Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Cuba Si Castro Si!


It only took 55 years or so. But Fidel Castro has won thanks to the Kenyan Surrender Donkey, Barry DeObummer. Signing the surrender papers today,The United States of America has now officially become Estados Unidos.

Normalizing relations with the worst place on earth, Cuba?. Excuse me while I whip this disbelief out. Disbelief that this hasn't happened oh about 50 years ago.

To those unconcerned on why the shunning of Cuba began back when JFK was still alive I'm about to give you the official Max's Dad version of Cuban/United, errr, Estados Unidos history.

1952--just another Cuban douchenozzle not named Desi Arnaz, Fulgencio Batista, after being told he was running off the board in the upcoming Cuban Presidential Election, says fuck this and seizes power in a military coup.

1952-58- Batista gives blow jobs to the American Mob, American Corporations, and the Cuban elites while the Cuban people make about 6 pesos a month working in American sugar fields.

1958- after years of bitching and moaning and a few bombs blowing up, Fidel Castro leads a revolt that successfully sends Batista into exile and seizes control, unleashing a regime that kills about a zillion Cubans, or maybe not that many, or maybe about as many as Batista whacked in the name of freedom.

1960--after years of squeezing every cent on the backs of Cuban peasants they could out of Cuba, US corporations say heyyyyyy JFK, what are ya gonna do, our profit margin on slave labor is under siege. JFK embargoes Cuba by using one of those commie executive orders, much to the delight of the right wingers.

1963-- JFK forbids Estados Unidos citizens from traveling to Cuba, forcing them to go thru Canada or Mexico to get there. Right wingers cheer.

1963-- JFK goes what the fuck? Right wing Cuban exiles kill him anyway. This may or may not have actually happened. But it was a helluva movie.

1970-- Rafael Squidward Cruz (R-Canada) is born in Calgary, Canada. He comes out the womb and immediately the doctor hates his guts. His first words are "Cuba? Eh?"

1971-- Marco Rubio (R-Cuba) is born. He comes out of the womb screaming "Cuba Si, Castro No".

1971-75--Lots of American whack jobs hijack airliners to Havana. They must have really mad about that whole travel thing.

1976-1991--Cubans, driving around in 1957 Bonnevilles, get drafted and sent to foreign wars to die for a cause only their corrupt politicians believe in. Or maybe that was Estado Unidos citizens. Who knows?

1991- Daddy Warbuckski (the Soviets) collapses and Cuba says aye yi yi!!! Castro has to go get economic help from Venezuela and China. Or maybe that was Estados Unidos. Who knows?

2008-- Fidel Castro dies. Or at least gets really sick and resigns. Fidel hands power over to Raul Castro, his brother. Or was that the Bush family in Estados Unidos? Who knows?

2009- A Kenyan communist Muslim takes over Estados Unidos after millions of fraudulent votes from Acorn, illegal aliens, and Black Panthers. Cuba waits and sees.

2012--The Kenyan wins re-election over a robot. Cuba waits.

2014--Cuban government accused of torture, murder and little by little stealing freedoms from its own citizens. No that DEFINITELY was Estados Unidos.

2014--Barry Obama, dictator of the Estado Unidos, announces a lifting of some of the bans on Cuba after conferring with the Communist Pope.

Translation-- Fuck You Republicans.

2014-Somebody points out to Marco Rubio where Cuba is on the map before he throws a temper tantrum sifting up memories of the 1960's.

2014- Americans shrug and say, "uhhhh does that mean I can buy overpriced cigars now?"

2014- Rush Limbaugh salivates over a new destination for he and his rent boys.

2014- Barack Obama continues on his scorched earth lame duck kiss my ass tour.

There ya go. Turn that in to your history teachers, kids.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Murder He Taped!


Oh what's been going on lately as I've contemplated moving to fucking Sweden or Canada or whatever black hole that Interstellar movie took place in as this country degenerates into a giant mass of stupid.

What you see above is a murder. A group of tattooed, short man diseased, NYPD cops irate over a guy selling loose cigs on the street deciding to mete out a little NYPD justice by killing the guy. Ayyy you tapin' dat shit, go ahead you fuckin rat. Yeah, go ahead and tape it. Because of gutless prosecutors and rigged grand juries, nobody is going to do shit about police murder. Period.

Eric Garner, desperately begging for these little trolls to let him go, got in the way of strangulation artiste' Daniel Pantaleo's desire to teach this guy a lesson. By killing him. Ever been jacking around and somebody gets you in a position where you can't breathe? After you plead that "I can't breathe" your buds let you go. Oh but not NYPD. You fuckin pussy. Garner pleaded for his life, and these tough guy cops kept up the pressure until he was dead. Sorry NYPD apologists like Rep Peter "Archie Bunker" King (Mook-NY), you CAN speak if you are being choked to death. Obviously you dumb fucking Congress-meathead. Ya know how I know that? Cuz I saw the tape of a guy being choked to death SPEAKING.

Demonstrations taking place all over America are scaring the shit out of the Teabaggers. As the people in the crossfire of Police Departments all over the country say no more, the comfortable become less comfortable. The cops are all that keep the bad guys from busting into their houses and stealing their clown collections (as my Mom used to say NO MORE clowns!!) in their minds.

Our local paper publishes the old people version of internet comment sections in which those still talented enough to write in sentences longer than 140 characters can express their outrage. Hey I used to do it all the time until I got threats via snail mail for being for the gays, or for the chicks right to choose, or for the prosecution of war criminals running the USA. Yep, the anonymous comment sections are the way to go. Or this blog.

Anyway on 3 occasions this week, small town hicks have sent letters in stating their worldly view that if Eric Garner, or Michael Brown, or John Crawford, or Ezell Ford, or Tamir Rice or anybody else just obeys the police officers commands, well then, all is well and they aren't dead. Once again, every letter came from small towns in Nebraska where the clueless dominate. This is the prevailing view among white people. Well if you aren't doing something wrong, well then the nice policeman will not hassle you.

Pull your heads out of the black hole. Because until it happens to you, you deny it happens at all. At age 16 I was delivering newspapers at 5am in the "bad" part of Omaha, Nebraska. Sitting in my car with my helper folding the papers, in the dark, making a teenagers living, when 4 police cars screeched in behind us. The officers all had their weapons drawn, opened the car doors, yanked us out, threw us on the hood of the 1964 Rambler and put a gun to back of my ear demanding to know what the fuck we were up to. As I literally pissed myself, another "friendly" cop familiar with us and our notorious newspaper delivery job backed them off. Geezus, what if we'd been black, sick of the bullshit, and resisted the strongarm tactics of OPD?

I have never forgotten that incident. I'm white. I don't know what it's like to be black and won't pretend I can. But that incident with Omaha's finest made me a bit more sensitive to what it must be like to have that happen over and over. I work with black people who have told me of being stopped repeatedly because the fact they have jobs that pay a decent amount of money have allowed them to buy a new car. "Where'd ya get the car?" seems to OPD's method of interrogation.

So in conclusion.

Where's that black hole in Interstellar located?

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Nightcrawler!


Nightcrawler is one of the creepiest movies in a long while. The message after the nearly two hours of sleaziness, leering lust , intimidation, law breaking, attempted murder, murder, thievery, and immorality, all by Jake Gyllenhaal's Lou Bloom, is that all local news sucks. Oh does it ever suck. My city has a metropolitan area of nearly a million and half the time the lead story is a fucking car wreck, complete with the mandatory shot of a lone shoe lying on the pavement. Man, it's unwatchable. Ebola, car wrecks, burglaries, robberies, shootings, child molesters.

Nightcrawler covers all that. Lou Bloom is a thief who one day sees another ambulance chasing cameraman come upon a car wreck and begin filming. It intrigues Lou Bloom, one of life's losers. Exploiting dummies is Bloom's gift. With his how ya doin bullshit, Bloom steals metal and gets himself a cheap video camera at the pawn shop. This vampire begins running around at night finding things to film and sell it to local news stations so low in the ratings that reruns of Mike and Molly beat it to death in the ratings. Renee Russo is news director at that station and begins a relationship with Gyllenhaal's Lou Bloom. Buying his tapes, and eventually sleeping with him to keep the tapes coming. Man, is local news a sleazy business. Yep, says Nightcrawler.

Lou Bloom is a creep. Migawd he's a creep. Gyllenhaal lost weight, darkened his greasy hair, and leers with the best of the movie creeps as he exploits dumb assistants, blackmails news directors, arranges crimes to be committed, puts people in danger, meddles in crime scenes, sabotages the competition and eventually betrays his puppy dog loyal type assistant as much as you can betray someone.

Hey I liked it. Gyllenhaal's character, Lou Bloom, reminded me of somebody but I can't place it right now.

Paging Travis Bickle. Paging Travis Bickle. Your taxi is ready.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Bye Bye Bo!


Finally, the caveman who has led the University of Nebraska football program is gone. Bo Pelini was fired today after 7 years of mediocrity, sideline explosions, profane tapes , job seeking and denials, and a general us versus them mentality pitting he, his players and coaches against everybody else, including people like me who pay the money and sit there and watch him embarrass himself and us.

I don't give a shit that he won 9 games a year for 7 years and his players loved him. Children love their abusive fathers all over the world cuz they know no better.

But 40 something year old men in the spotlight who constantly beat lesser competition, lose big to superior teams and act like a goddamned maniac constantly should not be the face of the program. Hell, this guy should have been fired 4 years ago when he got into that finger slamming sideline rant against his own quarterback on national TV. He should have been fired 3 years ago when he went on an obscene rant against the media and the fans who pay his fucking $3 million a year salary. He certainly should have been fired last year after that temper tantrum against the referee and the subsequent I dare you to fire me press conference after the Iowa loss. But he survived because a certain number of Regents were in his corner.

Well today, Silent Shawn Eichorst, the almost mute Athletic Director, cut the cancer out and fired Pelini. And he did it without consulting the Regents, who are pissed and that makes me very happy.

The players, in true Us V Them Stockholm Syndrome mode , are not happy. They tweet, they get into bum fights with fans on twitter, they are swearing and cussing and saying nasty things. But hey, they're 18-23 year old guys. God forbid if twitter had been around when I was that age. So passes are given. Their 2nd dad is gone. It's tough.

I used to love Nebraska football. Lived for it. But that was long ago before I had a life. Now its entertainment. But Pelini made it a chore. Entertainment should not be a chore.

Good luck Bo. I'm sure your family loves you and your two Goldens love you too. But crazy actions and profane rants are not the way to make strangers love you.

Birdman!



Michael Keaton played Batman and Jack Nicholson played the Joker. Holy 1989, Batman. Remember? Dark, moody and freaking great for those of us who grew up watching Adam West cornpone his way thru 3 seasons of classic TV.

But in the past 25 years, Keaton has been a character actor. You know, the guy who shows up and you go oh yeah, I remember him.

Birdman pretty much tells his story. He's a former superhero movie star who has faded into obscurity and is pushing 60. He has decided to write,direct and star in a Broadway play to revive his career. He's all in on this and there is no Plan B. And oh yeah, he may or may not have actual superpowers. He also has a demon who constantly tells him what a complete piece of shit he is. Oh yeah, this guy is a mess.

Will his last shot at a career work? Well it won't be easy as Keaton has to deal with his manager (Zach Galafanakis), his cast, his eye rolling daughter (Emma Stone) and his ex-wife, perhaps the greatest ex wife ever (Amy Ryan). Not to mention a NY Times theater critic who hates his guts and promises she will destroy him no matter what.

The journey to opening night is a trip. If you didn't think actors are nuts, you will after watching this. Trust me I know they are nuts, I live with one. They hate themselves and thus, they play other people. Not exactly Freudian but certainly the norm.

Keaton and his demon are great. He is a frantic man holding on by his nails. But as great as Keaton is in this role, goddamn, Ed Norton is absolutely stunning as the egomaniacal theater actor who comes in to save/destroy his play. Norton is as controlled crazy as any screen character has been in years. He fucks up previews, he gets aroused onstage, he gets drunk onstage, he asks to be threatened with a real gun. He is impossible to not watch.

Naomi Watts is the insecure actress who constantly needs reassurance. Andrea Riseborough is the 4th member of the cast who is also Keaton's gal pal.

Will this play work? Not a chance if the critic has her way. Her disdain of movie actors is apparent. But Keaton is so desperate, so backed up against the wall, he will do anything to win her approval.

What will he do? Will his "superpowers" kick in?

Birdman is fascinating. An almost documentary of backstage Broadway. See it.

And about those superpowers. There's a scene involving a taxi driver that will tell you all you need to know about his superpowers.

Love it.

Saturday, November 29, 2014

Movies!



Get 4 days off? Hang with family? Get in verbal fisticuffs with the Uncle who thinks Obama is a Muslim socialist? Eat too damn much? Yeah me too. And then?

Movie Time.

WHIPLASH:

You like jazz? Nope, nobody does except me and old black folks appalled by what passes for music nowadays. But Whiplash aint about jazz. Oh yeah, Andrew Nieman (Miles Teller), who idolizes Buddy Rich for both his drumming and for his being a prick, drums and drums and drums at a Julliard type music school. But what this movie really is about is bullying. And how bullying is one of the most contagious diseases known to mankind.

Terence Fletcher (J K Simmons) is a bullying jazz professor intent on not so much teaching jazz, but on destroying those who do not live up to his standards. Which is everybody.

Fletcher destroys young people with his profane, mean, racist, homophobic outbursts much like R Lee Ermey did in Full Metal Jacket. But Andrew aint biting. At least until he has his Private Pyle breaking point.

This movie is not for everyone. Andrew is Fletcher light. He's an asshole too. But Fletcher is a nuclear asshole and watching Simmons, the Farmers Insurance guy in case you don't know who he is, play this role is fascinating. Man, he scared ME half the time. You just want somebody to deck him. And so does he. The self loathing is evident.

Whiplash is a great movie. One of the best I've seen this year. And J K Simmons? Wow. It's Oscar time.

Back with another later. Gotta go watch Terence "Bud" Crawford fight.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

How Close Is St. Louis To Being In The South?


I guess when white people do it, it's a disturbance, or kids having fun, or drunken horseplay , or the protesting of the removal of a pedophile enabler from coaching your plain label football team. Oh the outrage! Perfectly justified!

But when the blacks do it. Oh my lawd, batten down the hatches, hide in your house, buy guns and watch Fox News. They'll tell me what I want to hear. Savages. Thugs. Bums. Punks. Agitators. Race Hustlers. Animals. What the fuck man. No white people rioted when O J was acquitted. Mike Brown was stealing cigars. He rushed the poor cop. He was like a demon. Hulk Hogan except, ya know, darker. The poor cop got his eye socket busted by that violent strong armed robber, and then miraculously healed by the time he'd pumped 10 bullets into the charging bull of a man.

Well the media, Fox News viewers, conservatives, racists, dumbasses, maybe I should just have left it at Fox News viewers, got what they wanted. A good old fashioned riot. Show the looters!Show the looters! Damn them all to hell, that poor vodka bottle never had a chance. See, I told ya, they are animals looking for free stuff. I'll bet all of them voted for Obummer.

Just fucking STOP!

I have no love for criminals who loot shit, who take advantage of a bad situation to benefit themselves, like the Kochs and Lord Mittens Von Romney. I know the idiots who took stuff out of the Quickie Mart couldn't care less about Michael Brown. Who? Yeah exactly.

The problem here is twofold.

1) the cops are the real agitators here. What with their bullshit equipment (APV's really?) their itching for a fight attitude, their desire to crack a few heads without consequences its no wonder this happens.

People assembling on a street has become a crime? And even if it is, so fucking what? The Police reaction to this is the real appalling part of this. No common sense. A desire for violence. To demand these people, with real grievances, to disperse and when they do not, tear gas them and fire bean bags into them? No wonder they're pissed.

Oh what's your solution Max's Dad. You just gonna let them stand there?

Yes. On this night. You're goddamn right I am. Stand there and protest all night if you want. Blocking traffic, of which there is none, except for the tanks and all that other appalling crap cops have nowadays.

This was as usual, nothing but a police inspired riot. Period.

But like George Zimmerman, the guy who starts it is loved by the majority.

2)The African American community is pretty sick of being treated like a conquered people by a paramilitary force. We used to have a Mayor in this city who talked like that. The Omaha Police, you know, the ones who shoot Cops cameramen, were considered a paramilitary occupying force. The Mayor said that. In his outside voice. Yep, he got elected twice.

It's hard enough to send my white teenager out into the bad world. But I also know the chances of him being shot are kind of low. By the cops? Probably somewhere around 0%.

But a black family sending their kids out? Good lord. How terrifying on a daily or nightly basis. Christ, the cops shoot black people in this city for carrying cell phones. I cannot imagine the terror of knowing if the gangs don't get your kids , the cops might execute them for taking some cigars and walking in the middle of the street. They seem to have a real problem in Ferguson with people being on their pothole infested streets. Ya just never know when a tank might need to get through.

So as appalled as the comfortable white folks may have been over the looting of a store, I was just as appalled at the unnecessary show of force by a police department full of robed idiots. And by the death of yet another 18 year old black man. Even if he scared poor Darren Wilson because he was like Hulk Hogan and was like a demon.

Hey Darren. Before you become a regular talking mook on Fox News. You do realize that Hulk Hogan is a fake wrestler? And the demons you saw may have been just a reflection in your side mirror.