Friday, April 12, 2013

The Grand Old Old Party Speaks!

Everyday I become more and more amazed that a viable political party in this country still exists much less control a significant portion of the American government. Who votes for these people anyway?

Mary Sue McClurkin (Physician-Alabama) recently said while explaining her support of one of those "personhood" bills so popular among the life begins at erection crowd:

"When a physician removes a child from a woman, that is the largest organ in a body,That’s a big thing. That’s a big surgery. You don’t have any other organs in your body that are bigger than that.”

Apparently somebody removed Representative McClurkin's thinking organ. Or it committed suicide.

Rep. Louie Gohmert (Wealth of Dumb-Tx) recently went way around the bend equating 10 round ammo clips with that bane of all evil, the homos gettin hitched:

"And I pointed out, well, once you make it 10, then why would you draw the line at 10? What's wrong with nine? Or 11? And the problem is once you draw that limit -- it's kind of like marriage when you say it's not a man and a woman anymore, then why not have three men and one woman, or four women and one man, or why not somebody has a love for an animal?"

Rumor has it every dog that Gohmert has ever owned ran across the border INTO Mexico .

Lamar Alexander (Is He Still Alive?-Tn) found something even more hideous than child massacres when he vomited forth:

"I think video games is a bigger problem than guns, because video games affect people.”

Oh ok, Senator Alzheimer, we'll tell all those Sandy Hook whiny ass parents to stop complaining. It's not like that gun nut actually affected them or stuff.

Paul Broun (Stupid Even For-Ga) showed he's even dumber than Saxby Chambliss (Dumb Even For-Ga)by stating to a room full of mouth breathers bent on getting rid of Obamacare cuz it has that Obama word in it:

I don't want to pay for a sex-change operation,I'm not interested. I like being a boy."

Every female on earth just sighed with relief at that revelation.

Pete DeGraaf , an obscure nitwit that a small portion of Kansas decided to send to Topeka to be their screeching voice said while debating a bill outlawing abortion in case of rape :

“We do need to plan ahead, don’t we, in life? I have spare tire on my car. I also have life insurance, I have a lot of things that I plan ahead for.”

Too bad the people of Mulvane, Kansas didn't plan ahead to abort this word rapists "babies".

Victoria Jackson (Unfunny SNL alum dimwit-Fl) is a roman candle of idiocy but in February took to twitter to ask that age old question that really slow white people ask:

"Where's My White History Month?"

Good god, everytime you see her don't you feel like patting her fat little head and saying "that's so cute"? No me either.

Barry Smitherman, he's something called the Railroad Commissioner of Texas, also likes to tweet. Barry, who just loves him some Jesus, tweeted out a list of the 16 Republican Senators who voted to end cloture on the gun bill along with the word "TREASON" and a picture of a noose.

Ya see, Barry loves Jesus so much, that if you want to background check him, he will nail your ass to a cross.

Joe Barton (Amoeba Brain-Tx) apparently has the answer to climate change. While hacking for the Keystone Pipeline, Joe had the answer. And its all so goddamned simple:

“ I think you can have an honest difference of opinion on what’s causing that change without automatically being either all-in that it’s all because of mankind or it’s all just natural. I think there’s a divergence of evidence. I would point out if you’re a believer in the Bible, one would have to say the Great Flood is an example of climate change. And that certainly wasn’t because mankind overdeveloped hydrocarbon energy.”

Hallelujah Joe! You've done it! Now if you can just get Rumpelstiltskin to get one of them womens to spin straw into gold, our budget problems are over!

Dave Hagstrom (A Brain Like An Open Strip Mine-Mt) another obscure Montana lawmaker and slum lord decided to send his high livin tenants a short note telling them to get used to living less oh hell, the letter said this:

First, you accept that not everyone, including yourself, needs to live as long as they currently do, or as “comfortably” as they currently do.

Second, you accept the fact that you and your neighbor are going to have to work harder than ever, maybe take a second or third job and live on less.

So Dave, who hit the exacta later with his I Am Not A Homophobe speech, says hey, poors, die or get three jobs and let that kill you off. And thanks to the gubmint for all that Section 8 money he hoards.

Dave later proved he belonged teaching sex ed in Arkansas by equating a pen and its retraction with a penis. Crazy Horse didn't get rid of enough Moontanans. Go click your Bic, Dave!

Finally we have Lee Terry (Gerrymandered For Life-Ne) who in hacking for the Keystone Pipeline so we too, here in Nebraska can have tar and shit being cleaned up with Bounty paper towels by Trans Canada said:

""The Keystone XL Pipeline is a no-brainer"

Yep Lee, and you're the expert at no brainers. Much like the rest of these members of a viable political party in the most powerful country on earth. Well, that is the most powerful until Ken Jeong Ill or whatever his name is blows us all up with his baking soda powered rocket!

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