Fire This!

All right already. I have about flipping had it with excuses in this world. Excuses are just that. excuses for bad behavior, ignorance, bigotry, and being a lousy human being. So enough. The following excuses are not acceptable any longer:

1)" I was raised that way". This excuse is one of the oldest in the book. The fact you were raised by morons does not excuse you being a moron. Carrie Prejean, the enhanced Miss California, used this one to oppose gay marriage in favor of opposite marriage. I personally don't give a rat's ass what she thinks about anything, or another rat's ass what Perez Hilton thinks about her for that matter. But this has to stop. As the religious freaks embrace her for the way she was raised, we ought to excuse 9/11 because Mohammed Atta was "raised that way"?

2) "Waterboarding isn't torture" Despicable humans from Dick Cheney to Ann Coulter to Sean Hannity keep using that one to justify war crimes. Let's see, it was torture when the Spanish did it, it was torture when the Japanese did it, it was torture when Americans did it in Vietnam, but now because we're all scared of guys in caves, it's just dunking a guy in water? From now on anybody who makes a cretinous statement like that should be sprayed in the face with cat piss.

3) "If I offended anyone, I'm sorry". Just freaking apologize for chrissakes. This non-apology apology really frosts my coils. It's gutless and insincere. If you called somebody a "retard" or told a racist joke or insulted somebody's mother with any type of recording device nearby, you should apologize. For being stupid and saying it in front of a microphone.

4) "My vote doesn't count". Bullcrap! Get off your lazy ass and go vote. You people who use that excuse and the old "lesser of two evils" speech are the reason we are in this mess now. If enough of you slackers had got off the couch and voted, Bush would never have won, twice, and Minnesota would have two Senators. Personally, if you miss voting five straight times, I'd deport you back to where you came from. Crawling out of a swamp in Africa.

5) "It's in the Bible". Great. And some blonde girl slept in a bear's bed after overdosing on porridge. The Bible is a book written by men. It has lots of cool stuff in it, like love your neighbor, help the poor, and a crazy story of a guy living in a whale. But it has lots of goofy stuff in it too, like killing mouthy kids, some wacky Supreme Being telling a guy to kill his son, and two naked teens living in a garden and getting evicted for eating an apple. Stop with the Bible excuse. Show me where that book is quoted in the Constitution. You can't? Then shut the eff up.

I've had it up to here. Stop excusing your stupidity, America. Except of course on Fox News, where they make a living at it.