Wednesday, November 5, 2014

WTF Is The Matter With Kansas?


Holy Smokes, did anybody get the license numbers of that caravan of trucks driven by all those old white people that ran us over last night? Most of those fossils shouldn't be driving much less voting but since the voter suppression laws are written for the darker persuasion and not for the Buick drivers it's really hard to stop them. I suppose passing a law stating you need a special form to vote and only advertising it on CNN, MSNBC or the major networks other than Fox might do the trick but crap, that would be wrong. And being wrong is THEIR fucking job.

I can take the loss of the Senate because what really changes? Filibusters, holds and vetoes will assure nothing gets done so fuck that club of cackling nutjobs.

Here in Nebraska, we sent a buck toothed carpetbagger named Ben Thath, er, Sasse to that club of cackling nuts where his Sylvester like speech pattern will be assured to cause hilarity to ensue the first time he tries to thay thufferin thuccotash..

But we got rid of Lee Terry. After 16 years of doing absolutely nothing, this back benching leech was finally beaten by a guy who was registered under 3 different parties in the last two years. Brad Something or other. It doesn't matter cuz we got rid of Lee Terry, of 2014 Willie Horton fame. Fuck Lee Terry and I hope that's the last time I ever type that.

But hey. Kansas? What in the fuck is the matter with you?

Sam Brownback took your state and shit down its neck the last 4 years. And you re-elected him?

Pat Roberts lives in Kansas less often than I do, which is never. I mean the guy lists Fairfax, Virginia as his primary residence which as far as I know is nowhere near the Sunflower State. He rents a space in a home in Kansas for $300 a month to make it all kosher. And you re-elected him too?

Kris Kobach, a genuine bigot if there ever was one, who as Secretary of that Miserable State, seems to think by making it harder and harder for people to exercise an actual right and vote he can assure Kansas of being a kind of White Utopia, disenfranchised over 22,000 voters before this 2014 election as a punishment for 5 cases of voter fraud. And ou assholes re-elected him too?

Oh Kansas. And I thought you were the good state if I had to choose between you and Missouri. But apparently you can be just as dumb as those Show Me State hilljacks.

Ya know I have often believed that in the nations heartland, Republicanism is genetic, like color blindness or sickle cell disease. In fact, Republicanism is the white peoples sickle cell disorder. You may intend to say no more to your average Republican political dicklick, but once in the voting booth, it cannot be done. Great Grandpappy will roll over in his grave if he knew you voted for a Demoncrat. The hand just naturally goes Republican. Even though the Republican you just voted for is sticking his hand up your ass and tickling your uvula.

Ah he don't mean it. He won't hit me again. Kansas, home of perfectly moderate sensible Republicans like Alf Landon, Dwight Eisenhower, BobDole, Nancy Kassenbaum, and the Koch Brothers. The Lawrence Koch Brothers not those evil pricks from Wichita.

Sam Brownback took an economical stable state and turned it into a fiery mess. Oh yeah, he cut taxes all right. To the point it cost the state over $600 million in revenue. So he cut the Earned Income Tax credit, which in effect raised taxes on the working poor. He cut state spending on education which apparently worked. Brownie created an atmosphere so toxic Kansas will run deficits through 2019. How could anyone re-elect a disaster like that?

Kansas, that's who. Thats cuz Paul Davis, the poor slob who somehow lost to this burning mass of Republican tires, went to a strip club back in 1998 and got a, hushhhh yo mouth, lap dance. The genetic Republicanism kicked in when Ma and Pa Kettle in Dodge City saw that. While Pa, in between the harangues about the gays, angrily decried Davis and his lap dance (while fondly remembering his time away from Ma in the big city of Topeka and Baby Dolls)and Ma swung the rolling pin at the Obama punching bag Davis was cooked. Even though Brownback was barebacking Kansas, he was still a good Christian man and dammit, I'm voting Christian again.

Schadenfreude. That's what I'm feeling now. When Kansas finally falls into that septic tank and drowns in that pile of Brownback poop, I will be laughing.

And then I'll turn to my state capitol. Lincoln, not Memorial Stadium, and realize my state just elected Charles Foster Kane to run this state. Fuck.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

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Max's Dad said...

Thanks for the very cogent and relevant response. Kansas would welcome you.

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