Newtie Is A Blowfish!

Oh my God! Just when you think the Republican yokels can't do anything more entertaining than elevate a book huckster like Rock You Like a Herman Cain to the top of the polls, they do it again. The Teabagger favorite has now become Newt Gingrich. Jesus H Christ, Republican primary mouth breathers, Newt Gingrich? Why not Rod Blogoevich? At least he's got charisma. Gingrich should be Rod's cellmate to be honest, a word Gingrich had removed from his scatter brain.

You have to be kidding me, Republican knuckle draggers. Newt Gingrich? You hate that slippery Mittens Romney so much you go for a wild eyed crazy woman first, then when she shows the crazy too much, it's off to support the Texas dumber than Bush guy, then when he says something about your black hearts and says oops you abandon him for the non scary black dude who speaks perfect gibberish just like you, nine nine nine and iz becky becky becky stan. Then when he becomes the "victim" of the lying bitches and the commie media and gets one upside his head from Gloria you move on to THIS? Newt Gingrich? What the fuck is the matter with you Republican neanderthals? Get a brain, morans!

Newtie is about third on my dream list for Obama to run against. Right after that wild eyed foster parent from Minnesota and that lecherous back massaging pizza guy. Newt is a walking scandal. We all know of his inability to walk the straight and narrow. We've all heard the stories of how he served divorce papers to his first wife, Jackie, while she was in the hospital recovering from cancer surgery. No, she wasn't on her deathbed and we should stop saying that because it makes us look as truth challenged as him. We know that while he was impeaching Bill Clinton for getting hummers from a chubby intern, while still married to Marianne Gingrich, he was meeting a woman 23 years his junior and banging her after Mass. No wonder he converted to Catholicism. That would be Callista Gingrich, the Tiffany's enthusiast. Geez, how many chicks has this guy snookered into marrying his fat bloated ass?

And that's just Newtie's personal life. Forget about the backdoor book deal with Rupert Murdoch, the bounced checks during the Congressional check kiting scandals, the personal profiteering using tax exempt charities to enrich himself and his buddies, his "college courses" in which he recruited Hitler youth types to run for office, the $330K fine he paid for ethics violations, the fact, yes fact, he was the first Speaker of the House to be reprimanded by his colleagues 395-28 and resigned after that public humiliation. And that's just through 1999 for chrissakes.

Since then this scumbag has taken money from Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae as an "historian". He feeds his wife's lavish tastes with a $1 million account at Tiffany's while expressing concern for overspending by the Government he loathes yet profits from. He dismisses a Mediterranean cruise as a fact finding mission to "study" Greece's faltering economy. I mean this guy makes Nixon look like Abe fucking Lincoln.

But you Republican hillbillies just keep wandering aimlessly looking for anybody to get that black guy out of your White House . Anybody!!! Except of course that Mormom flip flopping son of a bitch from Taxachusetts. You know, the one who may have a chance. Nahhhhhhhhh, we'd rather dress up like Ben Franklin, handle our snakes, praise Jebus, and ignore the chaotic life of an immoral prick like Newtie Gingrich. And besides, it's easier for us to sit back in our easy chairs and piss and moan than actually try to win. And hey, those 9 year old kids, you know, the ones those minorities always have so they can get more tax money, they need to get a freakin job, just like Newtie says. Now, where's my social security check?