While switching channels around the other night to keep from peeing my pants from guffawing at the sight of Notre Dame being drawn and quartered I lit upon my main bloke, Piers Morgan. Piers was talking or rather listening to some maniac named Alex Jones rant and rave and rant and rave about his guns. It was actually quite entertaining hearing the kooky Mr.Jones reply to a Piers' question along the lines of "how many gun murders occurred in England?" with the perfectly logical answer "yeah a bunch of guys raped an Indian woman with a 4 foot rod!!!" That Jones guy makes Ron Paul sound like a Commodore 64.
Which brings me to other types of tin foil wearing freaks. Let's try retired (thank god) Admiral James Lyons (ironic dontcha think?). Admiral Lyons , oh man this is good, explains Benghazi like this. President Nobama was in cahoots with the Muslim Brotherhood (of course) to allow them to kidnap Ambassador Chris Stevens and then exchange him for Sheikh Omar Abdel Rahman, the infamous Blind Sheikh currently having his furniture moved around while he's asleep in some Supermax prison. I'll bet that never gets old. But anyway, that's the skinny on that nutbag theory that everything got all fucked up and Stevens got killed so now a gigantic coverup of Nobama and the Muslim Bro-hood's cozy little relationship is occurring. Oh there's more but who gives a shit. Go listen to Glenn Beck if you want more.
Our favorite airhead, Victoria Jackson, seems to think that bike paths, parks and open spaces are commie UN conspiracies to enslave gun toting Americans. Bike paths, bahhhhhhh, who needs em? Parks are for perverts to meet in and open spaces are such a waste when you could build a million Wal Marts there. So if your city council ever, and I mean EVER, mentions those words, they are tools of the UN Agenda 21. You know UN Agenda 21? That UN plot to take away your golf course and put a bunch of poor people on it? That UN scheme to take away your house and let some Sudanese family move in while you are forced into an internment camp? Victoria Jackson, as dumb as she sounds.
And of course we end with the truths about our illustrious Acorn elected fascist nazi leader who will soon declare martial law and take a secret oath given by undercover commie chief justice Johnny Obamacare Roberts to be President for a lifetime.
Oh we all know Hussein Nobama is only attempting to reform immigration so he can let in millions upon millions of Islam terrorists and then he wouldn't need Acorn any longer.
Of course we also all know that Barack The Snake Obama is a reptilian overlord and that's why he will never produce his real birth certificate or everybody would know his real daddy is not Malcolm X, or Frank Marshall Davis but is Rattlesnake Jake from Rango. David Ickes, a nutter from Britain, believes we are ruled over by reptilian overlords who hold their head funny and stick their tongues out a lot. You know, like Kaa Obama.
There's others. Like Professor (really?) James Tracy of Florida Atlantic University who actually states, out loud, that the Sandy Hook murders never happened and that No GunBama actually made it all up so he could come take your guns away. Child Murder Advocates, there ya go. Embrace Professor Tracy. He's not half as crazy as Wayne LaPierre.
My head hurts. I'm done with conspiracies. I need a good dose of George Noory. At least those people know they are loony. At least the ones east of the Rockies anyway!
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