Monday, April 29, 2013

Calling Mark Cuban!

Jason Collins, a 34 year old NBA basketball player, has made history by coming out of the closet as a gay active athlete. Well, history not herstory certainly because the WNBA is full of 6 foot 3 amazons who like other chicks. Collins is a journeyman (to you non sports fans that means he never plays except when somebody else is tired) player who most recently played for the Washington Wizards ( to you non fans, they suck). Now the reaction to Collins' announcement is full range. Now in an attempt to translate some of the reactions and better the world let me do so:

Chris Broussard, an NBA writer & analyst, came right out and played the "homosexuality is open rebellion against God" card. OK Chris, maybe you are brutally honest about your beliefs, or maybe you're just an idiot, but you cover a sport, The NBA, that is populated with players who have 6 babies with 6 different groupies. I mean babies' mamas. How's God feel about that?

Lots and lots of radio sports talk show hosts, the Sarah Palins of radio. are not as dumb as Chris Broussard and are playing the "I don't care" card. Loosely translated this means, I hate homos too I'm just not dumb enough to say it on the radio. It is also the equivalent of "I'm not a racist but....."

Mike Wallace, not the dead 60 Minutes guy, but some pass catcher for the Miami Dolphins (to you non fans, they suck and wear aqua, just fabulous!)said something about with all the beautiful women out there, why would anyone mess with another guy? Geez Mike, you may be dumber than Broussard, and certainly you are dumber than the dead Mike Wallace.

David West , an all star Indiana Pacer (yep there is such a thing) seemed to get all hot and bothered because Collins announced he was "black and gay". West, an very observant type, apparently was taken aback somebody would say they were "black" when it is painfully obvious Collins is black. Translation, West don't care for the gays but chose to mask it with his 20/20 vision.

Ron Artest, aka Meta World Peace, made the following statement about the announcement, "Whether it's a free country or not, you should be free to act as you want to do as long as it's not violent. No matter what it is. I came here in a Cookie Monster shirt because I wanted to, and I was going to wear the pants. But I thought you guys were going to judge me. I was going to wear the hat too. But I thought you guys would judge me. I didn't want Mitch [Kupchak] to judge me. So that's why I didn't wear the hats and the pants. But I should've wore it. You should be free to do and act how you want to act."

The translation of that is Ron Meta World Artest Peace is fucking nuts.

Ben Shapiro, no announcement of this importance would be complete without Breitbart Benny's dim bulbed response. Benny thinks the definition of a "hero" has certainly dropped since Normandy. Great, Breitbart boy, you have maintained your 100% rating from The National Stupid Association.

Kobe Bryant, the alleged bender over of room service gals, said something in support of Collins like don't let the ignorance of others suffocate you. Yeah, this from a guy who called an official a "fucking fa***t" earlier this year.
Overcompensating much, Mamba?

Jarron Collins, Jason Collin's twin brother and former NBA player himself, said he's proud of his brother and will "protect" him if necessary. You see, both of these guys went to Stanford, which already makes them smarter than your average graduate of FoxNews University.

Translation- you got a problem with my 7 foot tall gay brother, you got a problem with my 6 foot 11 self.

Yes sir.

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