Friday, February 15, 2013

We're Gonna Need A Bigger Boat Just For The Lawyers!

Hey am I the only compassionless creep on earth who has a difficult time conjuring sympathy beyond 'ahh that sucks" for the Carnival cruisers who sailed around on a floating porta potty? Whoa thanks!

The first lawsuit has been filed against the boat company by some passenger, probably met by a dockfull of ambulance chasers, who claims she was deprived of her "enjoyment of life". Yep, Cassie Terry, poor baby, had to smell shit and piss for a few days while the boat bobbed up and down and she had to live like your average third world resident does their entire wretched life. Sorry, but "ah that sucks" is about all I can muster.

Never ever have I had the slightest inkling to get on one of those monster ships and putter around the ocean while I do the same shit I could do on land. Swim in a pool? Really? On a boat? Gamble? Like in a land based casino? See shows? Like in a land based casino? Eat crappy food? Like in a land based casino? Hit golf balls? Like at a land based driving range? Sleep in a closet? Like in my land based house? No thanks.

Ya know, every one of those people who were inconvenienced, and that's the word, deserve their money back in full. The deserve plane tickets home. They probably even deserve a token payment for their trouble. But to sue for "deprivement of the enjoyment of life"? Boo fucking hoo! Most of us would be in court 24/7.

The lawsuits will come in force now. Lawyers will be running ads during Maury asking "were you deprived of the enjoyment of life?". The cruise line will be sued because of the time it took to get these people back on land. Chrissakes, the Carpathia got to the Titanic faster than Carnival did to their floating germ factory. But don't ask me to be in these people's corner as long as Haiti, or Katrina, or Sandy, or tsunamis exist. People involved in those are truly deprived of the enjoyment of life. Who are they gonna sue? The Invisible Sky Dude?

And the media. CNN, MSNBC, Fox, ABC, CBS. Stop comparing a bunch of comfortable cruise passengers to some person living in a Sri Lankan shithole wearing a San Francisco 49ers 2013 NFL Champions t-shirt eating dirt and pissing in his water supply. It's not the same. These people have a way out. They go home to their intact houses, their intact lives and their intact jobs where they aren't chained to a sewing machine making 2 cents a day. The average Indonesian lives on that boat their entire lives. So stop the wailing, CNN. These people are fine.

I wish I could be on a jury involving these people. Is there such a verdict as "ahhh that blows, sorry"?

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