The Party of Lincoln. Yeah, ok. Though we all know had this bunch of Republicans, the base, existed back in 1860, Lincoln would have been called Lil Abe and accused of catering to Slave Lives Matter and being anti-business and disrespectful to rural rubes.
As I conjure up the ghost of America's 2nd best Republican President ever (right behind Bill Clinton) oh Hi Abe.....heres what your party stands for 157 years later.
1) Child molestation is ok. Who cares what little 14 year old temptresses say? Child molestation, when in the defense of tax cuts for the wealthy and to piss off libtards, is no vice. As our wonderful Statutory Rapist In Chief said, catering to the Solid South, if Ivanka wasnt his daughter he'd be dating her.
2) Going to hookers and wearing diapers while at the same time portraying yourself as a family values homophobe is just fine. Because going to brothels and wearing diapers in the defense of tax cuts for the wealthy and pissing off libtards, is no vice.
3) Assaulting journalists is just fine because anything negative about Republicans is
4) Treason isnt really treason if it allows you to win an election. Treason only applies to the opposition. Because committing treason in the defense of tax cuts to the wealthy and being able to openly be a bigot, is no vice.
5) Raiding the United States Treasury by your loyal lackeys is just good business. Creating a cabinet full of millionaires and billionaires who can now grab as much taxpayer cash as they can before resigning in the defense of tax cuts for themselves and making libtards mad is no vice.
6) Appointing a National Security Advisor who may have participated in a plot to kidnap a cleric and deliver him to a brutal dictator for $15 million is just more good business. Because buddying up to brutal dictators by committing crimes that would put you in prison for life in the defense of tax cuts for the wealthy and ticking off libs, is no vice.
7) The murder of children and innocents who go to school, a concert, a nightclub, church or work is the price of freedom. To deny a citizen his right to own a weapon of mass destruction is to deny freedom. First graders, concert goers, students, club attenders, church attendees and co workers ought to just arm themselves if they want to stay alive. Because dead first graders in the defense of tax cuts for the wealthiest and pissing off
8) Being a puppet to a foreign power as long as you win is to be expected. If the opposition had any brains, they would have aligned with a foreign government and tried to win also, Talk about lazy. Besides, its all
9) Misogyny, xenophobia, homophobia, islamaphobia, white supremacy, and being an idiot is the litmus test for being a good Republican. Because being a moron and a bigot in the defense of tax cuts for the wealthy and making snowflakes angry is no vice.
There ya go Abe. Thats your party. A party full of John Wilkes Booths.