Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Do Not Go See Any Movie With A 3 In It's Title!

I went to see two movies over the weekend. One by choice and one because I am a glutton for punishment and a great Dad. One you've never heard of and one you've heard too goddamned much about. One was interesting, told a story, had great actors, a point and a lot of joy. The other was a piece of digital shit. Which one first? Well of course the good one.

MUD....starring Matthew McConaughy (yep he's shirtless the last third of the flick) as Mud,and a bunch of character actors you all say "where did I see him/her before?" And oh yeah, some Oscar winner who when she says do you know who I am you should always say NO, Reese something or other. Matthew Mud is a chip toothed goofball living in a boat in a tree on an island somewhere in Arkansas when two kids find him and befriend him taking him food and trying to help him reunite with his true love, Juniper, played by that Oscar winner whatshername. The film is much like Beasts of the Southern Wild in its atmosphere and mood and if you liked that joyful little movie you probably will go for this. Mud aint exactly like he portrays himself, Juniper isnt what she portrays herself to be, the kids parents arent exactly who they portray themselves to be and of course by the end, we have a couple of kids with crushed hopes and dreams. No not really. It's worth catching at your local artsy fartsy theater.

HANGOVER terms that all Hangover fans can comprehend, "what the fuckity fuck fuck did they bother making this piece of shit for?" I never ever thought I could hate anything more than the blasphemy of Hangover 2, a money grab of a movie if there ever was one. Wrong! This miserable, mean spirited, wretched movie is so awful I can't even begin to tear it apart. If you like animal cruelty, human cruelty, senseless violence, mental illness, obnoxious assholes and a plot that is right out of a gangster movie that goes straight to DVD, hey spend the $10 and laugh your ass off. Whatever. If a beheaded giraffe, a smothering of a chicken, two dogs necks snapped, senseless killings, heart attacks, and a senseless appearance by Heather Graham, hell, all of the cast's appearance is senseless, but, if that sounds funny to you, yikes!

This despicable movie has totally ruined the first Hangover, which was brilliant. Jesus, there were a couple of times when John Goodman had the drop on all four of those dickheads and I was screaming "SHOOT!SHOOT!"

Yeah and stick around for the credits if you dare, after a minute or so you will treated to the humor that director Todd "I Suck" Phillips wanted to share as a FU to the critics, who hate his guts almost as much as I do. Sorry, Todd, the thought of a Hangover 4 makes me want to go see a Ryan Gosling picture. At least I'd get more sleep.

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