Jesus Is Puking Again!

I see the pro-lifers once again show they don't really like you unless you are a tiny, straight, Republican, white blastocyst.

Happy Birthday, Dad!

Today would have been my Dad's 87th birthday had he lived past his 77th of course. He died in 1999 of cancer, a fourth or fifth cancer to be exact. It took that many of that horrible disease to get him. He was the toughest sonuvabitch I ever knew.


My Dad was a loyal man who worked for the same company for 48 years selling stocks and bonds. He saw it all. The ups and downs, the greed, the guys who took short cuts, the Wall Street weasels who started this mess back in the 80's. He got out during the 90's when things were good. And best of all, he remained a liberal Democrat in a profession of right wingers all that time. Dad loved to argue and told anybody who expressed an ounce of compassion on any subject "you're not really a Republican!"


Dad was a veteran of WW II. He enlisted in the Army soon after Pearl Harbor because the Marines wouldn't accept a flat-footed skinny guy like he was at the time. He told stores about the war that were funny. Stealing a general's jeep. Putting smokes on strings and pulling them away from German POW's. Commandeering a house with a little German kid who would run and warn them of oncoming "Panzers" though they always turned out to be American tanks. But one thing Dad always said about WW II was "I spent four years in the Army and I hated every goddamned second of it". He refused to join the VFW, the American Legion or any other vets group because he abhorred their politics and didn't want to listen to war stories. I remember finally getting Dad to call Muhammed Ali by his name instead of "Cassius Clay" by pointing out the only people who still called him that was the American Legion. Then one night, in 1985 it happened the one and only time.

America's favorite Nazi sympathizer, Pat Buchanan, was arguing about Reagan's trip to Bitburg, Germany to place a wreath on the graves of Nazi SS troops. Buchanan was defending Reagan's trip and said something about the Nazis not being as bad as the Russians. Buchanan also made a comment about American troops being incapable of atrocities and none happened. Dad bellowed "OH BULLSHIT!" at the television, turned to me and said, "I saw Americans do things I don't even want to think about. He is so full of shit!" He got up and left the room before I could even ask what he meant. I never asked because in 40 some years, he'd only mentioned the lighter side of war. Why would he want to tell me now? I never knew what he meant. I can imagine.


On this Memorial Day, there are some who will revel in their war experience. But most, like my Dad, just want to forget the whole effing thing. As witnessed by me back in 1985, it's unfortunate they never will. I miss you, Dad.

Warp Speed Achieved!

All right, full disclosure, I cannot stand Star Trek. I worked with Trekkers or Trekkies or whatever for a time and got dragged to Wrath Of Khan, which I actually enjoyed because Ricardo Montalbon made a memorable villain. Unfortunately he didn't blow up Shatner and the gang and put an end to this whole "enterprise". I never watched the television show, I never saw another Star Trek movie and I found the whole Trek cult kind of disturbing.


So why did we go to the new Star Trek movie currently in theaters today? Because J J Abrams is the only guy on earth who can interest me in geek culture. Lost is the best TV drama ever. Cloverfield was a decent movie. Fringe is so weird I can't stop watching it. One of these days I'll get around to watching Mission Impossible III. Alias was good on the two occasions I stumbled upon it. Felicity? Not really in my wheelhouse.


This flick rocks. All the Trek jokes are there. Kirk, Sulu and some guy you've never seen going to the strange planet, gee, guess who will die?. Dammit Jim. Givin' it all I got Cap'n. The Vulcan grip. Chekhov's undecipherable accent. The whole Spock emotion thing. The captain's chair Kirk gets booted out of at one point. It was just fun.


I have no idea what they were talking about 90% of the time. But like Lost, or Fringe, I didn't care because it was interesting. Interesting! The key to a good movie.


But one more thing. I figured out during the two hours this film played why I never really cared for Star Trek. No, it wasn't the freaks applauding at key points (can you imagine what opening night was like?) or the two ten year old girls behind us talking, or the fact Zachary Quinto will always be Sylar to me, or Leonard Nimoy's Easter Island. type face. Nope, I didn't like Star Trek because of the presence of William Shatner. What a pleasure that bloated, overacting parody of himself didn't show up. J J Abrams is not only a genius, he's also one helluva casting director.

No Room At The Inn?

Back when the United States House of Representatives impeached Bill Clinton, it was my opinion that the House was the absolute worst body of slimy politicians on earth. My opinion hasn't really gotten any better in the subsequent years, but the Senate, even when run by Republicans, garnered my respect. The House was Wal Mart and The Senate was Target. Well after today's scummy, cynical rejection of Barack Obama's funding to close down America's shame, Guantanamo Bay, The Senate is apparently "lowering prices".


Senator after Senator got up to cry and whine how scared they and their constituents are of the 200 plus "detainees" at Gitmo. Cave Dwellers scare you more than serial murderers, gangsters, soulless rapists and goons, Unabombers, Christian terrorists, the first bunch who tried to bring down the Towers, and some guy who tried to blow up an airliner with a shoe? Well they must because all of those types populate our federal prisons now. But if the 200 plus monkey bar climbers are brought here and thrown in a tiny little cell, the whole country is at risk? Are you kidding me?


Ok now, there are some conspiracy types out there who probably think Obama knew this would happen and this way he gets it both ways. That conspiracy theory isn't really all that wacky. Perhaps it's true, perhaps Obama is incapable of standing up for what's right? He flipped on releasing Abu Graib photos, something I'm not sure is necessary either. But on this, and I hate to sound like a one-note pony with this torture thing, Obama needs to go to the mat . This is important. I really don't like going to Wal Mart. Oh, I go there, and Michelle Bachmann and Steve King greet me, but I need Target as a palate cleanser.

Such A Nancy Boy!

The right wing is at it again. They used to be very good at this, not so much lately, but being conservative and resistant to change, they keep it up. They are diverting attention away from torture ordered by American uppity ups and attempting to put it all on a congresswoman who was a member of the minority party at the time. They used this "hey over there" strategy against John Kerrey accusing the Purple Heart recipient of "war crimes", they used it against Dan Rather for cutting corners and telling the truth about George W Bush and his shoddy service record, and now they accusing Nancy Pelosi of knowing about the waterboarding of various "detainees" and lying now that she didn't know.


Well that's just great. Nancy Pelosi is lying. Nancy Pelosi is not lying. I don't give a shiite if she's lying, not lying, or personally stuck Khalid Shaikh Mohammed's head in a bucket of pork. The fact remains that torture, ordered by somebody and signed off on by Bush and Cheney, was done. Oh, I know some of these murdering religious fanatics, the terrorists not Bush and Cheney, deserved far worse than they got. However, once again, we are America and we don't torture_. What is so difficult to understand?

Call me naive, call me an idealist, tell me how 9/11 changed everything. Well I am not naive, I am certainly not an idealist unless you scratch the surface and 9/11 didn't change anything. We are who we are. I want to stay that way. I believe it was Bill Maher who said, "torture doesn't make you safe, it makes you a Nazi".

As I furiously type this with one finger, some Republican congressman is justifying torture on some show by saying the words "Ground Zero" "9/11" and "ACLU" as often as he can read them off the Talking Points To Lamebrains 101 sheet.

In conclusion, I don't care if Pelosi is lying, I don't care if she resigns, I don't care if she gets impeached or censured. The fact remains, in my name, this country did what it should never do. Become the enemy.

Prepare To Be Knocked On Your Arse!

You have probably never heard of Regina Carter. I know I hadn't but when I heard the words, "jazz" and "violin" and the tickets cost $9 for front row seats, how could I refuse?

Regina Carter is a talented and awesome performer. Along with a 4 piece band, she played an hour and a half set of music ranging from classical to African rhythms to jazzy bluegrass. It was one kickass show and if this great band comes to your town, check it out.

And The Tony Goes To..........!

Max made his acting debut this evening as the lead character, Gary W Boone aka "Goon", in the theatrical adaptation of the children's book "Dogs Don't Tell Jokes". In every scene, with lots of lines, and a stand-up comedy routine to perform, Max kicked butt. Watching he and his fellow drama students at Prairie Wind Elementary give it their all was a pleasure. The kids were all great, onstage and off. Who needs to go to "Wicked" with a theater group like this in town? Bravo!

I Was The Lizard King!

Val Kilmer is thinking of running for Governor of New Mexico as a Democrat. I guess he thought he'd look good next to Bill_Richardson. On a positive note, to borrow from Joan Rivers a bit, I always wanted to look like a Hollywood heartthrob, and now I do!

Fire This!

All right already. I have about flipping had it with excuses in this world. Excuses are just that. excuses for bad behavior, ignorance, bigotry, and being a lousy human being. So enough. The following excuses are not acceptable any longer:

1)" I was raised that way". This excuse is one of the oldest in the book. The fact you were raised by morons does not excuse you being a moron. Carrie Prejean, the enhanced Miss California, used this one to oppose gay marriage in favor of opposite marriage. I personally don't give a rat's ass what she thinks about anything, or another rat's ass what Perez Hilton thinks about her for that matter. But this has to stop. As the religious freaks embrace her for the way she was raised, we ought to excuse 9/11 because Mohammed Atta was "raised that way"?

2) "Waterboarding isn't torture" Despicable humans from Dick Cheney to Ann Coulter to Sean Hannity keep using that one to justify war crimes. Let's see, it was torture when the Spanish did it, it was torture when the Japanese did it, it was torture when Americans did it in Vietnam, but now because we're all scared of guys in caves, it's just dunking a guy in water? From now on anybody who makes a cretinous statement like that should be sprayed in the face with cat piss.

3) "If I offended anyone, I'm sorry". Just freaking apologize for chrissakes. This non-apology apology really frosts my coils. It's gutless and insincere. If you called somebody a "retard" or told a racist joke or insulted somebody's mother with any type of recording device nearby, you should apologize. For being stupid and saying it in front of a microphone.

4) "My vote doesn't count". Bullcrap! Get off your lazy ass and go vote. You people who use that excuse and the old "lesser of two evils" speech are the reason we are in this mess now. If enough of you slackers had got off the couch and voted, Bush would never have won, twice, and Minnesota would have two Senators. Personally, if you miss voting five straight times, I'd deport you back to where you came from. Crawling out of a swamp in Africa.

5) "It's in the Bible". Great. And some blonde girl slept in a bear's bed after overdosing on porridge. The Bible is a book written by men. It has lots of cool stuff in it, like love your neighbor, help the poor, and a crazy story of a guy living in a whale. But it has lots of goofy stuff in it too, like killing mouthy kids, some wacky Supreme Being telling a guy to kill his son, and two naked teens living in a garden and getting evicted for eating an apple. Stop with the Bible excuse. Show me where that book is quoted in the Constitution. You can't? Then shut the eff up.

I've had it up to here. Stop excusing your stupidity, America. Except of course on Fox News, where they make a living at it.

Attention, Senate Pages!

A mere 5 months after marrying a real-life female person, former Florida Republican Governor Charlie H. Crist announces his run for the United States Senate seat from Florida. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

It Was Either Him Or Joe Kapp!

I would love to see this because watching Sage Rosenfels was something I had my fill of when he was getting his ass kicked by Nebraska back in 2000, when Nebraska was still good. Brett Favre is a quick fix for the Vikings and he is certainly more interesting than Tavares Jackson. but as stated in an earlier post, it won't matter because the Mighty Chicago Bears and Jay "The Greatest QB in NFL History" Cutler are steamrolling to a 19-0 record and a Super Bowl victory. Right, Bears fans?

Mine That Who?

Last Saturday the Easter of horse racing occurred when millions who ignore the sport 364 days a year tune in for the most exciting 2 minutes in sports. Though most people know nothing of horse racing (some would argue I know nothing of it either) trust me that when Mine That Bird blew past every horse in the field and won this race, it was every bit as shocking as the New York Jets winning the Super Bowl in 1969, Buster Douglas beating Mike Tyson, The Mets winning the World Series back in 1969, David knocking off Goliath and the fact the Republicans nominated an Alaskan airhead for veep in 2008.

Mine That Bird was running, and losing, races in New Mexico as recently as March. How the hell this happened is what makes racing. But this is just stupefying. This horse didn't even belong in the race, much less winning it. A masterful ride by good ol' boy Calvin Borel as this plug horse came from so far back he must have stopped for a hot dog before he started running. It's a phenomenal race to watch, as long as you know that Mine That Bird is dead last until the far turn and the announcer didn't tell you he was winning until he had blasted ahead by 4 lengths.

Last year I hated Rick Dutrow and Big Brown. This year I love Mine That Bird.

Now I Can Finish My Manifesto!

By now everyone knows that Supreme Court Justice David Souter has packed it in and is returning to his desolate New Hampshire cabin where he can pick up where he left off back in 1990 writing the Unabomber or whatever it is he did. Souter was the only thing George Bush Senior did right in his 4 years of wimpiness.

Ok now. It's time for Barack Obama to begin installing his secret agenda by appointing a new court member. We all know what he needs to do and whom he needs to appoint. But let's keep it under our Che' Guevera hats for now. Shhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!