Forgive Me, America!

I used to be that guy who indignantly expressed my ugly American-ness by claiming how much I hated soccer. That sport played by greasy Euros and third world urchins was not American enough for my jingoistic thought process. Oh no, soccer is played by wimps. Football, baseball, basketball, hockey, boxing, now those are manly sports. Soccer is boring. It's for non-athletes. It's for little kids to get hold of their coordination before they move on to real sports. I refused to listen to those people, mostly foreigners, who told me to give it a chance. You like baseball, they'd say, soccer is a lot like it. Relaxed, slow moving, lots of strategy. Oh yeah? Lots of 1-0 games ,I'd respond, and if you're lucky, 2-0. Then a few years ago when the World Cup came to the United States I was challenged to watch a game or two by those pesky foreigners. I watched a couple of games. I lied to the foreigners. It still sucks I'd proclaim. In reality, it intrigued me. I wanted to learn more. I started watching the sport in a clandestine manner, late at night, in the dark, with sound down really low. That GOALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL guy was the best.

Then Max began playing at the age of 4. I could now watch soccer without being demeaned. I like soccer. There, I said it. It's a great sport. Not as great as baseball, but still great. I love to sit there and watch it unfold before my eyes. Now I know this isn't popular, especially here in a state that worships 19 year old children in pads and helmets who grow to unnatural sizes and push each other around. Football, the state religion, often bores the hell out of me. It's 5 seconds of action, then they stand around and talk about the next 5 seconds of action. People are on the edge of their seat, stomachs gripping, veins bulging, lives shortening, over a game. Now I know soccer fans in other countries are the same, in fact, often worse, but let's face it, soccer is the football of the rest of the world. Soccer here in the U.S. is relaxing and often attended by tens of people. Perfect for me. Lots of room to stretch out, relax, and watch a game in which the clock never stops.

My confession is complete. You don't like soccer? Good, more room for me.