Thursday, August 30, 2012
Day Four ! Tampa Tantrum!
9:00 PM---Where the hell is Clint Eastwood? Who gives a shit about a bunch of Mormons trying to take their crazy ass religion out of the Scientology division?
9:02 PM-- Finally! It's Clint Eastwood. Congrats Republicans on getting a show biz guy somebody's heard of. I have no idea why Clint is talking to an empty chair he apparently thinks has the President sitting in it. Maybe that blind baseball scout he plays isn't far from the truth. Oh please, this is embarrassing.
9:07 PM-- Clint apparently thinks the POTUS should check with Russia before going into Afghanistan? Is Bush here after all?
9:08 PM--- Oh my god, Clint is older than most everybody in that hall and it shows. Imaginary Barack Obama apparently just told Mittens to go fuck himself. Clint translated.
9:10 PM--I never ever thought I'd say this, but bring on Mittens!!!
9:11 PM-- Imaginary Barack just told Clint to go fuck himself. Real Max's Dad says the same thing.
9:12 PM-- Poor Trump! Clint is firing imaginary Barack Obama.
9:14 PM---The inevitable Make My Day drop.
9:15 PM--Andrea Mitchell says "that was very strange". And she's seen Allan Greenspan naked!
9:19 PM-- Who glued Marco Rubio's hair on? Talk about self deportation. For the hair guy.
9:20 PM-- Paul Ryan applauds. They both look like the nerds who got hotdogs shoved in their mouths during fraternity hazing.
9:22 PM-- Rubio continues to do a Christie and talk about himself. The crowd groans. Bring on the white guy! Too much Rainbow! Go back to Cuba!
9:24 PM-- Jesus H Christ. Bring back Clint Eastwood for chrissakes! Rubio calls himself "special". I'm beginning to agree!
9:26 PM--more immigrant bullshit from Rubio. He speaks Spanish. Republican delegate anger grows!
9:28 PM-- Somebody get this self promoting asshole off stage. Bring back the empty chair. It was more interesting!
9:32 PM-- Mittens stiffly walks into hall shaking hands with old white men. And he STILL looks uncomfortable.
9:34 PM-- Chuck Todd sticks his tongue down Romney's throat yet again. David Gregory plays does the same.
9:36 PM-- Mittens stiffly waves at imaginary people. The crowd still hollers "hey at least he aint the black guy"
9:37 PM-- Thanks to Marco "Me Me Me" Rubio and Dirty Harry, Mittens is late in beginning his rip roaring lecture to "us people"
9:38 PM-- Hoo boy. An I Pod joke. He likes the Mormon Tabernacle Choir better than "Zeppelin". Take that Dick Nixon,errr, Paul Ryan
9:40 PM-- Mittens talks more immigrants. Hey, when did these white supremacists start digging off white people?
9:42 PM-- the inevitable "U S A U S A" chant starts when Mittens brags about people taking two $9 an hour jobs? Huh? Ann Romney was working at both Kohls AND Fatburger?
9:45 PM-- Mittens begins to tell us his life story. Yeah Yeah Yeah. You were born into a wealthy family, were handed everything you ever got, and now want to fuck over everybody else!
9:47 PM-- Mittens continues to smirk. Makes a crack about sports teams he liked. I wonder what team Mittens likes? Why that polo team I once saw was just grand!
9:48 PM-- Mittens begins his pandering to the vaginal-americans who hate his guts and want to rip Paul Ryan's dick off.
9:50 PM-- Oh my! Mittens had to work weekends! Of course he did. He had 5 kids the nanny couldn't shut up! Not to mention that blonde harpy he married.
9:52 PM-- "Ann would have succeeded at anything she wanted to do". But she didn't have to because she snagged Mittens and his money. Good job, Ann! She succeeded at hitting the gold digger scratch off lottery.
9:55 PM-- Well at least he aint the black guy cries the crowd....again
9:56 PM-- Mittens starts to tell the Bain Capital story where at age 37 he started....wait, age 37? What the fuck was he doing until age 37? Oh yeah, living off Daddy's money.
9:57 PM-- Mittens mentions Michelle Obama. Old racist white ladies cringe.
9:59 PM-- Mittens cadence is so bizarre it sounds like he's about to burst into tears at any moment.
10:00 PM--yeah yeah, nobody is better off than they were 4 years ago because Obama ruined everything. Except for the 4 1/2 million people who found work in the last 4 years as opposed to the 5 million who lost jobs in the previous 8 years.
10:02 PM-- Mittens lies about Medicare again. Mittens lies about Obama sending jobs to China. What next? Mittens blames Obama for all the Bain Capital layoffs?
10:04 PM-- Mittens has a plan. To create 12 million jobs.....Yeah, in China.
10:06 PM-- Obamacare is evil. Just pay cash like all regular Americans do.
10:07 PM--Mittens is guaranteeing freedom of religion. The Planet Kobol high fives!
10:08 PM--The white supremacists boo cleaning up the planet.
10:09 PM-- U S A U S A U S A..Mittens now blames the evil Obama for destroying the nation and all its Allies. Will go on a jobs tour...in China or maybe Indonesia where Obama was born.
10:12 PM--Mittens begins to YELL. Threatens to start wars if anybody looks at us funny. He's starting to come unhinged. The unhinged crowd goes wild.
10:14 PM-- Finally , that Mormon son of a bitch finishes. James Brown music, I assume on Paul Ryan's I pod, blares.
10:15 PM--the gayest duo ever poses onstage. Paul Ryan and Mittens Romney. Old gay rich guy and young smirking jackoff.
10:16 PM-- Chuck Todd stuffs tongue down Romney's throat. The empty chair tells him to go fuck himself as do I.
10:18 PM-- I am going to go talk to an empty chair. Good night!