Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Is This The Scripps Spelling Bee?

The Teabagger Express comes through the Big O on Thursday on its way to Obscurity, USA. I plan on attending so I can hopefully see more clever signs like that one. They pull in sometime around 5PM at Lake Zorinsky. Hmmm, I wonder if the teabaggers know that the lake they will make fools of themselves at was named after a Jew?

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I Said On This ROCK I Will Build My Church!

I was born a Catholic. I was baptized a Catholic. I went to Catholic school my entire life through high school. When I went to college,I dusted off the old altar boy training and helped out in the basement of a church where a Mass was said on an altar made of two sawhorses and a two by four surrounded by folding chairs I helped set up. Upstairs, in the main church, they were going through the whole megilla with the incense and the chanting and the music and the somber guilt. I'd had it with that nonsense. The basement was where it was at. Real. Like the old days.

Then one day, I retired. If there was a place you could resign, I would have. But how do you resign from a place you never really belonged anyway?

All through grade school, and the first year of high school, Catholicism was just the way it was. I didn't question the nuns in grade school teaching us anti-Semitism. I didn't question the racism, or the sexism, or the contradiction of being driven to Catholic school in a Cadillac. I didn't question any of it. The elitism, the arrogance, the sucking up to the parish priests by the rich parishioners. I didn't question the hitting, the verbal abuse, the installation of the catholic guilt I carry to this day. None of it. It was just the way it was. I was Catholic and I was a member of the chosen religion.

The came 1973. Catholic High School. The times they were a changin. The Catholics couldn't handle it. Abortion became legal and the Catholic hierarchy went ape shit. They abandoned their social justice, the concern for the poor, and no meat on Fridays for a sudden obsession with blastocysts and fetuses and stem cells. Ob-freaking-sessed. That's all that mattered. A goddamned cell was more important than any of the poor, the old, the retarded, the homeless, the abused kids. I didn't get it.

So I asked questions. Beginning that year, when math teachers began spending half the geometry class ranting about abortion, I got pissed. I was sick of it. So I began speaking up. Why is a fetus more important than the poor and the starving? I don't understand half this Bible thing. Why do we have to listen to abortion yapping in English class? Why do you throw some kids out of school for being mouthy while letting thieves and in one case, a murderer, stay in school? Could it be because of social class? Did Daddy take you to Cancun last winter? These are legitimate questions, right?

Max's Dad became Public Enemy #1 to some of the priests for his curiosity. He barely survived the last couple of years of high school. It was rough. How little I really knew of how corrupt this organization was. But I quit, like I said.

Now we find out that the infallible Pope, chosen by God (sorry I just spit up in my mouth a bit) is nothing but a co-conspirator in a world-wide child molesting scandal. Despite the Vatican turning into the Bush Administration and slandering anyone who questions their criminality, we all know what you are. A corrupt criminal organization who needs a good house cleaning. Unfortunately, there's no term limits on Pope Rat(zenberger). So he will stay until he croaks. The scandals will go on. The faithful will continue to dwindle in numbers and only the morally blind will stay and give standing ovations to the indefensible.

It's sad. Oh not that my birth religion is so utterly corrupt, they all are, but that so many people are unwilling to retire from it. You know what, folks. God doesn't give a shit what you do as long as you're nice to others. That's it. That's the only thing in the Bible or the Torah or the Koran worth remembering. You don't need some ridiculous zombie like chanting of words you can't ever forget to get to Catholic heaven. Just be nice to others. If that started happening, this earth would already be heaven.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

A Hobo, A Bum And A Teabagger Walk Into A Bar...

Hey, run to the New York Times site for today's shocking story on how most of the teabaggers leaders are unemployed deadbeats on government assistance. It's a classic Duh moment in American journalism. Not only are 100% of these too much time on their hands bums white and old, 100% of them are unemployed, retired and getting their income from the government. Ohhhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyy!

Can I be the 400,000th or so person today who proclaims to the teabaggers. "Get a job!"

There is a teabagging rally here in Omaha on April 1st. I may attend just to holler at the leeches in attendance to stop wasting my tax money. To paraphrase Max "they're just a bunch of hobos!"

Monday, March 22, 2010

Maybe Now We Can Jump Over Cuba In The Health Care Rankings!

Republicans all over the nation react to the passage of something that benefits somebody other than themselves. Eat it, Boehner!

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Whole Lotta Stupid Goin' On!!!

If you can listen to this whole thing, you deserve a medal. These are Steve King(R-Ia) and Michele Bachmann's (R-Mn) people. All I can say is WOW!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Bull Connor Is Looking Up At You With Pride!

As the Congress gets closer to passing health care legislation, the white people are freaking out. Calling gay congressmen (Barney Frank) "fa**ots" and black congressmen (John Lewis) "ni**ers" the teabaggers are acting like they used to back in the 60's, or still do in their bars and living rooms. John Lewis had his skull cracked at Selma, teabaggers, so your ignorant nicknames really don't bother him.

Don't cry, teabaggers. Pretty soon, your Medicare will be as commonplace to the rest of us as it is to you. So stop with the phony concerns about your grandkids' debt and poor little fetuses. We know it's all about you. And the fact that "colored guy" beat your fellow old guy and his dingbat hot chick.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Is Fox News Closed On The Sabbath?

Not only does Representative Steve King (R-Ia) have no heart ("the best vote I ever made was against Katrina relief") he apparently has no brain. On the Glenn Beck radio rant, King, a desperate man, exclaimed that the upcoming vote "they intend to vote on the Sabbath, during Lent, to take away the liberty that we have right from God..." . Who cares that the Mormon drunk, Glenn Beck, actually called a Sunday vote to help 45 million Americans get health insurance "an affront to God"? Beck is a morning zoo reject anyway. But King is an actual congressman. Iowa, what the hell is wrong with you people? You live right across the Might Mo from me. You seem like reasonable folks. I mean our congressman, Lee Terry (R-Ne), is a complete tool whose claim to fame was almost getting his ass kicked by Jesse Jackson Jr., but King is a fucking religious nut. And not a very good one at that.

Once again, hey dipshit, the original Sabbath was from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday. Then Rome got ahold of it and had it changed. Are you a Papal puppet? Hey King, To quote Robert DeNiro in Midnight Run, "I got two words for you, shut the fuck up!"

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Aunt Ginni & Uncle Thomas!

A long time ago when I was in college at the University of Nebraska, in some sort of poly sci course taught by some dirty hippie, we were instructed to write a short paper on what we considered to be an injustice in American history. I chose the esteemed drunk from Wisconsin, Joe McCarthy, and his campaign to rid America of logical thought. As I read my paper, I was met by almost unanimous agreement that Tail Gunner Joe was a bum and a disgrace. Except for one lone girl sitting next to me who proclaimed that she thought Joe was a hero and that we need more Joes to rid the nation of people like me. That girl was Ginni Lamp, now known as Ginni Thomas, the dingbat wife of unqualified Supreme Court kook, Clarence Thomas.

Ginni Thomas has become a teabagger. Thanks to her husband and the rest of the corporate hacks who make up 5/9 of the nation's top court, Ginni has started a new organization to cater to the teabaggers (do they realize her husband is shhhhh black?) called Liberty Central. The organization can now accept unlimited amounts of money to say nasty things about anybody they don't like and attempt to buy the Congress and the courts thanks to the SCROTUS (yeah they teabagged the whole nation). On the website, Ginni calls herself a "proud Nebraskan" who is a fan of Rush Limbaugh, Laura Ingraham and that squeakbox, Mark Levin. She also is "intrigued" by Glenn Beck and is "listening carefully". Yeah like the guys in the white coats and butterfly nets.

Now I don't care what Ginni does with her free time, I mean how much time can reading to Clarence take? But Ginni Thomas calling herself a "proud Nebraskan" makes me want to puke my Runza. The fact that she brings her goddamned husband back here to sit in luxury boxes and be in the same stadium as me during Husker games makes me want to throw up my corndog. The fact that they come back here and lower the collective IQ of this state (and trust me, thats an accomplishment) makes me want to upchuck my Fairbury Hot Dog. The fact I still remember her numbskullness in that long ago class makes me want to blow chunks of my gigantic heart-clogging steak. The fact that grown people will follow her into wingnutland makes me want to barf a Wahoo Weenie all over my Husker suit.

Stay away, Ginni. And keep your sycophant husband away also. I am sick of booing him when they introduce his dumb ass to the crowd of red clad lifeless teabaggers to be. It's the only time I can stand being around "proud Nebraskans". On the other hand, it is amusing to see the spinning brains of people who hate Obama, but cock their heads sideways at the black guy on the field married to their Ginni. At least 50 heads explode each and every Saturday.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Hey, I Say Something Nice About Michele Bachmann!

In the absence of Keith Olbermann, I humbly submit these Worst Persons In The World.

1) This corporate organization called Blackwater, or Paravant or whatever they call themselves this week is running roughshod over Afghanistan "protecting" the people. Ok, fine. What this "private contractor" is is nothing but a band of overpaid mercenaries who have access to wine, women, and lots of guns. Congressional hearings have shown that this bunch of cowboys like to treat the Afghan National Police arsenal like their own private gun store and the citizens of Afghanistan like shooting range targets. Oh and they have a sense of humor. When they steal guns, presumably to sell to the Taliban at gun shows, they like to sign their names as Eric Cartman. Haha. Whoever said psychotic religious fanatics like Erik Prince don't have a sense of humor?

2)Representative Trent Franks (R(what else?) AZ) wandered off the Planet Earth last week by stating to somebody who was actually taping him that "far more of the African American community is being devastated by the policies of today than were being devastated by the policies of slavery". Yeah he said that. To be fair, he was saying this in response to a poll he pulled out of his ass that said "50% of all black children are aborted". They love that comparison, don't they? Abortion and slavery. First, Trent, no black children are ever aborted. Fetuses are aborted. Second, STFU.

3)Senator Jon Kyl (R-AZ again?)says that unemployment benefits encourage people to sit around on their ass and not look for a job "because people are being paid even thoough they're not working" and " the same thing with this COBRA extension and the other extensions here". It is well know that Kyl is a tool, a dishoest tool at that. After all, this jackass is former bribe giver, or lobbyist as they prefer to be called. Does this idiot ever look at unemployment stats? Of course not. That would involve some sort of linear thinking. Kyl needs to be unemployed ASAP.

4) Senator Jim Bunning (R-KY) was holding up the extension of unemployment benefits that Kyl so despises. Standing there all alone in the Senate, like an aging pitcher unwilling to admit he sucks, Bunning yacked and yacked and said Senatorial things like "tough shit" as he objected to everything anybody offered to him. Bunning is hated by virtually everybody in the Senate, including his chinless compatriot from Kentucky, Mitch McConnell. Bunning finally gave up his one man shelling when Gene Mauch came out and pulled his ass off the Senatorial mound.

5) Representative Steve King (R-Ia) is just a one man gaffe. There are so many things this kook lets fly out of his Jesus-loving mouth that he makes Michele Bachmann (Nut-MN) look like Claire Booth Luce. King felt "empathy" for Joe the Pilot and Joe's famous kamikaze mission into the Austin, Texas IRS building where he killed an innocent father of six. King also called for the "implosion" of rest of the IRS buildings. Hey,dipshit, if it wasn't for the IRS, your sorry ass would not get paid. Geez, on second thought.......

Monday, March 1, 2010

Top 10 Reasons I Rooted For Canada In the Hockey Game!

10) The same reason I root against the Toronto Bluejays. Hockey is THEIR game. Baseball is OUR game.

9) We need to apologize for killing their soldiers in Afghanistan.

8) They can see Caribou Barbie from their house.

7) When the polar ice caps melt, they'll be the first to be treading water

6) They gave the draft resistors asylum during Vietnam

5) Those Mounties look so cool

4) They laugh at our birthers and conspiracy nuts

3) Gander, Newfoundland (look for the story Tom Brokaw did on those wonderful folks)

2) They are bilingual and I've yet to hear a Canadian squeal "How come I gotta press one for English?"

1) Their national anthem rocks!