Monday, January 30, 2012

Here Boy! Here Boy!

Sorry I couldn't find a white dog to picture as hearing the Republican dog whistle but time is tight, and it will piss off the teabaggers. Dog Whistle politics. You know, what the Republicans say, as opposed to what they mean. The dog whistle.

Barack Obama is the "food stamp president". That's what that adulterous slob Gingrich keeps calling the President. Now the statement is a goddamned lie but the dog whistle comes in loud and clear to the Republican pooches. Obama is taking your money and giving it to blacks so they can stand in front of you at the grocery store you never go to and buy lobsters and Colt 45 and Kools and red kool aid for their 8 kids with 12 different fathers. Loud and clear Newtie.

Barack Obama is going to raise your taxes. Yeah ok, he's going to tax you white Republicans so he can give the money to the poor people (the blacks!) and cause you to lose your house and live on the streets while the blacks live in mansions and drive Escalades and smoke crack courtesy of you, the oppressed Christians. Loud and clear, all of you.

Barack Obama is anti-religion. Well of course he is. He's a Kenyan Muslim. That's not a religion, it's a terrorist organization. And he hangs around with that Jeremiah Wright, that radical uhhhhhhhhh christian? No, not that kind of christian. We don't have those kind of christians in my church. St.Paleface. Loud and clear.

Barack Obama practices the Saul Alinsky model of politics. Nobody who hears this dog whistle knows who the fuck Saul Alinsky was. All they know is Saul Alinsky is probably some kind of New York Jew. Loud and clear.

Let's keep America for Americans. We've heard that one ever since those night riders put those pointy white hoods over their pointy white heads and attacked anybody who wasn't just like them. Stupid. Loud and clear.

Personally, not being a dog, or dog brained, I cannot hear dog whistles. Oh I know one when I see some Republican "base" voter get all giddy over something. Like those hollerin debate audiences do whenever one of the four stooges fakes outrage over a question from one of them college educated elitists who deal in stupid things like facts and stuff. Facts! Blahhhhh....Now where's my milk bone?

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Even Chuck Heston Is Spinning In HIs Grave!

Ok, I did not bother to watch the SOTU last night because looking at the Boner's orange mug for two hours was not on my agenda. Thus, no opinion, though I'm sure I stood and applauded in spirit many times. But a couple of things have caught my attention and given me a giant headache.

Oklahoma. You know Oklahoma, just north of Texas and just south of Kansas. The meat in the middle of a hoagie of dumb. Oklahoma State Senator Ralph Shorty, yeah I can't make that name up, has decided that he has the solution to a non existent epidemic. Senator Shorty (seriously?) has introduced legislation to outlaw food companies from using aborted fetuses in their food meant for human consumption. Huh? How this Okie came up with this outrage is beyond me but I guess it has something to do with a pro-life, unless you're actually born, group, the Children of God For Life being incensed their collective IQ's don't reach triple figures and thinking Soylent Green was a documentary from the 70's starring Moses.

Come on Ralphie buddy! Your state already has a bad enough rep from passing that no Sharia law in Oklahoma deal in 2010 that a court laughed out of existence. Why are you making us no longer wonder why Tom Joad left your stupid state? Ralphie has also sponsored laws in the legislature to do away with the Court of Appeals down there and just hang 'em outside the courthouse I presume, to confiscate the houses and cars and extra burritos from illegals (if you've seen Ralphie you know why he'd want the burritos, yum), and he's one of those birther guys who think Obama is a Kenyan socialist. Or just a foreign commie. I doubt if Ralphie knows what Kenya or socialism is anyway.

Even in Oklahoma this bill won't pass. There's enough intelligence in that legislative body to stop nonsense like this in its tracks. Now if it ever went to a vote of the citizens of Oklahoma, I have no doubt it would pass. I have no doubt because the people of Oklahoma are the ones who voted this dumb son of a bitch into office in the first place. Boomer Sooner baby!

Now to you, Tennessee. The Tennessee Tea Party, boy there's a Mensa meeting I'm sure, has asked the Tennessee legislature to make schools down there stop telling the truth about the Founding Fathers cuz it bugs them that Thomas Jefferson was banging Sally Hemmings and the American Indians got in the way and got run over and genocided cuz they wouldn't move for the nice white people. The Tea Party down in Tennessee says telling the students of Tennessee that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and that Dolly Madison invented Twinkies and John Adams looked like Paul Giammatti and that John Hancock was an insurance agent and Nathan Hale actually said that thing about giving but one life for his country instead of hollering "what the fuck are you Limey assholes doing?" is "history". Great. Once again, there is enough brainpower in the Tennessee legislature to stop garbage like this but the fact the Tea Party really believes their own power mad bullshit is getting old.

Once again, 2012 is pivotal. Throwing the morons who won in 2010 out is top priority because if that happens, Obama wins. Otherwise we will all be learnin' like Texas kids do now. That the Klan really wasn't that bad, but the Black Panthers were violent terrorists intent on raping your daughters. That's what they teach down there. Look it up. Just Google "Santorum"........just kidding...

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Sheeeeyoot! Newtie!

Thank you South Carolina. You poor, oppressed christian white people have spoken and voted for a thrice married, bloated con artist. Shhhh, it wasn't Limbaugh running but don't tell them that cuz they think ol' Newt is that guy from the talking box in their pick em up truck.

Oh man, this is sweet. Newt Gingrich? The disgraced former Speaker of the House? The overfed white topped philanderer? The guy that makes Bill Clinton look like Ned Flanders? All because Newtie threw a tantrum over the commie news media telling the truth about him and pissed off all those poor white Jesus loving folks who just can't get a break because of that Kenyan Muslim socialist giving all the new jobs to his shiftless buddies?

Keep going Newtie. Go to Florida and pander to the old Jewish Jesus denying folks just to keep that fucking Mormon from losing in a landslide. That's YOUR job, Newtie cuz you are so grandiose and creative. You tell us that all the time.

Hey, Newtie. Isn't Callista getting a bit long in the tooth? That Joker smile has been frozen on so long you may not have noticed she's, well uhhh, a bit beneath you. Shouldn't you begin an upgrade soon, Newtie? I hear Heidi Klum is available now.

Allah be praised, I mean, Jesus H Christ, President Obama. Did you ever think it would this easy?

Thursday, January 19, 2012

The Three Stooges And The Weiner Dog!

It's Debate #400 or whatever in front of a raucous crowd of rednecks and mental defectives in South Carolina. Let's listen:

7:28 pm---Rick Santorum says the word "disgusting" when referring to some non existent cutting of Veterans Benefits. Some redheaded nerd applauds wildly.

7:29--Robot Romney begins yapping about the military. I lose interest quickly.

7:30---that old rascal Newt. Newtie Newtie, I cannot get over the fact you think all women needed a piece of you.

7:31-- Robot Romney. Why does he grin whenever his paid clappers clap?

7:35-- Santorum attacks Mittens. Mittens stares daggers through him. You can tell he wants Jeeves to remove Santorum from his mansion aka the debate hall.

7:42---after 15 minutes of nonsensical banter between a half wit, a robot and a playahhhhh, Ron Paul gets to talk much to the delight of the Paultards.

7:49-- John King, the Mitt Romney of CNN, asks Saint Orum something about Newtie.
Says the word "cogent" and his eyes glaze over.

7:54-- I think Saint Rick just called Newt Gingrich a fucking crook. Romney glares at both wanting Jeeves to remove them both so he can bark out orders to the well dressed dorks in the crowd.

7:56-- Mittens "started a business", "ran a business"...he neglected to state he also ran all those businesses into the ground and enjoyed firing people. Mittens gets annoyed when Newt giggles at him. He wants Jeeves to remove Newt from the building again.

8:00--- Ron Paul isn't planning on releasing his tax returns. Mittens is going to wait until H&R Block does them for him. Rambles off into the Keystone Pipeline deal. I wouldn't wanna talk about them either. Newtie already has, deducting hooker expenses of course and Saint Orum has them on his computer. Turbo Tax I assume.

8:03---Somebody heckles Mittens. He glares at them waiting for Jeeves to remove them from his building.

8:08---this Romney stare is creeping me out. What's going through that neck bolted head of his?

8:11--- an exchange between Santorum and Ron Paul is kind of like a dachsund debating a yorkie. Whatever?

8:16---looks like fat South Carolinians are overwhelmingly Paultards.

8:23-- some woman in the audience holding her husband's hand while gazing admiringly at the four losers onstage. Oh honey, if they only had white hoods on like we wear.

8:25-- Newtie wants English as some sort of official language. South Carolinians, who speak something other than English, applaud wildly. Hot damn!

8:27-- Jesus H Christ Mittens. STOP staring at people. You are one creepy plutocrat.

8:31-- Bashing brown people has become the topic. South Carolinians, who 150 years ago were immigrating people here against their will, now go batshit crazy when Santorum wants to deport them.

8:34-- Mitten stares at Ron Paul like a hangman waiting for the condemned to shut up so he can enjoy killing him

8:36-- Abortion. Hoo boy. If for one second you think any of these principle-less pricks, other than Santorum, gives a shit about this issue, you are a total dimwit.
I wonder how many abortions Newtie has paid for? Over/under is 10. Romney more pro-choice than Ted Kennedy. Remember that? Ron Paul? Come on. Santorum, nutty enough to really believe a blastocyst can vote.

8:42-- I wish somebody would abort all of these pandering pukes.

8:43--- John Romney King ignores Ron Paul. The fat Paultards yell. We get to hear all about the 1960's from Ron Paul. You know the 60's? Back when Ron Paul was in his 60's.

8:46-- For Chrissakes, another exchange between the Yorkie and the weiner dog.

8:51-- Why should South Carolina vote for Ron Paul? Fat Paultards applaud all he says. Including why the debt didnt get talked about. Cuz you spent 15 minutes talking about abortion.

8:53--- Why vote for that player Newtie? Calls Obama a "radical". Uses the name Saul Alinsky. South Carolinians think why did he mention some New York Jew?

8:55-- Why vote for Mittens? Good god, its like listening to a computer recite the Pledge of Allegiance. What a tool.

8:57-- why vote for Google Boy Santorum? Because you are insane, maybe? He says there's no climate change, the bank bailout ruined America, and the tooth fairy supports him.

8:59--- South Carolina Republicans take two minutes to haul their diabetes ravaged bodies out of the chairs to applaud the men who want to get the black panther kenyan out of their White House.

9:00--- OMG!. It's gotten worse. Anderson Cooper!...I am out of here to go take a shower. Ewwwwwww....

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

15%? Oh The Humanity!!!!

I am really sick of writing about this fucking guy because I know the son of a bitch is going to win the Republican nomination and self implode all over the elephantine delegates this summer. But everyday this dork comes up with some other reason to hate his magic underwear donning guts.

Today, somewhere in South Carolina, while pandering to whatever group of rednecks have gathered, Mittens Romney told reporters he "believes" he pays about 15% of his income in taxes. 15%? A guy whose estimated worth is somewhere north of $250 million? He pays 15%? For fucks sake, I paid more than that and I'm freakin' poor.

Oh I forgot,Mittens has been proudly "unemployed" since 2007, like a lot of Americans stuck under Republican rule. Christ, how does he make it? Why he makes some money, "not much" by his standards, about $374K for boring the shit out of people who actually show up to hear his robot like wit. Jesus, Mittens, if you're going to talk like a robot, at least get some tips from Bender. Anyway, Mittens makes the speech money, again "not much" according to him. Then he makes a crapload of money off "investments". Translation: All those companies he vultured in on and took over, enjoyed firing everybody , and then took all the money left over and stuffed it in his empty dog carrier? Yeah that money. The "capital gains" tax rate. You know, the tax rate Republicans insist on keeping because all those capital gains result in more and more jobs? Name me one job that unemployed bum Romney has created since he got laid off in 2007? Go ahead.

Romney is such a tool he'll probably try to deduct on his "tax" return that $150 or so he shoved at that unemployed woman the other day to get her the hell away from him. Hey. Mittens remember Ronald Reagan, your "hero". The guy Sean Hannity beats off to? Ronald Reagan said "........We’re going to close the unproductive tax loopholes that allow some of the truly wealthy to avoid paying their fair share..... In practice they sometimes made it possible for millionaires to pay nothing, while a bus driver was paying ten percent of his salary, and that’s crazy. [...] Do you think the millionaire ought to pay more in taxes than the bus driver or less?

Obama has been using that quote lately to make Sean Hannity go limp. Mittens, do you agree with Reagan or his he now some whacked out socialist too?

Sometimes I think Obama has put these Republican candidates into the forefront saying the crazy stuff they do by some sort of secret Kenyan voodoo. How else can you explain this? Mittens, you've been proudly unemployed for almost 5 years now. Isn't it about time you started looking for meaningful employment? On second thjought, as long as this jackoff is wasting his money and time running for President, lots of Americans are safely employed.....For now.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Mitt Is A Mutt!

Mitt Romney may be a emotionless dick who kills jobs, has bolts in his neck, is a complete phony , belongs to some cult that wears magic undies, be a lying sack of dog crap and generally be hated by even sociopathic egomaniacs like Newt Gingrich, but the way he treats dogs is going to kill him.

People like dogs, my friends. They like when their dog leaps up and is genuinely happy to see you as opposed to a cold fish like Romney who couldn't care less if you spontaneously combusted right in front of him. They like it when their dog licks them and plays with them and rides in the car with them and hangs out the window with his tongue hanging out and "smiles" at them as opposed to a Romney who probably makes his dog sleep in the garage and gets pissed when the dog jumps on his neatly pressed jeans. People love their dogs, and their dogs love them. It's unconditional. Shit, Blondie the dog probably loved Hitler right up to the time Der Fuhrer shot her. Romney is the kind of guy who won't let the dog into certain rooms, feeds the dog canned food, the cheap shit, hates the dog for shedding, buys an entire new carpet when the dog pees on it, keeps the dog in a doghouse out back on a chain, pays some guy to pick up the dog crap in his yard, and straps the dog to the roof of his Woodie while driving 70 mph.

Oh yeah. Romney is a big enough soul sucking jackoff for just his politics alone. His calm demeanor and robot like stock answers may be enough to fool the hardcore Obama haters, who would probably support the aforementioned A.Hitler (R-Ger) over Obama anyway. But the dimbulbs in the center, the "independents", the "silent majority", you know, the people with jobs and lives Romney hasn't ruined yet love their pooches, their canines, their best buddies, their dogs. And they would never ever strap their buddy to a roof of a car speeding down the highway. Romney did just that. That's the kind of thing that will kill this prick.

There is a website, The term "Romney" is soon to be on a level with the term "Santorum". Googling either will be unsafe for children soon. Mittens, you can fuck over millions of people, you can be the epitome' of a trust fund baby, you can belong to a goofy club of polygamists and child molesters, you can be a complete flip flopping chameleon, BUT...there is no way you get away with being mean to Seamus the dog back in 1983.

That is unacceptable, Mittens. The really sad part is not being mean to the dog. The really sad part is a guy like you, Mittens, will never ever get that.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Is That Mitt Romney Or Did A Mannequin Get Loose?

Now that Republicans have gotten over the every four years pretend phase, you know the time when the media gets all atwitter over what some rubes in Iowa or New Hampshire might do, like vote for Pat Buchanan or Rick Santorum or Pat Robertson or Daffy Duck, we all know that Willard Mittens Romney is going to be the turkey served up to the Obamas this November. Republicans just cannot stop letting the next guy who has been in line the longest ahead of them and nominating him. They've done it since about 1860, when that radical bearded Marxist Abe Lincoln stuck it to the South and freed the whaaaaaaaat?

Mittens Romney is it. The guy that Republican America thinks has the best chance of beating that radical socialist black dude and his pissed off wife this coming election. Mitt Romney? Are you fucking kidding me?

This robotic phony has been running for years. Changing his mind on everything depending on what bunch of peasants he's honoring with his presence. But the real Mitt Romney isn't even Mitt Romney. Discuss.

Willard Mitt Romney, born in 1947 in Detroit. You know Detroit. That city where they used to make cars and millions of Americans made a comfortable life for themselves. Until guys like Mitt Romney came into power. Not political power, screw that. Financial power. They destroyed the auto industry, not the hard working union folks. With their profit motive and complete disdain for the safety of the American public, these corporate raiders maximized profits for themselves, screamed poverty for their companies, blamed the unions and wrecked millions of lives. Oh yeah, until Barack Obama saved the industry with the "bail out", loans paid back with interest. Mitt Romney would have loved to have "fired people" and run the industry out of his hometown. He said so. What a prick.

Willard Mitt Romney, co founder of Bain Capital. A "venture capitalist", Mitt and his boys would buy financially troubled companies through a practice known as "leveraged buyouts", in effect buying the company using its own assets as collateral, squeezing every cent it can out of it, then selling off the remaining assets for a profit, and sending thousands of people packing off to the unemployment office. Mitt makes money, you get laid off. What a prick.

Willard Mitt Romney, the man who saved the 2002 Winter Olympics by strongarming his fellow Mormons to save the state of Utah's image from not knowing how to bribe scuzzy Euro Olympic hacks by contributing huge amounts of money and making a profit of $100 million. Yay! If you dont count the $250 million they spent on "security" that is. It's the Romney accounting way! What a prick.

But the real Willard Mitt Romney could be summed up by Seamus, Romney's Irish Setter back in 1983. The late Seamus might ask why Mitt stuffed him into a dog carrier, strapped him to the top of a car, and drove 12 hours from Boston to Canada? Christ, Seamus crapped all over the back window of the car he was so scared, winded or giving up on life. When Mitt's son, Tagg (what is up with these Republican names for children?), said oh Dad, there's brown stuff all over the back window, Willard Mitt pulled the car over at a gas station, took Seamus out of the carrier, hosed him down, and stuffed him back in that cage on top of the car. Kind of like what Mitt did at Bain Capital. Hosed you down and stuffed you into a cage. If he does that to a dog, his own dog, what would he do to you? Somebody he doesnt even know? What a prick.

Yeah that's the real Willard Mitt Romney. A robotic, emotionless prick who after his dog craps himself, doesnt have the decency to think, oh my, maybe putting the dog on top of the car wasnt such a good idea, I will let him ride in the car. Nope, not this guy.

Dog abuser, elitist who thinks nothing of betting $10K on what he wrote in a book, hacksaw capitalist who thinks "corporations are people my friend", a sadist who takes pleasure in "firing people", a man made rich by making regular folks lives miserable adding on to his third house in San Diego. Yep, third house. No fake clearing brush for this asshole if he wins.

That's the real Willard Mitt Romney. You can have him, Republican voters. Buyer's remorse is a bitch. You'll find that out soon enough.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

You Cocks Suck!

Can we just tell the South they won after all and let them run their own little cracker nation? South Carolina Republican moron Paul Campbell has introduced a bill in the South Carolina legislature (boy that must be a brain trust) stating that if are unemployed longer than 6 months and wish to continue getting unemployment benefits, you have to become a slave, errrr, "volunteer" for 16 hours per week serving your state masters at whatever it is you do in South Carolina. Now we all know that if you're out of work for longer than 6 months, you are a lazy bum who just doesn't want to go get a job as a CEO, a gasbag radio talk show host, or a tax sucking politician. You want to live on $235 a week unemployment riches and drink rum and watch your 65 inch flat screen all day while the rest of South Carolina works plucking chickens and voting for a liar like Nikki Haley.

Now, like most places, South Carolina has about a 10% unemployment rate. The state features an alleged adulterous Governor who ran around that state hollering that 50% of the unemployed failed drug tests. Well she was close. It was 1%. Nationwide she was even closer, it was 2%. I thought Indians were good at math? There's another state senator down Fort Sumter way that wants to test the unemployed for drugs, and make those losers pay for it themselves out of their vast savings.

I don't know, but I'm pretty sure the vast majority of the Tea Party Carolina rebs probably support this bill. After all, when you have a job, or are a social security sucking teabagger, you tend to think everybody other than you is a slacker and needs to be jailed or thrown off a bridge. But 16 hours of involuntary servitide a week? Hey, South Carolina, ever heard of the 13th Amendment? We, and by we I mean those of us with IQ's over 80, kicked your treasonous asses about 150 years ago because you forced people to "volunteer". Give it a rest.

If this bill passes, and is implemented, at least until any court in the free world deems it unconstitutional, I suggest the the South Carolina state motto be changed from "at least we're not Mississippi" to "Arbeit Macht Frei".

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Iowa? Isn't That the Potato State?

All right. It's finally here. The every four year fraud that is the Iowa caucuses. Where a bunch of home schoolers waddle down to the local school they loathe to cast a vote for somebody who hasn't a bowl of chips chance at an Iowa Tea Party of winning anything except an ass kicking in the future.

C Span,that network only lone gunmen in the making watch, has been popping a cork showing all the candidates posing with their fans. The Paultards dressed in skinny ties and gravy stained plaid shirts posing with the 78 year old nutjob, the horny male farmers trying to get with Michele Bachmann like she aint been got with since she married that prancing Marco guy, the people holding their noses as they stand next to Mittens Romney, the morally blinded Obama haters posing with a greasy former speaker of the house, the frothy mix of Iowans slithering up to Santorum and the former Herman Cain lovers who bring the pizza.

The Iowa caucus, come on folks, it's a tourist trap. Every four years this irrelevant bunch of small town rubes get to pretend everybody likes them and cares what they think. They get attention from a bunch of sleazy candidates, a bunch of drunken press sots, and a TV network full of liars, charlatans and blondes. Iowa gets to make a lot of money off this fraud. Much like Disney, it's all bullshit. But they keep coming and spending. Unlike Disney, who knows what a money grubbing machine it is, Iowans actually think you like them, you really like them.

Sometime later tonigh, if you can stomach it, turn on C Span and really watch what a crock of pig shit this Iowa caucus really is. And I know. I lived there at one time and participated in one of these jokes. Bullied by the local loudmouth, most of these people don't even knw what they are doing. Go stand in a corner if you like Ron Paul. Go sit over there if you like Mittens Romney. Go outside and bay at the moon if you like Michele Bachmann. That's what goes on. Seriously. A bunch of people just like your next door neighbor, you know, the guy with the NRA sticker on his truck window, go down and sit in a fucking corner of a school room. That's it. That's the first step to choosing the leader of the sort of free world. Thanks, Iowa.

Thank the invisible man in the sky you Iowa Republicans aint picked a winner since oh I don't know, ever. Keep it up tonight. Go stand in the corner for Ron Paul. If he's awake, he'll appreciate it.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Move Along, Sweetheart, Now Let The Men Talk!

This will never happen again, I am sure, but I'm going to stick up (gulp) a bit for Michele Bachmann. I'm not even going to post some kind of crazy picture of her (after all she doesn't need MY help there). But here goes.

How many times during this 26 week run of that reality show called the Republican debates have we heard this woman say "I am a serious candidate"? Oh it may be funny to some as this lunatic hollers for attention on those various stages but you want to know something? She is right. She IS a serious candidate for the presidency. She is every bit as serious as Hillary was, or Pat Schroeder was, or Shirley Chisholm was back in the 70"s. But for some reason she is dismissed by the moderators as a sort of side show cheerleader yeah that's nice honey now move along type. That, my friends, is pure old fashioned sexism.

Hey look, the ONLY one of these nuts vying to lose to Barack Obama to ever win a goddamned "election" is Michele Bachman. Remember that straw poll wayyyyyyy back when in Ames? Yeah, she bought it, she paid for it and she fucking WON. Give her some respect.

She isn't going to win. She isn't going to last beyond this Tuesday's Iowa bullshit. But it sort of pisses me off that this woman is dismissed while others fall all over a worse whackjob like Ron Paul, or an empty suit like Mittens Romney, or a bloated snake like Newt Gingrich. Criticize Bachmann all you like, and I have. She is a terrible candidate and of questionable sanity but she deserves a bit of respect from the male moderators of these debates and the Sunday morning borefests.

Just looking out for the chicks, man. Even females who loathe the very being of a Michele Bachmann, or a Condi Rice, or a dope like Virginia Fox must know deep down what I mean. For if the powers that be dismiss a female candidate who has actually won something now, they will do the same when a viable Democratic female candidate runs.

Let's destroy all these Republican blowhards. But let's do it equally. Their views are medieval. And unfortunately, they are all "serious" candidates.