Saturday, October 17, 2015
Go Flubs Go!
The Cubs are great! They can't lose! It's OUR year! How many times do we have to hear this? Goddamn, I love Chicago, I love Wrigley Field, and I love the fact the Cubs lose every freakin year! Even the losers that are the White Sox have a championship, no two, since the Cubs last won. And one of them came in 1917, when the Ottoman Empire still existed. Give it up Cubs fans. It's destiny.
And now the best reasons to root for the NY Mets.
10) Cubs fans pray and cry and whine and think they are lovable because of it. Nah, you're just losers as is your overrated team.
9) You blame everybody but your shitty management for your loserdom. Goats, curses, black cats, and some geek in left field who didn't do anything you clowns wouldn't have done. Try to catch a free baseball.
8) Speaking of free baseballs, you bleacher drunks bully people into throwing back free baseballs if the opposing team has the utter gall to hit one of your crappy pitchers hanging curve balls out of the stadium. What the fuck. What does that accomplish? Hey Cubs bleacher drunks, throwing a ball back doesn't take 1 run or two off the ancient scoreboard for the team that's about to beat your ass.
7) Wrigley Field, though a shrine to the past, is a pit. Beams, and piss troughs, and creeping jungle vines growing all over the place. The place is again a shrine and the actual reason to go to a Cubs game. But face it. It's a dump.
6) Cubs fans, much like Nebraska fans, actually think the whole country roots for them. Nah, not so much Cubbie fans. Most of you are preppy little fucks who treat a baseball game like one of your wine and cheese parties. Oh how cute, they lost again. I just love them so much, when does that Ernie Banks bat again?
5) Cubs fans love that goddamned 7th inning stretch where some attention seeking "celebrity" tries to sing Take Me Out To The Ballgame. I've been to Wrigley many times and the only "celebrity" I ever saw sing was Harry Carey. That moldy tradition should have died with him. And that fucking annoying ass other song.
4) They traded Lou Brock to the Cardinals. Good lord, if that alone doesn't make you hate them, nothing will. The creeps running that team at the time had a building named after them in downtown Chicago and to save money, and get a lousy white pitcher in return, they dumped one of the greatest players ever.
3) They are named the "Cubs'. Christ, at least the mighty Chicago Bears are named after a fully grown animal. Thee clowns are named after a baby. Oh its so cute. Look at them lose.
2) Lee Elia. Never a truer statement has been made about Cubs fans. I fucking love Lee Elia.
1) The owners of this miserable team. The Ricketts family. These lousy fucks are great Republican hypocrites. While Joe Ricketts, the old man, was ranting about government spending, he was holding up Illinois taxpayers to fix that shitty stadium and stick a giant big screen TV up so he could pretend it wasn't a 103 year old dump. Old man Joe started a millions of dollars campaign in 2012 to racially attack Barack Obama, and backed off when it was found out. Pete Ricketts, bored with his money, bought the Governor's mansion in a state stupid enough to elect his bald ass. My Nebraska. Nice going farmfucks. Not to mention this family of Ewings support of rat faced Scott Walker, another loser.
So fuck the Chicago Cubs, fuck their fans, and fuck their owners. Damns I started this as a lark, and now I am genuinely pissed off.
Let's go Mets.