Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Ayyy, Youse Got Tastycakes Around Heah?

Try driving from Chicago to St. Louis in July with a rental car with a blown out air conditioner. On second thought, don't. We were sweating like a fat guy at Culvers in Bloomington, Minnesota toweling himself off. Yes, we saw that. It's Phillies and Cardinals for a couple of games.

Notes from Saint Looie Day One:

1) The Arch is quite impressive from the ground.

2) Busch Stadium is packed. Every game is packed. No matter what. You gotta love a city that cares more about its baseball team than its shitty football team.

3) The bleachers at Busch Stadium are hot, in the sun until about 7:30, and full of season ticket holders who are crazy. Some old crusty lady, a Cubs fan, a Cards season ticket holder, could not wait to give the Phillies bullpen a piece of her mind. With a voice like a chainsaw, she could not be stopped hurling insults at the Double A bullpen staff the Phillies pass off as major league relief pitching.

4) Try finding a simple hot dog at Busch. Impossible. Everything is in a "basket" and costs over $10. I guess you are allowed to bring in your own food, but in my opinion, people who do that should be shunned. Go to a free concert in the park if you wanna do that. Except maybe at Busch.

5) John Mayberry Junior is the crappiest center fielder in baseball. His diving "attempt" to catch a routine single turned a blooper into a triple. Christ, he was 5 feet away from where the ball landed. Look it up, it's hilarious. His old man hung his head in shame.

6) The Cardinals are a machine. They do everything well. The Phillies are a broken down machine that does nothing very well. See #6.

7) There were no home runs in this game but so far the best players in MLB are Jason Kipnis, the Padre hamed Jesus, the Tiger with the spelling problem name Jhonny, and the entire 25 man roster of the St.Louis Cardinals.

8) Max is a Phillies fan. I have no idea why. If you have the opposing teams gear on, you are constantly asked if you are from said city. Being from Nebraska, I got sick of saying no we are from Nebraska not Philly. So after about the seventh inning I became a Philly resident. By the way, the new ballpark in Philly is great, the city is hot and humid just like heah, Pat's is the best cheese steak, the old Vet was a dive and the Eagles are gonna suck. At least that's what I started telling youse guys. And where can I get some wooder.

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