Saturday, February 23, 2013

Oscar Time! Not Pistorius Time!

Hey it's Oscar time again and I have made it through all the nominated movies for Best Picture with the exception of Amour because I don't want to be reminded of what's right around the corner. You know, drooling and forgetting uhhhhh what was I saying?

Anyway here are my Top 10 of 2012.

10) Cabin In The Woods--talk about a freaking bloodbath. Tarantino probably gets jealous at the end of this weird ass horror picture. Hey it has a bunch of young people in it, none of whom I know, except Max told me that one of the guys is in the Avengers or Captain America or something. But for us old folks, it also has Richard Jenkins, Bradley Whitford and Sigourney Weaver and THEY are running the show. Until that bloodbath of an ending. Watch it just to see Bradley Whitford exclaim "ohhhhh come onnnnn..." right before, well watch it.

9)The Grey-- I love Liam Neeson. He's 60, he's got an Irish accent, and he kicks everybody's asses. In this thriller, he's leading a bunch of downed plane crash survivors through the wilds of Alaska. And oh yeah, wolves want to eat them. Think Liam Neeson is going to stand for that? Not a chance. The wolves snack on everybody except Liam. That is until the end when it's mano y lobo. Stay on it to the end of the credits to see what actually happened.

8) Flight--for white knuckle fliers like me, the crash scene in this movie is eye closing shit. But Denzel Washington pulls it out and saves a bunch of people. And he's drunk and high. Hey, that deserves a raise as far as I'm concerned but the FAA and all those notpicky "bureaucrats" decide that aint cool. The movie is really about addiction, and redemption. It's very good.

7) Silver Linings Playbook---Had this movie had a more realistic ending, this may have been the best. But they just had to put two bipolar nutjobs into a happy ending where all the years of mental illness just went poof after they sucked at a dance contest. The real ending would have been Jennifer Lawrence stabbing Bradley Cooper to death in his sleep when he played Stevie Wonder one to many fucking times.But nooooooooooo, we cant have that.

6) Bernie--Jack Black is effin great in this. A mild mannered funeral director caring for a psychotic ball busting old lady played by Shirley MacLaine. Well, as any of us would have done, he kills her. God, whacking Shirley MacLaine must have been so cool for Mr.Black. Anyway, I loved this little movie about small town Texas which featured actual residents of this town saying what a pain in the ass Shirley MacLaine was, I mean the character she played was. I think.

5) Beasts of the Southern Wild-- what a joyful little movie this was. With a six year old named Quwhatever Wallis living with her drunken Daddy on the wrong side of levee in Nawlins and the great people who live there, everything is a celebration. Even death and destruction. This little girl is a revelation and was nominated for an Oscar. And yes, we will probably never hear of her again. But check it out.

4)Les Miserables-- hey if 10% of the world is gay, then 10% of straight guys can like musicals. Right? This adaptation of the long running stage play was the first time I'd seen this. Ever. I had tickets once for a touring company but couldn't go and had to listen to the people I gave them to tell me what a freaking waste of time it was. But then, they are dumb so I dismissed their opinion. I was actually fighting tears during this thing. Yeah Anne Hathaway was THE one who made me gurgle. And hey, there's lots of dead people in this for us happy ending haters. Now I gotta see it onstage.

3) Argo---hey if I criticize the ending of Silver Linings Playbook I gotta do the same here. The chase on the tarmac didn't happen. But shit, if the ending had been a bunch of polyester wearing Americans getting their passports stamped and leaving, who wants that? So Ben Affleck got a better ending and got hosed.I like Ben Affleck. He makes great films. Gone Baby Gone is brilliant. The Town is ridiculous but a thrill ride. Argo is his best. If you were alive back in 1980 you couldn't help but feel he nailed the time. It will probably win the Oscar and I have no problem with that.

2) Life of Pi--I saw this in 3D, which I hate and was blown away by it. Basically it's a kid on a leaky boat with a tiger. The tiger never gets all cuddly, the kid is never not frightened. The 3D is the best I've ever seen and the story, well, at the end it gives you the option on what to believe. It's the one movie this year that made me think. A lot. But it just couldn't get past #1.

1) Zero Dark Thirty--I wrote about this earlier. But this movie combines everything you need. Strategy. Fear. Anger.Edge of your seat thrills. And you know the fucking ending. Kathryn Bigelow got all "Argo fuck yourself'ed" out of a nomination every bit as much as Affleck did. And once again I argue, if you think this movie condoned torture, you just were not paying attention.

There were a few others I really liked also.

Arbitage with Richard Gere was great. Jeff Who Lives At Home was superb. The Dark Knight Rises did its job and made me not fall asleep. Skyfall turned James Bond into Jason Bourne and that's a good thing. The Dictator, hey I like Sasha Baron Cohen and think he's a brilliant comedian. Rock of Ages I liked. Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand were all cant take my eyes off the screen brilliant.

And this.

Lincoln-- I know this has gotten a lot of praise. Yeah, it was a wonky kind of movie I usually love. Daniel Day Lewis is a big a lock to win Oscar as Dick Cheney is to be indicted if he ever leaves the borders of the United States. Tommy Lee Jones is fantastic. Sally Field I really liked her. But the movie didn't move me. Much like last year's Steven Spielberg flick, War Horse, Lincoln was flawlessly acted, directed and shot but dammit, it just didn't make me feel much of anything. Maybe I expect too much out of Spielberg I don't know. I wanted to weep at War Horse but did not. I wanted to cheer Lincoln and hate the slavery defenders but I didn't. I don't know why. Oh Steven, it's not you, it's me.

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