My Name Is Earl!

Standing above are two of the biggest weasels in American politics. Two extortionists attempting to hold the American people down as the insurance industry kicks them in the head. One is Joe Lieberman, my feelings well known about that turncoat schlep, the other is my senior Senator from Nebraska, Earl Benjamin Nelson. Let me tell you all about Earl.

Earl graduated law school back in 1970 and was promptly hired by Central States Insurance as an assistant counsel. Earl's role model, alleged Democrat James Exon, governor of Nebraska at the time, appointed Earl state insurance commissioner back in 1975. Appointing an insurance counsel to oversee the industry is like appointing Ann Coulter to overlook the booze and cigarette industry. Earl eventually got tired of it and went back to become president of Central States.

In 1990 Earl ran for Governor of Nebraska in the Democratic primary. He won by two votes. He later beat the incumbent Republican, Kay Orr, by out Republicanning her. I did not vote for Gentle Ben. Too right wing for me. He ran for re-election in 1994 against a Republican pro-choicer. What? Can Earl's life get any easier? he won. I voted Republican for one of the every few times in my life.

In 1996, Earl got a bit of an ego and ran for the United States Senate. He got his Fred Flintstone hair handed to him by Chuck Hagel. I voted Republican again. By the way, Chuck Hagel, a fine human being, positively hates Earl Benjamin Nelson.

While Governor, Earl opted out of an agreement to build a low level nuclear waste dump in a county of about 60 people up north. The agreement had been made during a previous administration and Earl reneged on the deal. The state was sued and lost $150 million in a settlement. Thanks, Earl. Some fiscal conservative. Earl also whacked three inmates while governor. The first three zapped in the chair since Charlie Starkweather back in 1959. Hey, he's no GW, but in a state of 1.5 million, that's a lot. Trust me, he lost no sleep over this.

Earl couldn't run again for Governor in 1998, so he went back to the insurance bidness. Then when Bob Kerrey decided he'd had enough of the Senate, Earl was right there to take advantage. He ran against a Republican wingnut, Attorney General Don Stenberg. Stenberg had embarrassed the state numerous times by getting sent home from the United States Supreme Court hat in hand, with a kick me sign stuck on his back. Earl spent twice as much as his opponent and won by less than 2 percent. I left the ballot blank. Chuck Hagel cringed at the sight of Earl showing up in DC.

In 2006, Earl lucked out again when his main rival, Republican Governor Mike Johanns, was appointed Sec of Agriculture by Bush. Some think Bush was looking out for his buddy, "Nellie". So Earl ran against a very rich, bald guy named Pete Ricketts. Ricketts seemed to think spending Daddy's fortune like Nick Cage and running ads where his grandma told him to put his hat on when he went outside would beat Earl. Ha!. Earl and his helmet hair destroyed Ricketts' bald head and Ricketts was forced to go buy the Chicago Cubs to feel important. I left the ballot blank again.

Earl cares about two things. Abortion and getting re-elected. He kowtows to the pro-life crowd unlike any politician I've ever seen. He endorses Obama, then does everything in his power to keep him from succeeding. Earl Benjamin Nelson is a opportunistic douche-bag, just like his buddy, Lieberman. Pay no attention to this DINO. He is squarely in the insurance industry's pocket. In fact, they lined his pocket in the first place. Trusting this man to do the right thing is useless. He doesn't brush his Blagojevich Hair without realizing the political consequences. He is a tool.

Just remember, the next time you see the press sucking up to Senator Ben Nelson (D-Ne), his name is really Earl.