for. The KKK every year, raises money to donate to the St. Jude’s.”

Well good for them raisin' all that money in between Obama hatin'. I assume the money to "the" St Judes goes to treat all diseases except sickle cell anemia.

Hail Mary!

Yep I was there.....with mixed feelings, happy as hell for a fifth year senior playing (Ron Kellog III or RK 3) QB because of injuries to the starters, for a tiny receiver )Jordan Westerkamp) with an awesome porn 'stache yet still strangely sad that we seem to be stuck with the knuckle dragger coach (Bo Pelini) who hates us all.

Whatever! Go Big Red!

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Insane Clown Committee!

What a week, eh? Republicans all over the nation are popping boners and revising history as a anti-gubmint gun nut shoots up LA-X and removes another leech like government worker from the payroll. All those lobster eating, cell phone having, vehicle driving, TV watching, clothes buying, unneeded kid having food stamp crooks are gettin theres by having their food stamps reduced. And Republican House members get to lie and cheat and say stupid shit on a national platform about the worst scandal ever since Benghazi, the website problems of the Affordable Health Care Act. Millions have died, untold billions of dollars have been wasted and trillions of beads of flop sweat have been shed as Republicans fear the worst, that this Act could work and all those poors could live longer and maybe vote against them. Oh, the humanity!

The House Committee on Stupidity met this week to showcase their dumbest members. People like Joe Barton (Moron-Tx), Marsha Blackburn (Cretin-Tn), Dave Camp (Idiot-Mi), Fred Upton (Different Idiot-Mi), Cory Gardner (Secessionist-Co) and my own rep, Lee Terry (Waste of Air-Ne) all got to show anyone in the double digit IQ range how goddamned dumb they really are.

Cory Gardner, the secessionist from Colorado, didn't care for that ad pictured above for "Brobamacare" because college kids in his district all go to college to learn how to drive a tractor and praise Jesus like he did at Colorado State University. A school where a young Nebraskan died of alcohol poisoning a few years back because she let Satan in or something. And besides, Gardner is one of those 2010 dimwits who got elected by a bunch of Colorado bitters who will vote next week to secede from Colorado and try to become the 51st state. Good luck there, necks.

Joe Barton, one of numerous nitwits from Texas, also an aspiring Larry the Cable Guy, made Wizard of Oz jokes at Kathleen Sebelius because she's from Kansas, hahahahahaha, get it, cuz ya know, Oz was Kansas or sort of like Kansas and Dorothy said we're not in Kansas anymore to her dog and haha, uhhhh, yeah. Cut off the sleeves, Joe, and become Joe The Plumber. Oh that's already taken by some other brain dead?

Marsha Blackburn, kind of a more masculine Lindsay Graham (Closet Case-SC), took her turn to call for Americans rights to buy cheap shoes and Ford Pintos and drink out of red solo cups if they prefer. You know, just like their right to buy shitty insurance plans that pay only if the the still blows up and you get burned and then only $50 a day for as long as you are unconscious and not screaming in pain. She is a master of dumbing it down. And she doesn't even try.

Dave Camp, the chairman of this Insane Clown Posse of a committee, got his panties all in a wad because projections for enrollment are not as high as they should be. Well, Dave, isn't that a good thing for you? I don't get guys like this heartless prick from Michigan. This is the guy who not only wanted to cut taxes for Mitt Romney, but wanted to raise taxes on that pesky 47%. Come on kid, fork over some of that lunch money.

Fred Upton, another of the Michigan brain trust committee, tried to badger, or it wolverine, witnesses into bursting into tears or something until he was shut down by somebody from Jersey, Frank Pallone (D-NJ) (loved him singing by the trash can in Rocky by the way) who refused to yield to Upton's "monkey court". Yeah, Upton, put that in your Jersey dictionary and lump it.

And Lee Terry, my boy from Nebraska, who is living proof if you keep getting elected by small margins by retired Air Force double dippers and manage to stick around doing whatever you are told without question, yes you too can get assigned to "important" committees like Ways and Means. Terry, who asked the same question over and over about how many people signed up on the crashed website before harrumphing and telling Sebelius she obviously wasn't going to answer his scripted question. Then he came back here and went on friendly right wing talk shows (redundant I know) and harrumphed again and fed raw meat to the local yokel hosts by saying "perjury charges" were on the table for Sebelius. Yeah Lee, you're a fucking lawyer allegedly. Shut up and go back to voting both sides of every issue.

Meanwhile, the poors get poorer, shooters keep shooting, and Republicans keep getting dumber and dumber. All is well in Hillary-land.