Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Free Barry!

Good Lord, if I had a really bizarre conspiracy theory mind, I might think the United States Secret Service is actually carrying out orders from Roger Ailes or the Free Republic and trying to let some kook kill the Obamas so they can get a white guy back in office and hate him for reasons other than his uppityness.

How many times is this Police Squad farce or a force going to let things like this happen. 7 bullets fired into the White House. A nut who should have been clipped by either a dog or a high powered rifle (in fact take him out of his cell and at least let a dog chew on him for a while) getting into the White House, shoving guards and running around like Lindsay Graham if he saw a rodent. And now, some guy with a gun on the elevator with Obama two weeks ago?

For chrissakes, Obama, fire the clowns and get a real security force. Like the ones pictured above.

Hire the Panthers. And give Fox News something to cry about.

(PS I know that pic is from The Butler, but da-yam, look, just look at that 'Fro!)

Sunday, September 28, 2014

AP American History!

Ok by now you've heard of the controversy over the teaching of Advanced Placement American History. How the poor oppressed white conservatives are being smashed under the left thumb of Marxist teachers and professors from commie bastions like Boulder when they try to instill a lil bit of patriotism into the course curriculum. Get yer guns everybody, Alinsky is ALIVE!!!

Max took AP American History last year. He aced it. He loved it. He also wants to burn the country to the ground and start over again but what 16 year old kid doesn't? Hell, I did. I even still have the gas can I was going to use. Of course now I use it to get gas to mow the freakin lawn.

AP History aint your granddaddy's history. You see it's called "Advanced Placement" for a reason. The kids who take it are generally more interested in school than your normal skateboarding slacker hanging around the school for hours cuz he doesn't want to go home. Nope, these kids want to learn. And the want the fucking truth. Not your politburo approved bullshit we learned when we were kids. Washington chopped down the cherry tree, the founding fathers were inspired by Gawwwd, Paul Revere rode around warnin the British were comin to take your guns while ringin a bell. All fine things to learn. If you're in kindergarten and think Sponge Bob rules, which of course he does.

In the spirit of Values Voters and the oppressed white christian I now present AP 'Merican History, approved by the silent majority.

1) The Founding Fathers was just like Jesus. 10 Commandments, Bill of Rights? Both 10? Coincidence? I don't think so. God is the founding father. Period.

2) Slavery was obviously morally wrong. But hey, the blacks in Africa sold each other to the white job creators who were just trying to provide a job. In fact, the blacks should stop getting all "arrogant" and thank the white people for bringing them to a better life. And they should all get off welfare too.

3) The Civil War was not about slavery. It was about states rights. The federal government telling the South what to do? Who the hell do they think they are? In fact, the Civil War was just the South defending itself against the oppressive power of the feds. Like now. Get yer guns!

4) Marbury vs Madison--huh?

5) All wars are like WW2. What if we hadn't stopped Hitler? Huh? Everybody we don't like is Hitler. Saddam, ISIS, Khaddafi, Grenada, Obama.

6) Communism is rampant. Anyone who wants equality, a clean environment, livable conditions, decent jobs, or eats Kale is a goddamned commie and needs to be stopped from influencing our children.

7) The following Americans are bad and cannot be mentioned except as an example of Bad Americans who should've been jailed for treason.

a) Malcolm X
b) Jimmy Carter
c) Cesar Chavez
d) Harvey Milk
e) anyone named Roosevelt
f) Margaret Sanger
g) Jonas Salk
h) Samuel Gompers
i) Crazy Horse
j) anyone named Obama
k) anyone named Hillary
l) France
m) 1940ish Japanese Americans
n) Hollywood
n) Larry Kramer
o) Muhammed Ali
p) Eugene Debs
q) Glass and/or Steagall
r) Robert LaFollette
s) Upton Sinclair
t) Bayard Rustin
u) Nat Turner
v) Dixie Chicks
w) anchor babies except Michelle Malkin
x) George McGovern
y) Harry Reid
z) anyone named Pelosi

8)Ronald Reagan saved America. He never raised taxes, never started a war he couldn't win, never raised the national debt, got everybody except lazy people jobs, outlawed abortion, deported everybody here illegally, never ever sold arms to Iran, stopped a Nicaraguan takeover of America, never supported apartheid in South Africa, did not create the Taliban, won the Cold War by faking like he wanted to get rid of nukes, and totally fired those union thugs who were crashing planes into each other. All hail Saint Reagan!

9)America is the best. If one of our drones kills your Yemeni wedding party, you should say thank you. Ungratefulness is not a good trait. What would you rather die of, being blown to smithereens by an American missile or being beheaded by a bearded hippie? Your choice. I think we know your preference.

10) America was founded by Jesus and is a christian nation of decent forgiving religious people who if you stray from this view will hunt you down and force you to love the country that will hound you to an early grave. Your choice. Love it or leave it!

AP American History. Fuck Yeah!

Friday, September 26, 2014

The Equalizer!

I very seldom see movies their opening weekend, hell, I very seldom see movies at all until my annual see all the Oscar nominees in two weeks splurge, but for Denzel Washington, I'll make the exception.

He's my age, he went to Fordham, my old man's alma mater, and he looks just like me, if I was good looking and not pasty white that is. Oh yeah, he can act like no other. The Equalizer proves it.

This isn't your Dad's Equalizer. It's your son's Equalizer.

This movie is a brain drain. Like Taken, it's two hours plus of some old guy kicking everybody's ass. And like Taken and Liam Neeson, it is a tribute to Denzel that he can pull this off. But he does.

Denzel is a mild mannered big box hardware store employee named Robert McCall who his fellow employees love and wonder where the hell he came from. He reads a lot, he doesn't sleep, he eats healthy, he trains friends to pass security guard exams and he lives like a monk. He drinks tea at a 24/7 restaurant late at night where he becomes acquainted with a young prostitute with high hopes and no options. A prisoner of the Russian mob.

Well guess where it goes from there?

Denzel Washington has never been bad in anything. This movie would be a complete failure, trash if you will, with anybody but him. He's fascinating to watch. As not subtle as this violence fest is, his character is as subtle as they come. Christ, he uses a gun one time to whack someone and it wasn't even his gun. The ending involving his fellow employees being held hostage by a Russian nutjob and his men-skis is masterful in the number of ways you can kill bad guys with nothing but power tools and garden tools. I was so hoping for death by something "As Seen On TV" but alas.

Other than a scene in so many movies nowadays I am so fucking sick of , gratuitous violence against an innocent woman, the rest of this movie is just what you think it is. It's Death Wish, Dirty Harry, and Taken. You bet you will see more of this character, Robert McCall.

Friday, September 12, 2014


Hey, ya can't fix self loathing I guess.

Well I do agree with this future punching bag on one thing. Pittsburgh Sucks! Nobody is totally stupid.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Drop A Nuke On That Anthill!

How long before the hundred armed to the teeth cops go after the 50 unarmed protesters for:

1) throwing rocks

2) blocking traffic

3) throwing Molotov Cocktails

4) abusive threatening language

5) being black

Quick, somebody call Officer GoFuckYourself.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Rice A Phony!

She's the victim. I don't care if Janay Rice married a man after the fact he coldcocked her in an elevator. I don't care if she hit him first. I don't care if she was drunk. I don't care if she told Ray Rice she was a Steelers fan. She is the victim here. Not the abuser.

Ray Rice was FINALLY cut by the Baltimore Ravens today after a video was leaked to the media showing a left hook to the right side of a woman's face worthy of Joe Frazier, who only hit other guys trying to hit him as far as I know. It's about fucking time. The NFL increased the "suspension' of Rice from 2 games to indefinite. After the video was leaked. I guess dragging her around like an extra from 1 Million Years BC was not all that bad. Hey, who knows what happened in that elevator, shhhh, icks-nay on that other video, so we here at the lofty towers of the National Football League suspend Ray Rice for two whole games. Oh yeah, you , Josh Gordon, you gotta real problem. You smoke too much weed man. You are gone for a year.

Look, I hate the NFL. I think that league would allow murders at halftime if they didn't think all the do gooders out there would get their panties in a wad. The NFL is made up of the biggest group of old white miscreants since the meeting of the Springfield Republican Party. These people are about one thing. Makin money you fools. Makin money with one sided contracts, merch, overpriced concessions, tickets, parking and extortion of city governments too scared of dim witted fans to say go fuck yourself we aint building you a new stadium.

The NFL has notoriously ignored safety concerns concerning it's players. And yeah, most of the players would give up the right side of their brains to make millions because they are invincible, but that doesn't make it right. You don't let 9 year olds shoot machine guns, do ya? Ok bad example.

The NFL has grown into such a monster it also feels invincible. To put up with the violent jerks who often play the game, to putting up with doctors who send injured players back onto the field, to putting up with racist nicknames that only a cretin would defend, to paying their cheerleaders less than an average child laborer makes, this multi BILLION dollar entity needs to be slapped around a bit itself.

Come on, Roger Goodell, the so called "Commissioner" of the NFL, has the power of whatever his handlers let him have. To suggest that he did not see the elevator video and thus under penalized Ray Rice is ludicrous. He saw it. And he, along with the Ravens owners, coaches and teammates, enabled him to give Ray Rice not the left hook he deserved, but a tiny slap, and then probably apologized.

Screw the NFL. It's product on the field is the most popular sports related product out there. It is a money machine. I own NFL crap myself. I'm part of the problem, granted. I watched games yesterday. Well I watched the Bears anyway. But this league ,much like a lot of stuff out there, really bothers me.

Being a baseball fan first and foremost, football is about third or fourth on my list of sports I must watch. So I really don't get the fascination with the sport and with the NFL. But I actually do get it.

1) it is a weekend activity

2) it's easy to bet on

3) it's violent

4) it allows one to drink beer at 10 am on a Sunday

5) it lets men be men

At least until today.

Remember, she's the victim. No matter what the circumstances.

Monday, September 1, 2014

Labor Day 2014!

Hey enjoy your Labor Day. Established in 1894 as a sort of oh sorry for that whole Haymarket Massacre deal, Labor Day has become simply a day off. Oh yeah, there are parades of lazy shiftless union "workers" down the streets while the job creators, the real heroes of America, sit in their country clubs still working so hard to create those jobs for those poor Indonesians, Vietnamese and Chinese. Yeah it's Labor Day, where in a salute to the millions of people working for a living, they get to work. For minimum wage. At a company that steers them to the food stamp line. Saaaaalute!

Can you even imagine this Congress creating a modern day Labor Day holiday? No me either. Instead we'd be saluting the fine folks at Bain Capital and Wal Mart and GlaxoSmithKline.

Yes it's Job Creators Day. Where the workers all go to work for free in a salute to their employers and carry the CEO around on a litter all day and feed them grapes. If the CEO doesn't want to go to the office and observe her or his free money day, a lucky four employees can be chosen to caddy for them at the Club, drinks and dinner on the employees of course. Thanks boss. For being a Job Creator. This is YOUR day. The day where you realize that Americans working for free is a damn good idea. But Americans are so greedy with their insistence on living wages and health care and safe working conditions and unnecessary shit like that. So where can we get a free work days forever? Overseas where they eat dirt and have armed guards looking over them. Ohhhh a Job Creators Wet Dream.

Oh I kid the Job Creators on their day. They really do care. Well about cutting that golf score below 80 that is.

So I salute anybody who actually works for a living. That includes about 93% of us or so. The other 7%, or 47% like certain asshole politicians love to lie about? I salute you too. For trying. Unlike most Republicans, I don't love America and hate Americans.

For those not working, I remind you of the greatest advice you can ever get. From Pete Townsend and Roger Daltrey. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.