Friday, July 22, 2016

Il Douche!

As I wake this morning from my slab in a tent and get a drink of filthy water from a mudhole before I squat in the road with my hand out while flies buzz my head, oh wait, this isnt the way America is? Chrissakes, the reality show clown sure made it sound that way last night as he made White Republican America shudder in fear and hold up the ropes for the fourth day in a row.

But I get ahead of myself here cuz there were so many other speakers that took to the stage to make asses of themselves and participate in the coming misogyny of Hillary Hate.

Jerry Falwell Junior proved to just as big an asshole as his dead fucking father. Something about an alleged Reverend hollering about gun rights bugs me. Along with everything else this fuckstick says.

Sheriff Joe? Fuck this, I'm going to get a taco.

Fran Tarkenton? How low can this go? Where the fuck is former Bears quarterback Jack Concannon? My only response to the moldy sports metaphors is tell Fran to scramble off the stage before another giant black man sacks you.

Representative Marsha Blackburn (Box of Rocks-Tn) is up and speaking about how her 401K went down in the last 8 years. What the hell did her financial adviser invest her in? Eastern Airlines and Enron?

Governor Mary Fallin (Fetus Humper-Ok) is up and smiling a lot. She's hitting hard on the lynch mobs faves. Military good. Hillary the devil. Immigrants bad. Borders good. She has the weirdest face with a creepy smile and out of whack eyes. All the better to watch a death row inmate struggle to breathe for 43 minutes after a botched execution. This is a real rogues gallery so far. Lucifer herself would reject them.

There's an eye doctor speaking? Good lord, this is getting sad. Hey, my eye doctor is a nice lady, why not let her speak? Oh, the nice lady part disqualifies her.

Reince Priebus? Shit, I see enough of these boring ass white guys holding meetings everyday at work. No chance, I'm switching to a Triple A baseball game.

I switch back over and some guy who looks like he's whacked out on high end cocaine. Oh its billionaire whatever Peter Thiel, the guy who decided that Hulk Hogan, clown boy rassler, was so harmed by a sex tape nobody in their right mind would want to watch, he sued Gawker into oblivion. Even thought I still see Gawker is up and running. Take that bruthaaaaaaaa. Thiel then announces he's proud to be gay and cheers erupt from the lynch mob proving once and for all that money trumps anything to these idiots. Or they are so out of it they still think gay means joyful. After all, these people still think "Fruitcake" "twinkle toes" and "pansy" say it all about some dude's swishiness.

Thiel speaks about something blah blah, the economy sucks, but the one question remains as this ultra rich poof drones on? Dude, have you READ the Republican platform?

More bad dancing from out of tune lynch mob chicks. Back to the baseball game. The Las Vegas 51's (great name) are winning by the way.

Then comes out the First daughter to Be. Ivanka Trump, who, like her dumbfuck brother, basically sits to the left of her father on the reality show that spawned this nightmare as he "fires" people and nods but is allowed to ask a question now and then becaue she can actually put an entire sentence together competently. Ivanka is talking about some guy who likes blue collar bricklayers and is a really nice man. I have no idea who this man is. She also favors cheap child care, maternity and paternity leave, and equal pay which her father provides. As long as the woman drps to her knees or lets him pat her on the ass. I think Ivanka gets in the booth in November and votes for "HER".

And then.......out come Mussolini Von Trump. Strutting, pointing, calling for martial law on day one (how else does he stop crime by himself?), bringing a darkness over the country, lying about crime, telling half truths about particular crimes, generally making this one big fucking downer. The U S A U S A chant that Mussolni Von Trump participates in makes him sound much like one Homer J Simpson. Dohhhhhhhhhhh!

I wont go into specifics cuz Trump is just doing what Trump does. Bloviate and offer solutions that only the dumbest fuckers on earth can believe. Like that lynch mob dressed in red white and blue yet somehow tacky as hell. Mussolini Von Trump is the lowest common denominator we deserve.

Lets just hope this nation sends this clown back under the rock he came down the escalator from. Gawd, America, what the fuck?

No comments: