Friday, January 1, 2016

2 Long Hours!

First of all Happy New Year! Ok now that the tripe is out of the way cuz I have no say in how anybody's New Year goes, the annual New Years Eve ritual of staying off the streets and going to the movies is now over.

Being an old, New Years Eve is really nothing to get excited about. Two shitty football games, won by Southern teams who cheat better than the rest of the teams, Times Square revelers pimping a gym and not even noticing cuz hey its a free top hat and that makes me cool, and drunken CNN anchors telling Joan Rivers Lite she has a nice rack. Perhaps the greatest moment ever on CNN and that's not a high bar. So to avoid all that nonsense, and not consider ones self a total loser by going to sleep at 10 pm, we go to the movies where we celebrate hard with 10 or 11 others who had the same idea. Yay!

The Big Short was the movie of choice. It's a fine movie with lots of great actors, Steve Carell, who is shedding that MIchael Scott vibe better and better by the day, Christian Bale who is just never bad no matter what he does, Brad Pitt, who some dismiss as a lightweight pretty boy and with whom I couldn't disagree with more, Melissa Leo, in some weird cataract glasses and then the guy I can't stand, Ryan Gosling, in some strange dyed black hair and his usual understated persona. ZZZZZZZZZ! The guy just sends me into a trance.

Yes, the system is rigged. The "good guys" make a lot of money screwing the "bad guys" but the bad guys already have it rigged so they will make billions even when they get "screwed" over. The goddamned movie will make you sick to your stomach. And it will definitely make you stick a Bernie Sanders sticker on your car. Fuck Wall Street. Calm down, Max's Dad. It's over...let it go...until it happens again in 5 years.....

But the thing that made me even angrier was not the past....but what's coming up in the future.......and that includes this upcoming Michael Bay Benghazi movie called 13 Hours. The trailer played before the Big Short and oh my goodness, did it look like a complete masturbatory porno for right wing Hillary haters. Lots of muscular tough guys with guns including Micheal Scott's nemesis Jim Halpert (??) , and Pornstache from Orange is the New Black (??) to give conservatives everywhere a rager. I have no idea when Optimus Prime shows up and saves the day but the trailer for this piece of shit is just infuriating.

I won't go see it of course, just like I "didn't' go see that salute to liars and bigots "American Sniper". But plenty of people will cuz stuff blows up and a bunch of tough meatheaded 'Murcan soldiers will defy orders given by that wimp Obama and his lil bitch Hillary and go into the streets of Benghazi and attempt to save the day just to be stifled by that wimpy Obama and that anti-American Hillary, who has that husband with the wandering penis and blah blah blah....

Oh it will be grand...and I'm sure there's a scene of Obama and Hillary sitting in the war room laughing uncontrollably as heroic Americans die........Hey Hill, look at that guy, he just got his head blown off by my Islamic bro, hahahahahaha.......

Anytime you see anything called The "Secret History" of something, especially from the right, you can be rest assured, much like "based on a true story" that anything that follows is 100% Grade A bullshit.

So go ahead Hillary haters. Relive the 1970s by going to an actual theater showing porn. But take this tip from Max's Dad, sit in the back row. You never know, other than the bullets onscreen, what may come fling from behind you. Bennnnnnnnnghaaaaaaaaaaziiiiiiiii!!!

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