Thursday, July 24, 2014

Fig Newton!

I got lost in Newton, Iowa once. Something about a giant wreck on I-80 and getting the hell off the beaten path and voila, you're in Newton. All I remember is a lot of corn, a guy blocking my way in a giant pickem up truck at a gas station, and the fact I may be the only one ever who drove thru Newton and missed their big car racin track. Thank gawd I also missed their newspaper.

Bob Eschliman used to edit the Newton Daily News, which was probably a tough job. Not the editing part, the "Daily News" part. Bob wasn't content with just editing all the news permeating Jasper County, so he had his own blog where he would pontificate his actual feelings and not have to be all objective and shit about barrows and gilts futures.

Bob doesn't much care for the gays. And he let his feelings be known when he found out there was something called the "Queen James Bible" which the sodomites, uhhhh, gays edited, just like Bob, to take out all the homophobic bullshit and keep the subject all about loving your neighbor and not being a judgemental dick. Bob posted on his blog, Bob's Bullshit, hell I dont know, he deleted it, :

"(Jesus) said there would be deceivers. He said those deceivers would cause Christians who remain true to His teachings to become reviled. He said false prophets would follow to deceive even more, and that lawlessness will abound.

If you ask me, it sounds like the Gaystapo is well on its way. We must fight back against the enemy."

Gaystapo? Haaaaaaa...Cuz that sounds like Gestapo and he made a funny about a group of psychopathic serial killers who eliminated 12 million innocents.

Bob forgot all about that internet aint private shit and got caught being a bigoty fuck . And he got shitcanned cuz freedom of speech sometimes causes you to get in trouble, not legal trouble mind you, just oh shit why did I say that trouble.

So now Bob becomes just the latest victim of religious persecution of the Christian , fat, white guys and he's gonna sue to get his editing job back, or a lot of money, or a lifetime supply of tasty snack cakes.

Meanwhile, the bunkered down Christians are all outraged. Goddammit they are pissed so they started a petition to get Bob his job back with the millions of right thinking religious folk out there. To be fair, after two days they got 46 signatures and shut er down to avoid further obvious hacking by atheist Rooskies , embarrassment.

So let's get this straight (har), Bob is a victim while the millions of gays fired, beaten, killed, and forced to stifle laughter while women swooned over Rock Hudson and men talked how they'd like to nail Kelly McGillis in an elevator are just "deceivers". Bob, of all people, you should now know what minorities go through. Cuz, Bob, you are NOW the minority.

And Bob, shhhhh, when your court case is finally thrown out, I'm sure somebody will pop in to your favorite place to tell you.

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