Sunday, July 6, 2014

How Do You Pronounce Norfolk? Wrong!

Nebraska is a big state. No I don't mean big as in lots of people but big as in obese. Bloated and empty. Full of dying rural towns where the young people either count the days until they can get the hell out or count the days until they get to take over the bitch club down at the Dew Drop Inn. You've seen Nebraska, right? Sorry, but it's true. Lots of the rural folks didn't like that little slap back to reality because they didn't like how they were portrayed as decent human beings with faults and virtues. Inconceivable!

Nebraska has 93 counties in it servicing about a million and a half people. Simple math would tell you that's about 89 counties too many. But I digress. Of the 93 counties, about 90 of them hate, hate, hate that Kenyan Usurper Traitorous Muslim Socialist Commie Nazi, Barack Hussein Saddam Nobummer. The President guy. Impeach!!

The 4th of July is a glorious time in small town Nebraska. Parades and flags and fireworks and weaselly Republican politicians convincing them how protecting the rights of millionaires is somehow in their best interests. Oh what a day it is. America's Birthday!

Madison County, Nebraska has a gloried history and some very famous townfolk. Oh Christ, the only town there is Norfolk. Johnny Carson used to live there. He gave money to build them a community theater. He never forgot where he came from. Gina Statutory lived there. It's Johnny's town, period.

Norfolk, Nebraska. By the way, somehow the locals see the word Nor-Folk and pronounce it Nor-Fork which may explain a lot of this overly long story.

Nor-Fork has its annual 4th of July parade. Where we all come together and celebrate and wave flags and forget that most of your neighbors are right wing assholes. You know, put away the partisan bullshit for one hour or so before you run back inside to see what O'Reilly is bitching about.

Nor-Fork couldn't do that. See above float. Obama Presidential Library. It's an outhouse! Har har! Saw that on Facebook once. Harrrrr! Thats cuz that Obummer is stupid right? Golllllldarn that is funny as hell!

Well now, there are some people, not many, but some, who think that kind of parade float is a bit too much for a birthday celebration. You know, kind of partisan. You know like wishing someone a happy birthday and then telling them how fucking stupid they are. Ahhhhhh whats the big deal.

Now the problem with Nor-Fork is not so much some dumbshit on a parade committee thought the float was a knee slapper but the fact the same committee STILL thinks it's a knee slapper. Rick Konopasek of the Nor-Fork Parade Committee or whatever its called, not only thinks the float was the bees knees, but he cannot believe anybody is upset.

Cue Mr.Konopasek......"It's obvious the majority of the community enjoyed it. So should we deny the 95% of those that liked it their rights, just for the 5 percent of people who are upset?"......Those damned 5 percent! Well at least he called them people, that's progress I guess. Oh, Mr.Konopasek, by the way, your county is about 24.9 % Commie since that's how many voted for that Outhouse Library Dweller, Nobama.

Cue parade announcer Wally Sonnenschein....."For the most part, this is a conservative community. I really don't see anything wrong with the Obama float and I'm kind of amazed anyone is complaining." Something tells me Mr.Sonnenschein is very easy to amaze. Whattya mean you don't think he was born in Kenya??? I'm amazed!

The point is this. Fuck you and your partisan bullshit in a goddamned parade on the 4th of July. I don't recall anywhere where a Republican President was portrayed in a 4th of July parade as an illiterate dummy even though there was one in office recently. Nobody wants to see that garbage as you're sitting there with your kids watching your neighbors wave from cars and floats.

Dear Nor-Fork. Johnny Carson was funny. You are not.

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