Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Sean Hannity's New Hero!

funny gifs

Another Florida white guy with a gun has stood his ground goddammit! 45 year old Mike Dunn pulled into a convenience store in Jacksonville or Sanford or some other shitty Florida town with his girlfriend to buy some classy wine when he heard an SUV full of hoodie wearing rap blasting skittle buying black thugs parked right next to him. So Mike did what any white guy standing his ground would do. He hollered over for them to shut the fuck up. When they didn't, he shot 8 or 9 times into the vehicle just to scare them a bit. Oh he killed 17 year old Jordan Davis but hey, what did that kid think was gonna happen when he turned up that loud ass music?

Mike and gal pal drove off to a motel to make sweet love after ingesting the MD20 and finally turned themselves in to the local cops after seeing that somebody got killed. What the hell? You can't even fire into a vehicle 8 or 9 times without some idiot getting in the way and killing himself. Oh and by the way, Mike's lawyer says Mike acted as any responsible gun owner would. By shooting somebody who sassed him after he started a verbal confrontation in a public parking lot.

You can even hear the Fox New machine gearing up for its spin and the defense of Mike Dunn, avenger of Mitt Romney's loss in Florida. Unarmed but very dangerous 17 year old black kid killed by scared white guy with gun. You know, the same old story. The act made perfectly legal by the nitwits who lounge around the Florida legislature. Stand Your Ground Laws, as long as you're white, male, stupid and actually fantasize about stopping a madman from shooting up a loaded theater full of Red Dawn fans. Yep, it's Florida being Florida. Again.

Oh Bugs, you had no idea how right you are. Next cartoon, saw off Texas too.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

You Two Have Nuthin On Jeff Dunham!

Hey Grampy McCain! You lost over 4 fucking years ago! Get over it for chrissakes and leave Susan Rice alone. I know you cannot get the black guy out of the White House but by getting the black chick out of the State Department or the UN or the CIA or wherever the hell she is aint gonna help your pain.

I'm not really sure of much about this Fox News generated impeachable offense but I do know the following:

1) Four Americans were murdered in Benghazi, Libya

2) Mitt Romney got smacked upside the head for even bringing it up

3) Dana Rohrbacher (Dickhead-Cal) is a complete asshole

There, that's about it. But from my limited knowledge of the "scandal", Fox News, John McCain and his effeminate ventriloquist dummy, Lindsay Graham, along with an inexplicable nobody from New Hampshire have begun to attempt to reverse the election by Clintoning Barack Obama.

McCain and his band of nitwits have it our for Susan Rice, presumably the next Secretary of State after Hillary leaves to become the 45th President of the United States. Why? Because Susan Rice said something about a video causing riots that resulted in 4 dead diplomats in Libya. Oh come on! Everybody knows it was Al Qaeda that whacked those innocents. And for that, Susan Rice is a complete incompetent dumbshit!

Yep, that's about it. 4 dead Americans. Check. Killed by a mob. Check.

Orrrrr could it be this? 4 dead Americans. Check. Killed by a mob of terrorists. Check.

Seeeeeeeeeeeeeee! What a goddamned scandal this is. And leave it to Gramps to get to the bottom of this!

Just like he did when Colin Powell spoke to the UN about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Or when Condoleeza the piano player national security'd her way to 3000 dead innocents and became Secretary of State. Or when he got to the bottom of that war of liberation we started. Or when we let Bin Laden go at Tora Bora. Or when he tried to figure out where the yellow cake (hmmmm yellow cake) was.

Yeah, Grampa Simpson was all over those fuck ups like lies on Romney.

Is it possible to ship John McCain back to Hanoi?

Friday, November 16, 2012

Springsteen Does Nebraska!

Who's the greatest American rock n roll band? It's debatable of course but you very seldom hear the E Street Band thrown into the Aerosmith (yuck), Doors, Beach Boys, CCR argument. Well let me submit that name to the argument.

I cannot gush enough about Bruce Springsteen as people know. When The Boss made nice with Chris Christie the other day and the Guv said he went home and wept, hey man, I get it.

The E Street Band came thru Omaha last night and I've never seen anything like it and I've seen these guys 5 times. Hey I'm not a Bruce stalker or anything but 5 is pretty good, right? A horn section, backup singers, some guy banging a bongo, some other guy playing accordions, hell there were 18 people up onstage and it was my favorite type of concert, organized chaos! It was jazz man!

Leading off with Reason to Believe, off the Nebraska album, Springsteen mauled his way thru a 3 hour 10 minute show that had everybody in absolute heaven. He played 6 songs off Nebraska, apparently according to my Springsteen statistician buddy, a new record. For goodness sake, he played more songs off Nebraska (6) than he did off his Wrecking Ball album (5) and again, for you sabermetrics geeks like me, he hadn't played Highway Patrolman since 1985 and hadn't played State Trooper since 2007. There, enough geeky crap.

There were a couple of people who had to have hit peaks of their rather young lives. First, a 10 year old boy holding a "Badlands" sign singled out by Bruce for being "the future". On the big screen, this kid was ecstatic as he was "excused" from school today, "tell em the Boss said so". And yeah, he played Badlands as the kid thrust his fist in the air better than most of us vets.

A 12 year old girl, in full braces and an I Love Bruce t shirt, brought onstage to not only sing "Waitin On a Sunny Day" with the Boss, but givin a chance to sing all alone and doing a damn good job, rewarded by Bruce for her singing by being put on his shoulder and carried around.

I have no idea how much of this show is scripted but if it is, they sure as hell mask it well. A Santa hat thrown onstage caused Springsteen to lament that come on man, its too early, its not even Thanksgiving yet. But during the encore, yep, we got to hear Santa Claus Is Comin To Town with the Big Man's nephew doing the Clarence parts. A tribute to Clarence Clemons and Danny Federici, the two deceased members of the band, during Tenth Avenue Freeze Out was very moving.

Hey I love Born To Run, Thunder Road and Dancin in the Dark (well not really) as much as the next person, but to hear this Nebraska album stuff with a full kick ass band was special. I just wish Chris Christie would have been here to see it.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Nyah Nyah Nyah Goodbye!

Well by now you've heard so many not at all racist sore losers are really hacked off that a Hawaiian won re-election as POTUS. So they are doing their patriotic duty by getting out and working really hard so their state can petition the United States Government to let them go form their own nation. And by working real hard I mean reaching over with the hand that's not stuffing a chip into their mouths and typing their name on an online petition requesting secession.

That may the BEST idea I may have ever heard. To force the White House to respond by first laughing and then taking down your name for placement on some sort of nut list each state must gather 25,000 names. Let's all guess which states have already reached that 25,000 crazy minimum. Yep, Texas is numero uno with over 100,000 Rick Perry oopsters ready to leave the Union. So can you guess the other 6 states that have that many brain dead Victoria Jacksons living there? You got it. Congrats cuz I know y'all chose Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, North Carolina and Tennessee. All have the necessary 25,000. Cmon Mississippi, get with it. There's gotta be somebody down there savvy enough to teach ya how to point and click. Kentucky is probably all distracted by their crooked basketball team and being moonshined up but they'll get on the ball soon enough. Arkansas, you are so close, so close, ask Mikey Huckabee for some help. Oklahoma, cmon now, Sharia law is right around the corner and I found a fetus in my Spam the other day so you better Boomer sooner than later.

I am imploring you, Obama administration. Get rid of these bloodsucking Dixie whistling losers. Though they think they contribute to society by supplying the cannon fodder that goes into the defense industries profit margins, they really don't. They suck tax money out of blue states faster than Confederate troops shooting Stonewall Jackson. They really don't want to be here anyway. I mean Roots is considered commie propaganda and their favorite Spielberg scene is when the Amistad crew sent a bunch of Obama voters to the bottom of the sea.

No I kid the South. I've been there, uhhhhh, never. Unless you count Texas that is. The place where some drunken lout tried to claim the moon in the sky was exclusive to Texas and that I couldn't see it up here.

So I'm torn here. Hey, if Dixie went away again, yeah we'd lose 29 electoral votes from Florida but the bad guys would lose 133 electoral votes and the Prez wins 303-73 and we get to sleep at about 7:30 every 4 years.

By my rather limited math skills, if Dixie went bye bye, Obama wins popular vote by 53-47% and that's when it's close.

Ok, I am convinced. Fort Sumter has been attacked. The South has seceded. I yawn.

Please. Do it!

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Oh Yeah, Well If Like Only Fox News Could Vote, You'd Have Probably Lost!

Yep Uncle and Aunt Sam, your boy lost. That guy you so identified with as of about October 3rd or so when you discovered he was white. Oh well, I think the casino buffet stays open till at least 11.

The excuses have begun. They are so entertaining. And as delusional as Fox News was right up to the point that the numbers nerds in the basement declared Obama the winner and were visited by that hot blonde from upstairs who was ordered by Karl Rove to go downstairs and distract them while he ran and hid from his billionaire owners.

Hurricane Sandy was the talking point that seemed to dominate most of the blamers like that fat Southerner Haley Barbour and the serial sex harasser Bill O'Reilly. Romney's bullet train like momentum was derailed by Sandy they said. Man, if Sandy hadn't happened because of the gays, why Romney would've beaten the Kenyan usurper by at least 90% to 10% and that's if Obama cheated.

The fact checkers were biased against Mittens. Why, they would say things like hey Mittens, you said the exact opposite of whatever it is you just said five minutes ago. How dare they? Hey Paul Ryan, that GM plant closed under Bush. Fact checkers? Bahhhh. Romney claimed Obama ended welfare work requirements and claimed he caused Chrysler to move Jeep jobs to China. Well just because its 100% false doesn't mean its not true.

Voters are idiots. Well about 47.82% of them are. So that whine is sort of true. For chrissakes, if you can't get what you want by spending $900 million lying to the idiots, well then, exactly who are the idiots?

White people are the minority. Well with logic like that, who can argue? I mean when 71% of the voters are white, what more of a minority can you be? Makes you long for the good old days when only white male property owners could vote.

Chicks are so emotional. It's a well know biological fact that women vote on an emotional basis while men vote based on logic and facts. Just ask Ted Nugent. If only women would vote like dudes, none of this shit would be happening. OH MY GOD, I need to go buy more guns before Obama passes more anti gun laws!!! Stupid chicks!

Chris Christie! That "gelatinous clown" as some loser from the American Expectorator magazine (that is still around) referred, caused Mittens to lose. Oh I know Christie took 18 minutes to mention Romney's name when nominating him, and I know Christie praised Obama for his handling of Sandy, and I know he made Steve Douchey of Fox & Friends look even dumber than he usually does, and I know he didn't vote for Romney but for the love of sweet jesus, who wouldn't have loved to do all that?

And my faves. The Tea party! Mitt Romney wasn't conservative enough. After the teabaggers were all enthusiastic about that plutocrat job killer's candidacy and rushed off to the polls to sweep Mittens to the Oval Office, he lost big? But all you tri corn hatted nitwits voted for him, right? Yeah that's it. Keep it up.

Please Republicans, keep the hate alive. Keep fooling yourselves that Americans are all in your corner. All Americans hate the gays, hate taxes, hate the Mexicans, hate Obama, want to go to war with everybody, want to destroy Medicare and Social Security after you're done with it of course, and live in the Cleaver household. Keep Hope alive republicans! It makes me look forward to 2016 when another Democrat like Corey Booker or Hillary Clinton or the taco truck guy kick your boring white guy's ass again.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Well At Least They Are Taking The News Well!

Well at least the righties are handling their crushing defeat well. The sun came up, the stock market went down, and Nebraskans sent a bullying witch to the Senate. Just another day in the US of A. Wait, what? The righties are angry? No way!

Ted Nugent, has been Republican guitar player and chronic adulterer, was very succinct and wise in his comments on Obama's win. Ted, lyrical poet that he is, exclaimed, " Pimps,whores and welfare brats and their soulless supporters have a president to destroy America". Wow, Ted, turn that into a 13 minute self indulgent tune you play at your next white supremacist rally.

Victoria Jackson, unfunny plus sized blonde SNL mystery cast member, "can't stop crying" because, ta daaaaa, "America died". Somebody do something to uncross those eyes and knock some sense into that empty head.

Patricia Heaton, pint sized ex wife of Ray Barone, decided to weigh in with her expert economic analysis by stating "Bracing for 4 more yrs of high taxes, high unemployment, high debt" and topping it off for you stock market investors with ""At least the president can't blame the mess he's 'inheriting' on anyone else but himself!". And you thought Axel was the dumb one on The Middle.

The dumb Baldwin brother, Stephen, apparently hanging around with Trump too much blathered on with this philosophical gem, "2nite Gods Spirit lifted within me&joy came over me, I will serve the Lord, my hope is in Jesus not Obama, Gods wrath is upon US. 2Thes2:11" Hey Alec, did you drop baby Steve on his head and didn't tell anyone?

Karl Rove, dark prince of the earth, simply argued with fellow Fox News propaganda artist Megyn Kelly about Fox calling Ohio for Obama. Megyn, not as delusional as I believed, told Karl "it's over" to which Rascally Rove shot back with "I think this is premature…” .....there's something really dirty about that exchange. And disgusting.

Fox Radio loser Todd Starnes, apparently not talented or blonde enough to get on Fox News TV decided to go all judicial on everyone's ass by yakking " well the first order of business should be a full investigation of Benghazi-followed by impeachment proceedings". Wow, Todd, you're regular Sherlock Holmes, investigating and solving it in 27 syllables.

Brian Kilmeade, the emptiest chair on Fox & Friends, actually became dumber than Gretchen Carlson when he jumped into a very intellectual discussion of Hurricane Sandy's effects on the election and how it helped the Prez by stating "Then we're the shallowest country in the history of man" . If anybody knows anything about shallow, it's Fox, Friends, and Kilmeade.

Pat Robertson, snake oil salesman, wonders aloud "What is up with the American people?".Uhhhh they've figured your bullshit out, Reverend Crazy Eyes.

And good old Rush, the thrice married Oxycontin addict, just said ""We Are Either Outnumbered" Or "One Of The Most Outrageous Thefts" In "The History Of Elections Has Taken Place"....Rush, you sit in your basement talking to an imaginary man named Snerdly. Of course you are outnumbered. Duh...

The Vatican said hey congrats on the win despite our blatant attempts to sway our sheeple but of course reminded the Prez that they really hate abortion and birth control. Ok, red beanie boy followers, turn in your rosaries and bibles by next week or else!

These people never fail to fascinate me. By next week they will all be back to bashing Obama, collecting their gigantic paychecks, and thanking the lucky stars that Barack Hussein Obama won re-election! After all, everyone of those people voted for Obama to keep the gravy train going full steam ahead. What more could these greedy charlatans ask for? Keeping the nitwits on the hook for another 4 years. It's easy. And if any of them DID vote for Mittens, they truly are as cretinous as they act. Come on, that cannot be! Right?

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Monday, November 5, 2012

Babies Know!

Babies know. Dogs, even ones not strapped to the roof of a car, know. And you know,too.

Mitt Romney is a tool.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

I Am Woman, Hear Me Whine!

Now that Mitt Romney is assured of winning the Presidency on Tuesday and Barack Obama is going down in a crushing defeat thanks to the Washington Redskins losing,why even bother to even show up and vote?

I'll tell ya why because for every idiotic "formula" predicting the election for one side, there's another idiotic "formula" predicting the election for the other side. Thanks to Alabama's never in doubt victory over the LSU guys last night, Mitt Romney is done. Kaput. Put a fork in Duke Mittens of Massa-fornia-gan. Barack Obama will serve another term where he can enslave the white race with no opposition whatsoever.

The last week we have seen Lord Rombot of OnePercentland try to appeal to that all important demographic of married white women living in comfort but still bitching that the black usurper isn't handing them money for staying home and watching The Talk.

Put out by the surrogates of Prince Poppycock of Prickville, one ad features a thirty something actress pretending to be a real married chick of means whining how bad her life is as she sits in a $100K kitchen watching Obama on a $600 I Pad and slurping a $6 cup of coffee. The other features a stern looking thirty something actress pretending to be a married chick in a $200 jogging suit pushing a $600 baby stroller as she runs through a well to do upper class neighborhood crying about her horrible life under the Black Avenger. Not only that, but the scary man in the White House makes her baby cry. Really?

Whitey, please! Appealing to this type of person is a ridiculous waste of money for the Koch Bros and Karl Rove. Women like that are already in the Mittens camp, protecting their investment, errrrrr, marriage. These kind of ads are laughable to anybody with a brain. To feel sorry for either of them is something only Romney could comprehend.

It's getting close to the end and Romney seems to be the desperate one. Implying that you all will be fired by his buddies if Obama wins. Threatening the country's financial future by saying the House will only work with him and if the Kenyan Muslim socialist wins, sorry, the country goes off the cliff. Sending out clowns like Rudy Giuliani and Donald Trump to "persuade" the nitwits still claiming to be undecided? Huuuuuuuuuge move, Mittens.

I am more optimistic than I was week ago. Reading between the lines, the Republicans seem to be gearing up for a loss, what with Chris Christie's Obama praise, and the bitter old man McCain bringing up the "I" word as in impeach over the Fox News generated Libya nonsense. Shit, even Sarah Palin has kept her hillbilly piehole shut for about a week.

If and when the Emperor of Entitlement gets his ass handed to him Tuesday, let's hope this privileged dope goes back to one of his houses and does what he does best. Nothing.

Thank You Hibbing,Minnesota!

Hey thanks Hibbing, Minnesota for spawning Robert Zimmerman 71 years ago. Bob Dylan roared into a 20% filled arena (WTF is wrong with people? Two days of Taylor Swift sells out and 3500 show up for a legend?)last night to help Max and I forget about all the political bullshit for about 3 1/2 hours or so.

Now you either love Dylan, hate Dylan, or have no idea who Bob Dylan is. If you love him, as I do, you know what's coming. If you love him and have never seen him, SURPRISE! I've seen him now three times and he gets better each time as far as I'm concerned because he's, well he is who he is. Hey folks, you are not going to recognize any of his songs because he changes them to the way he wants to do them now at age 71. And he's earned that right. If you go see Bob Dylan, you are going to hear all new music. Yeah you still figure it out about halfway through the tune when you hear the croak of his voice say "Tankel oop in blooooo" (like the case of the 20 something dude in front of us who once a lyric was actually decipherable would stand and wooo hooo).

The first time I saw him I wasn't sure. The second time I got it. This third time, WOW! This was Max's first and though it confused the kid for a bit, he got into it soon enough. Let's face it, Bob Dylan's band is now a boogie band heavy on the driving bass and Dylan pounding keyboards and that's fine with me. He never speaks, he introduces his band, and he plays his music. That's it. If you have an appointment and need to get someplace, he's the guy to see.

Highlights included, oh hell, you wouldn't recognize Thunder on the Mountain, Highway 61, or Blowin in the Wind anyway so let's just say the whole thing was great.

Mark Knopfler opened and played new music almost exclusively. No Money For Nothing, no Sultans of Swing. It didn't matter because the former Dire Straits frontman still plays a mean ass guitar. Loved him too. And he did Brothers in Arms so that made it a great opener. You won't be disappointed arriving early to see this act. And a song about Sonny Liston? Brother, you know how to please Max's Dad!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Cosmic Bob For Senate!

I have no idea if you've seen the Steve Martin endorsement of Bob Kerrey in the Nebraska Senate race. If you haven't, google it. It's worth watching.

I also have no idea if Bob Kerrey can pull of a win Tuesday in the Nebraska Senate race. The odds say hell no. Reality says ehhhhhhh, probably not. But there is hope.

I know the Nebraska Senate race is of no big whoop to most people outside of the state that worships red, both politically and footbally. A month ago, Bob Kerrey trailed an obscure Joe Ricketts puppet named Deb Fischer, a state senator here (trust me, being a state senator here in Nebraska is kind of like being a Mormon in Utah, no big deal). Deb Fisher was rolling with a double digit lead simply because of that "R" next to her name over the former Governor and two term Senator Kerrey. But then.....

Seems Deb Fischer is a fucking bully. An intimidating presence in her gigantic people-less county she kind of ran like a thuggish Ma Barker. Suing neighbors to obtain land that wasn't hers and losing, ramming bills through the biggest pussified legislative body in the world, the Nebraska Unicameral, to keep the family she lost to from selling the land to the state as a state park just out of spite. Running ad after ad featuring her grinning back stabbing mug and saying how she would balance the federal budget while cutting taxes and reinstating pre-existing conditions and cutting young people off their parents insurance (oh she said she'd repeal Obamacare)& flying on her broom back and forth from DC.

Then all of a sudden, the ads changed. Deb Fisher began responding that her family was being attacked unfairly. That the lawsuit was a simple "land boundary clarification". Then Joe Ricketts, instead of spending money on his shitty baseball team, the Cubs, pumped another $250K into her floundering campaign. Republican "heavyweights" like Mike Johanns (???) began standing up for her "character".

Now the latest poll shows Bob Kerrey only 3 points down. Could it happen? The Wicked Witch of Valentine sent home to bully people half her size?

Hey,we can hope. As last resort, Bob Kerrey can wear his fucking Medal of Honor around his neck, talk about his tenure as a University president, his governorship, his two terms as a Senator and his starting up of the best cheese frenchee joint in the Midwest. What's she got to brag about? Her squatters rights lawsuit, her stealing of gas tax money to fix the untraveled roads in her desolate wasteland of a county, or her sky writing ability on that broom of hers?