Sunday, October 19, 2014

Willie Horton? Never Heard Of Him!



I cannot tell you how low the 2nd Congressional District campaign has sunk until you watch the "Willie Horton" ad above. Watching? Watching? Yep it's 1988 all over and Republicans just cannot stop being who they really are.

You see, one of their backbenchers is in trouble. A loyal stormtrooper with a pop gun who does whatever the Republican leadership tells him. Sometimes he votes both sides of an issue at some point so he can placate the racist, homophobic, dumb wingnuts AND the regular just plain greedy GOP'ers.

Lee Terry, oh I know I've ranted about this dork before. He, of the dang straight flub, the joking about dead GM customers at hearings, the promise to serve only 3 terms, the Madonna concert hideout, the fact that he is truly the dork in high school wearing the Boston t shirt trying so hard to look cool. This guy, whose only accomplishment while serving on a City Council of a city of half a million people, was to outlaw "cruising" on the main drag. Yes folks, "cruising" was a "problem" here in the 1990's. Welcome to Pleasantville.

But this ad, put out not by Lee the Dork, but by the regular Republican Klan back in DC, has taken Pleasantville back yet again. Will this bullshit work? Oh Lee sort of disowns it. Hey IIIIIII didn't have anything to do with this ad. Not lil old me. Uh huh. Not me. But hey, I won't stop it if it keeps me in my nice house and pays me well enough to suck off taxpayers for another two years while complaining about others sucking off taxpayers.

Pardon my Pleasantville, but Fuck Lee Terry. This awkward geek needs to go home to his nice house. Constantly pulling out 1 and 2 point wins thanks to the gerrymandering done in Lincoln by the teabaggers who run this state, it's time to say to Lee Terry to go become a lobbyist or whatever so he can get drunk with buxom babes and drool while giggling and tell his story to interested ladies who hate cruising too. After he explains what that is of course.

Terry's opponent, Brad Ashford (a dead ringer for Jerry Springer) is not an ideal candidate. He's been a Republican, an independent and a Democrat all in the last year or two. So he he has no idea who he is. But when it comes to Lee Terry, I don't care who runs against him and his fucknut puppetmasters in DC. ISIS, Ebola, dead people, I dont care. If you run against Terry the Nerd, you have my vote. Again, Fuck Lee Terry.

By the way, Lee, this latest version of Willie Horton, Nikko Jenkins, is batshit crazy. The fact he's black is really irrelevant to his murder spree. Oh what the fuck am I saying, of course it's because he's black. And so was Apophis, the Egyptian serpent god that Nikko serves. As opposed to Bonerphis, the ancient drunken god Lee The Dork serves.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Where's That Off Button Again?



How sick of political ads are you? To the point of watching only Netflix, DVR's, Redbox or actually reading or taking a walk? As far as I'm concerned, every one of these creeps can go fuck themselves. I have never ever been more sick of Midwestern values phonies like Joni Ernst, Bruce Braley or whatever the fuck his name is, Lee Terry, Peter Ricketts, Brad Ashford and many others none of you have ever heard of.

You literally find out that Bruce Braley or Bailey or whatever is a disgusting creep who will help Obummer install the Nation of Islam into the deep reaches of gubmint followed immediately by Joni Ernst is a psycho bitch with a racist prick for a husband and tolerates sexual harrassment as long as it's a red blooded Republican male drooling over some Republican hottie. Then next you hear how Lee Terry personally caused the Ebola panic by cutting funding to the CDC followed again by how Brad Ashford opened the cell door to let a mass murderer out of jail to kill a nice pretty white woman. Then we get an ad telling us what a nice, bald trust fund kid named Peter Ricketts will do for our state when he wins the Governorship because he has a R next to his name. Atually it should be a tape of little Peter begging Daddy for a state to run.

Now about the next Senator from Nebraska. A Senator so silent, he makes Teller look like Robin Williams. Ben Sasse has disappeared. Gonzo. Hasn't shown up for the last two Senate debates. Has $5.8 million in the bank from his various puppetmasters to be. On the positive side, no ads. On the negative side ,the dimbulb is so hunkered down hiding that there is little chance he has his "legitimate rape" moment we all knew would come. But it won't. Cuz he's hiding out with a 20-30% lead because of that R next to his name.

I hate political ads. But what I hate worse is chickenshits like Ben Sasse.

Friday, October 10, 2014

Why Go Home?


Nobody works as hard at a concert as Bruce Springsteen. The guy sweats, runs around, plays for 3 plus hours, and entertains the hell out of people. Nobody.

But last night I saw close. Eddie Vedder and Pearl Jam set foot in Nebraska for the first time since the played a bowling alley in Omaha back in 1992. A show that came the same week back in '92 as another show featuring Ice T and Body Count at the same bowling alley. Both cost $15. I could only afford one. Guess which one I went to? But Cop Killer was cool.

Last night in the Pinnacle Bank Arena in Lincoln we saw Pearl Jam in Nebraska for the very first time. And that 49 year old man named Eddie Vedder works his ass off. Singing, playing, swing from ropes for 3 plus hours,Eddie had it going. Max and I stood on the floor, about 10 rows back from the stage, sweated our butts off, and sang like foghorns to every song they played. Well at least Max sang all of them. I was not as familiar with the new stuff. But goddamn, when Do The Evolution started I screamed "I am the first mammal to wear pants" as loud as anybody there.

Look, I'm old. My knees hurt (as do Eddie Vedder's he said so).I'm overweight. I'm not fond of masses of sweaty drunk humanity in close proximity to me. But the one thing I learned in that close quartered sausage fest of young males on the floor of a Pearl Jam show is that the occasional young female feels they can do whatever the fuck they want because hey, I'm pretty and young and fuck you. Jumping on an old man's feet after pushing people out of the way so they can get closer to their dreamy Eddie is not cool. Every dude who hit me, ran into me or pushed me, apologized. Every chick who did it and the three who did know who they are, were rude and didn't give a shit that they had jumped on my feet, blocked my view and looked at me like I was the one intruding on them. The C bomb was very very close. It did not appear but it saw the end of the tunnel.

The show's setlist is out there. It was fuckin great. It was in my Top 5 of all time. I would go back tomorrow which is Saturday and would give me a day to recover. It was worth the 22 years wait after that mistake I made back in '92.

Bands that give a shit about their audience. Can that be beat? Nothing against Ringo Starr or McCartney or other performers who do a setlist of the same thing night after night. Fine. You are all wonderful too. But bands like Pearl Jam, or Bruce and the E Street band, or even Phish and anyone else who cares where they are and who they are playing for are the best.

Last night Pearl Jam played Open All Night, a Bruce Springsteen cover from the Nebraska album. For the first time ever I guess. That's special to me. They give a damn. Not a lot of people may have gotten that nod to us here in Nebraska, but I did. And I appreciate it.

Like when Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band played practically the entire Nebraska album when he was last here. Highway Patrolman for the first time in 30 years. I appreciate that too. Despite the casuals being pisssed he didn't play Born in the USA.

Years ago Phish went backstage after their regular set and practiced as quickly as they could Grand Funk's "We're an American Band" and came back and did it as an encore just because of the "Three young chiquitas in Omaha" line. I hate that song, but hey Phish, thanks for the nod.

So all the other bands can stop with the pandering "Go Big Red" shit and do something meaningful. I wanna hear somebody do Moby Grape's "Omaha".

Thanks to Eddie, Mike, Stone, Jeff, Matt and Boom for a great great time.

Monday, October 6, 2014

Ringo!


You can argue all you wish. John was better, Paul was better, George was the real genius. But you cannot argue that anybody hates Ringo. Ringo Starr and his All Starr Band swept into town last night and played two hours of hits, hits and more hits.

Jesus, this concert was fun. Fun Fun Fun. Backed by Todd Rundgren, guitarist Steve Lukather of Toto, keyboards man Gregg Rolie of Santana, bassist Richard Page of Mister Mister,drummer Gregg Bisonnette and multi talented Warren Ham on drums, sax, and keyboards, Ringo was just being Ringo. He bobbed his head while drumming, he hopped from foot to foot while singing, he told lousy jokes, he bantered with the crowd. Dammit I was like a teenager again. I saw Ringo!

The fun part of this concert, however, was the backup band. I never realized a lot of stuff. Toto was not a bad band. I always thought I hated them, but after hearing their songs again with Steve Lukather doing the heavy lifting, I found myself singing along to Rosanna, Hold the Line and the song I really thought I hated, Africa. Nope, loved it. Downloaded it.

Todd Rundgren, like Ringo, is just plain goofy. He Saw the Light, he Banged on the Drum All Day and told us Love is the Answer. All the while he looked like he was having fun.

Richard Page ,of a band I do not care for, Mister Mister played his group's two hits. Broken Wings and Kyrie. And a new song, You're Mine, which I actually liked.

And Gregg Rolie, the lead singer on classic Santana songs of the 70's (and he was at Woodstock, I am not worthy) did Oye Como Va, Black Magic Woman and a kick ass version of Evil Ways. He sounded at age 67 like he was 27. Perfect. Makes me want to see Santana again, or at least watch Soul Sacrifice at Woodstock for the 1000th time.

And Ringo. He sang Yellow Submarine and he sang With a Little Help From My Friends. And a bunch of other stuff like Photograph, Act Naturally, and any other song he sang as a member of the Beatles.

I've seen Paul sing A Day in the Life and now I've seen Ringo sing With A Little Help From My Friends.

And with the tragedy of John Lennon and the early passing of George, I guess that's the best it's going to get. And I'm fine with that.



Saturday, October 4, 2014

Hurricane Jake!


The weather sucked so bad in East Lansing, Michigan tonight where my Nebraska Cornhuskers lost to Michigan State, that the wind apparently blew over a 300 pound Husker lineman named Jake Cotton.

Get FEMA up there now!

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Free Barry!


Good Lord, if I had a really bizarre conspiracy theory mind, I might think the United States Secret Service is actually carrying out orders from Roger Ailes or the Free Republic and trying to let some kook kill the Obamas so they can get a white guy back in office and hate him for reasons other than his uppityness.

How many times is this Police Squad farce or a force going to let things like this happen. 7 bullets fired into the White House. A nut who should have been clipped by either a dog or a high powered rifle (in fact take him out of his cell and at least let a dog chew on him for a while) getting into the White House, shoving guards and running around like Lindsay Graham if he saw a rodent. And now, some guy with a gun on the elevator with Obama two weeks ago?

For chrissakes, Obama, fire the clowns and get a real security force. Like the ones pictured above.

Hire the Panthers. And give Fox News something to cry about.


(PS I know that pic is from The Butler, but da-yam, look, just look at that 'Fro!)

Sunday, September 28, 2014

AP American History!


Ok by now you've heard of the controversy over the teaching of Advanced Placement American History. How the poor oppressed white conservatives are being smashed under the left thumb of Marxist teachers and professors from commie bastions like Boulder when they try to instill a lil bit of patriotism into the course curriculum. Get yer guns everybody, Alinsky is ALIVE!!!

Max took AP American History last year. He aced it. He loved it. He also wants to burn the country to the ground and start over again but what 16 year old kid doesn't? Hell, I did. I even still have the gas can I was going to use. Of course now I use it to get gas to mow the freakin lawn.

AP History aint your granddaddy's history. You see it's called "Advanced Placement" for a reason. The kids who take it are generally more interested in school than your normal skateboarding slacker hanging around the school for hours cuz he doesn't want to go home. Nope, these kids want to learn. And the want the fucking truth. Not your politburo approved bullshit we learned when we were kids. Washington chopped down the cherry tree, the founding fathers were inspired by Gawwwd, Paul Revere rode around warnin the British were comin to take your guns while ringin a bell. All fine things to learn. If you're in kindergarten and think Sponge Bob rules, which of course he does.

In the spirit of Values Voters and the oppressed white christian I now present AP 'Merican History, approved by the silent majority.

1) The Founding Fathers was just like Jesus. 10 Commandments, Bill of Rights? Both 10? Coincidence? I don't think so. God is the founding father. Period.

2) Slavery was obviously morally wrong. But hey, the blacks in Africa sold each other to the white job creators who were just trying to provide a job. In fact, the blacks should stop getting all "arrogant" and thank the white people for bringing them to a better life. And they should all get off welfare too.

3) The Civil War was not about slavery. It was about states rights. The federal government telling the South what to do? Who the hell do they think they are? In fact, the Civil War was just the South defending itself against the oppressive power of the feds. Like now. Get yer guns!

4) Marbury vs Madison--huh?

5) All wars are like WW2. What if we hadn't stopped Hitler? Huh? Everybody we don't like is Hitler. Saddam, ISIS, Khaddafi, Grenada, Obama.

6) Communism is rampant. Anyone who wants equality, a clean environment, livable conditions, decent jobs, or eats Kale is a goddamned commie and needs to be stopped from influencing our children.

7) The following Americans are bad and cannot be mentioned except as an example of Bad Americans who should've been jailed for treason.

a) Malcolm X
b) Jimmy Carter
c) Cesar Chavez
d) Harvey Milk
e) anyone named Roosevelt
f) Margaret Sanger
g) Jonas Salk
h) Samuel Gompers
i) Crazy Horse
j) anyone named Obama
k) anyone named Hillary
l) France
m) 1940ish Japanese Americans
n) Hollywood
n) Larry Kramer
o) Muhammed Ali
p) Eugene Debs
q) Glass and/or Steagall
r) Robert LaFollette
s) Upton Sinclair
t) Bayard Rustin
u) Nat Turner
v) Dixie Chicks
w) anchor babies except Michelle Malkin
x) George McGovern
y) Harry Reid
z) anyone named Pelosi

8)Ronald Reagan saved America. He never raised taxes, never started a war he couldn't win, never raised the national debt, got everybody except lazy people jobs, outlawed abortion, deported everybody here illegally, never ever sold arms to Iran, stopped a Nicaraguan takeover of America, never supported apartheid in South Africa, did not create the Taliban, won the Cold War by faking like he wanted to get rid of nukes, and totally fired those union thugs who were crashing planes into each other. All hail Saint Reagan!

9)America is the best. If one of our drones kills your Yemeni wedding party, you should say thank you. Ungratefulness is not a good trait. What would you rather die of, being blown to smithereens by an American missile or being beheaded by a bearded hippie? Your choice. I think we know your preference.

10) America was founded by Jesus and is a christian nation of decent forgiving religious people who if you stray from this view will hunt you down and force you to love the country that will hound you to an early grave. Your choice. Love it or leave it!

AP American History. Fuck Yeah!