Saturday, January 24, 2015

The Iowa Clown Car Is Boarding!

There she is again. Headed for Iowa to climb out of the right wing clown car for this weekends "Iowa Freedom Summit" or as it is also known, Celebrity Jack Off of Iowa.

Hosted by the man with the viper mouth and gerbil brain, Representative Steve King (R-State That Thinks Way Too Much Of Itself), this "Freedom Summit", gathers some of the people that so amuse us yet at the same time frighten us because way too many 'Mericans vote and too few Americans do.

Oh you know. people with a "servants heart" like Governor Grifter of Alaska who enjoys posing for selfies in front of vulgar signs she so abhors so much she signs them. Yep, Palin will be there. Teasing her stupid supporters with threats of running for President in 2016 so they keep sending her money so she can live the lifestyle she and her clan of Northern swindlers have become accustomed to since John McCain (Grrrr-Az) unleashed her on the rest of us, Palin continues play both sides of ever issue. Vulgarity in the defense of psychotic patriot killers is no vice.

Others that will be slithering to Iowa to lick Steve King's calves will be the likes of "short fingered vulgarian" Donald Trump who I assume will tell the gathering of hillbillies that he wants to tell Obama "yer fired" and they will roar with delight at the obvious.

Rafael Cruz (R-Canada) will be there. Tedward will sweat profusely on his upper lip and be totally serious while the rubes shake their heads and decry what that African has done to their nation even though they really have no idea what that is other than winning two elections and being black and born in another country called Hawaii. You know, furrin born. Like Cruz.

Chris Christie (Suckass-Dallas) will take a break from dry humping Jerry Jones' leg to make some sort of hopeless attempt to appeal to a bunch of people who think he's just another mook libtard from Jersey who actually touched Obummer once.

Mike Huckabee (R-Fox) will roll into town on a chariot of fire decrying the evil of one Beyonce Knowles, the woman he thinks of when he secretly goes into the Huckabee bathroom and eats jelly donuts and jacks it to All The Single Ladies. Huckabee will have them eating out of his hand (if theres any left) quoting scripture and popping a stiffy as he imagines himself as one Shawn Corey Carter and being able to outpunt his coverage with a fine sister.

The Santorum (R-Vatican City) will ooze into Iowa so put those bread bags on your feet if you know what's good for you.

Rick Perry (Closet Case-Tx) is there. Well let's say Perry is supposed to be there. Shit, he may end up in Idaho the way his melon works. Where is everybody?

Scott Walker (Shitstain-Wi) is bringing his cheesewagon to town. Walker will be trying to fit in with the hilljacks by decrying the fact that "the Green Bays really blew it against the Seattles" and smiling like a Koch Brother just acknowledged his existence.

Newt Gingrich (Babe Magnet-Ga) is there. Why? Checking for a new wife in Iowa perhaps? Sorry Newt, Joni Ernst is hitched. To a bigger sexist asshole than you.

Marsha Blackburn R-Who Cares) will be there with all that Southern charm, kind of like when the school marm tells you she's only beating your ass cuz she loves ya. Maybe she can confuse Iowa's borders with Ohio borders or something to keep those damned Ebola stricken Africans Detroiters out.

Ben Carson (Plagiarist-Md) will be there to stir up the crowd of hicks with someone else's words.

And the rest of delusional con artists attempting to convince dumb people that they too, are as dumb as good old Iowa dirt.

Mike Lee (Maybe is Dumb as Dirt-Ut), Chuck Grassley (Original Dirt-Ia), Carly Fiorina (Good Luck with the Dirt-Ca), John Bolton (General Jack D Ripper-Crazy Town) and of course, what Gathering of Nuts would be complete without an appearance by the old Wonder Bread enthusiast herself, Joni Ernst.

Prepare to laugh Iowa. We are laughing at you already, and not in that hot Joni Ernst way.

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