He's the rootinest tootinest sheriff west of the Pecos, wherever that is. Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Maricopa County, Areeeezona. Yahooooooo!!!...
We all know about Sheriff Joe and his tough guy stance. How he dresses up convicts in pink and throws them a baloney sammich every now and then and makes them live in tents and sticks them out on a road all chained up and makes them pick up stuff so your average leather skinned Arizona pale face can drive by and go "I love that Sheriff Joe cuz he's tough on crime, now where did Bill say I could pick up a guy to clean my pool for $10?" Yeah, Sheriff Joe, tough guy, keeping them Apaches from an uprising for 120 years now.
Sheriff Joe is really nothing more than the Lawrence Rainey and Cecil Price of his day. You might remember those two redneck Mississippi sheriffs from the 1960's and a little incident involving three young men named Schwerner, Goodman and Chaney? Sheriff Joe likes to send out what they call "sweeps". Joe sends a whole lot of his deputies (you know, deputies, the guys not smart enough to become real cops) out into neighborhoods to pull people over in cars for various things like not using turn signals or speeding or looking all Hispanicee or something. Well for some reason 57% or so of all arrests involved "illegal aliens". I say "illegal aliens" instead of "undocumented workers" because if I hear one more person say "what is it about eeelegal you don't understand" my head will explode. So the Homeland Security Department, you know, that big government department created by the small government Republicans, told Sheriff Joe that they don't respect his authoritayyyy any longer and to stop the "racial profiling". Meanwhile, Sheriff Joe started destroying e-mails and records that might implicate him for "racial profiling", which of course he does not do (winky winky). Sheriff Joe is losing time after time now in his quest for whatever it is his quest is.
Oh yeah, Tea Party speaker. Much like his fellow scam artist, that illegal half Governor from that pretend state north of the Pecos, Parah Sailin, Sheriff Joe likes to be pampered with private planes and 5 star hotels and room service provided by "questionable citizens" for doing one thing. Giving a little talk to a bunch of old Teabagger people who really just want their white country back. Some probably even say "Arrrrr-pay-ohhhh where did "his people" come from anyway?" From under a rock like the Palins probably. Anyway, Sheriff Joe gets paid a whole lot of money to yammer on about the ACLU and illegals and Obama and Eric Holder (shhhh, you know, that black guy runnin the Justice Department) and heads in the desert and drug cartels and rapists and murderers. You know, one big fun time at the Tea Party Ball! And it works much like when the Quittah from Wasilla does the same thing you betcha by golly. Idiots pay $50- $100 to hear the same thing they can hear for free on any Fox News show on a nightly basis. Oh I know, it just aint the same as hearing it in person. And it gets them out of the home for a night. And it really gets the old blood boiling too. Yeah, who needs the Cialis after a night of Sheriff Joe?
Sheriff Joe is on his way out. He refuses to investigate hundreds of rapes and murders because the victims are not citizens. Instead he loves to arrest field workers, busboys and dishwashers for not having papers. Sheriff Joe, kowtowed to by every Republican whore on earth, and loving every second of his celebrity status. Now, he's in trouble with the very law he pretends to enforce. As far as I'm concerned, the faster this self aggrandizing blowhard is fitted for his own pink jumpsuit, size extra fat headed, and given a hunk of green lunchmeat, the better. Yahoooooooooo!!!
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