There Is No Place Like Nebraska! Except Wyoming, South Dakota, Kansas, Etc...

I have been away. Bad month. Bad memories. Sick and tired of politics and politicians and lying ads on TV. But after this week, I have to come back to say I am embarrassed to say I live here and by the representatives the people of this state send to Washington D.C. You all know what a complete tool I think Earl Benjamin Nelson is (see two posts back).This two bit pile of dog dung is standing center stage getting his ass kissed by prissy little Democrats too afraid to stand up for anything. Earl and Lieberman have taken control of the party by extortion and by spite. The Democrats are standing for this? Wake the eff up! Earl Ben Nelson is a spineless, valueless, soulless former insurance company president. Of course he's in the industry's pocket. Jesus Christ, what the hell else do you idiots need to know?

Enough about that smelly stuff I just stepped in. The other Senator, the junior Senator from Nebraska , one Mike Johanns, has given the Nebraska the exacta in the Moron Derby this week. After right wing bloggers pulled some turds out of their ass that Barack Obama threatened Earl with closing Offutt Air Force Base if he didn't come aboard on health care, and Earl mustered up enough integrity to deny it, and Barack Obama sniffed it away, Senator Mike Johanns said hey that's enough for me to not buy it, but let's investigate it with Senate hearings anyway. 19 other Republican morons signed on and we have our story. Obama threatened Nelson. It's fact now. The teabaggers believe it. The stupid people who stand in line for hours to buy a book and a picture from a snake oil saleswoman believe it. Johanns needs to be ashamed of himself.

Mike Johanns is a former mayor of Lincoln. A former Democrat. A former Governor of Nebraska, just like Earl. Now he's our junior Senator. Why? I have no idea. He's as boring as the Husker offense. He has the personality of your average turtle at the zoo. He accomplished absolutely nothing in his reign of sleepwalking. Yet, like Earl, he's the perfect Nebraska politician. He does nothing. Zilch. The people love it. Nothing. Rock the boat and you are outta here. Just like the state, flat and long and full of emptiness. That is Earl Ben Nelson and Mike Johanns.

Say have you heard which state has a worse Senator than Earl Benjamin Nelson? You got it. Nebraska!

It's Deja Vu All Over Again!

Barack Obama will announce this evening at West Point that a lot of those young men and women in attendance will get to go fight somebody over in Afghanistan. The "somebody" is in question since there's just a few hundred, if that, Al Quaeda guys swinging on monkey bars there. The Taliban? Is that the somebody? Why? The Taliban is never going away. We can be there a hundred years, and the Taliban will still be there. Kind of like the Viet Cong would have never gone away in Vietnam.

This war started back in 2001 as a response to the Taliban's refusal to stop harboring terrorists. The Taliban government went away very quickly as did the terrorists who scattered into Pakistan. A corrupt former oil executive named Hamid Karzai was installed as head of a corrupt government. Does this sound familiar? American soldiers fighting for a corrupt foreign government because American politicians, safe in their gated bunkers, tell them that America isn't safe without a stable Afghan government. This is the same bullshit we heard in 1964. This is the same Bush-it we heard in 2001. Well it's not 2001 anymore. That time has passed. The revenge has been had. 3,000 people died on 9/11/01. How many more must we kill before the bloodlust tapers off? Obama is making a huge mistake.

As for General Stanley McCrystal's request for 40,000 more troops? Who cares what he thinks? This is the man who orchestrated the cover up of the Pat Tillman murder. This is the man whose background lies in so-called Black Ops. Secrecy and lies. Perfect! Yeah ,let him lead the effort in Afghanistan. The truth is a pile of quicksand and Barack Obama is stepping right in it.

If you don't care about American lives, or you still want to kill Afghan civilians, or if Dick Cheney's venom still makes you drool, note this. It will cost $1 million per soldier to get them into Afghanistan. I know teabaggers are very concerned about government spending. How about them apples? That's $30 billion dollars. Thirty Billion at least. On top of the trillion already spent. We all know how concerned you folks are about health care costs. Put that in your teapot and brew it.

My Name Is Earl!

Standing above are two of the biggest weasels in American politics. Two extortionists attempting to hold the American people down as the insurance industry kicks them in the head. One is Joe Lieberman, my feelings well known about that turncoat schlep, the other is my senior Senator from Nebraska, Earl Benjamin Nelson. Let me tell you all about Earl.

Earl graduated law school back in 1970 and was promptly hired by Central States Insurance as an assistant counsel. Earl's role model, alleged Democrat James Exon, governor of Nebraska at the time, appointed Earl state insurance commissioner back in 1975. Appointing an insurance counsel to oversee the industry is like appointing Ann Coulter to overlook the booze and cigarette industry. Earl eventually got tired of it and went back to become president of Central States.

In 1990 Earl ran for Governor of Nebraska in the Democratic primary. He won by two votes. He later beat the incumbent Republican, Kay Orr, by out Republicanning her. I did not vote for Gentle Ben. Too right wing for me. He ran for re-election in 1994 against a Republican pro-choicer. What? Can Earl's life get any easier? he won. I voted Republican for one of the every few times in my life.

In 1996, Earl got a bit of an ego and ran for the United States Senate. He got his Fred Flintstone hair handed to him by Chuck Hagel. I voted Republican again. By the way, Chuck Hagel, a fine human being, positively hates Earl Benjamin Nelson.

While Governor, Earl opted out of an agreement to build a low level nuclear waste dump in a county of about 60 people up north. The agreement had been made during a previous administration and Earl reneged on the deal. The state was sued and lost $150 million in a settlement. Thanks, Earl. Some fiscal conservative. Earl also whacked three inmates while governor. The first three zapped in the chair since Charlie Starkweather back in 1959. Hey, he's no GW, but in a state of 1.5 million, that's a lot. Trust me, he lost no sleep over this.

Earl couldn't run again for Governor in 1998, so he went back to the insurance bidness. Then when Bob Kerrey decided he'd had enough of the Senate, Earl was right there to take advantage. He ran against a Republican wingnut, Attorney General Don Stenberg. Stenberg had embarrassed the state numerous times by getting sent home from the United States Supreme Court hat in hand, with a kick me sign stuck on his back. Earl spent twice as much as his opponent and won by less than 2 percent. I left the ballot blank. Chuck Hagel cringed at the sight of Earl showing up in DC.

In 2006, Earl lucked out again when his main rival, Republican Governor Mike Johanns, was appointed Sec of Agriculture by Bush. Some think Bush was looking out for his buddy, "Nellie". So Earl ran against a very rich, bald guy named Pete Ricketts. Ricketts seemed to think spending Daddy's fortune like Nick Cage and running ads where his grandma told him to put his hat on when he went outside would beat Earl. Ha!. Earl and his helmet hair destroyed Ricketts' bald head and Ricketts was forced to go buy the Chicago Cubs to feel important. I left the ballot blank again.

Earl cares about two things. Abortion and getting re-elected. He kowtows to the pro-life crowd unlike any politician I've ever seen. He endorses Obama, then does everything in his power to keep him from succeeding. Earl Benjamin Nelson is a opportunistic douche-bag, just like his buddy, Lieberman. Pay no attention to this DINO. He is squarely in the insurance industry's pocket. In fact, they lined his pocket in the first place. Trusting this man to do the right thing is useless. He doesn't brush his Blagojevich Hair without realizing the political consequences. He is a tool.

Just remember, the next time you see the press sucking up to Senator Ben Nelson (D-Ne), his name is really Earl.

I'd Poke You In The Chest If I Could Walk Over There!

A few years back here at the University of Nebraska, an egomaniac athletic director named Steve Pederson got all full of himself and fired a diminutive, successful football coach named Frank Solich for reasons only Pederson knows. Well it's deja vu all over again in Lawrence, Kansas where an egomanicac athletic director is trying to fire a really big, successful football coach named Mark Mangino. Hey Kansas, don't go down that road or you'll be stuck with your own version of "The Callahan Years'.

This brings me to the 450 lb. football coach in the room. Being fat. I've been fat, I've been not fat, I've been skinny. Currently I am really tubby but trying to be better and reduce to single seat on the airplane status. In case the picture doesn't scream the obvious at you, Mark Mangino is really fat. Mangino hasn't been any smaller than that in the many years he's coached at Kansas. He makes over a million dollars per year, yet sees nothing wrong about his girth or he'd spend a bit of that money to get healthy. Mangino is 53 years old. He is going to drop dead sooner than necessary lugging that weight around. Personally, I don't laugh at him like most people. I am concerned for him.


Mark Mangino is the best football coach in the Big 12 conference, in my opinion. He is a master strategist and gets more out of what he has to work with than anybody. There is no reason to fire this guy. True, Kansas is losing right now (5-5) but it's not Mangino's fault. Blame the Big 12 schedule makers who make KU play Oklahoma, Texas and Texas Tech in the same year all the time. So why is Mangino on the hot seat? He poked a player in the chest with his finger? He yelled at a player? He swears? He is a big meanie? I say a lot of it is because of his size. A big, gruff Italian guy waddling along the sideline isn't the image KU wants. KU wants the trim, golf pro looking guy. The problem is they've had a LOT of those guys scratching their visor-wearing heads over the years and they all lost a lot. Mangino wins. Period.

Kansas athletic director Steve Pederson, uhhhhhhhh, Lew Perkins is setting Mangino up to lose this battle. Former KU players, recruited by Perkins, are coming out of the woodwork to say Mangino hollered at them and made them cry. It's a setup to get rid of the fat man. As a fellow fat guy, I'm in Mangino's corner. But c'mon Mark, at least try to grab a salad every now and then.

Now I am off to watch our own skinnier, whacko Italian football coach, Bo Pelini. scream and holler and poke guys in the chest and make them cry. The difference is Pelini is winning. And he weighs about my size less than Mangino.

I Want My Hour Back!

Oprah vs. Bible Spice

4:09- what's up with Northern Overexposure's Phil Spector-like hair?

4:10- whining about double standard on her kids. Says "right on" to Oprah thinking it's 1973 and she's talking to Angela Davis.

4:14-Oprah says she was at "another convention" and Caribou Barbie flashes that Miss Wasilla smile

4:15- says "double standard" again

4:19- sorry I drifted off before being awakened by nails on blackboard voice

4:20- well off white women in audience politely applaud a break

4:25- the Pale Alaskan calls Katie Couric "badgering". What would she think of Sam Donaldson?

4:26- says "right on" again. Once again, you are not talking to Pam Grier

4:27- Oprah replays Couric interview. Jesus, Miss Moosejaw really is stupid.

4:29- Track's Ma was "annoyed" at Katie Couric and that's why she acted like Heidi from the Hills

4:30-Trigger's mommy is painting herself into a corner on considering a choice to have abortion. a choice she wants to deny others, Oprah sits there like a lump

4:36- Levi's almost mother-in-law discusses Levi with a lame "Johnny Hollywood" remark and claims he's doing "porn" . My brain is about to melt

4:38- Oprah asks her if she's "pissed" at Levi's statements concerning what a horrible human being she is. My ADHD kicks in. I have no idea what she said

4:45- Why am I watching this? Everybody, except horny white male conservatives, know she's a total fraud

4:46- Piper dresses up for Halloween as a "snow machine" driver. I knew I should have dressed up like my Dad at Halloween, one of the cast of Mad Men

4:47- Wasilla Whackjob tries too hard to convince us of her strong marriage

4:50- McCain wouldn't let me speak on election night. She is "disappointed". Nobody else is

4:52- Lisa Loopner drawls out "Tawwwwwwd". I want Bill Murray to give her a noogie

4:53- Obama's "caaaaaamp" caused her to quit the Governor's job? She's tap dancing like Shirley Temple.

4:54- Papa Heath says she's "reloading" not "retreating".

4:55- running for Pres "nawt on my radar screen".

..............had an involuntary jerk of right hand and it turned channel to Bonnie Hunt.

I'm No Jay Leno but Come On!

No wonder the Catholic church is so cranky. They're now paying out money for adult crimes. Why couldn't he have been kidnapped by a band of KILFs?

Can You Play Dancing With Myself?

Now that I've stopped laughing. Carrie Prejean, shown above showing the press how big she originally wanted them, sues the Miss California Pageant for whatever it is she sued for. The negotiations turned ugly when Miss Opposite Marriage was shown a sex tape. "That's disgusting" she allegedly proclaimed. At this point, the camera pulls back to show Carrie going solo. Homer Simpson never went "D'OHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" that fast. The lawsuit was dropped. I have no idea if the story played out that way. I just choose to believe it.

Now to start cackling again.