Wednesday, May 22, 2013

One Of My Best Friends Is Black!

E W Jackson. He's running for lieutenant governor of Virginia and shhhhhhh, he's black. That tea party guy behind him is in awe of a colored guy who thinks just like him, thus, he's holding up a sign and not a rope. You see, E.W. (Extreme Wingnut?) Jackson is one of those Alan West type negroes who just cannot get enough of the approving gazes of old white people who are totally not racist or anything. You see, Virginia lets kooks who show up dressed like Ben Franklin nominate candidates for state office at one of those convention type deals that normal people wouldn't attend even if they were giving away free Obama targets. So the Virginia faction of the tea party showed up and nominated a real life colored guy to be Lt.Governor, whatever the fuck that is.

Extreme Wingnut Jackson has a great sense of humor when he's trying to keep a straight face while picking the pockets of not racist at all white people. Good old EW is one of those preacher fellas, ya see. So of course in the fine tradition of Jesus, The Reverend Jackson doesnt care much for the gays. He says funny shit about the gays like "they are incapable of love and their very presence is an attempt to “poison our children, divide them from their parents and the teaching of the church and basically turn them into pawns for that movement so that they can sexualize them at the earliest possible age.” Yep, and he didn't giggle once when he said that.

EW also aint much of a fan of that Nobama feller either. Even though they both have a lot in common with being dudes and members of the same human race and all, the good Rev says things to blonde mushbrains like Victoria Jackson (hmmm, related?)like "The idea that Barack Obama is a Christian is laughable. Barack Obama is at best a confused man, is at worst has the sensibilities, and I don’t know how this combination works, of an Atheist and a Muslim.”

Wow, an atheist AND a Muslim! Way to juggle there, Nobummer! You should join Penn & Teller onstage sometime.

Lately, EW Jackson has been praising that 1857 Supreme Court decision, named after some slacker named Dred Scott, who should have just been happy he had a fuckin job, as an "anti-slavery" amendment. If you remember, that decision made a slave 3/5 of a person, so the South could get even more federal money and consolidate its power to never ever abolish full employment for the blacks. Then of course the North started gettin all aggressive and stuff by letting Fort Sumter get in the way of Southern cannonballs and the rest is pure Northern atrocities on the good people of Dixie. Anyway, The Rev makes his point that 3/5 is a whole lot better than 0/5 thus, anti-slavery! How fuckin stupid are you to not understand that? Geeez!!

Oh Virginia. This is your choice. Every white tea party members best friend. Or somebody else, anybody else.

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