It's Spelled Haiti, Not Hatey!

Honestly, I don't know how Ann Coulter keeps those knuckles off the ground while jetting around on her broom. You may notice that the right wing basement dwelling one-handed typing fans of Ms. Coulter think that's hot. Paris Hilton has more hotness in her vapid shell than Anorexic Annie.

But enough about that bulimic bombshell. This last week, the kooks on the teabagging right all decided to weigh in (sorry, Rush) on the earthquake in Haiti. We all know the quotes. Pat Robertson, true story, is a bible thumping charlatan from way back and claims some sort of pact with the devil freed the Haitians from the French. That slave revolt deal really had nothing to do with it. The 10 slaves to every one Frenchie advantage wasn't the reason Haiti freed itself. Oh no, Mr.Robertson thinks the devil made a pact with the Haitians, true story. We all know no people of color could EVER free themselves from white folks without help from a red dude with a pointy tail and a lifetime 700 Club membership. But then, Robertson, true story, is senile and probably lovers with Fred Phelps.

The Reverend Wiley Drake, pastor in some Orange County city of rubes, has backed up Robertson and his tale of devil pacts and voodoo. Drake, you may remember, wanted his Mickey Mouse infested congregation to pray for Obama's death a while back though apparently, true story, he's changed his mind since God doesn't listen to the prayers he thinks are Goofy inspired. He now wants his zombies to pray for Obama's jailing as a "usurper". That there Thesaurus on that e-mail machine sure is handy. Drake, true story, is senile and probably lovers with Pluto.

Then we have Rush. El Rushbo. Harmless little fuzzball. Rush, true story, is a thrice married drug addict with a penchant for Viagra and trips to the little boy-infested Dominican Republic on his private plane. Who cares what he said? It's the oxycontin speaking anyway.

Ann Coulter, true story, isn't really blonde. She is so jealous of her fading looks and the price of whiskey and smokes, she actually wanted Fox News to bring up her "controversial" comments. Something about Bill Clinton and White House kleenex. Total Coulter class. He so funny.

Finally, the new Fox news "commentator". You know, that moose twit from Alaska? Her favorite Founding Father? Asked of her by Fox News' other brain trust, Glenn Beck? Learning nothing from the Katie Couric debacle, true story, Bible Spice claimed "well all of 'em" were her faves. All of 'em. Alaska-speak for "huh?". Then along comes Morning Joe co-host Mika Brzezinski, true story, who says to the same question that Abe Lincoln was her favorite Founding Father. But that is understandable since she's only there to make that dolt, Joe Scarborough, look functional.

There ya go. The worst of us. Thanks to the American public for ignoring these brainless boobs and giving their money to Haiti relief. Christ, even a mouth breather like Sean Hannity ,true story, has a link to help the folks in Haiti on his rant-site. Kudos there, flathead.