Friday, February 21, 2014
Sorry but am I the only one who doesn't give a damn that Canada beat the United States in an Olympic hockey game? I mean come on, this isn't 1980 when a bunch of college kids were upsetting the hell out of professional NHL type teams. Nope, these are highly paid American professional hockey players playing other highly paid professional hockey players unlucky enough to be born in one of them socialist countries.
Yeah I didn't care as my co workers stood around watching and gripping and having stress related eating fits over a sport they couldn't tell you one thing about until last week. Now all of a sudden they are huge hockey fans. Next thing you know they will actually attend a game, drink like fish, become obnoxious, cheer as grown men hit each other with their fists and then pass out on the person next to them. Icing the puck? Is that some sort of weird Canadian beer or somethin?
Hey come on. Back in the day, and by "the day" I mean when the internet was just a gleam in Ed Snowden's eye, you could root like hell for the Americans. The fresh faced amateurs who busted their ass for free just so they could get one of those taxable medals. Yes, they all were milk and cookies kids who had been practicing their skiing or skating or curling for years for no compensation. And they were all nice as hell. Or at least that's what we thought. And we liked it that way. Well,at least I did anyway.
Then came Tonya and Nancy and we all realized these "amateurs" were egomaniacs, divas, thugs, sleazy bribe takers and whiners. Yep, thanks Tonya and Nancy. Why am I blaming the victim? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Whyyyyyyyyyy! That's whyyyyyyyyyyy. Everybody knew Tonya was from the wrong side of the tracks, had to fight for everything she got, and wasn't above having someone knee crack the competition. But Nancy. There was the privileged whiner. I mean come on now. Who whines like Nancy? Even though she had her knee beat with a metal pipe and had her dreams shattered and was probably in a bit of pain, "whyyyyyyyyyyy" became a reason to hate her. Tonya would have hopped on one leg to chase that fat fuck down and shove that pipe down his throat while screaming "whyyyyyyyyyyyyy" in a totally different tone.
1994 changed it all. At least for me. The rosy cheeked kids became ruthless Donald Trumps and I hated all of them. To this day I still revel in seeing a smiling American ice dancer falling on his or her ass, or a baked American snowboarder wipe out, or a Tiger Woods dating skier go down hard. And the millionaire American hockey team fall to the country that invented the sport. Thanks for that whole Argo thing and all.
Now I know other nations have a bunch of prima donna pricks also. But I don't live there and I'm not subjected to the Russian Matt Lauer, or the German Meredith Viera or the Norwegian Bob Costas tell me how fucking wonderful their athletes are when I know they aren't nice people and make millions under the table. Yep, we had the Olympic Swim Trials here 2 years ago. Swimmers are both dumb AND assholes.
So there. If rooting against people who happen to be born in America through no skill of their own and are dicks makes me unpatriotic well then make that the millionth time I've been called that.
In the meantime, I'll be rooting for Canada because those fucking Swedes really piss me off!