Wednesday, February 29, 2012


My dreams have come true. Former Senator Bob Kerrey, a guy so intelligent he left this backwards ass state as soon as he could and moved to New York's Greenwich Village, was James Lipton's boss, and married a former SNL writer is back in Nebraska, registered to vote, and ready to run for Senate again.

He may not be the most liberal guy on earth, but he's a helluva lot better than Earl Ben Nelson and certainly better than a prick like Jon Bruning, his probable Republican opponent. Bruning, the Attorney General of this state, is the dick who compared welfare recipients to scavenging raccoons in front of a bunch of cheering welfare recipients called "farmers". Bruning is also the guy who warned Jesus loving Nebraskans that if you allowed gay marriage, the next thing you know is somebody will be allowed "to marry his chair". So you see, Kerrey could be asleep and outmaneuver Bruning in an IQ test. Unfortunately, the vast majority of registered voters in Nebraska are also very concerned about chair marrying and scavenging raccoons so Bob Kerrey faces a stern test.

Kerrey got his leg blown off while being a Navy Seal back in 'Nam. Bruning spent his college years being a liberal bomb thrower in Lincoln before he realized the way to riches is to become a conservative tool. Kerrey became a millionaire starting restaurant franchises. Bruning became a millionaire by knowing a lot of other millionaires and doing them favors while in the state legislature and by being Attorney General. Kerrey was a Governor and a two term Senator. Bruning was a two bit legislator and two bit chair hater elected to be Attorney General because he had the sign of the devil next to his name on the ballot (R).

So the choice is clear to me. A smart guy whom Nebraskans could be proud or a pandering, football carrying phony without a principled bone in his body.

And if you are so liberal or progressive that you think Kerrey/Bruning whats the difference? Just remember Bob Kerrey's most famous quote.

"Santorum? That's Latin for asshole.".......Case closed.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Oscar Time!

Ok ok,I couldn't do a Top 10 movie list until I saw The Artist. Finally saw it today. Best silent movie of the year, bar none.Onward to MY Top 10 of 2011....

10) Hanna- from the pounding Chemical Bros soundtrack, to the sight of a 16 year old girl being a kick ass killer, this movie was really unlike anything I'd seen, It came out last March, so it was #1 on my list for a while. It hangs on for 10th.

9) Meeks Cutoff/My Week With Marilyn-- I know its two movies but it really is a Michelle Williams lovefest. She is phenomenal in both. The end of Meek's Cutoff is mesmerizing. And confusing if you want it to be. Hint-they went with the Indian.

8) The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo--yeah I'm a snob so of course I liked the Swedish version better. I really wanted this to be better than it was. But David Fincher, who made Facebook interesting last year, scores again. This one is not for the squeamish, or Catholic.

7) Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy---Gary Oldman should probably have about 6 Oscars by now, but this flick about British spies is very cerebral. Slow, methodical and yet fascinating. Kind of like real spies.

6)Midnight in Paris-- Woody Allen is back. This tale of 1920's Paris even survives Owen Wilson's Woody impersonation. Hey, it's original, funny and beautiful to watch.

5)The Tree of Life-- Terence Malik makes like a movie every 10 years. This one was worth the wait. The story of life in a small town in the 1960's it captured youth in the 60's unlike anything I've ever seen. I dont mean youth as in protesting Vietnam or smoking dope or hearing All Along The Watchtower for the umpteenth time in a 60's movie, but being a kid. Pretending to be a ball player, playing war, riding bikes and having a family that loves you in its own way. And it has Jessica Chastain, a real discovery and Brad Pitt, who can act, and I';ve been saying that for 20 years to ridicule.

4)War Horse-- I really wanted this one to kill my emotions. I wanted it to make me weep. It didn't. Though Stephen Spielberg can film scenes so spectacular they make you go WOW, and the scene of the War Horse running through No Mans Land is breathtaking, the movie itself, though very good, wasn;t as good as I wanted it to be.

3)The Descendants--Nobody and I mean nobody, captures real life like Alexander Payne. Nobody. This guy is the only director on earth who can film a story of a dying wife and a fucked up family in Hawaii , and ignore Hawaii. Brilliant.

2) The Artist-- yeah I loved it. I wanted to shrug and say ehhhh....But I loved it. Clever, original, and funny. I guarantee you'll like this one. Give it a chance like I did. Finally.

My favorite movie of 2011 was.......

1) Hugo-- the story of a kid in a Paris train station keeping a clock going, being chased by a Doberman and Sasha Baron Cohen, and helping an old movie director find his mojo again, hey, this sounds like the Artist. Yeah they are similar. But Martin Scorcese makes movies like nobody else. And the 3D actually enhances it for once. I'm handing the prize to Hugo.

Hey I also liked Moneyball, Harry Potter, Win Win, Bridesmaids, The Help, Super 8, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, The Debt, Contagion, Take Shelter, Ides of March, Terri, Source Code, Cedar Rapids and the Adjustment Bureau.

By the way, I absolutely hated two movies this year unlike any other year. Hangover 2 was the biggest piece of shite I've seen in years. Hey, next time at least come up with a new idea. This movie was a goddamned disgrace and we all fell for it.

And Drive. Drive is an overpraised waste of time. Featuring the deadpan performance of Ryan Gosling, which is what he does every time he's in a movie. I cant believe I actually thought this guy was a up and comer after Half Nelson. Oh, he is an up and comer despite my Bill Paxton like anger at him everytime I see his mug onscreen. At least he's not named "Ryan" in every movie he's in unlike Paxton, so inept he has to be called "Bill" in everything or he'd miss his mark.

Anyway, Go Hugo.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

A Tale Of Two Iddies-iots!

Chris Christie and Bob McDonnell. Governors. Republicans. A blimp and a wimp. Chris Christie, the golden twinkie boy of the Republican party and Bob McDonnell, the snake handling christian nut who runs Virginia and apparently, until a couple of days ago thought raping women with a giant dildo was the christian thing to do. What is it with these two ?

When the teabaggers pulled off their 2010 beer hall putsch and got some of the dumbest human beings who have ever been allowed to breathe air into office, these kind of people have jumped up, so used to be handjobbed by cranky old people in tri corn hats and riding their scooters, and made some of the most oppressive attempts at power since Michael Corleone's son was baptized.

Fortunately, McDonnell, the Governor who gave you Confederate History Month and a return to discrimination against gay state workers, is so obsessed with becoming Vice President, no not of Rotary but of the USA...I will wait for you to stop puking...or laughing...he has decided that sticking a giant rod into a woman's hoo-hah in an obvious attempt to shame the harlot into carrying a baby to term where then McDonnell can complain about her having too many babies and how much they cost the state of Virginia might cost him a few women's votes. A few? For chrissakes, if any woman voted for this asshole after this debacle, well, sterilization should be mandatory. Sorry, Father Myndyurownbidness.

McDonnell, in his cave in, has now kicked the door open to the Wimp Room. Hey, Bob, General Lee is pulling his sword out to cut off your balls. If you really believe that a blastocyst is a "person", and that probing around a woman's naughty parts is a great way to make her think twice before she does what she wants with her own body, why did you wimp out on this? Vice President? Please. You're just a typical bible thumping snake oil salesman who would cut your mother's throat for another vote. Stonewall Jackson says shove Confederate History Month up your pooper, boy!

Chris Christie. The Tony Soprano references are just too obvious. The next time you wonder why New Jersey is a national joke, it's guys like Christie that make it that way. From vetoing a gay marriage bill because he wants the people to vote on it? Geezus, Governor Wallace-Christie , would you do the same with a civil rights act? Are you going to stand in the doorway of the Den to keep the "finnochios" from marrying each other? If you did, it'd take a goddamned crane to get you out of there instead of just a few feds. What a prick. And a coward. Nice going tough guy!

Christie vs. Warren Buffett? Are you kidding me? Just write a check and shut the fuck up? That's your solution to billionaires offering to pay more in taxes? Shut up? Hey listen, if Buffett wasn't such a nice guy, a responsible guy, he would write a blank check to whomever your next opponent is so you'd get your ass kicked. Or oh oh, worse. If Buffett was a prick like you, Chris, he'd ban your blubbery body from one of the companies he owns. Dairy Queen. No more Blizzards for Chris Christie.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Buchanan Uber Alles!

America's favorite fascist crank, Patrick J Buchanan, is out at MSNBC. He is? When was he ever on MSNBC? In fact, when has Pat ever been anywhere lately? Damn, Pat's out? Just when I was looking forward to his views on contraception. I'm sure his views would have fallen somewhere between Father Coughlin and Josef Mengele. Free contraception for anyone darker than Mika Brzezinski!

Pat is gonzo? I doubt it. He'll pop up whining about poor oppressed white guys on Hannity soon enough while Sean nods his head and fantasizes about what he'd look like in a Waffen SS uniform.

Pat Buchanan has been entertaining me for years. From his stint on Crossfire when he pissed my father off on a nightly basis to his giggling rants on John McLaughlin's borefest, Pat has been the one conservative racist, anti-semite, homophobe, Nazi loving whackjob I really think I could have a beer with without ripping their throat out within 60 seconds. Come on, Pat was a man way ahead of his time. He was hating gays, Jews, blacks, hispanics and defending Nazi war criminals long before Santorum and Mittens came along. Patrick J., we hardly knew ya.

Wait, we do know him? Pat's expressed his admiration for Spanish fascist Francisco Franco & Joe McCarthy. How ironic he's claiming he's being "blacklisted" while kneeling before the Joe McCarthy shrine with Ginny Thomas and Ann Coulter. Patrick J has called the Congress "Israeli occupied territory" and has called anti-semitic old school catholics 'defenders of the faith". Move to Lincoln,Nebraska, Pat ol boy. That diocese still has racks and iron maidens to deal with the post Vatican 2 jerks.

Pat has also never met a Nazi war criminal he didn't like. Remember his passionate defense of John Demanjuk. the retired "auto worker" from Cleveland and oh yeah, death camp guard at Sobibor. Pat just sees no reason to keep bringing up that Holocaust thing. After all, it was just Jews, and gays and gypsies and a few Catholic priests who got out of line. What's the biggie?

Pat has never met an immigrant he didnt hate, unless of course they were Irish or English, you know, normal people like him. Everybody else is a "Zulu". Remember way back when Pat was shilling for Nixon, he argued that intelligence was a white thing and educating the rest of humanity was a waste of taxpayer money? Wow, Pat. More irony. You gotta be kidding me. Look in the mirror for the face of ignorance.

Pat Buchanan is off MSNBC. Wow, other than the fact I didn't know he was even on MSNBC, I can see why the poor oppressed white conservatives are all up in arms. MSNBC ALWAYS fires conservatives because they aren't given a voice there. Right, Keith Olbermann?

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Issa Dis Hearing Done Started?

What is this? Why it's Rep. Darrell Issa (Car Thief-Ca) and his "expert" witnesses on "religious freedom" and "freedom of conscience". In other words, or rather, republicanism, that means telling women what they can and cannot do with their own selves. Let's see, how many chicks are testifying at this "hearing" about them. Uhhhhhhhhhhh, zero? And man oh man, does that bunch of old douchebags look like they know a lot about contraception. Yeah, those assholes think douching with Coke or god forbid, "natural family planning" actually works.

Nice going, Obama. bringing this issue to the forefront. No seriously, Barack, I mean it. How can you possibly lose when this sausagefest is actually testifying about things that don't affect any of them? Oh shut up, we'll tell you what to think, now go make me a sandwich! What is this, The Handmaid's Tale come to life?

Hey look, keep it up, Republicans. Pretty soon, no woman with an IQ over 75 will vote for any Republican much less a empty vessel like Mittens. Keep up the endless parade of medieval meatheads waving the turkey legs and screaming for beheadings of temptresses.

I am really beginning to think the Prez is playing chess while these gas station goobers like Darrell Issa are breaking out the checkers. I'd say Jump Me but one of those old cranks pictured above might object or it.

Friday, February 10, 2012

So, What Was Hitler Like?

Let's talk something I know about for a change. Catholicism. 12 years of the dogma, the brainwashing, the installation of guilt, and the knowledge I wasn't even good lookin enough to get hit on by Father O'Diddle. That's what Catholicism did for me.

Now the racketeers that run the Catholic Church in the United States have thrown a fit over the Obama mandate (not boydate, Padre, mandate) that insurance plans must cover birth control free of charge to their slutty female temptresses who have the gall to work outside the home at catholic institutions and don't stay home pumping out future contributors to the molester slush fund. How dare they! The tramps!

Of course , the President, under intense pressure from religious whackjobs who aren't even catholic, bowed to the old perverts running the church and gave them another addition to their bullshit spank bank. Why, Mr. President? Most Catholics couldn't give a rat's ass about this issue and the only ones screaming are not going to vote for you anyway. In fact, Mr.President. a helluva lot of so called Catholic women have been popping birth control pills more often than they suck that wafer down on Sundays, or more probably, Saturday night so they don't have to do the walk of shame AND get ready for Mass. In fact, Mr.Obama, a helluva lot of Catholic women have undergone the old D&C. You know, that's Catholic for ,shhhhhhh, abortion. Hey, Mr.Obama, can I call you Barack now, a helluva lot of Catholic women have also been "known" by guys they didn't marry, too. In fact, B O, a lot of Catholic chicks only have one of two kids. In fact most of them only have one or two kids. What's up with that? Come on, Barack, give them a break. Don't make them pay for birth control that puts them in jeopardy of everlasting "grace".

But the guys in the funny hats in the long dresses who carry around a giant crucifix have a lot of clout with the flock. Oh, not that flock, hell no, most Catholics don't give a shit about their stupid fucking rules. It's the hateful born again assholes who are raising the stink over this. You know, total pricks like Rick Warren. The Boner (how ironic is it a guy named Boner addressed the pro life nuts?)is raising hell. The Republicans are so angry they hung up on their hookers to express their outrage.

Oh this makes me laugh. Catholicism. I retired from it long ago. Any organization run by pedophiles, power hungry losers, repressed gay men, degenerates hiding from the world, and total scam artists cannot possibly be taken this seriously. Who listens to these silly people any longer? Stuck in their women hating dogma, these jackoffs will never change. The money is too good, the power is too good, and for some of them I'm sure the tail is too good. Why give up this racket? The way these grifters operate, the only Jesus they serve is when the gardener shows up.